Ep#142: Relationships With Others

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”no” equal_height_columns=”no” menu_anchor=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”” id=”” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”center center” background_repeat=”no-repeat” fade=”no” background_parallax=”none” parallax_speed=”0.3″ video_mp4=”” video_webm=”” video_ogv=”” video_url=”” video_aspect_ratio=”16:9″ video_loop=”yes” video_mute=”yes” overlay_color=”” video_preview_image=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” padding_top=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” padding_right=”” type=”legacy”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ layout=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_position=”all” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” center_content=”no” last=”true” min_height=”” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_sizes_top=”” border_sizes_bottom=”” border_sizes_left=”” border_sizes_right=”” first=”true” type=”1_1″][fusion_text]

Welcome, brothers. In today’s episode, I’m going to be completing relationship month by discussing the topic of relationships with others. We will be continuing from last week’s episode, where we uncovered the truths of being in a relationship with yourself. This week, I’ll be diving into why it is not only beneficial to be in relationships with other people but also necessary and important.

In this episode, I remind you, brothers of the universal truth of cause and effect, thoughts may come through the mind, but we must remember that they are not who we are. We must use our thoughts as a tool of the mind to make meaning of the human experience. What I wish to offer you in this episode is that the Alpha state is here to participate in duality. We are continuously living as both student and teacher, and we are all on a journey to self-awareness. Whether you choose to actively uncover self-knowledge is up to you.

In our relationships with others, I encourage you to conceive of it as vulnerability because, when you are in your Alpha state, you are your true self. When you engage in relationships from your Alpha state, then there is no fear of what comes next, no fear of judgment from others or yourself, and no fear of rejection or failure. Listen today to gain a deeper understanding of the Alpha condition and how it frees you in your relationship with others!

Want to know more about what I do and how I can help you? Sign up for a free 45-minute session with me, and I’ll show you how this works!

What Youll Learn from This Episode:

  • Relationships are like beauty or truth, in that they have no tangible qualities.
  • Perfection is neutral because it includes all dualities.
  • The mind is how we interact with the human experience.
  • The Alpha state is here to participate in duality, as both student and teacher.
  • There is nothing outside of you that will reveal your purpose to you.
  • Relationships with other people are a mirror with which to see our true selves.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

  • Remember to check out the new How to Live Your Purpose course.
  • Enroll for the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Academy here.
  • Learn how you can enter to win one of five FREE coaching sessions here!
  • Sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the Alpha mindset.


[00:00:09] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence.

Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.


[00:00:31] KA: What’s up my brothers? Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. I’m going to complete relationship month with this podcast episode by introducing the topic of relationships with others. This is a completion of the episode last week, which was the relationship with yourself. 

It’s really a continuation because to be in relationship with yourself, it’s beneficial and it’s almost imperative to be in relationships with other people. Now if you notice a change in my voice it is because yes, I have a bit of a congestion a bit of a cold going on down here in Mexico down here in Tulum. Don’t worry, Brothers, it’s just a cold, just a little congested headspace. Actually know the reason for it, but I’m not going to get into it on this episode. However, it may be something we addressed later on in other podcast episodes. 

In fact, they did a Podcast with my brother Mark Sing, who has his own Podcast, The Unapologetic Male. We talked a little bit about being ill. We talked a little bit about having a cold on his podcast. I find that very fascinating that now here I am into Tulum with a cold knowing why I have it, and getting into this particular topic, because it has a lot to do with that. I mean, everything’s intermingled, everything goes together, Brothers. 

Let’s get right into it. I want to get into it here by reminding you that the definition of a relationship is thought, there’s no actual relationship, right? The term relationship is the term beauty it has no tangible qualities, I can say that this is beautiful and then you, “What is beauty? Explain beauty to me.”  We have to be talking about something. Right? This glass is beautiful. Right? That Rainbow is beautiful. This woman is beautiful. We have to have an object because beauty itself seems to be this intangible quality is just this thing, its truth. Well, what is the truth? Right? It’s just this intangible thing. What is a relationship? It’s a thought. All relationships are only thoughts. 

That is how we can be in relationship with the external world, it’s through our thoughts. That’s the point of the mind. It’s the point of the thought is to be in relationship, because in the differentiate itself in the self that is not at one with all things in the human experience there is the illusion of separation and it comes through the mind. Thoughts come through the mind, they are not who we are and they tell us nothing about other people. 

Our thoughts are a set of programs and conditions that we use to make meaning of the human experience. They are a tool of the mind. It’s a very powerful, creative device. Recognize this Brothers, it is not who you are. It’s not who others are, the mind is not who we are. The mind is how we interact with the human experience is a part of who we are because we are in a fructed time and space. It’s not who we are. It is our false image. It is our conditioned self and it is perfect. 

I’m going to jump in here real quick and mentioned something that I know I probably say at least once a month and even more frequently than that. However, I’m going to make it very clear when I make a very specific effort to say on the record right here right now. Everything is perfect. Now when I say this, I’m not saying that everything is always positive. I think that there can be a misunderstanding there. I’m not saying always be happy. I’m not saying always look on the bright side. I’m not saying always take your unintentional model and change it to an intentional model the lemons you can feel better. 

In fact, I say the opposite of that. I’m saying that perfection includes the totality of the whole. It concludes both sides of the duality you have to have the unintentional and the intentional. You have to have everything to be a part of perfection. Perfection is not flawlessness, because flawlessness is a part of perfection. Perfection is all of it. Therefore perfection is neutral. Goodness and badness are both perfect. 

If you hear me say that all is good. What I’m really saying is that all is right, all is necessary, all is perfect. Our judgments in totality are the one, right? They’re all neutral. We take all our judgments together, we put them into one big pot of everything that everybody in the entire universe has ever existed now or the future thinks. We put all these judgments all these thoughts into one big pot and then it will become one. All will be neutral. Because every single person will have every different thought along, every different spectrum of from positive to negative from good to bad. It will be perfect because it will be total and complete. When our judgments are personal when they’re fructed when, they’re differentiated, then we experience them internally and demonstrate them externally. 

This is also perfect, because it’s also part of the human experience. Now understanding this goes beyond thinking about it because to know it allows knowledge and wisdom to live through you instead of being in a conditioned state of experience. It’s not just the thoughts. It’s the knowing. There’s nothing wrong with being in a condition stage, just there’s nothing wrong with a CD player. Right?

Think about that. If there’s a CD player, when they were first released they were cutting out your technology, they were pulling cassette tapes out of the cars. People I remember is, people in my school when I was in my teens, right? They would have this CD players installed in their cars, right? They were pulling the standard cassette tapes out and they put in CD players in, they were amazing, they were awesome, they were cutting edge technology. 

Now it’s difficult even to find one electronic store, you go into Office Max or Office Depot or wherever Radio Shack, you cannot find a CD player, you maybe find one in with the Best Buy, right? You probably get one on Amazon, but you can’t find these things anymore. There’s nothing wrong with the tech. There’s nothing wrong with CD players, they still work. They’re simply outdated. 

Likewise, there’s nothing wrong with the condition version of who you are. There’s nothing wrong with the beta condition. It’s simply outdated. It is a part of the not you, self that emerged to the process of learning about what it means to be a human being. It’s an oscillating paradigm that moves through the discovery of the external world through the eyes of other people. Our parents, or teachers, or friends or family, our educational systems, our environment, our society, our media and so much more. 

However, with all of that conditioning, you are not your mind, your mind thinks that it is you and this is where the personality comes in. Right? The personality, the who you think you are but this is not you. As very quick recap from last week, you are the one being differentiated into three parts. You are part of the wholeness, you are part of the oneness. You’re differentiated refracted into three parts, the alpha, the beta and the form. It’s a beam of light that hits a prism, have you ever seen this? We take a light and it’s diffracted by a prism effect, it looks the rainbow. 

It’s happening for you too. It’s the same as the beam of light that gets hit by a prism, you have been split into three parts and held together through the mysteries of life. In the fracturing process, the entire reality appears to be broken, if it appears as though there’s separation, that you are there and I am here, time is broken into past, present and future and it’s measured through motion. We are in a broken existence that creates an illusion of duality that creates the illusion of opposites. 

This is the experience and in this experience, we have the self, the tool and the vehicle, the self is the alpha, the tool is the beta, the vehicle is the form, it’s the body. The mind is the tool. It’s the tool of creation, we bring things into form through mind, through personal mind and through Universal Mind. However, this mind can be given a power that it doesn’t have. It can trick you into the illusion that it is you. When this happens there is a union to the external a disconnection from the truth and this is what brings suffering. 

That was last week, right? Because that was the relationship with yourself. Now here is what I want to offer you moving into this episode. First, remember that the universal truth that the law of cause and effect, the mind is the tool, it is the power of CO creation. It’s the Oculus for pairing the alpha state to the form to the body, and enjoying the journey of the human experience. 

When we feel empty, disconnected, lonely, or lack is because the mind doesn’t understand being differentiated from the spirit from the alpha from the truth. It would be yellow, the color yellow, not understanding why it’s separated from orange in a rainbow. Right? It’s “I’m yellow. I’m here, you’re orange, you’re there. Why? I don’t understand I’m confused. I’m scared, I feel empty and disconnected.” It’s simply a diffracted pure light and its confused why it appears in a different location than orange and green, right? You have yellow here, confused. Because I’m one right I’m should be one with orange, it should be one with green, right? We are pure light. We’ve been refracted through this prism and so yellow appears empty, disconnected, lonely. See, the mind is the same, the mind is confused as to why it’s looking at the self instead of being a part of the self. It compensates by becoming the self by becoming the self through personality. Then making up stories about why there is this feeling of separation. This becomes our conditioning. This is the condition that we fall into when the mind becomes an authority in our life and we believe the stories it tells us about who we are.

This becomes the relationship we begin with ourselves. When we come to this point in the matrix as adults, where we’re aiming to find the truth and we’re seeking self-knowledge. The first thing we will discover is a mental authority. A mental authority that tells a story we believe about who we are, at the same time this begins the wisdom of how we relate to other people, because when we know ourselves we know that there are parts of who we are, that are indomitable, immutable, and meant to be given and at the same time, there are parts of us who are in that fluid state and meant to be students

This is what happens in the experience of duality of course, there must be dual parts, there are teachers, there are students, there’s giving and there’s receiving and for reasons that are beyond the scope of this Podcast, each of us has a unique fingerprint for our alpha state. This is being in that puzzle, Brothers, if you remember the puzzle of life. It’s being that unique puzzle piece in the infinite and eternal puzzle. 

The entire puzzle is made of cardboard, right? We are all one but as our image is different, and as our shape is different, we all have a unique alpha state through which we experience the human condition. The office state is here to participate in duality. It’s here to participate in this diffracted experience and so it differentiates into teachers, what we have to give to others, and students what we receive from others. When every one of us has this future as a part of our experience as a human being. This is where our passion and purpose come from our passion and purpose come from within, Brothers. 

There’s nothing outside of you that will reveal to you what your purpose is. There’s nothing outside of you that will gravitate you into creating a passion. These things come from within you. It’s part of our 1.0 Academy curriculum, we get into it in August, your purpose lives within you. This is where it comes from. It comes from your alpha state. This is where we get to know people, places and things that are right for us or not right for us. It comes from our alpha state, not from the mind, not from our conditioning, not from what we’ve been taught or told about people but it comes from our alpha state. What we know about ourselves. What we know about people. 

The confusion begins when the mind looks at the alpha state and it sees the part that is students, right? The alpha state that the mind will look at the alpha state, and they’ll be “Okay, so I see these teacher parts here, that’s cool.” That’s very clear. When I see the student parts here, these parts that are meant to receive information from being a human being, and the mind becomes afraid and seeing these open areas and creates a feeling of empty, lonely or lack.

Then it creates stories to fill these areas so that it no longer feels this empty, lonely or lack. This becomes the false image. It is the mind telling us things about us that are not true because it is learning about things that are not us, where it’s supposed to be picking up things about people and about the world and about the environment but instead it makes up the stories about us that cannot be true because it has nothing to do with us. 

The mind is a tool that we use to create with. It is not who we are does not tell us about ourselves. In fact, it usually tells us about who we are not and that’s a lot of the deconditioning process right there, my friend. The more we listen to the mind, the more we listen to stories about who we are not. However, the mind plays an important role in the human experience, because it is what we use to view engage with and make meaning of the diffracted human experience. 

I am not here. I am everywhere you are not there you are everywhere. In this experience, we appear to be in a form we call a body. This state is temporary, and we call it the human experience. It’s like looking at light through a prism, so that you can see all the different colors, right? It’s like, when I look at light, light is pure. It’s just one. It’s all together. When it goes through a prism, now all of a sudden, I see a rainbow. I see different frequencies of light.

The human experience is looking at truth through a prism, so you can see all the different forms. Our mind as a part of you and yet separate from the self is how we interpret the sensations from the human experience; to touch, the taste, the sight, the sound or the smell, and then we make meaning from them.

Now, since we’re all one and this experience is a diffracted experience, what our relationships with other beings? What our relationships with other humans? We are one with them, right? You are me, I am you. We are all together in this. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, the colors of the rainbow. They’re all one. They just appear in different places, cut based on their frequency through the prism.

It’s the same with human beings. What are the relationships we have with other human beings? Well, first of all, brothers, they’re thoughts. They come from the mind, but that is only the what. That is what relationships are. Relationships are thoughts. The why is so much more fun, liberating and mutative. Because the purpose of relationships is knowledge, wisdom and love. It begins with knowledge.

Knowledge is not intelligence, nor is it information. Knowledge is knowing. You have knowledge when you know something, not when you think it, believe it, have been told it, or made to be convinced of it. There are very few things to be known in this form, because most things outside of the self are locked in a fraction of a percent of a fraction of their full truth. Most of what we think we know we actually have no clue about. The things we can’t know are the ones that have the most certainty to exist. It’s a fascinating paradox that I’ve spent many nights with friends and fire, inquisitively working through and never arriving at a conclusion.

I can tell you this, brothers, that camping in front of a bonfire will get you guys talking about these kinds of things like crazy, but never do we arrive at conclusion, because we cannot know what is outside the self. Considering, what we know cannot be seen and what we see cannot be known. Knowledge exists in the same place as gravity, beauty, energy and truth. When you begin your journey of self-knowledge, you are on the first and last path you’ve ever walked.

The only difference is, now you are doing it with conscious intent. You begin the self-knowledge journey the moment you are born. When you begin it with intent, now you’re conscious of it. Life itself is a self-discovery journey. This is the function of relationships. Relationships expose to us what we’re thinking. The illusion is that they are about the other person. The mind may make up a story about another person. However, that is only a coded sense for what the mind considers a dysfunction in the self.

It is a false dysfunction, because of dysfunction doesn’t exist. It’s a false image in you that you use someone else as a mirror for. Regardless, relationship expose conditioning and it exposes the place where we find the greatest life lessons. There is nothing ever and I’ll say this, there’s nothing ever, ever wrong with another human being. There’s nothing ever really going wrong in the world. This is a primary principle. Life as it happens, happens for us as it must, because it does. As it does, so it must. This is true of human behavior as well.

Check this out. I received an interesting email from one of our brothers. He asked me about the definition of humanity. He said in his email to me, he’s like, “I listen to your podcast intently. It truly sparks my intellectual thinking and I enjoy it.” It’s great. I love that. He says, “I respectfully challenge you.” This is what he goes on to say, “We are not intended to live in this elevated state of mind. We are given the truth of humanity. We’re supposed to be pissed off. We’re supposed to be fighting. We’re supposed to be leaving people and loving people, to embrace the suck when faced with it. To see an experience of dark sides of humans in the stuff they do. Nobody is above that experience. We hurt, we love we fall apart, we drink ourselves to sleep and so on.”

He says, “The alpha male mindset is real. I won’t argue that. I challenge you on making it such an importance and taking away the life and what we carry.” What we teach others through experience, what we pass on, how we guide those in need of guidance. What comes from connection with the dark side of life, is that really humanity? There’s so much in there, right? It’s so strong and powerful. Yes, it’s so true. Because my friend, I don’t see you challenging me. I see you agree with me. I see the agreement between you and I.

Each one of us is here to walk our own path, take our own journey. It begins with self-awareness. Then we spend the rest of our lives in the process of discovering self-knowledge. Not everyone is doing it actively. However, it is something you can’t avoid. It is the way the universe is set up. It is the law of cause and effect. Everybody’s on the same path. It’s just whether they’re conscious of it, it’s become an intentional desire.

What you seek, you will find. If it is not self-knowledge you seek, it doesn’t mean that you won’t receive self-knowledge, because you cannot not receive self-knowledge. You’ll just be receiving the same lesson over and over and over and over again, until you receive the lesson, till you become awake and attentional to the lesson.

When we see and judge, we are not judging the external. This is a part of the illusion. When we’re in a relationship, when we’re judging the other person, we’re not really judging them, my friends. The truth is, we are having revealed to us what the mind is focused on in order to teach the self about the world of who we are not. There must be an identification of the teachers and the students, so that we know what we have to give and how we can be offered – in open and offering to receive. This is the value of judgment, to wipe out the faulting, wipe out the blaming, wipe out the finger-pointing, the external condemnation, so we can understand what the mind is trying to show us about us, about ourselves.

Relationships begin with knowledge and then they lead us to wisdom. Wisdom is the usage of knowledge. Wisdom is using knowledge in rectitude. When we are wise, we are following the knowledge of the alpha state and how we are, instead of the conditioned path of who we are not. This alone will completely change how you view and behave in relationships for the rest of your life.

Now, before I go on, I know that’s a pretty bold statement. I know this may sound bananas, brothers. I know that I have a tendency to get a little wild sometimes. What I’m about to tell you is the truth. I’ve said, and I’ve always said that I cannot tell you what the truth is. You have to see it for yourself. What I’m about to tell you is for you to experiment with and see it for yourself. It is a part of my knowledge, because of what I have experienced. It is a part of my student’s knowledge, because of what they have experienced. It will only be a part of your knowledge when you experiment with it and it becomes a part of your experience.

The way you relate to people through wisdom goes beyond anything you see with your eyes. It has nothing to do with the way people look. It has nothing to do with the way they behave. Both of these are judgments that come from the mind. I hear people say this all the time. When people describe other people, they describe them by the way they look, or about the way they behave. It’s like, if I were to ask you, what are you looking for in a partner, in a female partner, in a romantic relationship? You’re probably going to give me a bunch of descriptions about the way she looks, or the way she behaves.

There is a new way of understanding our relationship and I’m going to go way beyond the things that you see with your eyes and judge with your mind. Because in wisdom, you relate to others through your alpha state. You relate to others through who you are and through who they are. Your teachers feed their students and your students take in from their teachers. This connection becomes a unification of knowledge and the result is love. You can almost think of it like vulnerability. When you are in your alpha state, you are your true self. There is no fear of the other, because there is no danger from another.

All the dangers we see in others are always coming from the same place, which is fear. All fear comes from a misunderstanding of who we are and why we are here. You are completely vulnerable, because there is no fear of a danger that you know does not exist. You can reveal to any other being who you really are with no condition personality, trying to cover up the questions of the mind, is trying to answer due to its own misplaced role in life.

When you engage with others from a place of no intention, only to experience the presence of time and space, there is no fear that comes next. There is no fear of their judgement. There is no fear of you judging yourself. There’s no fear of rejection. There’s no fear of failure and so on. Now, this doesn’t mean that these things don’t happen. It just means, it won’t matter if they do. It’s not about trying to bend the spoon, my friends. It’s about realizing that the spoon doesn’t exist at all.

When you know who you are and who you are not, you begin to engage with people based on your inner knowing and you create connections that exist in different ways. This is a big part of what goes on in the explanation and education and teaching in the academy. Here’s what I want you to take from those brothers. Number one, our relationships with others is primarily a mirror for us to expose to ourselves, all the thoughts and beliefs that are covering up who we truly are. This is knowledge. It’s a self-knowledge.

Other people are a mirror for us to understand what we are thinking about ourselves and the world. This is where we can begin to uncover and reveal that primary conditioning, the beta condition. Next, we engage in relationships as our true selves, so that we can learn about others, without external intentions. This is how we sample the truth of other people. This is wisdom. When we do this, we know which people, places and things are right for us and which ones are not, because we’re not acting through our beta condition. We’re living in our alpha state, and open to receiving the truth of other people.

Then finally, relationships complete the cycle of giving and receiving. It is duality creating unity and this is love. Now, this does represent a hierarchy in that the first must precede the second, and the second must precede the third. The first step is always self-knowledge and deconditioning. Until we know our self, we will never truly know anyone else. This is the human condition. We are born twice, once as a baby, and the next is an alpha living in self-knowledge.

Some people are never born the second time, and that is okay. We all have our own journey. Not everyone is seeking the truth. If you are seeking self-knowledge, then what is the reason? Is it for riches? Is it for fame? Is it for notoriety? Is it for women? Because these byproducts are neither the means, nor the ends. I would also offer that they are when in your alpha state, irrelevant. They mean so much to the beta condition, however.

When you begin to engage in relationships on your quest for self-knowledge, you will be amazed and maybe even a little jarred by what you find. I got to caution you, brothers. You cannot unsee what you see. I always caution that you will receive what you asked for and it will always be the truth. I want to remind you and ask you, if you knew self-knowledge would change your life forever in drastic and irrevocable ways, would you still engage in the process?

For many people, the answer to this question is no. Because most human relationships exist, and we know this, because most human relationships exist in this purely transactional, approval-seeking, or externally validating way. We fear. We fear each other, because we fear our own approach to our own relationships. This is the first step, because this becomes our self-knowledge. We begin to understand how we are approaching relationships. We begin to understand why we fear, why we have conditioning.

How is it for you, brother? How is the relationship for you? Is it purely transactional? Quid pro quo? I’ll do this for you, if you do that for me. Is it approval seeking? Are you out there doing the Mr. Nice Guy thing? Are you out there doing the yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I’ll just take care of it. I’ll just do it. I’ll make sure it always gets done, so that people like me, so that people approve of me. Or is it externally validating? Are you out there doing things in the world to try to prove yourself to yourself, or try to prove yourself to other people?

This is all coming from fear. This is all coming from that lack of who you really are. However, when you begin to engage in relationships and reveal this to yourself, you are on the path. Brothers as I said, you cannot unsee once you’ve seen. Once you are on the path, you will begin to see things about yourself and the ball will begin to roll. I know that there’s so much more for you.

When you are ready, I invite you to discover what it means to be a human being in relationships. We’re going into indomitable self-confidence next month in the academy, so you can enroll now before we make that switch into the 2.0 curriculum, and get yourself on the list to make that shift, to start that journey. Until next week, my brothers, elevate your alpha.


[00:27:36] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha: Your Guide to Shifting to the Alpha Mindset at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.



Scroll to Top