//Ep #52: Forging Alpha Men: Lessons From The First Year

Ep #52: Forging Alpha Men: Lessons From The First Year

Today is particularly special because we’re on episode number 52, which means the podcast has been running for a full year! I’ve helped many of you guys on your way to cognitive mastery, and today I’m going to be sharing everything I’ve taught myself and my students over the past year.

How I will approach this overview is by going over each level of the model, namely circumstance, thought, feeling, action and result. But while it may be tempting to understand it in terms of positive thinking, it is not – it’s far more. It’s not about changing the way you think, but about changing the way you think about thinking!

You’ll be surprised to hear what the single biggest dream killer is when it comes to your thoughts. When you eliminate this three-word phrase from your vocabulary, you empower yourself to act. We talk about emotional avoidance and buffering, and why it’s crucial to get to the root emotion that causes you to buffer in the first place.

I switch to giving you the highlights from the section on taking action. It’s important to identify passive action and to move into massive action – which you will recognize from the discomfort it produces. When it comes to results, the two most important things to remember are that you can choose your own outcomes and that you are able to obtain any result you want!

Want to know more about what I do and how I can help you? Sign up for a free 45-minute session with me, and I’ll show you how this works!

What You’ll Learn from This Episode:

  • The most important skill in cognitive mastery.
  • Why the positive thinking paradigm doesn’t work.
  • Changing the way you think about thinking.
  • Why “I don’t know” is the biggest dream killer.
  • What happens when you stop avoiding emotions?
  • Getting to the root of why you are buffering.
  • Shifting from passive to MASSIVE action.
  • How to know whether you are taking massive action.
  • Why you can achieve any result you want.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:



[0:00:09.6] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach podcast. The only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here is your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.


[0:00:32.7] KA: What’s up my brothers, welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach podcast. I am your host Kevin Aillaud and I’m really excited today because today is the 52nd episode of the Alpha Male Coach podcast, that means I’ve been doing this for one year and this is a very special episode because I’m going to share with you guys the greatest lessons that I taught myself and my students from each level, each component of the model.

Before we get into that, pause the podcast, go to iTunes, leave me a five-star rating, leave me a review. I’m going to keep asking until we get to 500. Now guys, again, it doesn’t have to be a super long review, just one word, amazing, awesome, love it, I know it’s two words but whatever. Just go and do it because I’m going to keep asking until we get to 500. In fact, the only way for me to stop asking, the only way for me to stop burning up the first two minutes of every episode is to get to 500.

It’s the only way to stop me, you might as well just do it. There’s 10,000 or more people downloading this podcast, I know that, I see that, I see the data. I know there’s plenty of you out there to get us to 500. It’s really not that tough, just pause it, go, come back, but take 30 seconds.

Okay, now, we’re going to go through each level of the model, each component, circumstance, thought, feeling, action and result and guys, for each component of the model, I’m going to share with you some of the most powerful lessons that I’ve taught, again, myself and my students over the year. Okay, we’re starting with the C line.

Now, with the C line, with circumstance, there is no other skill more important than knowing intellectually and existentially, the difference between a fact and a belief. This one skillset is the skeleton that holds up cognitive mastery. Now I used to train people in GPP, general physical preparedness, that’s when I ran a gym.

Now, I teach students GCE, general cognitive empowerment which is cognitive mastery and the skill of how you create the life that you want. You cannot change your life without first knowing that it is your cognition that is creating your results which is universal truth and then looking at what your beliefs are that contrast with the facts of what life is. This will get you 80% of the way to living the life of your dreams.

We spent 365 days doing it in the Spartan Agoge program. It alone will change your life, you don’t even need to go the other 20%. It’s just really fun to create your life the way you want it and that’s the other 20%. This is more than changing the way you think. That’s why very few people are doing this and even fewer people are teaching it.

Most people, including myself for a long time when I was going through my beginnings of personal development. You know, I thought it was all about just changing the way you think, just think differently, right? Just think different thoughts, positive thinking. Well, it’s not that, that’s not what this is because positive thinking over negative thinking doesn’t work.

It’s like having a big plate full of garbage in front of you and hoping it will taste better if you sprinkle some salt and pepper and other spices over it. That’s wrong, right? It’s still going to taste horrible. That’s what positive thinking is. You know, you have all this negative thinking and you sprinkle some positive thinking over it and it doesn’t work bro, it just doesn’t. You brain says, yeah, I hear those positive thoughts and I know they’re BS.

You know, it’s like you have this belief, you have these thoughts in your brain that you’re not worthy or you’re broken or you don’t deserve to have an amazing relationship. Then, you try to run that positive thinking thing, you know, those affirmations, I’m the best, I’m the greatest, everybody loves me.

Your brain just finishes those sentences with – but not really. And no, you’re not. Right? It’s like it struck that positive thinking, I’m the best, your brain says, but not really. You say, I’m the greatest and your brain says no, you’re not. Right? You say, everybody loves me, and your brain says, no, they don’t.

[0:04:47.6] KA: It will always do that when you just try to change your thinking. Separating your beliefs from facts is changing the way you think about thinking. I’ll say that again; it’s not changing the way you think. It’s changing the way you think about thinking. You break the outer world away from the thought, which exposes the thought as a thought. It is a powerful move and it’s the first thing teach always.

I give that away to people, you know, people ask me questions on Facebook or Instagram or anywhere, you know? People that sit next to me, just start talking to me, this is what I’ll talk about, I just give it away because like I said, this is the move, this is powerful. We spent a year on this in the Spartan Agoge program, using different facts, right? Different circumstances, we use time, money, the past, the future, relationships, buffering. We just break down every thought and belief and strip it away from the facts of the outer world.

It’s the only way to see that you are creating your life with your mind. It’s the only way to see the world for the way the world really is. Changing your thinking won’t do that, positive thinking won’t do that. It just covers one illusion over with another illusion. That’s the big take away for the C line, to intellectually and existentially know the difference between a fact and a belief. When it comes to the T line of the model, when it comes to your thoughts, there is one thought that I found to be the biggest dream killer of them all.

You might be surprised to hear this because it’s nothing that most people would consider to be negative or self-abusive. You know, the problems is that these three little words lead to a suspension of time and then inaction or paralysis that is unparalleled to any other thought or emotion.

[0:06:42.2] KA: And the thought is this. I don’t know. I don’t know creates indecision, this is not an emotion or a feeling, it is a time stop, it freezes you in space and time like a statue. The longer your brain tells you I don’t know, the longer your life is on pause, the longer you do nothing, negative self-talk creates uncomfortable emotions.

Sure, some people live in emotional suffering their entire lives. For other people, uncomfortable emotion wakes them up and gets them wanting to change and still other people, it has them taking unwanted action and just living life through undesired action. Indecision however has you sitting in your bedroom in the dark, watching your years pass you by.

I’ve seen people do this, I’ve seen people tell themselves, I don’t know until they wake up and they’re 50. I don’t know if I want a relationship. I don’t know what I want to do or create, I don’t know where I want to live, I don’t know if I should go this way or that. I don’ know what will happen if I make this choice or take this action.

I don’t know why I keep getting the same results. I don’t know is your brain hiding itself, it is the beta condition wanting to stay covered up, unexposed, so you can’t step into your alpha state. When I work with my students, I don’t let them say I don’t know. Because they do know. You do know, you always know, you’re actually the only one that ever knows. Nobody else knows, you’re the only one that knows

[0:08:19.7] KA: Let me be clear here, let me say that when I say I don’t know is the biggest dream killer. I mean, in terms of what and why. My very good friend and host of the podcast Influencer Networking Secrets, Mr. Paul Edwards. He did a show on how I don’t know are the three most powerful words you can never say.

Now, I want you to understand that he is talking in terms of the how. Check this out guys. When you say I don’t know to what you want or why you want it, it’s your brain trying to protect itself, okay? That is the dream killer. When you say I don’t know to how something gets done, that’s you being honest with yourself. If you want to build a website and you don’t know how to do it, that’s honesty. You can either learn how to do it or you can get it done using other resources like hiring someone.

You can always figure out how to do something when you are honest with yourself and can say I don’t know. Now, you are saying I don’t know how and I’m going to find out or I don’t know, and I’m going to keep working until I get it done. It’s not, I don’t know how, and I still quit, right? Understand that difference.

Now, when it’s I don’t’ know what I want or why I want it, then, it’s your beta condition lying to you to protect itself. You do know what you want, you’re the only one that does. No one else knows what you want and no one else should decide for you what you want. You are living this experience to decide what you want.

[0:09:59.3] KA: That’s the point of being here on this planet and why you want it? That’s also 100% up to you brother. You are the only one that knows and the longer that you allow your brain to tell you I don’t know, the longer you prolong your dreams until they die. Which is when you die because your dreams will leave as long as you do.

That is the big take away for the T line of all the thoughts you can think, the biggest dream killer is I don’t know. Now, the F line is a little different, right? Emotions, we get to emotions, things are a little different. When looking at all the emotional work I’ve done and my students have done, I won’t come down on a single emotion and say, this is the one, right? This is the biggest one holding us all back because in truth, it’s different for everyone.

For the F line, the greatest shift I’ve seen in myself and my students is stopping all emotional avoidance and dealing with the causes that led to emotional avoidance. Now, emotional avoidance is the activity of buffering, right? I want to put this in the F line instead of the A line, even though buffering is an action because it’s very important for you guys to know that the reason why we buffer is to avoid emotion.

When you stop avoiding emotions, you stop buffering and check this out. I am offering a one-day online workshop on how to stop watching pornography in 90 days or less, even if you’ve tried to quit before and weren’t successful. The workshop is online so you can participate in the comfort of your own home, it’s one day, it’s on October 26 which is a Saturday, it’s from nine AM to four PM, it’s guaranteed or your money back, yeah bro. You heard me right, it’s guaranteed.

[0:11:47.9] KA: If you don’t quit watching pornography forever in 90 days or less, I will give you your money back. If that’s something you want to do and by the way, it works for any buffer, whether it’s smoking, drinking, drugs, TV, social media, video games, sugar consumption, whatever, it doesn’t matter. If it’s something you’re interested in, stopping any buffer in 90 days or less, then go to my website, thealphamalecoach.com and find the workshops in the menu bar.

But when you stop avoiding emotion, you stop all buffering. That leaves you with depravation which is not acting on your desire to buffer and the emotion that led you to buffering in the first place. When you get to that emotion, when you get through the depravation and you get to that deeper emotion and the cause of it which is the cognition, right? The belief, the beta lie, then you make a huge leap into your alpha state and into freedom. Now, it isn’t an overnight process, right? I mean you know this, it takes time, especially when you’re buffering with more than on activity like I was.

Porn and dope, for me it was pornography and marijuana, right? That was me, when I stopped buffering with those, I started buffering with sleep. It wasn’t until I stopped buffering all together that my life changed in so many ways, right? It felt like my time had doubled like the days had gotten longer.

My productivity increased 10 times. My confidence soared. Ironically, I started attracting a lot of people towards me. Like men who wanted to be my friend and women who wanted lots of things. Not surprisingly, every one of my students reports back with the same results when they stop buffering.

[0:13:28.2] KA: Now, this is after you swim through the river of misery, right brother? I mean, you got to know, this is after your walk through the desert. It doesn’t happen the first day, it doesn’t happen the second day. You have to feel the depravation and you have to process the original emotion and the cognition that created it. You know, that nasty lie in your brain that led you to buffering in the first place.

Resisting emotion and reacting to emotion isn’t the process to elevating your alpha either. But it’s the avoiding of emotion that compounds its effects of emotional desire and the time spent in acting out the buffer and buffering itself and in driving down the underlying emotion and cognition that created your buffer and the results that follow that. When you decide to stop avoiding emotion, you will get a lot of opportunity to practice the skill of emotional ownership because look out brother, here they come.

You will be flooded with emotion. That is the big take away for the F line which is the discovery of what your buffers are and the emotion that you are trying to avoid. Action, the A line, right? Everybody loves action. Men are action-oriented, I think. Not by design of course but by conditioning.

I mean, by design, human beings are action oriented but in society, there’s more of a push for men to just take action, right? It’s kind of that shoot first, ask questions later type of thing. I think women are given more time to consider and this is changing over time but since I work with a lot of men, I get a lot of just tell me what to do coach and I’ll do it. You know?

[0:15:12.6] KA: Just tell me, just give me the actions and I’ll do it. Now, you guys know that I’m a causal coach, not a symptom coach. I coach students on the cause of their problems which is their thoughts, not the symptoms of their problems, which is their actions. Now, do you see them? Do you see that all problems are thoughts and the actions we take are only symptoms or manifestations of our problem thinking?

I don’t tell my students what to do, I don’t know what’s best for you. Only you do. You know what’s best for you, and I know what’s best for me and none of us know what’s best for each other even when we think we do.

[0:15:55.0] So the greatest lesson for the A line I have seen helped my students is the concept and application of massive action. Massive action is in distinction to passive action. Most people take passive action and then wonder why they don’t get results. So here is an example, so you want to lose 30 pounds. Weight loss is always a great example because I think most people understand the concept of food protocol and dieting and exercise and know what happens when you’re doing it.

And when you’re not so say you want to lose 30 pounds, passive action is reading up on exercise, looking through magazines for workouts, setting up a schedule to go to the gym, researching food and diets, checking out recipes for easy to make meals and how to food prep, going shopping to get the food or even tossing out all the sugar in your house that is all passive action. Massive action is staying on your food protocol and going to the gym.

A massive action takes emotional effort, you have to feel uncomfortable. You have to do something different to what you’ve been doing and you have to create something. Passive action is consumption, massive action is creation. So with the example of losing 30 pounds all of that passive action created nothing. There were no results there. It was research and knowledge and stocking up, right? If you go over to the grocery store.

Massive action was going to the gym, the result is the work volume, right? The effect on your body and muscles. Massive action is staying on your food protocol, the result is the caloric change, the effect on your body fat. Massive action is uncomfortable, going to the gym if you haven’t been going to the gym and changing the food you put into your body is uncomfortable the brain rejects that. Passive action is comfortable, sitting at your home at your computer, researching and scheduling.

[0:17:41.4] Your brain is fine with that, dumping the sugar might cause your brain some pause but since you really haven’t changed anything about the way you eat, it is easy enough to just cheat on your protocol and go buy more sugar at any time. So your brain can process that and it is fine with that. Massive action means taking risks, not risk to your health or safety just risk to your beta condition, right? Risks to your ego. It means showing up when you want to hide.

It means doing things you have never done before. It means testing the boundaries of your capacity always to find out that you really have no boundary. Passive action is everything you do sitting in your cave hiding from the world. There is no risk. It is very safe, your brain loves it. In fact, your brain loves it to so much that it will convince you that you’re taking massive action when you are really not. It will say, “Job well done, look at what you have created.”

“You have moved that stack of paper from the left side of your desk to the right side of your desk and the best part is you didn’t have to leave your office.” That is a metaphorical desk and office, I think you guys know that, but you basically haven’t done anything except for plan and dream, which is great. I want you to know that a lot of people don’t even do that but then you have to take massive action in order to bring your plans and your dreams into your life.

Because passive action won’t do it, making lists and planning on your calendar are all for not if the next day you don’t do what is on your list or stick to your calendar. So here is the trick to knowing whether you are taking massive action. If you feel discomfort, you’re probably taking massive action. You will know when you are taking massive action when your alpha state kicks on and says, “Hey, what is this emotion? It feels kind of weird, kind of uncomfortable.”

[0:19:25.9] What am I thinking to create this? And then you go into a thought download and find a thought and separate it from the facts and so on. You know you start to manage your mind from your alpha state. That won’t happen with passive action. Passive action feels safe. It feels good. In fact, passive action can feel really good when you are in a perfectionist illusion and tomorrow thinking because you are thinking about your perfect future self and that releases dopamine into your body, right?

It is not until it is time to take massive action and execute your plan that it starts to feel not so good. That is what leads to procrastination, which I have done an entire podcast on. Last thing about massive action is that when it’s applied properly, it completely eliminates the fear of failure. Since the fear of failure is based on being unsuccessful and massive action is the concept of taking consistent action until you achieve your result. The two are irreconcilable, right?

They do not mesh together. They cannot coexist. You can’t ever be unsuccessful if you keep taking action and until you succeed. It is impossible. I mean you take action, you don’t get your result. You take more action you don’t get your result. You take more action and you don’t get your result, you take more action. It doesn’t stop until you get your result. You’re only unsuccessful when you decide to quit, when you stop and say, “Okay that’s it. I am unsuccessful.” Then it’s over, right?

But as long as you keep taking action, you never get to that point. You never say that. You just keep going and going and going until you finally say, “There it is that is what I have been aiming at” and then it’s over because you’ve been then successful and that’s the big takeaway from the A-line is learning the concept of and applying in your life consistent massive action and that is actually a great shift into results because results are personally defined and neutral, right?

[0:21:15.8] That is the big move for the R-line. Your results are personally defined and they are completely neutral. The R-line can be illusive like that because it re-enforces the thought that created it so it almost feels like a thought and yet it comes to us from the world as a result of our actions. So it is almost like a circumstance too, right? It is a combination of thought and circumstance. Is that even possible? No, that is why it is a result.

That is why it is neither a thought nor a circumstance. It is a result. So first of all, you decide what your results mean to you and that is the greatest lesson of the year for the R-line. Breaking your beliefs from the circumstances of the world is powerful and as I said, it is 80% of the momentous leap into cognitive mastery. Breaking your beliefs from your results that is pretty much the same thing. Let us go back to the weight loss example.

Let’s say you want to lose 30 pounds that’s your thought. Your emotion is doubtful, you don’t believe that thought. You don’t think you can do it. So you take passive action. You stray from your food protocol, right? You skip going to the gym and your result is that you gain three pounds. Okay, so what, right? Now you’ll probably use that results or re-enforce the thought. It is like, “I want to lose 30 pounds but I am not going to but I can’t do it.”

So did you fail? Are you worthless? Can you not do anything right? Do you not have any will power or discipline? Are you ever going to lose this weight? These are all thoughts that you can think, and you can just keep re-enforcing that, the cognition that you are never going to do it. You are never going to lose this weight, or you can make you straight from your menu food protocol and skip going to the gym and now, you are ready to make a commitment to taking massive action with a different thought.

[0:22:57.9] One that creates determination rather than doubt. You see your results are just results. You think anything you want about them. The other thing about results is you get to decide what evidence you want to see, and this is pretty powerful too because results are neutral. We use results as evidence for our beliefs, right? Let us say you want to buy a white BWM X5. So you start thinking about owning a BMW X5.

Now your brain is going to draw your attention to all the white BMW X5s you start seeing on the road. You’ll use this as evidence that people drive this SUV and you should too. Now if you are thinking consciously or unconsciously “I am not a likeable person” your brain will look for evidence of people not liking you, which may or may not be true bro because we never know what other people think about us. We only know what we think they think about us.

So you might as well think that they like you and then they probably will. So anyway, if you are thinking that nobody likes you, then your brain will look for evidence for that and when somebody tells you that they do like you, you might not even believe them. So, the trick here is that you can find evidence to support any thought because again, the results are from the world. That makes them neutral, right? That makes them very simple or two circumstances.

You can find what you want to find. You can decide you want to look for evidence of a thought you might not believe yet. Your brain will be drawn to that evidence, which will help you believe the new thought. Now the last thing I want to mention about results is that really guys, and this is the truth that I can only tell you over and over and over again until you decide you’re ready to find out for yourself and learn the skillset and the last thing is this:

[0:24:42.1] You can achieve any result you want in life. A result is just a thing or experience. There is nothing stopping you from having anything you want in this world and in this life. So hear me clearly now, because this is how you get it. You don’t want the thing, you want the feeling you think the thing is going to bring you, okay? So, the trick to getting the thing is to feel the way you would feel when you have the thing now instead of thinking you need the thing first.

And you can’t feel that way until you have the thing because that is the illusion, but whatever the thing that you want is, you could have it and I believe you should have it for no other reason than that you want it. Our results are what becomes our life and brother, we are here to create that. That is why we have these organic machines, right? That is why we have these bodies. That is why we experience time in this way. That is why we eventually die because we are here to create and to share and give and learn and grow as much as possible.

Now if you are not doing that I am not judging you, okay? I am not an evangelist. My beliefs are not contingent on whether you believe them too. You don’t have to believe in the universal truth. I am saying that when you learn and apply the universal truth and elevate your alpha to live into your future you can literally create anything you want and live the life of your dreams and that my brothers is a fact that is something everyone will agree to once we are all aware of it, right?

The earth is round that’s a fact. At one point no one knew it. It was still true. Now we all know it and yet some people still don’t believe it. The universal truth is the same. One day cognitive mastery and emotional ownership will be taught in schools like math and reading and writing and for now, I am satisfied with the Spartans in the Agoge program because let me tell you something, these guys and all of my students before are the proof.

[0:26:54.1] They are the proof that the universal truth is a fact and when you’re ready, you can learn the skillset too. I want to finish with these guys that is what I got for the R-line okay? For the R-line the biggest thing is that you’re results are what you choose them to be.

Now here is the finish, I want to tell you guys something. I have had a lot of fun this year making these podcast episodes for you guys and I am going to tell you, I am looking forward to another year.

I am not going anywhere, and the universal truth isn’t going anywhere because you can’t un-see what’s been seen and I want to thank everyone in my audience. Every one of you listening now, right now, I mean I recorded this in the 52nd episode and I am also recording in October of 2019. So, whether it is 2020, 2022, 2037, I just want to thank every single one of you for listening, for your support and for sending me all the emails, all the messages about how much this podcast has changed your life.

And I am grateful for every single one of you and I look forward to reading all 500 of your reviews and yes, I will continue to mention that until we get there but here is the truth guys, as grateful as I am for you being in the audience and listening to podcast and showing support and all the emails that you send me telling me how the podcast has changed your life, here is the real truth: You have done the work and I want you to know this because this is the universal truth.

You’ve done the work. What I am saying here, what I am doing is I am giving you words. You are the one that gets to make them mean something to you. You have listened to the words and you have made them mean something powerful for you because that’s the universal truth, guys. It is nothing I have done. It is nothing I have said. It is what you’ve heard and what you’ve made it mean to you. You’re the man, you’re the alpha and that is what I have for you today.

[0:29:02.5] Now look, if you love these podcasts and if you want to go deeper into your cognitive mastery, into your emotional ownership and if you just want to create the life that you want to live. If you want to create the life of your dreams, the life that you’re meant to live then I want you to go to the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Program. It’s the Agoge, it is a 365-day life changing program. It is a process. It does take a year but like any process it is like going through a karate class.

You start at a white belt then you go to yellow then you go to whatever is next. I actually didn’t do karate. I don’t know any other martial arts but the point is that it is not a bleep from white belt to black belt. It takes time and that is what the Agoge is all about. I highly recommend you guys check it out when you’re ready to change your life. When you are ready to take control of your mind, of your emotions and of your life then I am here to help you do that.

And we’ll do that together in your Agoge. Check it out, you can go to my website, you will find it there, thealphamalecoach.com. It is right there at the top, click it, read it, join it. I look forward to seeing you. I look forward to coaching you. I look forward to working with you guys and until next week, elevate your alpha. Thanks guys, I love every one of you.


[0:30:28.7] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset, at the alphamalecoach.com/unleash.


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