Welcome back, brothers. Today we will be exploring the fundamental Alpha Male tenets, and this episode serves as one of a two-part series on the subject. Here we will be looking at the first two tenets and talking about how they work; remember these tenets provide us with the basis on which all of your work, as an alpha male, can stem from.
The first and most fundamental and important of the tenets is something you have all heard me talk about many times. It is this: when we have a relationship, we are in a relationship with our thoughts about a particular thing, not with the actual thing. This is the illusion of relationships, and a primary hurdle to evade in order to have healthy and true relationships. Everything is an effect, and is neither good nor bad, only neutral. If you can gain control of your thoughts, you will be able to manage and experience a relationship in the alpha way.
The second tenet deals with results and asks you to allow the illusion of why we seek certain results to disintegrate. The universal truth states that we only want a particular result because of how we imagine that result will make us feel. It is not the result itself, but how results create an experience in our minds. This is not to say that results, goals, dreams, or however you want to frame them, do not matter. It is about living from knowing rather than wanting.
When we are able to embody these two tenets, we can start to live the lives of our dreams, without our minds and beliefs standing in our way. Stay tuned, brothers, because next week I will be unpacking tenets 3 and 4, which you will not want to miss!
Want to know more about what I do and how I can help you? Sign up for a 45-minute session with me, and I’ll show you how this works!
What You’ll Learn From this Episode:
- About tenets and how they fit into the Alpha Male framework.
- Our relationships are built on our thoughts about a person or a thing.
- Healthy practices in relationships; allowing and loving unconditionally.
- We do not want the result, we want what the result makes us feel.
- The fallacy of raw results and our feelings about them.
- Results matter but need to be viewed and pursued correctly.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Enroll for the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Academy here.
- Learn how you can enter to win one of five FREE coaching sessions here!
- Sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the Alpha mindset.
[00:00:09] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
[00:00:32] KA: What’s up my brothers? Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. I am in Mexico. I’m in Cancun, Mexico. I’m going to be in Mexico for a few weeks. Actually, a few months. But I’ll be traveling all up and down the Yucatán Peninsula. I’m going to be in Cancun, I’ll be in Tulum, I’m going to be in Playa del Carmen so I’ll be all up and down. I may even get south down in there into Belize, may cross that border as well. But you know what guys, I love it down here. The weather is wonderful, the people are amazing. It’s a little bit windy outside, so if you hear some wind, it’s because I am not in my studio, I am traveling, I am on the go, I am in Mexico and in different hotels and AirBnbs. You may hear some different sounds, some different noises.
But if you don’t hear anything, it’s because of my amazing podcast editing team at We Edit Podcast. These guys are amazing, I love them. But I’m going to get right into the episode now, because there are several alpha male tenets. Today, we’re going to alpha male tenets number one and number two. Next week, we’ll do alpha male tenets number three and number four. Then I’m going to roll it into some relationship. We’re going to do some relationship work on the podcast after completing this two-part segment on four alpha male tenets.
Okay. A tenet is a belief or a principle, especially one of the main principles of a philosophy. What I teach is a philosophy of how to live a life of intention, purpose and deliberate creation, which is what makes you an alpha male. The alternative is living a life of abdication, confusion, illusion, blame, regret, fear, doubt and unintentional creation, which is the beta condition, demonstrating beta male behavior. You’re always creating and there’s nothing wrong with either. There’s nothing wrong with being in a beta condition, there is nothing wrong with being a beta male. One serves you and the other doesn’t, right? One is driven by experiences of joy, and acceptance and balance. Like that’s your alpha state, that’s being an alpha male. And the other is driven by experiences of suffering, and lamentation, and avoidance and extremes, right? All or nothing thinking. That is the beta condition and beta male behavior.
Also, I also want to preface that all of the alpha male tenets are based on the universal truth. They are all built on the foundation of the universal truth and they can all be proven to the law of cause and effect. But I’m not going to go into the universal truth because I really want to get into these tenets. But if you don’t know what the universal truth is, if this is the first podcast of The Alpha Male Coach you’ve listened to, I recommend you go back and do some research on the universal truth because it will really help you understand what these tenets are.
Alpha male tenet number one, and this is one of my favorites. I mean, they’re all amazing concepts for jumpstarting the momentous leap from that fear-driven, scarcity-based beta condition to the love-driven, abundance-based alpha state. But you know what, I really love the first alpha male tenet because of what it does for people and their relationships, so I made it the first tenet. The first alpha male tenet is, we are not in a relationship with a person or a thing. We are in a relationship with our thoughts about a person or a thing. And yeah, you’ve probably heard me say that before, right? If this is your first Alpha Male Coach Podcast, then you maybe you haven’t heard me say this before. This might be a new concept for you. But if you have listened to any episode, then I’m certain you’ve heard me say it at least once or twice.
But what does it mean? What does this mean to not be in a relationship with a person or a thing, but to be in a relationship with your thoughts about a person or a thing? This means that to live in a relationship with a person or thing is an illusion. The world around you is a world of effect. It is all a result. The thing and the person are both effects. People are effects. Things are effects. They are all results. Everything in the universe that we can see and a lot of the things that we can’t, see like sound, right, is all an effect, including other people, including you, your body is an effect.
Now, this may be difficult to understand so I’m going to go a little bit deeper. All forms is an effect. All matter, all cells and molecules, all atoms, all space, all liquids, solids, gases, everything, brother, everything is an effect. Everything is a result. This by definition makes it neutral, makes it neither good or bad, positive or negative. We cannot be in a relationship with a neutral effect. The relation of our form to another form whether that form is cellular, because we’re in a relationship with a person. We’re molecular because it’s with a thing is a relationship of effect to effect. Now, this is a different type of relationship. Certainly, we can be in a relationship of position, in form. An effect can be in a relationship of position with another effect. This object is above that object or this object is below that object. There is no link between one effect and another affect other than its position.
A true relationship is a connection, it’s not a position. The only connection that exists within effect is its cause. An effect doesn’t connect with another effect. There is no true relationship there. Effects don’t produce or create effect. Effect are results, they are products, they are the ends. And an end cannot connect to another end, the end is the end. The only connection that an end has is what determines it, which is the means, or the beginning or the cause. It’s like running a race and beginning at the end. How can this be? If you begin at the end, then there is no race. There is no run. It’s all over. It’s over before it begins. I mean, it never begins because you’re already at the end, it never exists. This is the fallacy, this is the illusion of the belief that you’re in, if you believe that you’re in relationship with a person or a thing.
The truth is, you are in a relationship with your thoughts about a person or a thing. The thought is the cause, the result is the effect. I’m going to say that again, because when you get it, when you really understand it, you will have from this moment forward until the end of your human life amazing relationships determined solely by your cognition. So here it is, listen now. Your thought is the cause of the way you relate to a person or a thing. The result is the effect of your relationship with a person or a thing. Your thought is the creation, the result is the experience both emotionally and demonstrably. This means that you are in charge.
Now, it doesn’t mean that you are in control of how the other person thinks and feels. It means that you are in control of how you think, you feel, and you behave. That is all that matters because that is what creates your experience, and therefore, your connection, your link or your relationship with the other person or the other thing. Here’s a quick example. You’re sitting in your living room, watching The Mandalorian and your girlfriend says, “I am unhappy.” Now look, we can use any example, but let’s go with the romantic partnership, right? Because between the romantic partnerships, between dating, and relationships, and marriages and money beliefs, creating businesses, creating wealth, those two things are really the bulk of the coaching that I do with my students. We’re going to go with the romantic partnership here. Let’s say you’re watching TV and your girlfriend or your wife looks over at you and says, “I am unhappy.”
Now, if you’re in the illusion of the beta condition that convinces you that you’re in a relationship with the person, there will be an immediate reaction to what she said, right? It’s what she does, what she says that you believe is the connection in the relationship because you believe you’re in a relation with her. This is the effect, remember. You’re not actually in a relationship with her. This is form, actions and words, movements and sounds, they’re all effects. So your brain might jump to some fear, driven by scarcity resulting in anger, resistance, insecurity and disconnection. The effect, the form, the external, is in control. You’re not in control, the effect is in control, the words she says, the look on her face, the tone of her voice. She says, “I am unhappy,” and you go into this place of disconnect. This is the beta condition.
Now, what comes from this can be a variety of things. You might out of fear argue with her and try to convince her that she has no reason to be unhappy. You might out of fear try to change her feelings by showing up in genuine and in authentic and try to make her happy by changing yourself. You might out of fear disconnect from her in a passive-aggressive way under the guise of letting her work things out on her own. All of this is driven from a lack of consciousness, an emotion of fear, a belief in her story, right?
That the relationship is the cause of the unhappiness, so she says that or whatever that she’s telling herself is making her unhappy. It all exist in the illusion that your relationship is with the external. Your relationship is with the woman herself. When you live by alpha male tenet number one, you know that you are not a relationship with her. You’re in a relationship with your thoughts about her, and you manage your mind to determine what you want your intention or result and experience to be.
Now, when it comes to romantic relationships, my choice is always to allow and then to love unconditionally. I think you guys know this about me, like I just believe in loving. I believe in loving unconditionally, that people are amazing creatures, that all humans are worthy and deserving of love. First, what I do is I allow my partner to feel however she chooses to feel. If that is going to be unhappy, then so be it. I’m not choosing this for her, nor am I the cause of it. I am not going to tell her that she shouldn’t be unhappy because there’s nothing wrong with unhappiness. It is just a vibration in the cells of her body, it’s just the feeling that she’s having in this moment. I’m also not going to try to control her or try to change her, or try to fix her. I’m not going to act like a clown, or a fool, or be somebody that I’m not just so I can alter the chemicals in her body of which I have no control over anyway. I always begin with allowing. I believe that this is the basis of connection. This is where connection begins.
No one wants to be controlled. No one wants to be fixed. You can lead people by staying grounded and holding onto that indomitable cognition of confidence, which opens people up to feel safe in your presence and feel free to be who they are. But leading is much different than controlling and I’m not going to get into that on this podcast episode, because of the time constraints around what I want to teach you guys today. That first thing I do is I allow, then I love and I love unconditionally. I believe that loving is connecting, loving is understanding. When I say loving unconditionally, what I mean is that even though she’s unhappy, that’s not going to stop me from loving her, even though she’s doing something, or saying something, or feeling something. It’s not going to stop me form loving her, because there’s no condition by which I choose love.
You can always allow someone to feel what they’re feeling and still be disconnected, right? You can always say, “Okay, I hear you. It’s okay that you feel that. Now, let me know when you snap out of it.” But that’s allowing this person to feel unhappy, it’s allowing her to feel unhappy and feel that emotion, but it’s not truly connecting. It doesn’t feel like love. Love feels amazing, it doesn’t feel indifferent, it doesn’t feel disconnected. Loving includes allowing and then it goes further. It adds connection.
Loving is appreciation and acceptance. Loving is attentive and affectionate. Love is accepting that she has a story in her brain that is making her unhappy. Love is being attentive to her story without believing it, knowing that it’s an old story that is more about her than about you and the relationship. Love is appreciating that she is courageous and vulnerable and open to expressing herself with you. Love is being affectionate with her and supporting her through her cognitive suffering.
How you feel comes from your thoughts, this is the universal truth that you guys all know. What you think will determine how you feel, which will demonstrate in your action and become the result of your relationship. The power of this first tenet cannot be understated as long as you are managing your mind and consciously choosing your thoughts while engaging with people and things. You are determining the experience that you have in the relationship. You will feel love and show up in a loving way and this is how you will experience the relationship. Now, she might still feel unhappy, you can’t change that brother. If she chooses unhappiness, that’s her choice. But if she does choose unhappiness, you don’t have to choose fear, worry, scarcity and doubt, just because she chooses to be unhappy. Love conquers all and this is true — it all seems like this is turning into a love episode, doesn’t it?
Look, I’m just going to put this very succinctly. I’m going to close the first alpha male tenet with this. Basically, first alpha male tenet says, treat people the way you want to be treated. Or to put it more accurately, you think about people the way you want to feel and behave around them, which will determine your experience and relationship with them. This is the truth, this is the truth behind the golden rule. Because if it was really just about treating people the way you wanted to be treated, then there would be a lot of people-pleasing, there would be a lot of manipulation involved, right? Like we we might treat people in a certain way because we don’t feel love, so we want to demonstrate people-pleasing behavior in order to get them to love us. Wanting other people to love you so that you can feel love is like having other people eat for you so you that you can feel full. It makes no sense and the other person has all the power of your experience in the relationship. That’s what makes it the illusion.
The true secret is to think about people the way you want to feel about them or around them, and this will become a natural demonstration for them. You treat them with love because you feel love and therefore, you treat yourself the way you want to be treated. This is all done through cognitive mastery. Now, I’m looking at the time, do I have time for alpha male tenet number two. Yes, I do. We’re only 15 minutes in. I love it.
Okay. So alpha male tenet number two begins with the disintegration of an illusion and leads you into the universal truth. The second alpha male tenet is that we, human beings, we don’t want the result, we only want the way we think the result is going to make us feel. This removes the illusion of chasing the external result, which exists only in the neutral world of effect and form. I mentioned that earlier in the podcast that all results are neutral. They’re neither good nor bad. They are raw data. Cellular, molecular, in some cases, atomic data when we’re talking about words. There is no result that has any power and experience. Experience is emotional, it’s generated purely from the vibrations in the cells of our body and subjectified by the mind as good or bad. There is nothing in the world that gives us a feeling. It is the vibration in ourselves that we feel and the cause of this vibration is our cognition.
We literally create our own experience with our minds, our actions and the result of our actions exist in the world of form, matter and density. This is true and it is so empowering. Neither your actions nor your words are good or bad, neither the words or the actions of other people are good or bad. All that is in form is neutral. Actions by definition are cellular movement. Words by definition are atomic vibration. We give meaning and power to words and actions through our thoughts. Now this is not to say that we invite hate speech or violent action into our lives, we create boundaries for that. But what I’m saying is that we have power over words and actions. They do not have power over us.
The first half of the alpha male tenet number two is that we don’t want results and we really don’t, my friend. There is nothing in the result that contains our human experience. When life is good, it’s because we have a vibration in our cells that feels good to us A vibration that we have determined as positive. When life is bad, it’s because we have a vibration in the cells of our body that we decided as bad. Most of this is the brain, body connection through the motivational triad and there is little use for us to make uncomfortable vibration feel good or comfortable vibrations feel bad. The power that we have is not changing the way we think about the vibrations, it’s changing the thinking and beliefs that we have that are creating the vibrations. When I say vibrations, of course I mean feelings.
Consider it with me, just for a moment before I move on. I work with men who want to be better. They want to be better, they want to be the best versions of themselves, whatever that means for them. I say give me a year, give me six months and I will make you better. I guarantee it. Now, better, whatever that is, whatever the best version of you is, whatever better means to you is completely up to you. I don’t determine your better, you do. You want a result. You want six-pack abs or 8% body fat, you want a relationship with a beautiful woman or several beautiful women, whatever you want, right? You want to have your dream job or you want to create a million dollars. You want to be better and you have this result that you think makes you better. The results is neutral. The result is data.
So you want to be leaner, right, you want 8% body fat, you want six-pack abs, you want to have less body fat, you want that result, it’s neutral. It just means that you have less cells on your body, you have less stored energy. So what? It doesn’t mean anything until you give meaning to it. You want to be in a relationship with a beautiful, fun, intelligent woman, you want to share time with this person in an intimate way. Okay. Now, you have this relationship, you share time and space with this other person.
So what? It doesn’t mean anything until you give meaning to it. You want to have a million dollars in your bank or maybe you want to have a million dollars in cash as a big pile in your living room, right? Okay, you have it. Abracadabra, there it is. All this paper taking up space in your home, a big pile of paper in your living room, a big pile of dollars. So what? It doesn’t mean anything until you give meaning to it. It’s all just a neutral change. A change in the number of your cells that make up your body, a change in the human being that you spend time with, a change in the amount of paper that you have at your house.
We can get even more neutral with direct experience, but I’m not going into that on this episode. So it’s not the result that you want. If you want to be better, if you want to be the best version of yourself, it’s not the change of neutral data that you’re after. It’s not the change in your environment, it’s not the change in your circumstance, it’s not the change in the external. Your brain will try to tell you that it is, but that’s the illusion because the brain is stuck in the external world of form. If I ask you why you want this result, then eventually — and it might take six or seven whys, right? Kind of like that thing that kids do, right? They’re just back there, “Why? Why? Why? Why?” But if I ask you six of seven whys, eventually, we will get to that what you really want is an experience for feeling that you think this result will create for you.
Now, I want to return to the second alpha male tenet, but I want to go through it in its full. Because we don’t want the result, that’s the first half. The second half, the full alpha male tenet number two is, we don’t want the result, we only want the way we think the result is going to make us feel. We don’t want the neutral raw data, we only want the experience. We want the vibration in ourselves that we are under some illusion that the neutral raw data will create. Now, this is fundamentally 100% true. It’s fundamentally 100% true that we want the experience, but it’s not the result that we’ll ever make us feel anything. This is a core illusion of the beta condition and it’s demonstrated with beta male behavior. Because to believe that all our results will determine our experiences to believe that the world is creating our feelings, with the belief in this illusion, there is an abdication of your emotional experience to the external environment, which leads to behaviors of blaming, criticizing, external validation finger-pointing and everything else.
To blame your feelings on the behavior and actions of other people or on the events that are occurring around you, like the traffic or the weather is a quintessential beta male trait. Furthermore, the inverse becomes true as well, so you got to follow me on this one. Because if you deeply hold onto the illusion that the external environment, which includes other people is what’s creating your experience and the way you feel, then you will desperately attempt to control the environment so that you can gain control over your experience, so you can gain control of your feelings. Do you follow me here? Do you understand that?
You give the outside world credit, you give the outside world the power to make you feel a certain way and then you try to take back your power by trying to control the external world. This is more beta male behavior in the demonstration of people-pleasing, approval-seeking, manipulating and shaming. Not all of these behaviors demonstrate the same time of course, but they’re always demonstrated as a effect of this cognitive illusion. So remember, first, it’s not the result we want. And second, it’s not the result that makes us feel anything. It’s not the result that creates our experience. It is always our thoughts about the result or the circumstance that creates our feelings and experience. This my brother is the universal truth.
Now, before I move on. I want to emphasize one thing, I want to emphasize that this tenet isn’t to say that results don’t matter. I will never say that. I will never tell you that results are meaningless. Because of course, results matter, of course there — we have goals, right? We goals that we want to achieve in life. We have desires, we have dreams and I want to say that these are incredibly important. In fact, I believe that your dreams are the most important thing in your life. Your dreams are one of the most important things that you need to pay attention to because they direct you towards living your purpose. The concepts behind the alpha male tenant number two is to gain an understanding of how you achieve your results. You don’t achieve your results through a lack, you achieve your results through an abundace. You create what you want through knowing in mind and emotion that you all ready have it. Instead of through lack and scarcity, which is the idea that you need the external thing first in order to produce the internal feeling that you’re after in the beginning.
There are two lessons and applications here. First, number one, feel the way you think the result is going to make you feel now, in the present before you get the result. Number two, go after any result you want. Go after it right now. Not because you think it’s going to provide with a feeling or result, not because you are in some kind of illusion. But simply because you can, my friend, simply because you desire it. You know what, because you deserve it from a universe full of abundance and living, working for you. First, live from knowing, rather than from wanting. Live from having done rather than the how to get it done. Live from your internal experience instead of your external result.
The secret my friend is that by living from the knowing is how the result is created through your ability to take action. As long as you are living from a place of lack, a place of, “I want this to make me feel better and I won’t feel better until I have it,” then I promise you that it is the feeling of not having that is returning you the result of not having. Learn to cultivate the feeling of having now. This will drive you to take action and return the result of having later.
The reason why I say feel like you have it now so you can have it later, is because today, human beings cannot manifest form out of thin air. I can’t think and know that I have a million dollars and it will suddenly appear. I’m not saying this is impossible, I’m just saying that we haven’t expanded our consciousness enough for this to be a skillset. When it becomes a skillset, the entire concept of money will be moot, right? It would be pointless and it will be rolled up into the scrolls so history, just like the horse drawn carriage and 8 track cassette tape.
Now, number two. Live the life of your dreams. If you want something and your wants don’t interfere with the lives of other people and it adds to the overall goodness of the universe, then go get it, blood. Do it now. Don’t wait. Don’t think that you need to wait for some feeling, or some permission, or something to occur for your first. The only thing stopping you is your mind, which is to say your belief in scarcity and your emotional mismanagement that you won’t be successful, or loved, or happy, or confident or worthy until you have this result, whatever it is for you.
Now, I want to offer that if you are interested in learning how to become more emotionally aware and develop your emotional ownership, which is actually the key component to understanding and utilizing second alpha male tenet, then head over to thealphamalecoach.com and click the button at the top menu that says Spartan Academy. You can read all about it right there, but there, you can also enroll in the academy and you can start your training today because February is all about emotional ownership.
If you have any questions or you want some coaching with anything that is going on in your life right now, you can also book a consultation call with me, which you can also do on thealphamalecoach.com website. I look forward to enrolling you in the academy, to working with you personally and seeing you next week.
Until then, elevate your alpha.
[END OF EPISODE]
[00:26:48] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you have enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.