We will be finishing indomitable self-confidence month with looking at the A line in the model this week, and then the F line next week. To illustrate this, we will be making a comparison of Tony Stark (Iron Man) and Steve Rogers (Captain America.).
This episode we will be going over the thoughts that each of these alpha males are having to display indomitable confidence. They both display confidence, and have thoughts that create their actions, but are actually thinking very different thoughts. Find out which one resonates with you!
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What You’ll Learn From this Episode:
- Different types of thoughts to focus on to help build confidence
- Building confidence without external validation
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Alpha Male Coach podcast. The only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
Kevin Aillaud:
What’s up, my brothers? Welcome back to the Alpha Male Coach podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud, and we are going to finish up indomitable self-confidence month with two questions. This episode, what does self-confidence look like? And next week, what does self-confidence feel like? So really, what we’re doing is we’re going to be looking at the universal truth. We’re going to be looking at the model and we’re going to be looking at the A line, the action line today, and the F line, the feeling line next week.
Kevin Aillaud:
So, let me review. Let’s run back a bit, because I set a couple of things that some of you may be like, “What?” If this is the first podcast you’ve ever listened to, like you just typed in the alpha male coach, you said, “What does self confidence look like?” and this popped up. Then, I got to start with the universal truth. I want to explain to you guys or at least review with you guys that do know this, what is the universal truth for how life works for all humans? It’s basically this. Circumstances, the circumstances of our lives.
Kevin Aillaud:
Everything that happens outside of us, which includes events like traffic, like weather, which includes other people like what they say and what they do, all of their actions, right? Are neutral. They’re facts and they’re out of our control. It includes our past as well, but I’m not going to get into the past. I’m going to get into that a lot next month. This month, we’re talking about indomitable self-confidence. So, understand that other people’s actions, our circumstances, they’re out of our control and they’re neutral.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, what is in our control is everything after that, right? So, we have a thought about what we see. We see something, we hear something, and then we make it mean something to us through our thoughts. When we think it enough, we start to believe it. We start to believe that that is true for us, not that it’s true for everyone. We think sometimes it’s true for everyone, but it’s true for us. So, we get an emotional response and that’s how we start to engage with life. We engage with life through our emotions, through our feelings. When life feels good, it’s because we feel good in our body. When life is bad, it’s because we feel bad in our body.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, it’s our feelings that drive our actions. So, what’s key here is that thoughts create emotions, but you got to practice the thought to get the emotional response and then it’s going to be the emotional response that drives action. Actions create results, right? They determine results through cause and effect. Then we look at those results that are, again, coming to us from the outside world, which would be a circumstance and we use it to reinforce the thoughts that created it in the beginning, that reinforced it and that’s why they turn into beliefs, because then we have the evidence, right? We say, “Oh, this is true.”
Kevin Aillaud:
So, that’s the universal truth for how life works for all people. So, to answer the question, to really just basically give you an answer to this question, what does self-confidence look like? Nothing. It looks like nothing. I mean, here’s the thing, guys. So many people, if you Google, what does self-confidence look like? You’re going to get a bunch of answers. You’re going to get a bunch of subjective answers that people have written down because when they think about self-confidence, they think it looks like that, because in their mind, that is how they define self-confidence. So, that’s how they define a self-confident person. It’s how they define indomitable self-confidence.
Kevin Aillaud:
But, I want you guys to really understand that actions, other people’s actions for you are circumstances that are neutral and your actions to other people are circumstances. Let me tell you what I mean by neutral. Okay? What an action is it is a movement. Okay? It is cellular energy. You are a cellular organism, okay? You’re organic, right? You’re made of cells. These cells are alive, right? They reproduce. They split, they die, they reproduce and they’re doing all these things. They’re basically living. You’re a group of living cellular tissue that is moving, right, in unison, because you’re in control of the mass, right? The meat bag that we call a body, but all these cells, all this cellular energy is moving around, through, between and sometimes in manipulating like manipulating molecular and atomic energy.
Kevin Aillaud:
Molecular and atomic energy, like an atomic energy is light. Okay? It’s light and it’s sound. It’s just color and light and sound. It’s all the stuff that we can’t see. Molecular energy is solid, liquids, gases, right? So, all of this things and stuff in the world, and sometimes we pick things up, we move it around, we put clothes on. So, we manipulate molecular energy. We manipulate atomic energy with our voices, right? When we start to vibrate with our vocal cords. We vibrate sound until vibrates against your eardrum.
Kevin Aillaud:
So, we’re manipulating this stuff, but really what’s happening in our action from a very like scientific, from a very data driven, data only perspective, a very factual place is we’re just cells. Our cells are not good or bad, right? We’re just moving. We’re just in this space of light and unity and oneness and all of that. The matrix outside of us is not what we see. I’m not going to get into that, but I do want you guys to understand that actions are neutral. You’re just data, cellular energy moving around and through and with molecular and atomic energy.
Kevin Aillaud:
So, what does self-confidence look like? It looks like nothing because it’s not what … there’s nothing outside of you that is self-confident. Self-confidence is not an action. Self-confidence is a feeling, and we’re going to talk about that next week, but what I do want to do is help you guys to understand what will happen, what can happen for you when you create the thoughts for you and about you that will release that indomitable self-confidence, that will start to let that trueness of who you are out into the world.
Kevin Aillaud:
I want to do this by comparing two people. I want you to suspend this belief with me for a moment because I say people, what I actually mean to say is fictional characters, right? I want to compare Iron Man. I want to compare Tony Stark to Steve Rogers, right? I want to compare Iron Man to the Captain America. What I want to do with this is I want to show you guys that they think differently about themselves. That first pillar of indomitable self-confidence, the thoughts you have about yourself or what create or deplete your self-confidence, that’s the first pillar. So, I want to tell you, show you what they think about themselves.
Kevin Aillaud:
Assume that they are feeling indomitable self-confidence, because it’s my assumption that based on these thoughts that someone would have about themselves that, that would be the emotion that they create, and then compare their actions and show you how their actions are different because their thoughts are different even though they have built up for themselves a state of being that I call indomitable self-confidence.
Kevin Aillaud:
So, let’s begin with the Iron Man, right? Probably one of my favorite characters from the Marvel cinematic universe. I love Tony Stark. I think Tony Stark is amazing. I think his character is amazing. I love the way he thinks about himself. I love some of the things that he’s done. So, I’m going to begin with Tony. I’m going to say that his thoughts about himself are genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Now, I’m not just pulling that out of nowhere. I think in one movie, I can’t remember which one, but I think it was actually Captain America that asks him. It’s like, “Who do you think you are?” Like, “Tony, who do you think you are?” He just basically flat out says genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.
Kevin Aillaud:
So, these are the thoughts he has about himself. If I ask you or if anybody asks you, who do you think you are? What do you think you are? Tell me about yourself. Are you saying positive things about yourself? Are you saying amazing things about yourself? Are you believing that you are capable and strong and worthy? Right? So, are you building your indomitable self-confidence or are you telling yourself something else? Right? That’s just for you to think about, to consider, but let’s get back into Tony. Let’s get back into Iron Man where his thought, his T line in the model is genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Now, we’re going to assume that his emotion, his indomitable self-confidence. So, let’s take a look at some of his actions from the thought about himself genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.
Kevin Aillaud:
Okay. He built the Iron Man suit. He discovered palladium. He privatized world peace. He created weapons of mass destruction then changed his business completely and went to the energy industry. He held massive parties at his home with multiple single women and he talks to women very, very easily. By tempting Bruce Banner, he tried to release the Hulk. He invited the Mandalorian to attack his home by giving his address to the world via the press. He made Senator Stern award him. He mentored Spider-Man. He flew a nuclear weapon into outer space. He defeated Thanos and he fought Captain America.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, let’s get into Steve Rogers because I’m going to compare these two guys in a second, but let’s talk about Steve Rogers. Let’s talk about Captain America, because Captain America’s thought is different. Captain America’s thought is I can do this all day. Now that’s important because it’s different from Tony Stark’s thought genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. His thought is I can do this all day. His emotion, again, it’s about himself. He’s not comparing himself. He’s not saying I can do this all day and you can’t or I can do this all day better than you, right? He’s just saying I can do this all day.
Kevin Aillaud:
So, that kind of thought because it’s just about himself and his amazingness and his strength and his capability, that goes in the first pillar of indomitable self-confidence. That goes in the cognition pillar. So, I’m going to make another assumption that his state of being is indomitable self-confidence. What actions did he take from that cogno-emotive state? He enlisted in the army. He jumped on a grenade. He rescued the 107th. He knocked out Hitler over a hundred times. He defeated the Red Skull. He brought Bucky back from being the Winter Soldier and into the Avengers. He went into the past to marry the woman of his dreams. He held Thor’s hammer and he fought Iron Man. He fought Tony Stark.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, those actions you can see are very different, but I want to do two things. First, I want to compare. I want to compare these two, because again, the question is, what does self-confidence look like? What does it look like? How do we know when someone is self-confident? How do I know … what I do to create self confidence? Of course, that question is always backwards. When I get that question, it’s like it’s not what you do that creates your self-confidence, it’s how you think that creates your self-confidence and you act from there, but so many people have asked me like, “What do I do? What does it look like? How do I know when somebody is being self-confident or when I’m self-confident?”
Kevin Aillaud:
So, I want to look at these two guys. I want to compare two things. First, I want to compare their behavior with women. It’s very clear early on that Tony was a playboy, right? That’s part of his thinking, I’m genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. So, part of his thinking is I’m a playboy. Like I’m the man. Women love me. So, he’s out there doing his thing, inviting single women to parties, out there talking to women, out there with … very easily walking up to and approaching and very smooth with everyone he speaks to, everyone he talks to. What’s fascinating to me with that is that that’s like that quintessential alpha male, right? That’s what everybody thinks about when they think about being an alpha.
Kevin Aillaud:
It’s like, “Well, if I’m an alpha, then I must have women surrounding me all the time. Women must be super attracted to me all the time, or I must be very good with women, right? I must be some sort of pickup master or whatever it is.” But, here’s the thing. It’s just, what do you want to be? Like, what do you think about yourself to create the actions that are going to serve the results that you desire? With Tony, that’s where he began, but then ended up with Pepper. If you remember that, he ended up with Pepper Potts.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now look, Captain America, I can do this all day. He did have women surrounding him. He did have women in desire of him, but his thought was, I’m in love with this woman. I love Peggy. This is it. I’m a one woman guy and that’s how it’s going to be. So, it’s really not so much about what does it look like in action around women or behavior around women, it’s are you thinking the thoughts that you are choosing to think to take the actions, to get the results you’re looking for. So, that’s the first thing I want to compare.
Kevin Aillaud:
The other thing I want to compare is something I didn’t mention necessarily in their actions specifically, but how they’ve deferred when it came to the [Wacovia 00:13:34] Accords. I know that that’s going to sound super nerdy. If you guys haven’t watched the Avengers then, basically the Wacovia Accords were a issue that Tony Stark and Captain America, Steve Rogers, they disagreed on. It wasn’t what led to the civil war. It wasn’t what led to them fighting each other, because that was actually more of having to do with Tony’s parents and whatever and the Winter Soldier, Bucky’s behavior with that, but the idea behind the Wacovia Accords was that even though both of these guys, both of these fictional characters, they had the same emotional state.
Kevin Aillaud:
They both had confidence in themselves. They both had capability. They believed they had their own back. They weren’t looking for external validation. They weren’t looking for other people’s approval. They weren’t looking for permission to do anything. They did what they wanted to do because they wanted to do it, but they still differed on this one issue where Tony’s issue was, “Okay, we’re the Avengers, we’re super powerful. This is okay. It’s not going to be any type of oversight. It’s fine. It’d be great if we had this agreement with the government.” Steve Rogers on the other hand was like, “No. We don’t need oversight. We can do our own thing. We don’t need other people telling us how to do or where to act or where to go.” With his decision, he basically became that war criminal later on.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, here’s the thing. It’s not the action because what’s so important is their disagreement, number one, kept them together. They were still friends. They agreed to disagree. It’s like you disagree, that’s fine. We don’t need to yell at each other. We don’t need to call each other names. We don’t need to call each other stupid. We don’t need to say that we’re bad people. It’s like you believe this, I believe that. We can disagree, but we’re confident in our own beliefs that we don’t have to now tell the other person that their beliefs are bad, right, just to reinforce what we believe because we’re so tenuous in what we actually believe. If you’re truly confident in your thoughts about yourself, that doesn’t matter what anybody else says. You’re just like, “This is what I believe and it’s okay that you believe something else.”
Kevin Aillaud:
So, that’s number one. They remained friends even in this disagreement, but what the other thing is that when other people are watching this and other people are looking at their actions, they’re neutral actions through the veil of their own conditioning, their own subjectivity, they ended up dividing, right? They ended up going to different sides. They said, “Well, I agree there and I agree there.” So, even though both of these guys had the same self-confidence, the same, I would say emotive state, because the cognition was a little different, but the cogno-emotive state of being that creates the indomitable self-confidence. Even though they were both very self-confident in themselves, their perspectives were different and other people sided with one or the other, right? Other people and that’s what led to that war at the end of that movie, that civil war at the end of the movie where the Avengers took sides.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, why that is important is because when we look at other people’s actions and we look and we say, “Well, that’s self-confidence.” Somebody else might be looking at and saying, “Well, no, that’s just mask self-confidence. That’s insecurity, right? That’s self doubt.” Somebody else might be looking at that same circumstance, that same neutral circumstance, that same neutral action that we’re judging through our own conditioning and say, “Well, you think it’s confidence and you think it’s insecurity, but I think it’s super-confidence. I think it’s hyper confidence. I think it’s arrogance.” Right? Which isn’t hyper confidence.
Kevin Aillaud:
Understand that guys confidence is completely different from insecurity and completely different from arrogance, but I’m not going to go into that. There are plenty of episodes on that. So, it’s not just that these guys in their indomitable self-confidence could disagree and still respect each other and still be friends, but it’s also that when we see people doing things, it’s not what we’re actually seeing. It’s not that we’re seeing, well, Tony’s insecure because he wants the government to take care of him, right, or Steve Rogers is a bad man. He’s a criminal because he’s going against this Accords that the government wants, that’s not what’s happening.
Kevin Aillaud:
What’s happening is they both have their own beliefs. They both have their own opinions and they’re both so strong and not needing other people’s validation or approval of their own opinions that they can act differently, still get along with each other and then other people get to make their own judgments about how they want to think about it. That’s very strong. It’s very important for you guys to understand that self-confidence in action, what does it look like, is nothing, nothing at all.
Kevin Aillaud:
Self-confidence is basically two things. Number one, it’s how you are feeling. That’s number one. Number two, it’s about how you’re thinking about how somebody else might or might not be feeling, but that’s it. That’s the two things. It’s a thought and it’s a feeling. You’re thinking that person must be self-confident, so it’s a thought that you’re having or you’re feeling self-confidence yourself so it’s an emotion that you’re having, but it doesn’t look like anything because it could look like multiple things and it can look like nothing.
Kevin Aillaud:
You can literally have somebody out there. You can have a hundred people out there doing a hundred different things and all of them may have the feeling of indomitable self-confidence and it could be that none of them have that emotion that they’re all out there being insecure. We don’t know what somebody else is thinking and feeling. All we know is what we’re seeing, brother, and that is completely neutral. It’s just cellular movement, cellular energy moving through around and the manipulating of atomic and molecular energy. That’s what actions are.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, here’s what I love about this and here’s what I want you guys to take from this as well. It’s like, “Okay, coach, well, if they’re all this neutral, then why bother? What’s the point?” Here’s what I want you to take from this. Because you can choose to think anything you want, thoughts are choice, right? You can literally choose to think anything you want and up to this point, you have been choosing, even though it may be unconscious or even conscious, understand that a conscious thought is not the same as a deliberate thought. Just because you’re aware of what you’re thinking, doesn’t mean you’re choosing to think that. It might be that you just have to become aware of what you’ve conditioned or other people have conditioned you to think and that now you’re just going along with it because you just think it’s true. That’s not the same as a deliberate thought, because thoughts are choices. Any thought is a thought you can have.
Kevin Aillaud:
Thoughts are infinite. That’s why the alpha state is a superposition of all cognition. It is literally an infinite space for you to think anything you want. The power there is that when you practice that thought, you get the emotional response from it, that will drive the actions you want to take to get the results that you desire. So, if you want to get something in your life, if you want to have a result in your life, you can have it. You can get it by taking the actions that you create through the thoughts that you choose. That is so incredibly powerful.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, Voltaire said in the age of enlightenment, with great power comes great responsibility. That’s why it’s so infinitely powerful, all this power that you have to create the thoughts that you want are going to eventually create emotions when you believe your thoughts and then drive the actions. So, you are responsible for your actions. Nobody is creating how you feel and nobody is creating what you do. Nobody’s telling you what to do. People may be telling you what to do, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it. Your actions are 100% in your control, 100% in your power. So, that is a huge responsibility, right? Our thoughts are our responsibility. Our emotions are our responsibility and our actions are our responsibility.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, the reason why I love this so much is because of that. It’s because it empowers me, because it allows me to create anything I want in my life simply by practicing and choosing the thoughts that I want to have to get the emotions to drive the actions that will lead to those results, but what I also find immensely terrifying about that is that there are so many people out there not in conscious control of what they think. They literally abdicating the way they think and feel over to other people, over to somebody else and then blaming the actions that come from their cogno-emotive state on the people that they abdicated to their thoughts to have, right?
Kevin Aillaud:
It’s like, “I’m just going to let you guys determine how I think and feel and then when I do something, I’m going to go back and blame you for what I did.” That’s terrifying to me. That is why I do what I do. That’s the whole point of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership, because it puts you right back in the driver’s seat. It puts you right back in determining and creating for you on purpose the life that you want to live through the actions that you take based on the thoughts that you are choosing to have.
Kevin Aillaud:
So from this episode, I want you guys to know, first of all, actions are neutral. Self-confidence doesn’t look like anything. In fact, nothing looks like anything, right? Anger doesn’t look like anything. Happiness doesn’t look like anything. What we’re seeing is, again, a field of light, a field of energy that is made up of organic and nonorganic and molecular and atomic just data, and then once it gets to our body, through our five senses, right? Mostly for humans through our sight and sound because that’s where hyper visual and we’re hyper auditory animals, so we get most of our information this way, but that’s all neutral until we have a thought about it.
Kevin Aillaud:
So, that’s number one. Actions don’t look like anything. You want to know what self-confidence looks like? Then you get to choose. You decide. What does self compass look like? Then once you decide that it looks like this, then you can start to choose. You can determine intentionally to think the thoughts that will drive those actions. Now, again, it’s the emotion that drives the actions, but you get to decide what thought you want to have about you building that first pillar of indomitable self-confidence that will get you to take the actions that you will start to believe once you practice the thought.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, because you have to believe it to get the emotion, we’re going to talk about that next week, it doesn’t mean you have to believe it right now. All right? Let’s talk about Steve Rogers again. Let’s bring back one of our characters, right? Steve Rogers may not have always believed, he may not have always had the evidence for, “I can do this all day.” Now, he tried to enlist in the army, right? Constantly was going back, constantly getting rejected, constantly being told, “Look, kid, there’s no way you’re going to get in the army. Right? You have asthma. You’re too short. You’re too weak or too small. It’s just not going to happen.” He just kept on going, “This is going to happen. This is going to happen. This is going to happen.”
Kevin Aillaud:
He never really got the evidence until the experiment came through. He never really got the evidence that he was ever going to get in the army. He never really got that. The evidence that he was getting constantly was, “Yeah, I can keep showing up here. I can keep doing this. I can do this every day, all day. I can just wait in this line every single day and you guys can reject me every single day, but I’m just going to wait in this line, because I can do this all day.” So, that thought that he’s … I’m thinking I can do this all day. The only time he would ever not think that is when he chose to think, “Oh, I can’t do this anymore.” Right?
Kevin Aillaud:
It’s like, “Oh, I’m done.” That’s when he changes his actions. That’s when he stops going to the enlistment recruiting center. That’s when he stops going to the army recruiting center. Right? Because now it’s like, “I can’t do this all day. I don’t want to do this all day. I’m not going to do this all day.” That’s when the actions change, but as long as he’s thinking, “I can do this all day.” and even the guy in the alley, right? The guy in the cinema where he goes outside and he starts beating him up and he’s goes up … but this is when Steve Rogers is still small before he goes through the experiment. He gets up and says, “I can do this all day.”
Kevin Aillaud:
The only time he would ever not change that action, the only time that action would be any different was when his brain said “I’m done. I’m just going to lie here on the ground. I’m going to let this guy just … he won. I’m done. It’s over.” That’s when he would change that thought. Then that would drive the action to be I’m done. He would just lie there. Right? It’s over, but that didn’t happen, because he was practicing the thought “I can do this all day.”
Kevin Aillaud:
So, it’s the same for you guys, recognize that any thought you choose to have today you may not believe right away, but you can practice it. You can practice thinking it over and over and over again. When we get into … when I start to teach you guys about brain structure and function, which is going to be in the next couple of episodes, please tune in for those. It’s not going to be as boring as it sounds. If you love psychology, if you love neuroscience then it’ll probably be amazing, but I’m going to give you a little bit more information on the brain so you understand that can practice beliefs. You can practice thoughts in such a way that they literally become your reality through evidence, right? Through actions you take to create evidence to reinforce them, but it takes over time and you don’t have to believe them right now, but you can practice any thought you want.
Kevin Aillaud:
Everything is as it should be. Everything happens for you. It was meant to happen the way it did. I am exactly as I should be. Everything happens right on time. The universe doesn’t make mistakes. I am not my mind. I am the deliberate chooser of my mind. Love is always an option. I am responsible for everything I think and feel. No one can cause an emotion inside of me. It is not what we do, it is who we are. There is nothing I can do that wouldn’t be worthy of forgiveness. There’s nothing wrong here. I am enough. My purpose is the life I’m living now. I am deeply loved. The world longs for what I have to offer. There’s nothing I truly want that I can’t have. I can do hard things. Hard work feels amazing. Familiarity is not the same as comfort. Worry serves no purpose. Money is easy. There’s plenty of time. I can do twice as much. Everything I do is a choice. My past is perfect.
Kevin Aillaud:
There is literally any single thought that you can choose to think, but I’m going to leave you guys with this. This is what’s important for you guys to understand, all of you. It’s not my thoughts that will serve you. It’s not other people’s thoughts that will serve you. It’s your thoughts. It’s your choices. I cannot tell you what to think. I cannot tell you what to do. I can’t tell you how to feel, because I don’t know what results you want in your life. When you come to a 45 minute consultation call, if you joined the Spartans and you enroll in the Academy, look, we can work on thoughts that will serve you because we will investigate what it is you want in your life and the actions you want to take to get those results.
Kevin Aillaud:
We can practice and play with thoughts that will serve you, but for me to just throw out a bunch of thoughts and say, “Here, think this.” that’s not going to work for you because those are my thoughts. Those are thoughts that I’ve chosen deliberately to serve me in my life. What do you want? Reverse engineer the universal truth. Start with results. Start with results and engineer your way back. Don’t start with an emotion. Don’t say, “Oh, I want to feel loved, so I got to go do that.” That’s the universal truth backwards.
Kevin Aillaud:
It’s what do you want to get in your result like, what do you want to experience, and then you can go after that, but your emotions are created by your thoughts, brother. The thought that you create to get that emotion is up to you. If you are limitless in your choices, you have an infinite potential of what you can choose to think to get the emotion that you want to drive the actions you desire in order to achieve the life of your dreams. Until next week, my brothers. Elevate your alpha.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guides are shifting to the alpha mindset at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.