Embodying the nature of the alpha requires practice and discipline and for us to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. In today’s episode, I will be carrying on what I began the last time, and this second part builds on the ideas through some practical examples. I will be sharing an example from my own life brothers, one in which I struggled and eventually was able to elevate my alpha.
I have recently been staying with my brother during the summer months, which is my usual routine at this time, and when I encountered a hurdle, an unusual and disarming one, it immediately made me feel defensive. Now, as you will see brothers, this was a normal situation, and my reaction came entirely from the beta mindset. We need to become masters and learn how to react to different and difficult situations.
There are so many examples of how our masks and guards come into play. All of us, even me, fall into these traps. That is why I wanted to share this story. The message here that I want to underline is that there is never a problem, there is only energy, and you have the power to harness that and change your reality and your relationships. This is what happens when you choose the spiritual path and align with the universe, brothers. Join to me hear more!
What You’ll Learn from This Episode:
- The discipline and fortitude needed to avoid the beta condition.
- An example of implementing the model of alignment.
- Letting go of pain and our defenses against it.
- The right questions to ask ourselves.
- How the universe acts out lessons for us.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Enroll for the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Academy here.
- Sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the Alpha mindset.
[00:00:09] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
[00:00:32] KA: What’s up, my brothers? Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. Look brothers, I am not perfect. Some of you may think I’m perfect, because all you know me is through the podcast and I don’t really talk about myself much on the podcast. But I want you guys to know, look, I struggle with the beta condition too. I really do. I am not perfect. I struggle with it every single day. Even with all the work I’ve done, I still get tripped up. I just catch it quickly because of the practice. And I want you to know this because I get it. This is a practice that requires discipline. It requires fortitude. It requires a serious focus and a playful spirit. It requires flexibility and an ability to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
All right, so I want to end with this. I’m going to end with a personal example. I’m going to toss this out for you guys. I want you guys to know this. I want you guys to know that I struggle too. Because what happened for me as I kind of elevated my own alpha status, example of me elevating my own alpha state. As you guys know, I’ve been staying at my brother’s house here in Oregon, and I love staying with my brother’s house. Every time I come to Oregon, I stay with my brother’s house. It’s just my place. It’s where I go. This is my family. I love my brother. I love my sister. I love my niece. I love my mom. My mom lives nearby. She’s about 20 minutes away, but I stay with my brother and my sister-in-law. I call her my sister, my sister-in-law. And I’m waiting on getting my passport renewed because it was going through – it’s going to expire in about eight months. I think it was April of 2023, it was going to expire and I plan on being overseas at that time. So, I wanted to get my passport.
So, I came to Oregon to enjoy the last few weeks, I thought would be last few weeks of summer. Visit my family, my mom, my brother, my sister and my niece. And when I do, like I say, I stay with my brother. I always stay with my brother because he has a big house, spare bedroom, garage, gym, everything. He’s beautiful, so hospitable, so wonderful. They’re just a wonderful, beautiful, hospitable family that is very generous and loving to me, as a member of the family. Again, I have so many wonderful things to say. Plus, my brother and I are great friends. I mean, we enjoy sharing time together, we enjoy hanging out. So, it’s just an amazing place to go. It’s a nice place to be when I’m in the States.
Now, I arrived here in mid-August. And if you’re listening this podcast, you know it’s not late October, and we’ll set September. It’s actually October. The story I’m about to tell you actually went down about three weeks ago, after I’d been staying with my brother for about five weeks. My brother comes to me one day and he says, “We need to talk.” Now, I know my brother and I could tell right away, by the look on his face, and the tone of his voice that what he was about to say to me is something that he is struggling with, something that is weighing heavily on his heart. So, we sit down. And he says he thinks I should think about leaving, about finding another place to stay.
Now, this was a shock to me. It was just a huge shock to me. Like I say, like I just got done telling you, I’ve stayed at my brother’s place every summer for years, sometimes for weeks at a time, other times for months at a time, all depending on what’s happening for me in terms of movement. I don’t know if you guys know, I basically go places based on invitation. I’m kind of like a – I’m a fairly nomadic individual and people invite me places and I go there. So, I tend to stay at a place until I get an invitation to go somewhere else. Sometimes that could be a month, sometimes that could be a few weeks, but all based on my movement, all based on my invitations. So, it was a shock when he said this. And I could tell that he was struggling with it. I could tell there was something going on. So, I asked him some questions and I found out that it was my sister, who was actually struggling with me being there.
Again, I wanted to know more. I was very curious. I was in shock that’s why I had some more questions. He didn’t know why she was struggling. She didn’t even know why she was struggling. The irony of it all, is that when they moved into their new house less than two years ago, it was my sister who wanted the extra bedroom for me. That’s wild, right? She wanted an extra bedroom for me. And so now, the irony is she’s thinking it would be best if I go. So ironic.
Now, right away what do you think I did? If you just pause this podcast, like what do you think I did, brothers. Another question is, what would you have done? Right? What would you do? Would you think I would do and what would you do? So, I’ll tell you I didn’t want to go. That was the T line in my model of alignment. I don’t want to go. The C line is my brother says I have to leave. The T line is I don’t want to go. Now, there were other thoughts too. There are much deeper thoughts, thoughts like what did I do wrong? Why doesn’t she like me? Did I do something to upset her? What’s wrong with me? And so on. There are all these deeper thoughts. These thoughts drive the thought I don’t want to go, because if I go, if I leave, it means that there is something wrong with me. It kind of proves this thought that there’s something wrong with me.
So, I get defensive, right? Play this out with me, brothers. If I’m thinking there’s something wrong with me, and then I leave, then that confirms that that thought. It becomes the confirmation bias. So, I don’t want to go, I don’t want to believe there’s something wrong with me, and I left because there’s something wrong with me or something that I did. That’s the pain point. This is the energy. This is the thought. This is the victim thought like, why me? What did I do? Et cetera, right? So, I was taking it personally. And you can probably empathize with me, right?
Look, if we were buddies, like, if we knew each other, if we lived in the same city when this happened. And I said, “Hey, meet me down at Scottie’s Pub. I got to talk to you. Let’s meet at the pub for some drinks, I got to blow some steam off.” And we go there, and I tell you, I just had a talk with my brother, and my sister wants me to leave and what would you say to me? Would you get upset with her? Would you call her names? Would you be upset? Would you ask why, like I did? She’s never reason. She just wants me to go. What would you say? Would you be upset? If I was upset, would you be upset? That’s the other question. Would you match my energy? Like, if I was upset, if I was blaming, if I was projecting, like anger, then would you match that energy? Would you jump in there and start doing the same?
If I was worried that I did something wrong, like if I came to you, and I said, “Maybe I did something wrong.” Would you help me investigate it? Would you ask me about my habits, about my living habits, if I was disrupting their standard operating procedures by being there, right? Would you try to help me find out maybe what I’m doing so that I can make some changes? Or would you steer me away from it all, and tell me not to take it personally, that’s not about me. It’s just about her and whatever she’s suffering from. That probably sounds familiar, right? Because that’s the inversion principle that you guys all know. Well, that’s what I did, brothers. I responded from my beta condition.
I’ll tell you straight up. I responded from my beta condition. I respond from my thoughts. I responded from my pain. I responded with defensiveness, from the protection, from the “I don’t want to go”, and what is my beta condition, brothers? What is my beta condition? What is my mask? What do I jump to when I’m deflecting, when I’m avoiding? Guidance and holding space for others, and I know that sounds wild, doesn’t it? It’s like, “Hold on a second coach, stop right there. That’s what you did? But that’s what you do. That’s who you are, right?” It’s not who I am. That is my persona. It is my mask. It is both an expression of my state of painlessness, because it’s how I show up in service for others when I am in a state of painlessness, when I have no pain, when I have no trauma, when I’m free. When I’m in a state of love, I’m a guide, and I’m holding space for others.
So, it’s an expression of my state of painless as well as how I avoid inner pain. It’s also what I do when I don’t want to look inward. When I am allowing energy to flow, I am in a state of service. I’m a pure servant. My alpha state is a servant, a servant of the remembering soul. That is why I attract men who are ready to remember who they are and live from their alpha state, because I serve the soul that’s ready to remember itself. However, I can also enter into this guidance role as a way to avoid looking inward and that is what I did. That’s what I did. You see, I fall into it too. I fall in the beta condition too. I started coaching my sister through my brother.
So, my sister wasn’t there. This whole time, she wasn’t there. It’s just a conversation with me and my brother. But to my brother, I responded defensively. I said, “The only reason she wants me to leave is because she’s suffering internally. And she depends on her outer circumstances to maintain inner peace.” You guys have heard me say this. You heard the story last week about the sliver, the splinter in the body. Protect the splinter. Do not disturb the splinter. So, let’s control the external environment, the worldly path. When the outer is disrupted, that’s when she will feel this upsetness. This is what I said to my brother.
I said to him, then she’ll project that energetic disruption onto some neutral outer form. In this case, onto me. I said to him, “Look, when I leave, there will be something else that disrupts the flow and she’ll project blame onto that.” You see what I did there, brothers? You see what I did there? I used the inversion principle to draw the problem back onto my sister. I deflected. I was in my beta condition.
Now, what I said is 100% true. All of its true. I do want you to know that. She didn’t know why she wanted me to go. All she knew was that she was agitated and she was believing a story that it was because I was in the house. So, her model of alignment is clear, right? She’s blaming her feelings on the circumstance, on me being there, the feeling on the circumstance. It was all true what I said. And if she had asked me to guide her so that she could let go of the energy that was blocking her from experiencing love, then it would have been great stuff. That would have been a great bit of coaching, a great bit of guidance, right? But she didn’t.
That’s the thing, brothers. She didn’t ask me to guide her. I was using guidance as a way to avoid myself. I was using guidance as a way to avoid my own inner pain. She didn’t even think that she was an issue going on within her. She just wanted me to leave. She just thought she would feel better if I were gone. She didn’t want to be cold. She just wanted to feel better. She thought that would happen if I left. Therefore, in that moment, she was not ready to let go of her pain, to let go of the energy that was creating pain for her, and that’s when it hit me, brothers. This is the practice for me.
This is why I’m telling you that I walk the walk. I don’t just talk the talk, I walk the walk too, because that’s when it hit me. If she’s not ready to see her pain, then why is this happening? It’s happening for me. If it’s not happening for her, it must be happening for me. Right? It must be. I am living the path of seeing it. So, if I’m not specifically asked for it to be shown, then it must be for me to see. If I am not asked to hold the space for someone, then the spiritual practice is to hold the space for myself. That is the alpha path. That is the elevating of the alpha. That is the nature of the alpha.
So, I stepped back. I stepped back away from my beta, I stepped away from the pain, I removed myself far enough from the pain to be able to see it, to be able to witness it, instead of identifying with it, instead of partnering with it. And when I did that, I practice my own spiritual training. I did what I teach my students to do. I went inside myself and asked, who is the I that is noticing this energy? You have to know. I was upset, I was really, really upset. I thought I’ve done something wrong, and I wanted to know what it was. What did I do? I wanted to correct it, so I could stay.
So, I could stay at my brother’s place. And I also didn’t want to think that my sister didn’t like me. I also didn’t want thinking that she didn’t like me or she didn’t want me around. I felt terrible. I felt really bad. I felt anger. I felt resentment. I felt defensiveness. I felt shame. I felt guilty. I felt fear and worry, all kinds of emotions, there was so much energy and I wasn’t objective of it. I wasn’t witnessing it. I wasn’t even aware of it because I was engaging with it. It was only when I elevated my alpha state. It was only when I let go, when I surrendered and stepped back and observed it as energy instead of something real, instead of something that needs to be blocked or stored or hung on to, instead of something needs to be questioned or observed or fixed, instead of some problem that needs to be solved. Because it’s none of that. It’s just energy. That’s all it is.
And that’s what we do when we suffer. We engage with the energy for too long. We feed it with our attention for too long. The energy pulls us out of our alpha state by convincing us that we’re not okay. That there’s a problem. And brothers, there’s never a problem. There is no problem, ever. There’s only energy, always. So, I elevated my alpha and I looked within. I found that there was still blocked energy around my soul, my pure being of experience. I was hanging on to something, some story, some blocked energy. It was that I had done something wrong, that there was something wrong with me. I don’t know, I sat with it. I watched it, I allowed it to be there. I just kind of let the thought be there, and I looked at it like a cloud, like laying in a grass meadow, watching the clouds in the sky. I just kind of sat there and I watched the thoughts in my mind. It was that I had done something wrong, that there was something wrong with me and I sat with it. I watched it. I felt it. I experienced it. I observed it. I allowed my words to see it without being it.
And here’s what I discovered brothers, it was all happening for me, through me, for me. Once I allowed that energy to be seen, once I was aware of it, as it passed through me instead of trying to resist or avoid it, I opened up some kind of blocked movement. I freed something that allowed me to approach my sister in a very different way. I spoke to her differently. I asked her different questions. My feelings around her changed. I relaxed and opened up. I was more vulnerable. I was more authentic. It was fascinating to watch. It was incredibly fast to watch. I didn’t know it. I was unconscious of it.
But I was showing up around my sister in reserves state, in the state of hiding. I wasn’t fully open. I wasn’t being myself. I was afraid to be seen. And she was reflecting that back to me in her own perfect way, by telling my brother she thinks I should leave. It was so beautiful. So perfect. The universe acted through my sister, so that I could elevate my alpha state, so I could notice that some kind of “I’m not good enough” energy or “I’m doing something wrong” energy around me, when I was around my sister. And elevating my alpha by letting it go and changing my thoughts and feelings and actions, it changed our relationship.
From my perspective, I have no idea what’s transpired through her over the past couple of weeks. I have no idea. I don’t know what she thinks or how she feels. However, after I had done this work, after about a week, and after I’d made plans to go on Airbnb and the day before I was leaving, she said she wanted me to stay. There was no more tension. It was so fascinating. So fascinating. The question is this, what if I had just blamed her? What if I just blamed her, and projected out of her? What if I just called her names and said, “Oh, she’s just being mean and blah, blah.” Threw up a big deal about it, right? If I just got upset, stormed off, would I have expanded myself? Would I have evolved? Would have changed the relation with my sister? Would I still be here? Would there still be tension? Would I be in an Airbnb right now? What if I pushed back?
By taking the spiritual path, the Universe literally worked with me. You see that? Did you see that, brothers? That is the nature of the alpha. When you take the spiritual path, when you take the alpha path, the universe works with you. When we are in the beta, the universe will appear to be working against you, because it is always pushing you into circumstances that will agitate energy for you to release. You’re blocking it. It’s causing you pain. And the universe loves you, and wants you to let go of that pain. But it will appear as though the universe is against you. Because it’s always putting you in positions that are going to cause you pain. The only way to do that is for you to experience the energy that you are avoiding, which means you got to feel the pain, then it will be over and gone. It’s like pulling off a band aid really fast or jumping in the water instead of walking in slowly, right? Feel it now and be done with it, or continue to avoid it and project it on to others, or whatever, and it will be with you for the rest of your life.
It reminds me of a story of two monks. I’m going to tell this story and I’m going to close up. It reminds me a story of two monks. Two monks were leaving the village, they were heading back to the monastery. A Junior Monk and a Master Monk. And these two monks came to a very narrow, shallow creek, where there was a woman standing on one side of it. And without breaking step, the Master Monk swoops down, lifts her up, just gracefully, smoothly and effortlessly, walks her across the creek, sits her back down, and without missing a step, without missing a beat continues, walking continues on his path towards the monastery. He didn’t even say a word.
Now, the Junior Monk sees this, and his jaw just drops. He’s like, “What just happened?” We are monks, like, we took a vow to not touch a woman. We can barely even look at women. They were not allowed to barely even look at women. And here’s my master, who just touched a woman. He’s thinking, what happened? So, the rest of the time, the rest of the walk back to the monastery which is about 20 minutes, the Junior Monk’s mind is just going and going. He’s wondering, he’s thinking, he’s trying to solve this problem. What happened? Who was this woman? Was this woman special? What was it about the creek? Maybe it was the time of day? Is it a special, is it a holiday? Is it some special day where you can touch a woman today? I don’t know. What about the master? Maybe the master broke his vow? What do I say to the other monks? Do I even mention it? Are the other monks going to judge him? Are they going to judge me? Are they not going to believe me? Are they going to turn on me? Because they think I’m lying. I mean, the master would never touch a woman, right?
So, he’s thinking about this. He’s just running with his energy. He’s totally engaged in his head, right? The juniors in his head. I already talked about that earlier in the podcast. And finally, right before they get back to the monastery, the Junior Monk can’t take it anymore. He stops and says, “Master, I’ve been thinking about it for 20 minutes. I don’t understand it. You have to tell me. Why did you break your vow? Why did you touch that woman? Why did you pick her up and walk across the creek? What happened? What was so special?” And he just talks and talks and talks. He has this huge thought download. And the master looks at him. It’s like, “What? What are you talking about? What woman? Oh, the woman back by the creek. I put her down 20 minutes ago, why are you still carrying her?” And that was the lesson for the Junior Monk, because the Master Monk is in the moment. The Master Monk has presence.
When it comes to energy, the Master Monk is allowing all the energy to flow through him all the time, his thoughts are flowing through him, his feelings are flowing through him. The physical energy of matter, all the sensations are flowing through him. Yes, he “broke” his bow in that moment. But that moment existed in that moment, it was now in the past. In the new moment, where they are in that place, there was no vow being broken, there’s no woman even there. In that moment, the energy is still flowing. But for the Junior Monk, the energy was not able to flow, the energy got stuck, it got mentally stuck. He started chasing the energy. He’s just chasing the mental energy. It drew his awareness, it drew his attention. And because it drew his awareness and drew his attention, it drew him out of his alpha state. It drew him out of the seat of his alpha. So, his alpha was no longer elevated. And his beta condition was running the show. The thoughts were running the show. He was chasing that energy and that energy was in control.
And that’s the difference brothers between the beta condition the alpha state. It’s such a beautiful story of explaining the nature of the alpha, which is to stay present all the time and allow the energy to flow through you all the time. And the reason for that is, so it doesn’t get stuck up, it doesn’t get stuck within you and turn into a pain point, turn into a distortion through which you see the world. A distortion through which you can no longer experience the totality of what is there for you to experience, because it becomes a limiting belief, it becomes a pain point, it becomes something, it becomes an invisible prison. It becomes like those electrical fences that the dogs have, right? Where there’s not a real fence there, but for some reason, they just don’t know why they can’t cross this invisible line, right? Because there’s this invisible electric fence, and that’s what you’ve done. You create this invisible fence for you that says, “I can’t cross it”, because this energy is blocking you.
The nature of the alpha is to walk the spiritual path. Yes, brothers, I am a spiritual guide so I will hold space for you. That is my mask. That is my role on this planet. When I’m practicing this work, I am doing what I offer for you to do. I am walking the walk. I am going inside and witnessing all the energy. How to do this is a process you can learn. There is a practical applicable way for you to experience this life. This is the time brothers. We are moving into this era together. Take the challenge, enroll on the path, long live the brotherhood. Until next week, elevate your alpha.
[END OF EPISODE]
[00:20:04] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash your Alpha: Your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset, at the alphamalecoach.com/unleash.