Ep #274: Warm Hands, Cold Hands

Welcome back, brothers, and here’s the truth: Nothing is good, nothing is bad – everything is perspective. When we come across something that we strongly agree or disagree with, we begin to elevate our opinions as facts and place falsehood on the other viewpoint. But there is no right or wrong in any given situation, it’s all a matter of perspective, and perspective comes from the viewpoint of our conditioning.

And that’s how conflict arises, right? It’s funny, I was meditating in the park and I was distracted after overhearing this couple who were nearby. The pair were obviously very much in love; very connected, but then they began to have a bewildering argument about whose hands are the right temperature. The man insisted that his hands were the right temperature and that her hands were cold because she had them out in the open air. The woman, of course, said that her hands were the right temperature and that his hands were only warm because he had them in his pockets. 

You see, something so simple can cause a divide in an otherwise happy relationship, and all because we are too afraid to accept another’s perspective above our own. We see this play out in political divides; disagreements that lead to war; the sports teams we support; and even in our food and entertainment preferences. But I can’t tell you that your taste buds are wrong and you can’t tell me what music to listen to, because it’s all a matter of where your viewpoint has been established from. 

Brothers, this episode is a just prologue; a reminder of certain themes and terminologies that will be prevalent in the next month of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast.  I won’t tell you what we’ll be discussing in the coming episodes, that will remain a surprise, but I do want to come back to and discuss the fallacy of coincidence. You see, the idea that every action has an opposite but equal reaction is flawed.  It may be true in a mathematical context, but it does not engage with the fact that every moment is the cause of every other moment. 

And this had nothing to do with time, brothers, because time itself is a fallacy. This is about energy and understanding that whatever is happening is a result of what has already energetically occurred here; what has already taken place in the spirit. And the conflict comes when we try to make sense of it and when we try to find a reason. But the reason doesn’t matter, brother. All we need is to be grateful for each and every moment, no matter how good or bad we perceive it to be. And I know this may be hard to understand now but as we get through our December episodes, I promise you, the picture will become much clearer. And on that cliffhanger – continue to elevate your alpha, my brother. I love you.


What Youll Learn from This Episode:

  • How nothing is right or wrong; everything is about perspective.
  • Warm hands, cold hands. 
  • The source of all conflict.
  • Eliminating the word “coincidence” from our vocabulary.
  • How every second is a moment for gratitude.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:


[0:00:08] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence.

Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.


[0:00:31] KA: What’s up, my brothers. Welcome back to the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. Before we get into the podcast episode, I just want to let you guys know, I’m leaving the States again, I’m heading into Mexico. I’m going back to Tulum for just a short time. I spent most of this year there, I spent most of 2023 in Tulum. In fact, I spent most of 2023 in Mexico, Puerto Vallarta for a month in January, in fact I spent the new year there. Then six months from February until August, I was in Tulum. 

Now, I’m going back, but I’ll be there for the rest of the year, probably into the new year, likely into the new year, and just a few weeks into the new year. I’m going to go back for about a month, maybe a month and a half. It’s one of the places that I love, but I’m actually going back for a reason, a purpose this time. There’s something that’s calling me there, and I will let you guys know more about that in January. Right now, just to let you know I’m going back there. 

If you guys are in the neighborhood, if you’re in the Tulum neighborhood, go ahead and reach out to me, and I’ll see what can happen, because it’s such a small town that it’s very easy to connect, it’s very easy to get together and talk about all these things that you may be hearing on the podcast that you may have questions about. Of course, you can do this as well by enrolling in the Academy, because we have discussions, we’ve got webinars, we’ve got coaching, we’ve got all that stuff in the Academy. You can do that there too, but if you are going to be in Tulum, then I’m going to be there for the next four to, I’d say six weeks. 

Now brothers, this podcast episode, I’m going to get into two topics here, two topics, but really what it is, it’s a prologue. It’s an introduction for the next two or three podcast episodes to come this month in December. Really what the two topics are is perspective, right? Nothing is good, bad, right or wrong, right? What we’re talking about here is everything is perspective. It’s all coming from a certain point of view, a certain subjectivity that is based on our conditioning and our very small sense of I. Our very small sense of who I am, which is, we could call the ego. 

The other topic that I’ll get into in the second half of the podcast episode is this idea that things happen without reason, that there’s not a reason for why things happen. In other words, the word coincidence. We want to begin to eliminate the word coincidence from our vocabulary in the same way that we eliminate the word can’t, from our vocabulary. 

To begin, let’s talk about this, nothing is right or wrong. I know this can be a very charging, a very triggering concept for a lot of you guys out there, especially when you get really invested in something, when you’re pulled in emotionally to something, when your emotions get involved, when you get – when you see something that you really strongly agree with or really strongly disagree with. When these things happen, we begin to make our opinions powerful. We begin to make our subjectivity, our perspective into rights and the others wrong. This is a part of the human condition that really narrows us and keeps us disconnected from each other.

Disconnected from ourselves, because it’s not who we are. The opinion, the thought, is not who we are. The opinion or the thought is a part of our conditioning. It’s a part of the process of society. We can talk about society in and of itself and what is society. Society being the constructs of education, of institution, of all the things having to do with religion, and government, and parenting, and teaching, and our friends’ circles, and our cultures and all of these things that go together to create a society as a whole. 

We can begin to ask, are we a product of our society or do we make society a product of us? That’s really where this whole alpha begins, because as an alpha, you are not a product of society. You are not a tool for society to use as it sees fit, which is the beta, right? That’s the beta that just goes along with its conditioning, that goes along with its idea of what it’s been taught. The alpha makes society a product of it. It opens up itself. It opens up itself from the inside, which is to say it finds silence, it finds creativity, it finds inspiration, it finds insight, it finds epiphany, and that comes from within. 


When we talk about even society, we look at society, we say, “Well, okay, so society is telling us this and that and do we go along with it? Are we the tool of society? Are we this thing that is used and discarded at will by this idea of society, or are we the function of society that we’re creating society as we go?” To take that power back, to be empowered, to know that you are creating society in the way you see yourself and others is really what the whole alpha concept is about. 

It’s not about these other alpha things. It’s funny, I had a consultation call recently with a young gentleman who never listened to the podcast, just looked up alpha male on Google. We were the first that came up. The Alpha Male Coach was the first that came up in the academy and he booked a consultation call. Immediately, I could tell he’d never listened to the podcast, because all of his ideas of alpha. He was like looking to become an alpha. It’s like, “I need to be an alpha male.” His whole idea of being an alpha male was just very old patterning. 

The old patterning of the alpha male gets a lot of chicks. The alpha male, he’s got a lot of muscles. The alpha male, he ambitious and driven in his business and he’s successful and all of these old patterning. I knew right away that this old idea of alpha male is still very predominant in our, well, at least in the internet and in our culture and in our media, whether it be social or mass media. It’s definitely there. 

Now, diverge a little bit, but to come full circle here, to come back around, there is no right or wrong, there is no good or bad. It’s all perspective and the perspective is from the viewpoint of the conditioning, which is why I got on to society, because it’s really the perspective of society. Your upbringing, your culture, your conditioning, your society is going to be different in terms of perspective, in terms of what is right or wrong than someone else who has a different set of conditioning, a different set of ideals, a different set of beliefs, a different set of education, a different ideas on religion, different ideas on government, different ideas on many, many things. 

In fact, we can see that very clearly as we simply look around the world and we see all the conflicts that are happening in the world, both large and small. I want to tell you guys a quick story, this is a very small conflict, right? Because the large conflicts are easy. You want to know what the large conflicts are, turn on the news. You want to – I mean, you turn on the news, you can see what the large conflicts are. All of these perspectives are out there, there’s perspectives between the Republicans and the Democrats, right? There’s the perspectives between, the Palestinians and the Israelis. There’s all these different perspectives that are out there. In a small way that may resonate with you a little bit more easily than these large grand, huge scale perspectives or these grand, these big conflicts, is I was meditating. I was meditating in the park recently and I was distracted. 

I was distracted out of my meditations, because there was a young couple in the park and they were within ear shot. They were very close and I could tell that there was something happening there. There was something happening with this young couple. It was a very simple thing, a very simple, they were talking, and they were happy, and they were joy, and they were connected, and they were in love. Then something very fascinating happened, like I said, I was meditating so I had my eyes closed, but I can imagine that they decided to hold hands. 

The female said to the male, “Oh, your hands are warm.” The male said to the female, “Oh, your hands are cold.” She said to back to him, “Oh, no, no, no, my hands aren’t cold. Your hands are warm, because you’ve had them in your pockets.” He said back to her, “No, no, no, my hands aren’t warm. Your hands are cold, because they’ve been out in the weather, outside.” I mean, here I am in Oregon and, it’s very cold here. 

Immediately, all of a sudden, the disconnection occurred. They started to talk about this. They started to almost argue about this, whose hands were in a neutral state of temperature, whose hands were normal to say, normal, I am right and whose hands were not normal, whose hands were either too warm, right? If the woman, if the female says her hands were normal, then her partner’s hands were too warm. If the male said, “Hey, my hands are normal.” Then his partner, the female’s hands were too cold. 

This created conflict. They created a conflict between these otherwise too very in love, very connected people, these two connected beings and immediately they disconnected and they began to butt heads. They began to butt egos, right, their egos came out, I’m right. My hands are fine. Your hands are wrong. Your hands are warm. Your hands are cold. It was just so fascinating that to happen in this moment that I had been distracted by this, because immediately my meditations went into this place of perspective, it went into this place of right and wrong, good or bad. 


This is always how it happens, isn’t it? It’s always how – this is how every conflict begins. Every conflict begins with, I am normal. I am right. I am stable. I am at peace. I am in homeostasis, whatever you want to call it, right? I am in this place of serenity and you’ve agitated that serenity. You have come in with your abnormality. You have come in with your warm hands. You have come in with your cold hands. My hands are normal. My hands are homeostasis. My hands are at peace. You have come in with your abnormal hands. Your hands that have created conflict in my world of non-agitation and it’s created agitation. 

It’s so funny, because this is the beginning of every conflict, great and small, large and small. Every conflict really happens, because of this. Because while one person is standing on the east side of the mountain and another person is standing on the west side of the mountain and they’re both looking at the same mountain. It’s the same mountain. The exact same structure, the same giant mass of rock and tree and perfect beauty and harmony. They’ll look at it from their perspective and they’ll say, “This is the mountain.” 

The west side is the mountain. On the west side of the mountain, there are trees and waterfalls and mist, because it’s in the valley and whatever, because it gets caught up in the high-pressure systems and low-pressure systems. So, there’s a lot of warm moisture and on the west side of the mountain, it’s a desert. There’s no moisture over there. It’s rocky and barren and dry and devoid of life. As one person on the west side says, “Hey, look at this mountain. It’s so lush and green and full of beauty, and water, and life, and animals and they’re all here. I can hear the birds singing and chirping.” 

The person on the east side of the mountain says, “No. No, no, no, no, no, you’re wrong. You’re wrong about this mountain. This mountain is a desert. It’s devoid of life. It has no life. There’s no trees. There’s no plants. There’s no birds singing. There’s no water flowing. All I see is rock and dust and dirt.” Now who’s right? Who’s wrong? Well, they’re both right, and they’re both wrong. That’s just the point. The mountain is. The mountain is, our perspective is not. 

Now, we can say that our perspective is as well, but it’s not the totality of a perspective. It’s like that story of the three blind men who approached an elephant and they were asked to say, “What is this?” Put your hands on it. What is this? One of the blind men touched the trunk of the elephant and says, “Oh, this is a snake. What we have here is a snake.” Another one touched the ear of the elephant and said, “Oh, it’s a huge leaf. A giant leaf in the jungle.” Another touched the toes of the elephant and said, “Oh, it’s a shell. It’s a seashell from the ocean.” It’s this hard, soft surface and substance. 

Of course, are they right? Are they wrong? Are they all right? They’re all wrong. That’s the paradox. Is that we as human beings, we come to our perspectives and we hold on to our perspectives, especially when they’re emotionally charged. It could be very easy, like you might say to yourself, well, these, this two couple, they’re just being silly, right? They could just laugh this off. Well, of course they could, but so could you. You could laugh off any conflict. We could laugh off any conflict simply by saying, “Well, it’s a perspective.” 

That goes for the minor perspectives of does broccoli taste good or bad, right? Because somebody might say, “Oh, broccoli tastes horrible. I can’t eat the stuff. It tastes horrible, taste like dirt. I don’t want it in my mouth. I don’t want to chew it. I just want it. I can’t eat it.” somebody else might say, “You are insane. You are crazy. This is the most delicious vegetable that’s out there. I can’t believe that you don’t like the way these tastes. What is wrong with you?” “What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you? You like to put dirt in your mouth? You like to eat this green chunk of dirt? Is that what you enjoy? Do you use your tongue? Is your taste buds, are they ruined? Are they broken? Do you not know that this tastes like dirt?” 

“Well, what do you mean by taste buds? It’s your taste buds that don’t get it. It tastes wonderful. It tastes delicious. There must be something wrong with your taste buds, with your tongue, because all you taste is dirt. You don’t have the sophistication to understand the flavors and the variety and then all the beauty that comes out of this piece of broccoli.” Right? It’s an acquired taste, as they say. There’s something wrong with you, because you haven’t acquired it yet. It’s so very fascinating, but it’s all perspective and we could say the same of anybody. 

We could say the same of the Israelis. We could say the same of the Palestinians. We could say the same of the Republicans. We could say the same of the Democrats. We could say the same of every single human being, no matter where they are in their lives, whether we’re talking about a discussion between a couple in their home or whether we’re talking about two heads of nations that are coming together to discuss their perspectives on the way they see their job, their role, their viewpoint, and the way they handle their nation, their people. 


Now, I want you to take that into the rest of the month, because over the rest of the month, I’m not going to tell you what we’re going to get into. I’m going to leave that as a surprise for the rest of the month for the next two or three podcast episodes, but I want you to take that and I want you to add it. This is why it’s a prologue. I want you to add it with this idea that there’s no such thing as coincidence. 

Now, I’ve touched on both of these concepts before, but this is like a reminder podcast. It’s a podcast that comes in and says, “Hey, guys. I want to remind you of these concepts.” Because as we go into this next month here, there is no such thing as coincidence. I realized a few weeks ago, I recorded a podcast called causality as a fallacy and I will certainly go deeper into that if you guys want to. Again, if you want to come into the academy and discuss that, I’ll certainly go deeper into that. 

I want to take a moment and go a little bit deeper now and to say it’s not that causality itself. There is such a thing as cause and effect. In fact, everything, everything you do, every action you take is affecting everything else. Everything else. It’s not affecting one thing. That’s what’s the fallacy. The fallacy is this idea of billiard balls, this idea that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That’s maybe true in physics when we look at the math, but what I’m talking about is a spiritual concept that every moment is the cause of every other moment. 

When I say every other moment, I’m not saying in time, because that’s a part of the fallacy as well. It’s not a time issue, brothers. It is an energetic issue. It’s not where time has to do with, when I do this, that will happen. It’s when I do this, everything will happen and that may be very heavy. It may be a little too heavy in terms of both responsibility and conceptualizing, but really what it means is that there is no such thing as coincidence. There is no such thing as this is not happening or this is just happening just because. Everything is happening for a reason. 

Most of the time when we think about that, when we say everything is happening for a reason, most of the time, at least the way our brains work, the way our minds work is we want to look backward. We want to say, “Okay, what’s the reason?” We want to look back when we say, “Okay, this is happening, because of that, because of that thing that happened yesterday or last month or last, even last year.” If you can go back that far and trace that back. This is what therapy is about. 

A lot of people want to know, “Why am I the way I am today?” They go to a therapist and the therapist will say, “Okay, let’s unpack your childhood. Let’s unpack your relationship with your mom. Let’s unpack your relationship with your dad. Let’s unpack whatever happened with your family or was there any, was there neglect? Was there trauma? Well, let’s unpack this. Let’s go back and let’s find out why you are the way you are today, because of that.”

Of course, this is erroneous. Of course, this is what I mean by causality is a fallacy, because what’s happening there is just another form of religion, psychology is just a new religion. It has all the concepts, all these other components of religion and even the DSM-5, which is there on the fifth version of it, is just another way for the priests of psychology to keep the parish in a certain form of control. We control you by labeling you. You are depressed, or you are ADD, or you are anxiety, or you are PTSD or all of these things. They’re just labels. They have nothing to do with who you are, nothing at all. It’s just another form of control and form of labeling.

That’s why, again, therapy is what therapy is. What I’m trying to get at here is that the idea, coincidence is equally a fallacy, because there is no coincidence. Everything that’s happening is happening, because of something that occurred energetically, spiritually here. I’m not saying in form, I’m not saying in material, I’m not saying in the world, I’m not saying, because you ate that hamburger, you got sick, right? Because that’s the causality as a fallacy. That’s the idea that because I did this, that happened. 

The reason you got sick does have a cause, however. There is a cause to that. There’s no coincidence. There’s no coincidence to anything. So, we want to look at what is the cause and again, not to get too far ahead of myself. I’m going to introduce these in the next couple of podcast episodes or maybe two or three podcast episodes, but I’ve brought you to begin to eliminate this idea that coincidences occur, that coincidences do not occur. Everything that happens in every moment is an effect. It’s also a cause. 


Now, what it is an effect of is unknown and unknowable. That’s just the way it is, brothers. It’s unknown and unknowable. You know what? It doesn’t even matter. It doesn’t even matter. Okay? You may think, oh, I need to know, I need to know, I need to unpack this, I need to figure this out, I need to have a reason, there has to be a reason. That’s the mind. That’s the mind working to try to solve a problem that doesn’t exist. 

Everything that happens is an effect of a cause that preceded it, but that cause is not the issue. That cause is not – we don’t need to be asking ourselves why. Why is, we’ll never get it. Why will never get the job done? Why will keep us in a loop that prevents us from being present? Why keeps us looking back in the past and possibly looking into the future? Because at the same time, you may think, well, if it’s happening, then it must be happening for some reason, some lesson I must learn, something that I must know, so that I can grow and change in the future. 

That’s not it either. That’s not going to get it either, because it’s just going to keep you in this why. It’s going to keep you in your mind. It’s going to keep you looping over and over again, trying to figure out, trying to reason down, trying to solve a problem that isn’t there. There isn’t anything there. Whatever’s happening in the now is not a coincidence, but it’s a moment for gratitude. I’m going to stop right there and I’m going to finish the podcast episode with this. Talked about gratitude a little bit a couple of weeks ago, talked about my own personal gratitude, at least one of the examples of where I was overcome with gratitude. 

In every moment is a moment for gratitude. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter why. Why, prevents gratitude. Why, looks for a reason. Why, wants to say, it’s because of. Again, it’s the cause of, right? That’s what because means, it’s the cause of. It’s the cause of my past. All my parents were mean or my teachers were abusive, they were violent or they didn’t care, they were negligent or grew up in a way that I wasn’t able to express myself or whatever. You can go into all kinds of – I could blame thousands of different reasons why somebody might look backward and say, “This is the reason that I am. But the real reason that it’s happening, doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s happening, It’s here. It’s now, and because it’s happening, it’s happening for you. 

Now again, for you doesn’t mean for the future. It doesn’t mean it’s happening for you to learn something. It doesn’t mean it’s happening for you to know something. It’s just happening for you right now, right now, not for you to learn something in the future, not for you to change and be somebody different or somebody better, which is also erroneous, like how are you going to be better than who you are? Who you are is there’s no better. 

We talked about better as well. The reason why it’s happening is for you to see it, is for you to be grateful for it, is for you to recognize it for what it is. What it is, is isness, what it is, is hereness, what it is, is nowness, what it is, is the divine timing of presence. It’s happening in this moment for you, because now is the only moment that it could have happened, and to be grateful for that moment, this moment, whatever it is that’s happening. 

Now, somebody might say, well, what if I’m sick? What if I stub my toe? I mean, is that should I be grateful for that? Yes. What if somebody runs up and smacks me across the face, should I be grateful for that? Yes. What if somebody rips me off? What if they steal my money? Should I be grateful for that? Yes. What if I walk outside tomorrow morning and my motorcycle is gone and my car is missing, it got stolen? Should I be grateful for that? Yes. What if I win the lottery? Should I be grateful for that? Yes. What if I meet the woman of my dreams and we fall in love and we have spectacular time together and we travel the world and experience all kinds of amazing things, should I be grateful for that? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Be grateful for all of it, because good and bad don’t exist. 

Good and bad, like and dislike, don’t exist. You think they exist, because you don’t know who you are. You think you are who you think you are. Does that make sense, brothers? You think you are who you think you are, but that’s not who you are. Who you think you are, is not who you are. Who you think you are, is the illusion that you’re pretending to be. 

You may be pretending to be this illusion on purpose or you may be pretending to be this illusion, because you don’t know that you’re pretending to be this illusion. That’s where we get stuck, that’s where we get stuck in the perspective. That’s where we get stuck in the I’m right, you’re wrong, because I’m right, and who I think I am is right, but who you think you are is an illusion. 


To wrap this up and prepare for the next few podcast episodes in this month. Number one, there is no right or wrong, there is no good or bad, there’s only a perspective. There’s the perspective of the east side of the mountain, the west side of the mountain. There’s a perspective of the way something looks at when we look at it from the front and we look at it from the side. If I look at a two by six from the side, then I might think it’s six inches wide and two inches deep. If I look at it from the front, I might think it’s two inches wide and six inches deep, who’s right? Who’s right? who’s wrong? Well, neither, both. It’s the same board. It’s the same piece of lumber. You see. It’s a perspective. 

You can take anybody’s perspective. You can say this is my opinion. I like broccoli. That’s my opinion. I’m taking that perspective. Fine. But it doesn’t make you right? It doesn’t mean that broccoli tastes good. It just means that you think it tastes good and somebody that thinks it doesn’t taste good, it doesn’t make them wrong, because in their perspective, it doesn’t taste good. That’s how we create unity with each other. That’s how we create connection with each other, because we don’t create connection and unity by believing that we, who I am is right and who you are is wrong. That’s number one. 

Number two. There is no coincidence. There’s no such thing as coincidence and everything that happens is happening for you. Number one. It’s not a coincidence. It’s not happening randomly. Number two, it’s happening as both an effect and a cause, because in this moment, you are receiving exactly what it is you’re meant to receive and you are doing exactly what is, you’re meant to be doing and all of that is going to be much more understood later. 

I’m going to get into that over the next few podcast episodes. I know. I know it’s a cliffhanger, brothers. I’m keeping you on your toes. You got to wait another week for it, but that’s the way it is and until next week, I love you, guys. Elevate your alpha. 


[0:27:45] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha: Your Guide to Shifting to the Alpha Mindset at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.



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