I’m going to be honest with you, brothers, today’s message might seem a little wild at first! But it is something that is central to becoming an alpha male. We all have to accept the truth that wanting and having are opposite forces. What I mean by this is that when you want something you are engaging your belief in a lack or scarcity of it. When you have something, you are in the mind-state of abundance, and so by understanding that you already have everything, you are welcoming and creating space for everything in your life. 

There is a direct link between abundance and our ability to be unconcerned by desire. My message to you here is to first and foremost experience and appreciate what you have, which turns out to be everything! In today’s episode, I will be explaining how wanting something pushes it away from you, and why our words are so powerful in the world we create for ourselves. I will be delving into what happens when we repeat stories and thoughts about our desires, and how this exemplifies the creative power we possess.

It may be difficult to understand completely right now, but I promise you, brothers, that it is amazing how certain things can stop concerning you. It is a beautiful evolution and one which leads to experiencing more of the world. In essence, this is the discovery of our creative force, and more of what is out there and available to us. So, make sure to join me for this vital discussion to hear about the gateway of gratitude, and even what I call, the ‘gratitude sandwich’!

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  • The opposition between wanting and having. 
  • How to use our words and their power. 
  • Why gratitude and appreciation are the best affirmations
  • The evolution of what matters to you! 
  • How the force of creation works for you in the universe.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:


[00:00:09] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence.

Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.


[00:00:31] KA: What’s up my brothers. Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. I’m doing very well. Thank you. Thank all of you out there for number one for listening to the podcast, but a special thank you for all of you that reached out to me. Look over the last couple weeks, I’ve given you some information on my health, right? A couple of weeks ago, I told you guys that I was sick with a food or water parasite. I’d been having some issues with my digestion and a lot of purging going on. Then last week, I told you guys that I got bit by a dog. I got bit by street dog while walking home from dinner here in Mexico, here in Puerto Escondido. 

Over the last couple weeks, I’ve gotten a lot of emails from you guys. Just wishing me well, just telling me that you guys are thinking about me and that you were hoping for a speedy recovery for me. I love that, I love that you guys are reaching out. Number one, I love you guys are listening, but two, I love that you’re reaching out and verifying that you’re listening but also just letting me know that you’re thinking about me, that is so powerful. Our thoughts you guys know this, this from the podcast, our thoughts are creative powers. So by me knowing that you are thinking about me in a positive way in a healing way, I guarantee that it helps speed up my process of recovery. 

I’m so grateful for all of you for doing that and has given me an idea for the podcast. Actually, you guys know that I spent a lot of time teaching on this podcast. Recently I’ve done some interviews with some of my students, but I also want to begin doing Q&As, because I know you guys are reaching out. I’ve always gotten emails from you guys, but I’ve just gotten flooded with emails over the last couple of weeks. I want to offer you guys a Q&A podcast episode, question and answer where you guys send me questions you have on anything I have taught you over the last three years, Universal Truth, Cognitive Mastery, Emotional Ownership, Alpha State, Beta Condition, whatever it is, Self-love anything. I’m going to offer that in the future. So guys have that ready brothers. If you have questions, begin sending them to me and I am going to start putting them together in a special episode of questions and answers. 

My time in Puerto Escondido has been amazing. I’ve done some scuba diving guys, you know, I love getting some surfing. I’m going to tell you of course that I’ve been scuba diving in the Pacific Ocean before. It’s not the same as the sea. I’ve been scuba diving all over the world, diving in caves, I’m a cave diver, technical cave diver certified, cavern, of course, sidemount diver. I mean, I’m a dive master, a PADI Divemaster recreationally. I’ve been all over the world, I’ve been in all kinds of all sorts of bodies and waters, lakes, seas oceans, and here in Puerto Escondido. It was very interesting, because we had this cold front come through in the water was 18 degrees. It was so, so cold down there and very difficult visibility. I love diving. It was just a very, very cold experience. 

A lot of great things of course. All the usual things. I saw a lot of puffer fish, which are my favorite fish, they just look so fascinating with their giant eyes. They’re not really too afraid of humans so you can get really close to them and they just look at you with these big eyes like who are you? What are you doing? It’s very interesting. I love puffer fish. I love to see them. But I’ve done a lot of surfing as well. We’re getting into a lot of surfing down here. In case you guys didn’t know Puerto Escondido is one of the top 10 surf spots in the world. I will tell you that it is out of season right now. The surf season is actually in February so I just missed it. I’m coming at the end of it, but there’s still great surf out here, food absolutely amazing. I love food. 

I almost want to say I love Mexican food, because I love food that’s prepared in all different areas of Mexico, but Mexico such a big country that depending on where you are in Mexico, you’re going to get different types of cuisine. The cuisine down here in Wahaca is very wonderful. It’s very delicious. It’s very rich and amazing. I love it down here. The food’s amazing, surfing’s amazing, scuba’s absolutely amazing. I’m having a great time. I got a couple more weeks before I head back to the States. I also want to remind you guys, because I haven’t done it in a while to check out the free book, get The Universal Truth. If you haven’t done that already get that now, because the second edition is coming out soon and when the second edition comes out, the first edition will no longer be available. If you want to get your copy of the first edition of The Universal Truth, you can do that for free on the website. It’s right there at the top, it says free book, it’s in the upper right hand corner. That’s available to you now. So go ahead and check that out. 

Now, I know the title of this week’s episode is very interesting, especially given what you guys know, that I believe, which is that you can create anything for yourself in what we call the human experience. Remember, we are beings of energy, we’re beings of light, we’re beings of love, we’re having a human experience. We are here on this earth, on this planet called Earth, living in a cellular vehicle, having a human experience, because of that, we are co-creators, we are part of the creative force in the universe, we are creating our reality for ourselves and collectively with each other. You guys know, I believe. This is what we do in the academy. This is the whole point of the academy. 

The academy is a school. It is a institution of learning for you to remember who you are, you to remember that you are a being of energy, of being of light and love. I know that this is a very wild podcast title, Why You Will Never Have What You Want. I’m going to tell you why, because having and wanting are opposites. They are opposites like abundance and scarcity are opposites, because when you have, you are living in abundance. Brothers, you have everything you ever need, you have it all right now. If you don’t have it, that in your mind, you’re in a place of wanting it, you’re in a place of lack. Want and lack are synonyms. I want it, because I don’t have it. I wanted therefore I lack it. Lack and scarcity are synonyms, having an abundance are synonyms. 

Look, as long as you want something, think about this, this is true. As long as you want something you don’t and won’t ever have it, right? I want it because I don’t have it. As long as I want it, I won’t ever have it. Once you have something, you will have no need or sense of wanting it, because you now have it. Why would you want something that you already have? Or you have it so you don’t want it anymore. That’s why these terms are opposites. You can never have what you want. As long as you want it, you’ll never have it. Now here’s the thing. This is where I’m going to get into the teaching, because I want you guys to know that it is true that when you achieve certain states of being over a long period of time, when I say states of being I’m talking about what your alpha state, right? Certain states of being over a long period of time. 

Success in what you are doing right in the way your vehicle your body is moving through the world, what you’re doing in the world is very difficult to avoid, you will always begin with the state of being, you will always begin with the energy, you always begin with the spirit, the alpha state that moves into that realm of sound and vibration that is the cause that moves into the realm of density and matter which is the effect. As long as you are maintaining certain states of being over a long period of time, success and whatever it is that your behavior, whatever yours your actions are doing in the world is very difficult to avoid. Yet you are not here, we are not here as again, Alpha men, we are not here to worry about making a living. We are not here to worry about worldly success. 

True alphas are those who have chosen to make a life not make a living. Now here’s the thing, brothers, again, from certain states of being. When I say certain states of being I’m talking about the evolved states of being I’m talking about the Alpha states of being, right? The alpha state itself is love, compassion, generosity, patience, gratitude, kindness, benevolence, from these states of beings will spring a life so rich, so full, so magnificent and so rewarding. That all of the worldly goods that the beta condition is concerned with all the worldly success that is running around in our mind is running around in the conditioning of who we’re not, will be of no concern. 

Here’s the thing, and I’m going to say this again, because you guys have heard me say this many, many times on this podcast. Life’s irony, the irony of the human condition, the irony of the human experience is that as soon as worldly goods and worldly successes are of no longer a concern to us, that way is open for them to flow to us, to flow through us, flow around us. That is the abundance. That is the abundance that is always here, but as long as we are wanting these things, as long as we are in a mindset of scarcity and lack around these things, as long as we are in that state of I must have what I don’t have, I must want what I don’t experience, we’ll never understand them, we’ll never have them. You cannot have what you want, but you can always experience whatever you have. 

I know that this is a big statement. I’m going to explain it a little bit further. You cannot have anything you want. The very act of wanting something pushes it away from you. I want you to understand that so much. This is something that, I’m teaching this to my students right now, in the academy, because we’re talking about believing new things in March. I want you guys to understand this, I’ll say it again, the very act of wanting something, as long as you want something, you’re actually pushing it away from you. I’m going to use terms, like I’ll explain this to you very, very specifically, let’s talk about worldly success. Let’s talk about money. Money’s even better. We have success, whatever that means to you. 

Fame, notoriety, status, occupation or money, right? Wealth, money, fortune, if you have the thought, I want more success, I want more money. You will neither have success nor money, you understand, because the universe has no choice. The universe is a force, it is a force that obeys your commands. Creation is a part of the force of the universe. Just like gravity is a part of the force of universe. Creation is a part of the force of the universe that has no choice but to bring you the direct manifestation of your thought about it. Then if your thought is, I want success, I want money then the creative power of creation, how creation works as a force through your demands, through your declarations of wanting that creative power is a genie in a bottle. 

Think about that brother’s, a genie in a bottle, your words are its command. Now the words are I want success, right? So creation, as a force of the universe says, okay, you do, you want it. Which is very different than saying I have it, I have it means it’s here, it’s with me. I no longer want it, because I have it. By saying I want it, it’s because I don’t have it and the universe creation is a force response to that by saying, Okay, you want it, but if you want it, you can never have it, because as long as you want it, you’re in a state of lacking it. Think of it this way, brothers, the word I is the key that starts the engine of creation. We talked about the words I am being extremely powerful statements to the universe. They are commands, brothers. They are declarations. They are demands. The I am statements are so strong. 

Now, whatever follows the word I am tends to manifest in physical reality. If you’re thinking or saying if you’re thinking it in your mind, or if you’re saying it out loud, I plus want success produces in your reality, you wanting success. If you think I if you say it as well saying thinking same thing, right? The words are just the sound that are the creative power of the thoughts, right? So to think it to say it is the same, if you think I plus want money, then the only thing you’re going to produce in your reality is you wanting money. It can produce no other thing because thoughts and words are creative. Actions are too. If you act in a way, which says that you want success and money, then your thoughts, words, and actions are in accord. They’re all in an alignment, and you are sure to have the experience of wanting this. 

That’s all you’re going to experience. You’re not going to experience having this. Do you understand brothers? You’re going to experience exactly what is your thinking saying and doing, which is wanting. You have to understand how much power you have in creation. Now I’m going to say that if you have a thought, or if you have a statement just once. If it’s just something that you say out of anger, or frustration, or insecurity, it’s not likely that you’re going to create those thoughts and words into reality, right? You don’t have to worry about when you say something out of anger, you say something to your kids, you say something to your girlfriend, your wife, you say something out of anger, it’s okay. You can forgive yourself, you can move on, it’s not that big of a deal. 

It’s the same as saying nice things once, but if you repeat a thought, or you say a word over and over again, not once, not twice, but I’m talking 1000s of times, those thoughts that are so subconscious in your mind that just repeating over and over and over again. That is the creative power. That is where you get into I want more money. I need more money. I want more success. I want my business to succeed. The more you think that over and over and say it out loud over and over. The more you will only experience that wantingness, a thought or a word that is expressed and express and expressed over and over that becomes that a creative reality. It gets pushed out into the universe and it becomes physical, it becomes a part of the effect, part of the world of density and matter. It becomes realized. It becomes your physical reality. 

Now, of course, to change your reality all you have to do a stop thinking like that. In this case, instead of thinking, I want success, you think I have success. If that’s too difficult, I know that we’ve talked about thought ladders, brothers. I know if that’s too difficult. Think about this, if it’s too much for your brain to hold in cognitive dissonance the two thoughts, I want success and I have success, or I want a million dollars, and I have a million dollars. We do this in the impossible goal. We’re doing this now in March, because it’s believing new things. It’s the cognitive dissonance of where your mind is, your mind is thinking I want a million dollars because I don’t have a million dollars. It wants out of lack. 

If it’s too difficult to make the jump into, I have a million dollars, because that’s the abundance of having, that’s the abundance of being there of you actually experiencing that, then you can think of thought that you can accept a million dollars is coming to me now my success, my business is coming to me now, or all things lead to my success. Money is everywhere, Money is flowing to me. Look, brothers, affirmations do not work if they are merely statements of what you want to be true, because again, you’re still in that state of wanting. You’re thinking a thought, you’re making an affirmation of a place of want. You’re wanting it or not having it. 

Affirmations work only when they are statements of something you already know to be true. That’s why the best affirmations are statements of gratitude, and appreciation. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for everything, thank you for everything. Everything two words, brothers, everything. Thank you for everything. Thank you for bringing me success in my life. Thank you for flowing wealth into my world into my reality. Now those ideas, those thoughts spoken and acted upon produces amazing results when it comes from true knowing, not from an attempt to produce results, but from an awareness that results have already been produced. 

Look, brothers, you can find this in Scripture, right the master of the New Testament. Before every miracle he thanked the father, the universe in advanced for its deliverance for whatever miracle he was producing. It never occurred to the alpha of the New Testament not to be grateful, because it never occurred to him that what he declared would not happen. He always thanked as if it had already occurred. The thought never entered his mind that it would not occur. It had already occurred, it had been done. That’s why there was gratitude in every prayer in every miracle he made. So sure he was of who he was and his relationship to the universe as a creator, that his every thought word and deed reflected his awareness. Just as your thoughts words and deeds reflect yours. 

I’m going to say this, that if now there is something you choose to experience in your life, brothers, don’t want it. Wanting it will keep it from you, wanting it will repel it from you. Choose it? Do you choose success in worldly terms? Whatever that means to you, you choose more money? Do you choose more fame? Do you choose more fortune? Do you choose more notoriety? Do you choose more anything, anything worldly out there and more wealth. It doesn’t matter, whatever it is, you’re choosing, just choose it and when you choose it, that’s the good thing that’s good. Choose it, really, fully, from your bones, from your heart, from your alpha state. Don’t do it half-heartedly. 

I’m going to say this, I’m going to say this before moving on. I’m going to say this, because brothers, here’s the thing, at a certain stage in evolution, I’m going to tell you this, don’t be surprised. If all of your desire all of your wants for worldly successes as all of your desires for worldly wealth no longer concern you, because that’s what happens to the students at the academy. When you enroll in the academy, I have said so many students enroll in the academy seeking relationships, seeking to be with more women, seeking to create more wealth, seeking to get their business off the ground. They want to achieve great business success. It doesn’t matter.

Most students come in for worldly successes and what they learn in the academy is to evolve themselves to such a state of being that these worldly successes simply don’t matter anymore. I’m going to let you guys take that for what you think that means, because there’s so much more in the human experience than what we’ve been conditioned to believe is important in the world.

When we let go of our desire and our wants for the worldly successes, not only do they not concern us anymore, but that is exactly when they start to flow through us and to us in abundance, because creation is a force, just like gravity. Look, brothers, you’ve heard me talk about gravity before. Gravity is a force. Gravity happens to be a force that we all know about. We didn’t always all know about it. We didn’t always all know about it. It took Newton, it took Einstein, it took some of these great minds to discover what has always been here, which is gravity. It’s always been here. They discovered it and they’ve talked about it, and they mathematically mapped it. Now, we understand the thing. We understand how it works. We understand the result of it working.

Creation is exactly the same. There is a force called creation. We are learning about how it works, and we’re seeing the result of it working. When I say we’re learning about how it works, we’re learning about it through our beliefs. We believe. We believe now as it’s have been done. It’s been done. It is already there in abundance. That’s how it works. The result of it working is manifestation. Creation itself. It’s the same as gravity.

One day, I won’t be talking about this on a podcast as if it’s something new. I know it’s not new. I know that there’s many teachers out there saying the same thing I’m saying. Eventually, there will be teachers out there talking about exactly the process, which is what we learned in the academy, exactly the process. Because we’ll be able to mathematically map it out. It is a matter of practice. It is a matter of evolution. It is a matter of us understanding this force and working with it, because it is what we are. We are creators. Again, brothers, it’s like a genie. It’s like a genie in a bottle. You rub the bottle, the genie pops out and says, “I’m going to give you three wishes.” If you say to the genie, “I want more money,” the genie nods his head and says, “Okay, you do.” You want more money. You’re still in a state of wantingness. You’re no different than where you were before you had made that wish, because before you made that wish you wanted more money. Now that you’ve made that wish, you still want more money.

If you tell the genie, “I have a million dollars.” The genie says, “Boom. There, your wish is granted,” and now you have it. Now you’re in a state of havingness. That’s how creation works. The universe is abundant. The universe will give you whatever it is that you believe you have, because there is nothing that the universe cannot offer. The universe has everything. It has everything in it. There is nothing of lack in the universe. There is only things of lack in our minds about the universe, because of our conditioning around lack, because of our conditioning around scarcity. Then the movements, the movement through scarcity into abundance is gratitude. That is the doorway. That is the gateway. That is the process of evolution. That is the process of choosing. That is the process of changing. That is the process of elevating your alpha state.

Brothers, I learned this in the jungle. I learned this when I was in Peru. I mean, I’ve learned it before, but I had the experience of it in Peru, let me put it that way. I had the actual experience of it, where there had to be an experience of gratitude in order for me to pass through the gateway, into what I was able to learn next. My plant teachers in the jungle made sure that I had to feel, experience in my body, in my spirit, gratitude before I was offered any further teachings, any further lessons, any further mysteries. It had to come through gratitude first.

I want to offer this to you. I’ve already offered you guys, believe that you have. Know that you have. Think the thought, I have success. I have wealth. I have perfect health. I have amazing relationships. I have these things, rather than I want these things. That’s number one. I also want to offer you the gratitude sandwich. Brothers, things that we have, we can feel grateful for, because we have them. It’s what we don’t have that we feel we lack, and that’s why we want them, because we want them because we don’t have them. Because we want them, we feel lack around them. We feel lack around things, it’s difficult to feel grateful for things we don’t have. It’s all an illusion, of course. We have everything because we are one with everything.

I want to offer you guys a gratitude sandwich, so you understand how you can begin to cultivate the experience of gratitude and begin to attract the things that you are now wanting into your life through the abundance of knowing that they’re already there. It’s to set yourself up in a sandwich way, so you have two things that you have and are grateful for. One thing that you want and want to attract and have in your life.

Now again, whatever it is, I’m going to use A, B and C. You have A, you have C and you want B. You begin your meditation, you begin your practice, you begin your gratitude sandwich with, “I have A. I have this thing called A. I have it, and I’m so grateful that I have it.  Whatever it is, I have my 2,000 square foot home, or my wife, my kids. I have children. I’m so grateful for my children. Or, I have an investment account. I have a $100,000, in Bitcoin.” Whatever it is you have and you’re grateful for. I’m grateful for this, and I have it. That’s A. I have A, and I’m grateful that I have it.

Then you move on to B, the thing that you don’t have, the thing that you are wanting, but you want to have, you want to attract in your life, and then you begin to feel the same. You will allow the feeling of that gratitude that you have for A flow into the space of time, where you begin to feel the having around B. Now, you don’t have B, but you want to have B, so you’re in a state of wanting, but you’re feeling the gratitude of having.

You have the experience of having. You have the experience of gratitude because of A, because you’ve been focusing on A. Now you’re shifting into focusing on B, but you’re carrying with you the sensation, the experience of gratitude of having that you felt with A. Now there’s B. You’re feeling the gratitude and the feeling of experience of gratitude for B. You don’t have it, you want it, but you’re feeling grateful for having it because you’re coming off of A. You’re feeling that for B.

As soon as that begins to dissipate, as soon as your mind begins to say, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there. We don’t actually have this. You shouldn’t be feeling this way about this.” Your mind starts to get to that cognitive dissonance, that space of discomfort, then you move into C, the other thing that you have, you already have, and you’re grateful for it. You begin to move into C, where now you bring back that feeling, that experience of gratitude. You’re feeling gratitude all throughout A, B and C.

Whatever it is that’s B, whatever it is that thing that you want, you feel grateful for already having it. That experience of havingness is what will manifest it into your life, because you are creating it from that space, that space of having and that gratitude for having it. That’s the move brother, the gratitude sandwich.

I’m going to leave you guys with that. I know we’re getting close to 30, so I’m going to leave you guys with that. Look, anytime brothers, anytime you want to start your journey, you can right now in two ways. You can do it by picking up the free book that I offered you at the beginning of this podcast that is available now on the website, thealphamalecoach.com/freebook, but you can also enroll in the academy. You can begin to understand these things right now. I know that you’re going to enroll in the academy with a desire for wanting.

I understand that. It’s okay. Every student does. That’s the point. That’s what’s required for evolution. You may come into the academy wanting more wealth, wanting better relationships, wanting more optimal health, whatever it is. Maybe you want to stop buffering. Again, you hear me say, want to. I want you to stop buffering. As long as you want to stop buffering, you won’t stop buffering. You understand, because you’re in a state of wantingness. When you begin to know that you are in a space of you have stopped buffering. You no longer buffer. You have done it. You have removed that activity from your life. Whatever the activity is, you’ve removed the avoidance of emotion from your life. You have stopped buffering.

You may enter the academy wanting to stop buffering, wanting to stop watching pornography, wanting to stop drinking alcohol, wanting to stop eating sugar, wanting to stop whatever it is, television, or gambling, or whatever. Stop the buffering that is what is avoiding you, that is creating an avoidance of you connecting with your vibrational self, with your emotional self. Whatever it is. Maybe it’s wanting more wealth, wanting more money wanting to be successful in your business. The academy teaches you that. It teaches you how to let go of your wanting, so that you only experience the abundance of having.

When you do, you also let go of the wanting, and then it all starts flowing to you. Then it’s like, well, now I don’t ever want these things, but I have these things because I let go of the wanting of them. Now, I feel like I have them and now I have them, but I no longer want them, because I have them, but I no longer want them. It’s so difficult to articulate to you guys, because it’s such a wild thing.

There’s so much wanting in the world. There’s so much lack in the world. There’s so much scarcity out there. Everybody wants something and not realizing that it’s right there. It’s right with you. It’s around you all the time. It’s in your life. Even as I say these words, it’s there, brother. It’s there for you. It’s all there for you. Creation wants what you want for yourself, because it’s just waiting for you to know that you have it.

Creation is just waiting for you to realize that you have an abundance of everything. You have everything. Thank you. Thank you for everything. Everything. Brothers, it’s there. It’s all there, if you want, when you’re ready. I’m now taking enrollments for the academy. Yu can enroll in the academy anytime. I’m now taking enrollments for the tribe as well, which will begin in May and that’s the next level of the academy. It’s the further – We go deeper.

We start the tribe every four months. Every four months, a new class of the tribe begins. The next one will begin in May of this year, and I will offer you more information on that in the podcast episodes that will come in the future. Until then, my brothers, elevate your alpha.


[00:30:55] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha: Your Guide to Shifting to the Alpha Mindset, at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.