As we kick things off in our month-long exploration of indomitable self-confidence, this first episode that I want to share with all of you, my brothers, is focused on the first of the three pillars. The three pillars of indomitable self-confidence are as follows: the cognitive pillar, the emotional pillar, and the pillar of action. These pillars are built on the foundation of the immutable truth and law, the primary principle that everything is perfect. Atop these pillars rests the ceiling, made up of the state of wisdom, one which allows the truth of indomitable self-confidence to wash over us. With all that being said, brothers, today’s focus is our thoughts and how we can put them in their rightful place.
When we can change the premise, our starting point, to the truth that everything in this world and universe is perfect, we allow ourselves to enter the state of indomitable self-confidence. This is the removal of the cloud that obscures our view of the truth. Immediately we are able to experience a renewed sense of gratitude and confidence when we accept this truth, and the cognitive mastery that we exercise over our thoughts and the internal story is revolutionary. These instinctual thoughts, if unchecked can steadfastly block our way to the truth.
So what are our thoughts? Well, brothers, they are the results of our conditioning, and we need to begin to separate ourselves from these thoughts that can trick us. That is the sickness, the confusion that we experience when we conflate our true selves with our thoughts. We can remove the anxieties and fears we hold, around other people’s thoughts and opinions too. None of us are our thoughts and the centering of them in our lives will always leave us in the beta condition. Indomitable self-confidence is a deep knowing, and it goes beyond the information in front of us. This is the first step of the journey!
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What You’ll Learn from This Episode:
- The three pillars of indomitable self-confidence.
- Indomitable self-confidence is a state of being.
- How coaching and therapy differ in their approach.
- The dualism that is present in perfection.
- How to purposefully create your model of alignment.
- Ways to observe your thoughts instead of misidentifying with them.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
[0:00:32.7] KA: What’s up, my brothers? Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. It is June, we’re officially in June, which means we are officially in indomitable self-confidence month in the academy. Because it’s ISC month, I want to take this whole month and kind of go through a 2.0 version of the three pillars of indomitable self-confidence which I’ve talked about before and we’ve done the 1.0 version.
I talked to you guys about what these are, I’m going to remind you of them on this episode before going in to the first pillar, which we will get into the first pillar this episode and then next week, we’ll do the second pillar and the third pillar and then we’ll talk about this top layer that lies or rests upon all three of the pillars.
There are three, there are three pillars of indomitable self-confidence. The first pillar is the cognition pillar, it’s the thought pillar. It has to do with all of the stories, all of the thoughts that are running through your mind, consciously, unconsciously, it doesn’t matter, they’re the thoughts that are running through your mind and whatever these thoughts are about you, about the world, about other people, they are going to create shape and strengthen the first pillar of indomitable self-confidence or they’re going to cause it to crumble, cause it to weaken.
Now, the second pillar is the emotion pillar, the third pillar is the action pillar and of course, thoughts, feelings, actions, these are three components of the universal truth that we have direct control over. We have controlled over thoughts, feelings, actions. The results are the consequence of our actions which we enforce the thoughts that started the model of alignment, model of limit to get to results, the results themselves are out of our control because they’re the consequence of our action.
[0:02:37.9] Then the circumstance, the fifth component is also out of our control because that’s just the perfection of the moment. The three components of the universal truth that we have control over, our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, these create the three pillars of the indomitable self-confidence. Now, there is a base layer, I want you to almost think of it like a colosseum style, right? A marble colosseum style where there’s just three large columns, three large pillars that are resting upon a marble foundation and upon the top of the three pillars themselves, there’s resting then another sort of ceiling or roof. It’s like a sandwich with three columns.
The foundation is what these three pillars rest upon. It is the foundation of truth, it is the foundation of immutable truth, immutable law and it’s basically the primary principle that everything is perfect and I’m going to come back to that in a moment because I really want to talk about what perfection is. I think when I say perfect, a lot of times, people have this idea that perfection is positivity, perfection is goodness, perfection is flawlessness or more specifically what they mean is, perfection is the expected outcome of their actions.
[0:04:03.7] This is what they expect, this is what should come, if it doesn’t come, it’s not perfect, something went wrong. That’s not what I mean by perfection. I want to come back to that, with that primary principle, with that solid foundation, it allows for the three pillars of indomitable self-confidence to be strong, to be built because without this foundation, without this primary principle, you’re essentially trying to build these pillars on a bed of sand and no matter how indomitable they are, no matter how rigid they may be, how strong, how much weight they can support on shifting sand, it’s still going to collapse.
It’s still going to come down, it still won’t be supported. You’ve got to have this foundation which is the primary principle that everything is perfect and like I say, I’m going to come back to that but then on top of these pillars, rests the roof or the ceiling and this is where knowledge and wisdom sort of live because when you have these three pillars in this 2.0 version, what I’m going to describe to you today, so much more becomes clear because indomitable self-confidence is not really an emotion.
It is a knowing, it is a state of being. You can feel confident about something, you can be very specific in your confidence, I can feel confident about pouring a glass of water, right? I have this amazing confidence that when I pour a glass of water, all of the water will go into the cup, right? I know it’s a strange example but it’s like, I’m confident about that, in my abilities, I’ve been doing it for a very long time many years, I’ve been able to pour water for myself for a long time so I have this confidence about it and there’s a feeling that’s associated with that.
[0:05:41.8] What I’m talking about with indomitable self-confidence is a state of being that just kind of more washes over you and lives. It’s like it’s a place that you live, it’s a place that you rest and it comes from understanding how these three pillars support a very special knowledge, a very special wisdom. That’s kind of the ceiling in the roof.
Now, this is where I get into the primary principle and I’m going to describe this real quickly before going into the first principle. I’ve talked a little bit about the difference between therapy and coaching. This is nothing against therapists, right? This is simply a difference between the therapists approach the human condition and the way I approach or all my fellow coaches approach the human condition.
It’s kind of taking the same human, taking the same characteristics, the same personality, the same – all of the same of what’s happening, right? In their life, everything that’s happening. A therapist will approach it from an angle of something is wrong, something is broken, something needs to be fixed, right? I know I’m not using therapy language so I’m not out there to offend the therapist on this but it’s kind of like, there’s a diagnosis that comes with therapy, right? You’re going to become diagnosed with something and based on that diagnosis, then there’s a work or a set of processes that need to be done to sort of heal you from this diagnosis, right?
[0:07:13.4] There’s the approach that something is wrong, there’s an approach that something needs to be changed or fixed and most of the time, therapy will go back, there’s many different disciplines of therapy but most of the time, therapy will go back to find a cause, want to find the “why” This is “why” right?
“This is what happened. That created sort of this is the catalyst of or the beginning of the chain of events that began you on this confirmation bias road of, so and so and such and such to get you to this diagnosis where now that we’ve pinpointed it, you can be aware and you’re healed,” right? It’s kind of like, “There you go” we go into the past to figure it out. I mean, I’ve been in therapy, right? It’s never would have been effective for me and I hear a lot of times, it’s not effective for many people. I know what is effective for some people but I’ve heard many times that it’s not effective for a lot of people and that’s where coaching comes in because our premise is that – or at least, my premise is that everything is perfect.
It’s almost like the exact opposite, I’m almost in the exact opposite camp, right? If you’ve got the therapist over there and something is wrong, we need to find out what is wrong first by diagnosis and then the source, the cause so that we can then go and fix it.
[0:08:13.9] My idea is everything is perfect. There is simply, what’s happening is there is simply, what’s happening is there is simply a cloud preventing you from seeing the perfection because your entire life throughout your life, not from a single point, a single position, a single event but throughout the entire osmosis of you being a human, you have taken on from – in your environment, society, education, people, parents, friends, everybody. Adults, especially.
As kids, we take on a lot from our bigger humans, right? These people that like, “Well, they’re bigger humans, they must know more” and we begin to create these stories and these stories are these clouds that keep us from understanding ourselves. It’s the only sickness that we have, the only illness that any human ever has is not knowing who they are. That’s it, whatever medicine it takes for you to get there, whatever healing process you want to go through to get there, whether it’s trying to go back in your past to pinpoint an event, it’s going to heal you from whatever ails you, that’s therapy.
Or through coaching which is, “Look, I’m going to suppose presuppose to a primary principle that you are perfect.” That the world is perfect, that everything is exactly as it should be and from that premise, from that primary principle, we were going to begin to build these three fixed immovables, indomitable pillars of self-confidence that will support for you a base, a second base a ceiling of knowledge and wisdom about who you are.
[0:09:42.9] The first move is just to understand what I mean what I say everything is perfect, because what I don’t mean is that everything is always good. If I were to say to you that everything is always good and everything is always happy, that everything is always positive, then of course I would be insane, I would be in my own insanity because that’s not the case, obviously, we don’t live in that world. We don’t live in a world where everything is always good because we live in a world of opposites. We live in a world of duality and in that duality, there must be a counter, there will always be the opposite, there will always be a bad to a good, there will always be a wrong to a right, there will always be negative to a positive, there will always be a discomfort to a comfort.
Because we live in that world of opposites, this world of duality, we will always experience a contrast of that duality, an opposition in that duality. So in order for there to be a feeling, for there to be a thought, for there to be an experience that is good there must be an experience that feels equally and oppositely ungood and in both of those is perfection. It’s not that perfection is just the good part, it’s not the perfection that’s just the positive part and that we can live a life without the flawlessness of the bad part or the flawed bad part.
[0:11:06.2] I’m saying that perfection includes both the flawed and the flawless, that includes the bad and the good and in the contrast of the duality, we have perfection. In a circumstance that is truly neutral, we look at the universal truth and we take a look at the circumstance that is happening, the present moment and we look at it and we say, “This is perfect” that doesn’t mean that this is good, it doesn’t mean that this is right, it doesn’t mean that this is a positive thing that is happening.
I want to say that it is something that always should be happening which I know can kind of start to test the boundaries of where people’s cognition could go and belief system can go because when I say it should be happening, then once again, there’s a jump to, “Well, if it should be, then it’s the right thing” right? If it should be then it’s the good thing.
I’m not saying that, I’m saying that it should be happening because it is happening. I’m not saying that it feels good and I’m not saying that overall in the span of all time, this is – this moment in time is one of the ones that we would subjectify as being a positive or right or a good time but I am saying that it is exactly what should be happening so that we can receive it as a gift in time and learn from it and observe from it and develop from it, kind of live into ourselves.
[0:12:29.3] That is how it becomes perfect. You are like this, I am like this, all things are like this, all time is like this, all moments are like this, all things are this perfection. You are perfect. With that as the primary principle, it’s very different than as you can see the therapeutic route where there’s something wrong, I’m saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong, you are perfect. Including the conditioning that you are in, the current space, wherever you are in your journey of humanness, in your journey of life, it is perfect.
Right now is perfect, always perfect, this begins to incorporate a natural sort of gratitude for the perfection of the meant. The perfection as you see it constant turns into a thank you constantly, right? It’s perfect, it’s perfect, thank you, thank you. As that comes through, there is that principle that you can use that will begin to help you separate from your thoughts because that’s really the move, it’s not about changing your thoughts and that’s where we’re going to get into the first pillar. Remember brothers, these pillars can only lie on this foundation that everything is as it’s meant to be and by definition as meant to be makes it perfect.
[0:13:43.2] The first pillar is the cognition pillar, it’s the thoughts pillar and we talk a lot about thoughts, I talk a lot about thoughts in the academy, it really is the cognitive mastery school, the school for cognitive mastery and emotional ownership.
When we talk about the cognition pillar, really, what we’re talking about are those thoughts, we’re talking about the sentences in the brain, we’re talking about the beliefs that the mind has latched on to these stories that the mind has latched on to, in order to feel safe, in order to feel secure, in order to make meaning about a chaotic world that it was basically just picking up bits and pieces of fractions and percentages of shadows that we don’t even really understand as children and we start to create stories about who we are and what we can do and we can’t do and everything else that goes along with it.
When we look at this and we start to understand the universal truth, the circumstance will trigger a thought, circumstances, the neutral perfection of the moment as it unfolds, it will trigger thought based on confirmation bias, they will get a thought that’s triggered in your mind which will create a release of neurotransmitters into your body into your bloodstream that eventually become feelings through a chemical reaction in the cells.
These drive your actions and your actions determine your results, which again provides more confirmation bias for those thoughts. That’s the universal truth and when we look at that in a sort of unconscious or automatic model of alignment, you’ll probably find right away that the thoughts you have prevent indomitable self-confidence because a lot of times, the thoughts that we have are thoughts about our own fears.
Our own fears around failing or our own fears around death, our fears around rejection, which all are basically going to be some kind of derivative of death, right? Where there is a fear of rejection, dating back to those primordial days of being rejected from the tribe and sort of like out on your own and feeling alone and in that empty space or whether it’s a feeling of fear of not being able to provide, not having the sustenance, which again, kind of goes back to death.
Sustenance in this case meaning some sort of way to provide or have cash or money or finances in the 21st century versus in the primordial times, it is all about basic sustenance, feeding, living, surviving, eating and so on, having something to offer the tribe, so you bring it in and you are more accepted, there is that people pleasing mentality. All of these things that separate us from our indomitable self-confidence because really what’s happening with all of that is we are in that unknowing place.
We are in that conditioned phase, we’re listening to the stories that we think is us but it isn’t us and so the deconditioning process begins with those models of alignment, those unintentional models of alignment so you can see them and in the past, I have discussed the idea of the intentional model of alignment, how to create your own thoughts. We’ve talked a lot about laddering thoughts, bridge thoughts, creating thoughts in your intentional model that you could practice, you can build to but I want to offer that this doesn’t create indomitable self-confidence either.
[0:16:53.4] It does create self-confidence, of course it creates self-confidence because when you begin to program, when you become – when you’re in your alpha state, when you are the observer of your mind rather than engaging with your mind, rather than thinking that you are your mind, when you’re observing your mind and beginning to purposefully program it, then you are in that role of creating intentional models of alignment.
You are choosing thoughts that you want to think. But even with that, hear me out on that, like that would create the self-confidence. That will get you in that thinking this thought over and over, right? In specific instances, there may be some value to that but because the first pillar is already built on the top of the primary principle, then really, it’s more of rather than creating an idea of an intentional thought and programming the mind to think in a specific way, it’s more of the release from your thoughts all together and moving to the knowing that I am not my thoughts, that you are not your thoughts.
What are thoughts? What are these things, right? What is the mind? Thoughts are neutral, they’re stories. They are stories in your mind brother and this is the thing, this is the big move here is that any story your mind is telling you is just a matter of conditioning because that is not who you are. It is a part of who you are. It’s a part of who you are that is differentiated from your true self and now what it’s become is a way for you to create in this human experience because it’s your connection to the world.
It’s your connection to other people and so through your mind as you connect to the world, as you connect to other people, you become a creator with intention through your thoughts but indomitable self-confidence, you know that you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are these tool. It will be like – it’s like you carrying around a computer with you all the time. It’s like you carrying a laptop with you all the time so that you can compute things, so that you can solve problems, right?
[0:19:00.1] You have this computer with you, this laptop you carry with you everywhere you go and because you carry it with you everywhere you go and because you are always looking things up on it, because you are always using it to engage with people, engage with the world and engage with other people, even yourself, when you’re with yourself you’re on this computer, you think it’s a part of you and now, all of a sudden you think that this laptop is who you are.
It is like a part of who you are but it’s not, it’s this tool and I think that’s such a funny analogy because now that I think about it, we all have these smart phones in our pockets, so we do kind of have these computers that we are all attached to but those smart phones are not you, right? You are not the smart phone. The smart phone is a separate entity and even though we can see the smart phone as a separate entity with our mind, we don’t understand that it is a separate entity.
We think that it’s who we are and we engage with it and then we become those thoughts and that’s the sickness. The illnesses when we become our thoughts and whether you’re in therapy going back into your past to figure out why these thoughts have taken a hold of you and how you can release yourself from these thoughts or whether you work with a coach who relies in the primary principle that you’re perfect but you have this conditioning in your mind that is not who you are.
That you can observe these thoughts instead of engage with them and make them truth for you, it doesn’t really matter how you get there but that you get there knowing that your thoughts are not who you are. They are how you create. They are how you create your results, which is why we talk about the universal truth. If you choose to engage with your thoughts then you can do that. I’m not telling you what to do, this is not me saying this is what you must do.
[0:20:27.6] This is me saying that when you do this, this is what happens. You can observe it through your model of alignment and take a look at it, take a look at the universal truth. You think this thought and you believe it to be true, what’s happening for you with this belief. But you can change that. You can think anything you want because these thoughts are not you. Other people can think anything they want because what other people think tells you nothing about you.
You don’t have to control other people either and this plays into the first pillar of indomitable self-confidence as well because a lot of time when we’re in – what prevents us from feeling self-confident, the state of being of indomitable self-confidence is an anxiety or a fear of what other people think. That leads into people pleasing, right? That leads into people pleasing, approval seeking, sometimes external validation and all kinds of other behaviors that are crumbling that first pillar of indomitable self-confidence because we care about what other people think.
Other people can think anything they want as well because it tells you nothing about you. It tells you everything about them and remember, because our thoughts are not us, their thoughts really don’t tell us anything about them either. It just tells us what they’re thinking. It can probably tell us what kind of results they have in their life because it tells us what they’re thinking but it doesn’t tell us who they are and that’s when we get into unconditional love.
That’s how you can love someone unconditionally because their thoughts are not who they are any more than your thoughts are who you are. Thoughts are not people, people are not their thoughts, so the first pillar of indomitable self-confidence is I am not my thoughts, I am the observer of my thoughts. If my thoughts are the beta condition, they’re the mind, they’re the stories that have been created through my experiences in life, through these sentences.
[0:22:12.1] Then my alpha state, who I truly am is the one that can observe these as stories, whereas my beta condition wants to live them as facts. Here are some of the not you thinking. There are so many not you thinking, so it’s difficult for me like I can keep going, I can keep going with these all day long but here’s one that’s probably has a lot to do with a lot of you guys is, “I have to be in control. I have to be brave. I have to do better because if I don’t, I won’t be worthy” right?
There’s a strong sense of wanting to prove yourself. You know, this whole idea of working more, “I need to do more. I need to do more, the more that I do, the more that I grow.” See, that’s the thing is on the primary principle brother, you are perfect as you are. You don’t need to grow, you don’t need to do. This is a platform of your conditioning that when you release this conditioning, you’re living in a completely different state of being and that state of being is indomitable self-confidence.
It doesn’t mean that you stop doing things. It just means that you stop doing things because you have the sense of lack and unworthiness and you think that by doing it, it will make you better or it will give you something that you think that you need and that thing will make you better. That’s all the illusion, that’s all the conditioning because you are already perfect. That’s the primary principle. We can do that, right? It’s not a problem, we’re not tired yet.
I’m not tired, I never get tired. I’m afraid that I will feel inadequate if I do that. I mean because I don’t want to go through, go do that because I might fail, right? There’s a fear of failure, the fear of rejection. I’m afraid that by doing this, what the outcome will be, right? What the outcome will be? Why do I get to be responsible for criticism, why would I be responsible to be blamed? There’s that like what will happen in the future, what will people think of me in the future?
[0:23:53.7] I can’t do that because I might lose my connection with this or that person, right? The relationship, you lose yourself in some idea of a relationship, some idea of somebody else’s thoughts. There’s so many not you thoughts that are possible out there that can really crumble this first pillar of indomitable self-confidence. When you have the primary principle, then whatever moves through your mind, whatever thoughts move through your mind and you begin to know that they are not who you are, you can just allow them to be there.
You can definitely sift them through the computer, right? We can take them through the mind itself and we can break through a computer. That’s the idea of the intentional model of alignment. The intentional model of alignment is yeah, we can come up with another thought. We can use these computer to show that the opposite is equally and oppositely true, right? The thought is that nobody will love me and then my intentional thought is everybody loves me.
Yeah, of course, my brain can come up with both. Yeah, because that’s what a brain does. The brain just comes up with the computations it comes up. I mean it’s a thing, it’s a mind, it’s a problem solver, say, “What thought do I need to feel better, I can put this thought in there.” Yeah, right, exactly. We can put any thought you want in there. That’s what I’m telling you brother, but you are not the thoughts. You are the primary principle. You are perfect.
You are this alpha being, this alpha concept, this thing that’s perfection that is so amazingly perfect and again, perfection in the duality. But so amazingly perfect that there cannot ever be anything wrong in this universe, in this experience, it is so amazingly perfect and complex because it’s perfect in its complexion – complexity. We don’t really even understand why it’s so perfect, we just know that it must be perfect because it is what it is.
[0:25:41.7] Because here we are and we are here because it is, so in that offering of perfection, we are perfect within it. We are all perfect in this oneness. As we have that and as we work with that and in that knowing, the thoughts just drift through. It doesn’t matter what the thoughts are. You can definitely go into an intentional model and say, “Well you know, I can think this. I can think that” but if you begin to want to use the intentional model of alignment in order to resist or fight against the thought that you already have, then you’re not going to go anywhere.
This is pushing a boulder uphill. This is pushing a boulder uphill and trying to figure out why the boulder is not rolling downhill. You want the boulder to roll downhill, right? We want to just be free. You want to be free, you want to feel indomitably self-confident. Just be free, so you want the boulder to roll downhill but you are afraid of letting it roll downhill. You are afraid of just letting these thoughts go, letter these thoughts run through your brain and knowing that you are not who they are.
You can be detached from them that they can exists without you engaging with them but you don’t know that so instead, you try to prevent this boulder from rolling and you are rolling it uphill through positive thinking. I’ll just replace it with this thought, let’s go with this thought. I love the mind for its ability to imagine, for its ability to imagine the future and create what comes next but it is not a decision maker my friend and it definitely is not who you are.
It is not who you are, so in this first pillar of indomitable self-confidence, yes, you can think a new thought. You can change the way you think about this specific instance, this specific event but to move to the state of being that is indomitably self-confident, to have that sort of wash over you in peace and freedom, just like a relaxing of everything, a relaxing of your mind, a relaxing of your body, then it must come from a different kind of knowing.
[0:27:43.3] That knowing is the knowing of yourself because when you know yourself indomitably, indomitable self-confidence as a state of being just floods your body and it can happen in an instant and it’s unlike feelings that are dependent on an emotion because remember, feelings that come from a neurotransmitter, indomitable self-confidence comes from a deep knowing. It’s a knowledge that goes beyond information.
It’s not the information of the mind, it’s the information that lives in the heart of your experience and in the first pillar or the cognition pillar, these means that you come to build the knowledge in the truth that you are not your thoughts, that your thoughts are a tool of creation for you to relate to the human experience with. You are not what you think you are. With self-knowledge comes the building of the first pillar of indomitable self-confidence and it allows any thought to exists without engagement into an illusion of false image.
We are doing indomitable self-confidence all month in the academy. Enroll now, no discovery call required, brothers. You can just fill out a short form and get started right away. I will see you there and I look forward to working with you.
Until next week my friends, elevate your alpha.
[END OF EPISODE]
[0:28:59.3] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash your Alpha: Your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset, at the alphamalecoach.com/unleash.