Today, brothers, I am going to be talking about attachment, removing the connotations imposed on it, and working on deconditioning the beta condition. The beta condition is the conditioning of the outside upon the inside, it is mistakenly placing external authorities above your inner authority, so in this episode, I’m going to offer a perspective of how humans view dependence from the alpha state.
This episode will aim to dispel some connotations created through external authorities. Looking at the words ‘codependent’ and ‘independent’, people often think there is a good way to be and a bad way to be. That’s erroneous! There is nothing ever wrong with any human being. Today we are going to be looking at the lack of self-knowledge as the only problem we have in relationships, the only problem we have in our lives and the root of all illusions. We judge and label our relationship behaviors because we don’t understand who we are individually or as a species.
In this episode, I will explain how people are running a current of energy through their alpha state that is like a racetrack. We will examine the differences between humans with closed circuits and humans with open circuits, and how relationships play out between people with different types of circuits. The aim, my friends, is to discover who you are and understand who others are outside of the trained and erroneous beta condition, dispelling the lies created to judge ourselves and other people, and enabling real intimacy. Once you know who you are, once you elevate your alpha state, you will understand that there is nothing you need to do or change, so listen in today!
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What You’ll Learn from This Episode:
- Misconceptions around co-dependence and independence.
- Lack of self-knowledge is the root of all illusions.
- We erroneously judge and label our relationship behaviors.
- The difference between humans with closed circuits and open circuits.
- When we know who we are, real intimacy is possible.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Get ready for the new Guide Coach Certification Program.
- Sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the Alpha mindset.
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
[0:00:32.6] KA: What’s up, my brothers? Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. Before we get a little crazy on this episode, I know we’re going to get crazy because we’re going to be talking about attachment and removing the connotations of that, we’re really going to be working on deconditioning the beta condition in this episode so it’s going to get wild.
I know it’s going to get wild every time we work on deconditioning. Before I do that, because so many of you have been asking me about it, I want to let you know that the Academy 2.0 Program is going to unfold in July. Now, if you didn’t know about this, then you’re obviously not one of the people that have been asking me about it but I want to tell you that I’m going to stay with the fundamentals of the 1.0 program through May and June, which are relationships and self-confidence, respectively, right? Relationships May, self-confidence June.
Once July rolls around, format and curriculum will change and it will be a bigger and better program. In July, all new students will be enrolled in the 1.0 program because that’s where you will begin your cognitive mastery training. When you’re ready, you will move into the 2.0 program, it’s kind of like a graduation, right? It’s kind of that 101 level, then you move into the 201, right?
The 1.0 program will remain, it will always be there, it will always be the fundamentals and it’s always going to be that starting place for new students. The 2.0 program which will be unfolding in July for all my current students, will be available for the students that enroll and go through the 1.0 program.
I’m really excited about it, I’m really excited about what’s happening in the academy and the coach certification course, which is another huge program that I am enrolling students into now. However, with that program, I’m only taking 12 students to start with the plank owner discounted rate and I already have eight.
If you’ve been thinking about enrolling in the academy or if you’ve been thinking about starting your journey as a life coach using the methodology that I teach and you want to register for the coach certification program, then now is the time to do that because I haven’t even really been marketing it and it’s already two thirds of the way full.
[0:02:46.6] It fills up very fast because of the discount and because it is the plank owner program, which means this is the first class them offering for training and teaching my methodology. Now, let’s get into relationships, let’s talk about relationships because last week, I introduced the concept of inner authority and now each of us has our own way of knowing which decision is right for us. The important of the inner authority cannot be overstated.
The inner authority is how we make decisions from our alpha state. It is how we know which offers, which opportunities, which invitations are the right ones for us and how we make decisions that leave us feeling satisfied, feeling successful, leave us feeling at peace and in freedom.
When we don’t follow our inner authority and we use our conditioned mind, the beta condition, the external authority is a programming to make decisions for us, we can be left feeling very frustrated, very angry, very bitter and very disappointed.
Now, in this episode, I’m going to offer a perspective of how humans view dependence from the alpha state because really, the way we look at dependency, the way we look at attachment has to do with our beta condition.
[0:04:01.1] Remember, there is no right or wrong in the alpha state, that’s very important for you to understand, there is no judgment and when I say this, I’m sometimes misunderstood by what I mean or I’m met with resistance because people, they don’t understand, they misinterpret what I mean, when I say there’s no right or wrong.
When I say there’s no right or wrong, when I say there’s no good or bad, when I say there’s no positive, negative in the alpha state, all I mean is that there is no conditioned judgment. Of course, as humans, we live in duality and therefore we live in judgment, we only know how to judge based on contrast and comparison, this is the human condition and this is the human experience, there’s nothing wrong with this, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. In fact, it’s very important that we go through the judging process because that’s why we’re here.
We are here to experience a biopsychosocial form of living, we discern what we like from what we don’t and we determine what we want to experience in this life from what we don’t want to experience in this life. To judge and to discern are the same thing, brothers. I have had sometimes, have had discussions with people who believe that they’re different, right? To say that discerning is different because it’s good and judging is different than discerning because it’s bad and to say that judging is bad and discerning is good is simply to use two synonyms for a purpose of rationalizing the same behavior based on how you perceive your behavior.
[0:05:20.6] They are the same and they’re neither good or bad, it’s just something that humans do because we’re humans and it is our purpose and experiencing the human condition. That all being said, I want to reemphasize that there is no judgment in the alpha state because the alpha state is our true nature, it is our true self. Our human self is the experience of this time, this space and this body.
Our mind is the oculus for which we bring what we are into what we experience. It is also the seat of the beta condition because when the mind is given authority that it does not have, it can be like a toddler with a knife, right? It does great harm unintentionally.
You can imagine a toddler running around with a giant chop saw, right? Or like a giant chef’s knife, it’s going to do great harms to the walls, to the animals, to itself maybe but it does so unintentionally. The beta condition is the conditioning of the outside upon the inside, it is mistakenly placing external authorities above your inner authority.
When this happens, we no longer live as ourselves, we are living a conditioned trained, robotic life based on the construct of a highly unconscious society at best and a profoundly sick society at worst.
[0:06:40.3] Now, this episode will aim to dispel some connotation created through external authorities. The connotation to which I’m referring to is the title of the podcast episode. We’re going to talk about attachment, we’re going to talk about the way humans think about attachment in relationships.
There are several ways to talk about attachment and relationships, people will use terms from like attachment theory, have you heard of attachment theory? Whether secure attachment, there’s anxious, there’s dismissive, there’s fearful. There are terms like independent, interdependent and codependent.
The problem with these terms is the judgment and what follows from the judgment because when we judge, we immediately dismiss. There is no follow through, there is no further thinking, there is no further knowing, it is all based on homogenization, which leads to shame and it leads to suffering and of course, it is all founded in prevarication and erroneous conjecture.
With attachment theory as an example, there is a good way to be and there is a bad way to be. Now, I’m not coming down hard on attachment theory because hey, look, if you have – if you believe in attachment theory, by all means, there’s nothing wrong with that either. In attachment theory, if you are the bad way to be then ideally, you will start to fix yourself.
[0:07:58.0] There’s something wrong with you and you need to work on yourself. You need to go to classes, you need to go to meetings, you need to get some therapy, you need to take some pills and you need to keep trying to tell yourself that you should be someone better, all the while believing that you’re not good enough.
Those who are securely attached to their partners have a good childhood and they have a great life. Whereas those with anxious preoccupied or dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant labels had a bad upbringing, they had poor parenting, they need therapy and counseling and they’re going to struggle in relationships and they will constantly tell themselves there’s something wrong with them because the consensus is that there actually is something wrong with them.
Brothers, I’m going to say this out loud, I’m going to say this right now to you, this is erroneous, this is garbage, these are lies. The same goes for independent versus codependent. A quick search on the inter webs for independent living gives very little information. As a noun, it means an independent person. Okay, basically it’s not a noun because you’re describing a person, it’s an adjective.
[0:08:56.2] The adjective means, not depending on another for living or subsistence. Well, that seems din of neutral, doesn’t it? Maybe positive but it’s also completely erroneous because just look at that, if you’re a human being who is not depending on another for a livelihood or subsistence, is that even possible? Brothers, there is no human living on this planet who is not dependent on someone or something else for their livelihood or subsistence.
The statement alone is a prevarication and honestly, I’m not even sure how it can pass for a definition. I don’t want to spend a lot of time explaining why that is, I don’t think you need to go too deeply into a logic algorithm to understand why this definition is erroneous.
The definition of independent is a prevarication and the definition of codependent is inconclusive and undetermined that there is no single definition of codependency. You may be thinking about one definition while the other guy listening to this podcast episode is thinking of another definition because how we think about these things is going to be based on our self.
It’s based on how we understand it. There is no definition of codependent and yet, humans have this idea that they should be independent at all cost and that any form of codependency, which again is undefined, is bad and is in need of infixing.
[0:10:12.3] All of these terms are judgments made from the beta condition or to distract us from ourselves and maintain a construct of uniformity. The truth is, there is never anything wrong with any human being. I’m going to say that again, just so you can hear me before I go further on when I talk about attachment. There is nothing ever wrong with any human being.
The problem is always with the lack of self-knowledge. This is the only problem we have in the world, it’s the only problem we have in relationships and it’s the only problem we have in our lives. It is the root of all illusions.
The external constructs that we create are because we aim to bring external order by bypassing the chaos we experience internally. Rather than understanding what’s going on inside of us, rather than understanding who we are, we just aim to control the world and everything around it.
We judge and label our relationship behaviors because we don’t understand who we are individually or as a species. I’m going to offer you something completely new. I’m going to offer that you see yourself beyond the cells of your body, beyond the movements of behavior and beyond the systems of belief.
I’m going to offer that you are a pure form, you are perfect, perfect in all ways. There’s nothing wrong, there’s nothing to be fixed, there’s nothing that needs to be different. Once you know who you are, once you elevate your alpha state, you will understand what I am about to introduce to you and that there is nothing you need to do or change.
[0:11:50.4] You just need to see this, you just need to see it, it’s there already brother, just see it, about yourself and realize the truth of who you are. Some people are running a current of energy through their alpha state that is like a racetrack, it’s a circle. It’s a single loop. There may be some twist and turns, it’s some places where the track crosses over itself. You know, it might be a figure eight for example but it’s a completed circuit, it’s an enclosed circuit.
The start is the finish and all the cars on the track are running this circuit, kind of like those slot car racing that we used to have as kids. Remember those slot cars? You put the – you set-up the track, you put the cars in the slot and then you go the remote control that zips them around and they keep going over the track faster and faster?
That’s what I’m talking about. There is one single track and these cars just go around it over and over again. People that have this energy flow in their alpha state, they can be very narrowly focused and they might not have the same ability to reflect on different aspects of themselves because their energy is complete. They’re not looking inward, there’s nothing inside of them that feels incomplete, there’s nothing inside of them that feels a sense of lack.
[0:13:02.1] They’re focused externally in that, their focus is very narrow. They can get lost in what they’re doing, engage with their own future and stimulated by their own hobbies. They can appear to be driven or selfish depending on the observer. Some people might say, “Oh that’s a really driven person” the other person might say, “That’s a really selfish person.” Of course, the object, the person themselves is neither driven nor selfish, they just are who they are, it’s all dependent on the observer, right?
Where we get into circumstances, thought feelings and actions and you guys know the universal truth. Other people have a break in their alpha state energy current. Instead of being like a closed racetrack, these humans have an energy current that is more like the streets of a gated community. The cars move through the community and can enter and exit the community at a specific entry and exit point. All of the cars within the community are running through the energy circuits and the points where the cars can enter and exit the community become the focus of the community or in this case, become the focus of the person.
People that have these energy flow in their alpha state are always aware of these exits and entry points in their energy. They have this open circuit and even though it’s always unconscious due to the false authority the beta condition, their mind is always trying to complete that energy circuit. They are trying to focus on where they exit and entry points are. There is an internal desire to attach these points with another community in order to enclose the energy circuit.
Furthermore, the humans who have this form of alpha state will always be attracting to them other humans who have the complimentary community of entry and exit points and that might be a completely different topic I want to take on another episode but here’s where things get wild because if you are following me so far, I want you to understand that both cases whether you’re in closed circuit or whether you’re an open circuit, both cases are perfect and there’s going to be a difference in how you view each other.
Most of us do not know this about ourselves and what you guys have to understand like most of us don’t know this about ourselves. Most of us are okay with just judging and labeling each other. The general human consensus is that we are all the same, right? We’re all the same based on our current scientific understanding. Sure, there is the unique fingerprint but we are all made of flesh and blood. We all have 23 chromosomes.
[0:15:28.4] Men have testosterone, women have estrogen, we all require food and water, rest and air. Essentially, when we look at the macro world, we see a similarity and through this illusion, we think that we should all be the same and if someone is not like me or not like society, then there’s something wrong with them, they need to be fixed, they need to be more like us.
As our beta condition trains us to be independent and independence becomes the majority consensus or the desired outcome, any behavior that resembles a dependency is enough of us. Groups are formed, books are written, pills are created and eventually, people begin to desire one and shun the other. They begin to desire independence and shun any type of dependency.
When you have a human with a closed circuit, with that racetrack circuit and they are in a relationship with a human who has an open circuit, the community circuit, there will be a difference in perspective on the behavior of the other in the relationship. The human with the closed circuit will see their partner as needy, as dependent, as wanting more than they have to give, of possibly lacking purpose, hobbies, of wanting more time and maybe even demonstrating a victim mentality.
Having low self-esteem, having an over desire to please or to validate externally. Remember, that doesn’t mean that that’s what their partner is. It doesn’t mean that their partner is these things. It only means that is how they perceived their behavior when they have the closed circuit. That’s how their closed circuitry views this other being who has open circuitry. Those are the thoughts, the beta condition thoughts coming from the circumstance, which is neutral.
[0:17:13.5] On the flipside, the human with the open circuit will see their closed circuit partner as disconnected, as selfish, as focusing more on their goals or hobbies than on the relationship, of putting them last on their list of priorities, right? “Oh your goals are more important than me. Your hobbies, your job is more important” and maybe even demonstrating some sort of selfish narcissistic personality. Of course that doesn’t mean that they are these things.
It is only the perception due to lack of self-knowledge and lack of the knowledge of others. Essentially, it is not understanding the alpha state and the essence of all beings. The aim my friends, is to discover who you are and understand who others are outside of the trained and often erroneous beta condition. All labels and definition are lies created to judge ourselves and the other person and when we know who we are, these labels and lies go away. That’s when real intimacy, that’s when true bonding, that’s when understanding enters the picture.
Attachment is an electromagnetic attraction from the alpha state. The way you attach has to do with your alpha state, my friend. We suffer in our relationships because we are trying to attach and understand attachment from our beta condition. The idea on non-attachment is only possible when you understand attachment first. If you don’t understand attachment, then the idea of non-attachment is more of a rejection than a true non-attachment.
We just end up projecting things instead of trying to have a non-attachment to them. Instead of aiming for non-attachment, aim for self-discovery. Then you will understand the nature of attachment and non-attachment and won’t be forced and it won’t cause you suffering. We as humans are meant to be in relationships. We cannot not be in relationships. I know it’s a double negative, right? We cannot not be in relationships.
[0:19:17.0] We have to be in relationships. We exists in relation to others. That is the human experience. We just don’t understand relationships because we are so misguided by the beta condition and we’re living in that beta state and it doesn’t matter if you’re an open circuit or a closed circuit. You are perfect in either alpha form. Your alpha state is perfect and wholly unique, perfect and different and that is not a paradox by the way, right?
I know that sounds funny, right? Because perfection in some way in some minds, in some of those the way we connotate perfection, it has to be unity. It has to be uniformity but unity is not uniformity. You can be perfect and different. You know, we want to measure people against each other like some sort of sexual market value thing. If you don’t know what the sexual market value is, it’s like that scarcity model that says there can only be so many tens and then so many nines and then eights and then sevens and so on.
Look, I say that’s garbage. Look, you are all tens, you are all different, you are all unique and different. You’re not the all the same ten but you’re all tens. There is no nine, there is no absence of perfection. You are all perfect. There cannot be any nines because a nine would mean that there is something missing. A nine would mean that there is something wrong. There is nothing wrong, it’s only a comparison. You are all tens and you are all different.
Some of you are open circuits and your open circuitry is meant to be in a bonded, connected, interdependent relationship. When you are not in a romantic partnership, you might feel lonely. You might feel incomplete but that’s just your open circuit. You are not, you are not lonely, you are not incomplete. That is your beta condition seeking that open circuit but you feel this way because that’s where your cars, right? The cars in the community are exiting and entering.
[0:21:07.6] They’re looking for a place to go. When you are in a relationship and your open circuit alpha state bonds with another, you complete the circuit and you feel complete. Now, the cars are going from one community to the other. They’re not going in and out of your community, they are going into your partner’s community and from your partner’s community, this is for you. This is for you to experience as an open circuit.
The neediness is not you. The lack and loneliness is not you. That is your beta condition, it is your open circuit. It is perfect, it is neutral, it is beautiful, it is perfect, it is you. Some of you are closed circuits and you are meant to go from relationship to relationship and be with yourself and be independent. When you are not in a romantic relationship, it’s okay for you. You don’t feel anything wrong with you when you’re single. You don’t feel any lack, you don’t feel any loneliness.
When you are in a romantic relationship, you might feel suffocated, you might feel controlled. You might feel lonely if you are not in a relationship because you are told that you should be in a relationship because our conditioning in society tells you that you must be in a relationship. There might be some mental pressure but there is no inner suffering, there is no feeling of lack but when you’re in a relationship, you may feel suffocated, you may feel controlled, you might feel pressure to be with your partner more or to give more.
You have an idea on what it means to bond with another human but you will never understand what the open circuit humans feel like to bond because it is a completely different kind of bonding. It’s a different kind of connection. The concept of connection is different for you. This doesn’t mean that you’re meant to be alone. It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, that you don’t understand what it means to be connected.
[0:22:46.8] You, like the open circuit humans, must be conscious of the self. This is for you. The selfishness is not you. The disconnection is not you. The guilt of not giving more to your partner is not you. It is your closed circuit. You are perfect. Brothers, I don’t know if the world is ready for what I’m teaching you. I really don’t know. Based on the way my students are living and the results that they are getting from the academy, I know that some of you are ready to make the momentous leap into self-discovery and releasing yourselves from the matrix.
It is a momentous leap and you cannot go back. Once you have seen the truth, once you have seen yourself and once you’ve seen the truth of other humans, you can’t go back. You can’t think or feel or exist the way you did before. You can’t be a prisoner once you’ve learned how to be free. Relationships are not what we have been taught that they are. Let go of the ideas around right and wrong, around good and bad, around “you should be this way or you must be that way.”
The first relationship is with yourself. When you understand the truth of your alpha state, you will be begin to release yourself from the conditioning of who you are not. You guys, I know on this podcast, I just start talking about the topic, right? I know the topic was going to be on attachment, so I just start talking. I start going about attachment and sometimes, I get a little wild in giving you the knowledge of your truth but here’s the thing, I only understand the mold of the alpha state.
I don’t know the content of your personal alpha state. I can guide you into seeing the mold and recognizing the content but you first must go through the process of deconditioning and that is a lot of what I do on this podcast. In the academy, we do specific deconditioning and we do self-discovery. What I offer you on these podcast episodes is general deconditioning and when it comes to attachment and relationships, I want to offer that you let go of all connotations.
[0:24:54.8] That you let go of all labels, let go of all judgments around your behavior and feelings. Let go of all the judgments you have about your partner’s behaviors and your partner’s feelings. That is the first step to decondition yourself from the lies and ignorance of society, the misguided and misunderstood experience of what it means to be a human being and just let yourself love. Let yourself exists and love.
Let go of the judgment and when in doubt my brothers, rest peacefully upon the primary principle. You are perfect. Others are perfect. The universe is perfect. All is perfection.
Have an amazing week my friends and until I see you again, elevate your alpha.
[END OF INTERVIEW]
[0:25:51.9] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash your Alpha: Your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset, at the alphamalecoach.com/unleash.