Hello brothers, it’s Kevin Aillaud, your host here of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. Before I get started, I want to dive into something with you today that’s a yearly tradition for me, Black Friday sales! All my courses are discounted from now till the end of the year.
This isn’t just about sales; it’s about answering that inner call you’ve been feeling. We are conditioned to fear spending and to think we can’t afford growth. That scarcity mindset. It’s holding you back. And that’s why I drop these prices once a year. It’s about breaking barriers. So, if you’ve been eyeing the courses, now is the time. It’s not just about discounts; it’s about answering that inner pull toward growth that we often ignore.
Now for today’s topic. I will be delving into the concept of “letting go” or “detachment.” When I say that, I know it stirs up different thoughts. But letting go isn’t about loss or becoming someone else. It’s a shift in perception, a shift in consciousness. I am going to tell you stories about letting go without giving up, without becoming a different person.
These stories come from my teacher, Ram Dass, who spent time with Ramana Maharshi in India. These stories aren’t just miraculous; they challenge our perception of power and conflict. For example, there are people who could end wars but choose not to because conflict is part of a larger harmony—a karmic function. And this idea challenges our notions of what should and shouldn’t be done. Brothers, join me as I explore the concept of true detachment and how it can help elevate your alpha!
What You’ll Learn from This Episode:
- Reasons why people resist detachment.
- How conflict forms part of the karmic function.
- Discover the purpose of miracles.
- Learn about the process of detachment.
- The definition of true detachment.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Remember to check out the new How to Live Your Purpose course.
- Enroll for the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Academy here.
- Sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the Alpha mindset.
[INTRO]
[0:00:08] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence.
Here’s your host, certified life coach, and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
[EPISODE]
[0:00:31] KA: What’s up, my brothers. Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I’m your host, Kevin Aillaud. The first thing I want to do is tell you guys that every year, every year I do this. I guess it’s cultural, somewhat conditioning, very traditional, but post-Thanksgiving in the US, which is in and of itself a fascinating holiday to observe, but after Thanksgiving, what I like to do is do Black Friday sales. Black Friday, Black Friday, Black Friday, right? Black Friday is going to last to the end of the year, and what I like to do every year is offer you guys discounts.
Now, the discount I offer is on all courses, so if you guys want to get into the indomitable self-confidence course, if you guys want to do the Alpha Relationships course, if you want to take a look at how to stop buffering or what is your purpose, all of the courses are discounted to the end of the year. It’s like that, the service I give, because if you’ve been thinking about getting one of these courses, then because you’re thinking about it, there’s a call to it.
Personally, one of the things that I find to be one of the neuroses or one of the insanities or sicknesses that we as humans are dealing with is we do not follow through on what our soul is calling us to do. We don’t follow through on our Dharma. We don’t follow through on our soul’s calling, because we’ve been conditioned to fear money, because we have fears around money, because we think that we can’t afford it, because we think that there won’t be enough, because you think if I spend money on this, then I won’t have enough money for that. It’s really just a matter of scarcity. It’s a scarcity mindset, and it’s erroneous, and it’s ridiculous, but telling you that does nothing to change that.
Of course, there are ways to change that, which is what we work on in the Academy, which is we work on the cognitive mastery and so on, but for those of you that are not there yet. I want to see if I can help you get there by reducing the price, right? I drop the price for one month a year, December every year, these courses go on sale. Now that’s happened. So, you can go to the alphamalecoach.com and you can take a look, the courses are on sale, but also consultation calls.
Consultation calls are going to be on a reduced rate as well, because a couple of reasons. One is, if you guys have questions, if you guys want to talk about things, because the podcast is one directional. If you guys are listening to the podcast, you don’t get to ask questions. I know that some of these concepts, some of these things I’m talking to you about can be wild. They are pretty outrageous and maybe profound mind-blowing, and you might have questions about what about this, what about that, as it relates to my life.
Once again, for the same reason that I put the courses on discount, I want to put the consultation calls on discount, so that the barrier, which isn’t a financial barrier, by the way, brothers. It’s not. Because $150 for a consultation call or $300 for a life-changing course, eight-week course, is not going to break your bank. In fact, many of these courses are probably going to inflate your bank account, because of the changes that you’ll make inwardly, internally. However, like I said, I can’t just tell you that, like you have to experience that you have to go through that.
The consultation calls are also on reduction in terms of rates. I pulled back the price of the consultation call, so that this whole month, I plan to be booked, like I want to be booked. I want to talk to you guys. I want to work with you guys. I want to see what you guys have been hesitating. Why haven’t you bought the course? Why haven’t you signed up for a consultation call? Because I know it has something to do maybe with [inaudible 0:03:57] around money, if you do it at the reduced rate.
Now, today, we’re going to talk about letting go. When I say letting go, I know that that can conjure up a lot of different thoughts for people. What does that mean, letting go? Does that mean not having, like the whole concept of detachment. When I talk to you guys about detachment, and even when the Buddha talks about detachment, so many people resist that teaching because for two reasons. Number one, is because they have the concept of not having that detachment or letting go, means giving something up, means pushing something away. That’s not what it means.
The other reason why people tend to resist detachment or letting go is because they are afraid of who they will become once that thing is gone. If you go back to the last couple of weeks where we were talking about the TV of life and channel two, channel three. If you let go of channel two and you move on to channel three or channel four. Then there can be this fear of, well, what happens is if I don’t identify with my body anymore? What happens if I detach from this thought that I am this body? Well, does that mean that I’ll start to abuse my body? Does that mean that I’ll stop brushing my teeth? Does it mean that I’ll stop eating nutritious foods? I’ll start eating a bunch of sugar. Does it mean that I’ll stop going to the gym because I just don’t care about the way I look anymore? Does it mean that I’ll stop wearing makeup or stop wearing perfumes? Well, maybe.
The truth is, yeah, it’s possible, sure. It’s not necessarily true. It’s not necessarily that that’s the way it will go. I want to make sure that you guys know that when it comes to this idea of letting go, it doesn’t mean the same thing as pushing away or giving up. It certainly doesn’t mean that you’ll become this completely different person. Although, that’s possible. That’s certainly possible to become – because you shift from channel two, channel three, channel four. There’s going to be a shift in perception of consciousness of awareness so that that might occur.
What I really want to do is tell you some stories. I want to tell you some stories today that I think are examples of letting go that show you that number one, you won’t have to give anything up. Number two, that you won’t become a different person. I’m going to tell you three stories. Two of them are not mine. Two of them come from my teacher and this teacher is no longer with us, by the way. Many of my teachers actually have left their body behind, have left their body and moved on to another plane. That’s simply – I don’t know, because I’ve been doing this work for a long time and a lot of the people that I have learned from have been quite a bit older than me.
This particular teacher, he was a – well, you probably know him. His name is Ram Dass or Richard Alpert. He spent time with Ramana Maharshi in India. Now this first story is actually a story that was told to him. This is something that was there for him and it’s something that he tells a lot of stories of his guru. There are a lot of stories that you can listen to about Ramana Maharshi that are just amazing, so many stories. For anybody to think that the world is controlled by the president of the United States or the bankers, the IMF, the International Monetary Fund or the United Nations or maybe some kind of like a secret organization of billionaires and trillionaires, maybe some of these stories will change your mind, because there are people in the world who have the power to perform miracles and they don’t all the time. They don’t do miracles all the time.
There are people that could end the wars that could end all wars in the world right now. They could end all conflict and all war, but the issue with that is that while some of us might say, “Well, why don’t they? They should. Wars are bad. Wars are killing. People suffer. People die, innocent children and women and children, they get bombed and blown up. If there are people out there that have the power to stop it, they should do that.” The problem is conflict is a part of harmony. It’s a part of perfection.
That conflict is the working out of what needs to be worked out in that area of the world through their karma, through the actions of the people there, because they are dealing with their shadows. They’re dealing with their channel two, channel three, and channel four, and because they’re dealing with that, it would be destiny robbing. It would be karmic robbing for anybody to engage in that for someone like a Buddha, like a Christ, who can enlighten a being to perform a miracle just to end it. We say, “Oh, well, that’s conflict. That’s evil. We need to stop it.” But it’s our perception, right? It’s our version of what we think is right and wrong that gets us into that struggle and that conflict and that trouble around this should be.
That’s why we look to people like, well, like the president of the United States or the United Nations that really have no power whatsoever in this world. We just think they do and then when they do nothing, we get them out of office and we get somebody else in the office that will all equally do nothing because there’s nothing that can be done. It is the way of the world. It is the harmony of what must be done. It’s a karmic function. It’s karmic. Karma means action. It’s action. It’s the action that these humans need to take in that area and just like the humans that need to be in the United States that are bankers, or carpenters, or lawyers, or teachers, or massage therapists, or whatever, or homeless, that’s their karma. That’s their action.
It’s their action to be this? We may say, like we need to get everybody off the street and get everybody fed. Well, yeah. If that’s what your action is, but just to say that we, we all need to do it. Well, if you need to do it, you go do it. That’s maybe your karma, but to say that we need to stop this, because it looks bad, because it doesn’t feel good inside of you. That’s your work that you need to do. I may be getting off topic a bit because I want to tell you these stories.
[0:09:52]
Now, the first story is about, it’s actually about a British businessman. He had a lot of businesses in England, but he all had a business in Madras as well. While he was in Madras, he was having a lot of trouble sleeping. He was very agitated. He was very upset. He was very angry. The manager, his manager, one of the managers that worked for him, one of his employees in the Madras store said, “Man, you should go see this person, this saint in India.” He was talking about Maharshi.
The Englishmen agreed, this businessman. He had a lot of money and he flew to India in a flying boat, they called it, which is a seaplane. When the story was told, it was this flying boat, right? The businessman, he came to Madras and he was taken to see Ramana Maharshi and he was going to stay there for several weeks. He was going to stay in the ashram with Maharshi for several weeks. He came into the hall in the ashram and the hall was silent. Everybody was sitting there and he sat down and nothing happened.
Now this is a very successful businessman, right? This is somebody who already has maybe he’s in channel two, maybe he’s in channel three. Already, he’s thinking like there’s a lot of expectation, like something has to happen. He’s already in this channel four of agitation, right, this channel four of anger. So, as he’s sitting there and nothing is happening, everybody’s very still and silent in the ashram in the hall. He starts to get more and more agitated. After about 15 minutes.
Again, he was supposed to stay there for several weeks, but after about 15 minutes, he just couldn’t stand it anymore. He stood up. He said, “I’m leaving. This is silly. I can’t spend my time this way. I’m a business owner. I run several businesses. I need to get back to my business. I was expecting something needs to happen immediately. I need to feel better. I need to not be agitated, just sleep better. I need to not be angry.” He just was about ready to walk out. So, Ramana Maharshi, who rarely talked, said to him, he said, “Sir, before you leave.” I guess, it wasn’t preventing him from leaving. He didn’t say, “No, no, no, no, no, no, don’t go, wait. Wait for two weeks and just see what happens.” Right? He didn’t say that.
He wasn’t going to interrupt this man’s destiny, that’s what I was talking about earlier. These saints, these holy men, this miracle – these people that can perform miracles. They don’t interrupt destiny. They don’t say, “No. You do what I tell you to do.” They just let you. “Sir, before you leave, would you do me one favor, one favor for me?” The businessman said, “Yes.” He said, “Would you be kind enough to write a note to your wife?” He said, “All right. If that’s what you want, I’ll do that. I’ll write a letter to my wife and I’ll do it, whatever.”
They brought this man a pen and paper and he wrote, “Dear Hilda, I didn’t find what I wanted here. I’ll be back on Tuesday. Did you water the plants and has Doris gone to the dentist? Signed Henry?” He finished the note and Ramana Maharshi held out his hand and took the note and he got it from the businessman and he folded it and he put it under his butt and he basically sat on it, which was naked, right? Because I don’t know if you guys know Ramana Maharshi. He just would wear a blanket. He didn’t have these possessions. He wasn’t wearing clothes. He was wearing a blanket and he put it under his butt, which was naked and he said, “Now, would you be kind enough just to stay with me for five more minutes, just five minutes?”
The guy said, the businessman said, “All right, all right.” Sit down and he sat there for five minutes. Then Maharshi got up after five minutes. He got up and he started to shuffle out of the room, just walked right past him. He just brought right past the man. As you walk past the man, he handed him the piece of paper back and then he went out of the room and the man said, “What is this? This man is insane. This man is crazy. I’ve been told to come here that this man is a holy man, that this man produces miracles, that he’s people – just by being with him. People become enlightened. They have mystical experiences. What is going on? This man is just a lunatic.” But then he looks down at the paper. It’s a different piece of paper than what he had written the note on and given to Maharshi.
He opens it up. He opens up this piece of paper, which is different and he reads it and says, “Dear Henry, I’m sorry you didn’t find what you want in India. I have watered the plants and Doris has gone to the dentist. I’d write a longer letter, but the tall man with the turban who brought me the note is insisting I answer you very quickly. Signed Hilda.” Now, I know that that’s a funny story, right? That’s a funny story to say. Okay, so what happened? Right? There’s this note. He goes under the butts and then it comes out of the butt and there’s this tall man and turban.
These stories of these miracles of Maharshi, they’re not isolated stories. They happen all the time. They happened all the time with people that were around him and they witnessed these and there were many recorded. I mean, many people have recorded these stories, these miracles, these occurrences and really what they’re for, what these stories are for is to help you let go. It’s not, like these miracles are here to create some kind of, “Hey, look what I can do. Look what I can do. I can perform miracles. Look at how great I am. Look at how close to divinity I am. Look, I’m the Christ. I’m the Buddha. I can do this too.” It was never about that.
Miracles are about just, like getting in there, slipping in that space between what you think is possible and what is really possible. Right in that little space where you all of a sudden you have this hiccup, you have this hiccup in your mind around, “Whoa, wait a second. I didn’t think that was possible.” When you have that little hiccup, when you have that little space, there’s almost like a gap in time. There’s almost a gap in time where you feel presence, you feel oneness and you realize that the entire way you view the world has been a construct of illusion. It’s been a construct of just fantasy, a construct of rules and conditioning. It’s so limited. It’s so myopic in perspective.
These miracles help you break out of that perspective and they help you let go. They help you let go, because they help you let go of your limited myopic perspective, because for this particular businessman, if he was in channel three, we’ll say. I’m a businessman. I’m important. My time is valuable, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That’s channel three. Channel four, I’m angry, I’m agitated, right? Because that’s the emotional part. So, to experience something like that for this man to see in his wife’s handwriting.
It’s not my like Maharshi could have planned that. It’s not that he could have said, “Hey, let’s have this guy’s wife write me a letter that says these things and I’ll store it under my butt so that when he comes in and he’s ready to leave, I’ll ask him to stay and write a letter. Then I’ll just do a quick sleight of hand. I’ll just do a quick swap with him.” Right? Because he didn’t know that this man was going to leave. He didn’t know what this man was going to write. None of that. It’s just unperceptible to the mind on how this occurs, how this how this happened. Okay.
It’s really just about helping you let go. It’s no different than water into wine. It’s no different than say healing the sick or feeding people with five loaves and two fish it’s. It’s simply a – five thousand people with five loaves and two fish. It’s a matter of how is this possible? I need to let go of the way I see the world, the way I experienced the world, because if I don’t let go of the way I see the world, then I’m going to go crazy thinking about how these people are doing this. I’m going to go crazy thinking about how this is impossible. It’s just going to be – it’s going to turn me insane. I either have to let go of my insanity or I’m going to go further insane by hanging onto my insanity, which is the way I see the world.
Now, the other two stories are going to be probably a little bit more around what I mean when I say letting go and when I say it’s not about giving up, it’s not about not having, it’s not about becoming somebody else or changing into something that you, I don’t know, that maybe you’d be resisting. It’s much more subtle than that. It’s much more graceful and grateful than that. First, I’ll tell you the story from my teacher and that’ll tell you a very personal story, a story of mine.
My teacher talks about – this is many years after Maharshi had left his body and Ram Dass was moving around, he was doing some different things, but he ended up in New York. He was going to go to New York. He was going to go to Connecticut, but decided not to go to Connecticut and instead it ended up in New York, because of a friend of his had called him and said, “Hey, there’s this woman in New York that you really should talk to. You really should go and see.” He wasn’t interested in seeing her, because he had thought, I’m just going to go, I’m just going to go to Connecticut. I’m going to do this thing. It’s like, I’m going to go on this path, that egoic path that I’m going to follow this way. I’m going there and I’m on it. There, that’s the thing.
Then he had a dream where Maharshi came to in a dream and said, “Go to New York.” He went to New York and the lady said that this woman who was going to meet, when he talked to her, he said, “I have your guru in my basement.” Of course, this astounded Ram Dass, because he had had a dream, Maharshi told him to go to New York. Now, this woman is saying, “Hey, Maharshi is here.” When he arrived in New York and he saw this woman who was lying in samadhi in her basement.
Samadhi, you guys can look that up. It’s a divine state of out of body where you are, it’s even difficult to articulate. I don’t want to get into it on this podcast, but she was in samadhi and there’s a very strange samadhi for Ram Dass to see. When she came out of samadhi, which is a meditative state where you’re not breathing and looks almost, like you’re dead. The way he describes it, she looked dead. She came out and her first reaction was, “Who is this guy? Why is he in my basement? What is he doing here?” How could Maharshi be channeled through this woman who seems to be so prickly, right? Like, “What are you doing here? Get out of here.” Because his idea of saints, his idea of holy people are they’re kind and welcoming and that’s just not what he experienced with her.
What happened was later she started to channel Maharshi and Ram Dass had a conversation with him, with Maharshi through her, knowing that it was him, because all the things that they discussed were things that Maharshi had talked to him about shortly before he had left his body and things that nobody else could know about. So, he knew, of course, like she is channeling my guru. Now, because of this, he started to build a relationship with this woman and talk to her and she channeled more for him. He was at the time, he was in a state of karmic yoga, karma yoga, which is to say, a life of service. He was serving. He was working a lot. There was a lot of work. There was a lot of serving. There was a lot of doing. It’s karma. Karma means action.
[0:20:34]
Karma yoga means, yoga and action. It means using your action to bring you closer to God, to bring you into presence with divinity, to serve others, to feed others, to live for others. That’s one of the ways, one of the yoga’s that you can use to, like you can practice, bring yourself closer to presence, to divine presence, to divine unity. That’s what he was doing. He was working long, long days. Wake up in the morning. Do a quick meditation. Have a cup of coffee. Go to work. Come back from work. Have some food. Go back to bed, and because of his conditioning, before he was Ram Dass, he was Richard Alpert.
He was a Harvard graduate, worked with Timothy Leary in the LSD in the 60s. Everything of his classical conditioning had told him that eight hours of sleep to be fully rested and being able to function the next day. Does that resonate with you guys? Have you guys heard that? I’m sure you have. I’m sure you’ve heard that. For you to function, you need to get eight to nine hours of sleep. Seven, you can get by with any less than seven, you start getting to six and five hours. You’re not going to be able to function. Your body won’t work very well. You’re not going to be fully alert.
This is a story. This is channel three. This is where we get into channel three, where we have needs, my identity needs, my ego needs even to say my body needs is not really the body. It’s the body does need rest for sure, but eight hours of sleep at night is not a body thing. It’s a thought thing. So, he had this mentality. He had this belief and sure enough, what would happen was right as he was getting ready to go to sleep at 11pm, to be awake at 7am. This woman would call. She would call him and she would talk for hours. Three, four hours. He’d be so agitated. Agitated, agitated, because he needed to get to sleep, like what was he going to do, hang up on her? Like this is the woman that channels his guru. He’s not going to hang up on her. It’s going to give her attention and time, but the whole time he’s thinking, “Oh, I just wish he would finish her – get on with it, like be done, so I can get to sleep.”
The way he tells the story is the moment he let go of that. The moment he let go of that want that desire, that desire to get off the phone. The moment he just surrendered into, well, I guess I’m going to be on the phone. I guess this is what’s going to happen. I’m going to be on the phone for as long as it takes for her to tell her story or get out her vision or channel her message or whatever it is. I’m just going to be here. That’s going to be the way it is.
The moment he switched to that mindset was when she said, “Well, can I talk to you tomorrow?” She hung up, and it would happen that way. It was, and again, like that was the lesson. That was his guru. That was the Maharshi. The divinity within you showing him, showing him his pathology, showing him his neurosis, showing him this conditioning that you think you need and the moment you let go of what you think you need, then you will be free. Then you will find gratitude. Then you will find – it’s just is, it’s just happening. It’s here and it’s okay. I don’t need this.
I’m going to tell you my story, brothers, because that was the story of my teacher. I’m going to tell you, my story. My story was in the jungles of Peru, I mean, it was January of 2021, I believe or 2022. I can’t really remember the past is completely irrelevant, but it was January and I was in Iquitos, Peru. I was there for a month. You guys may remember actually, because the podcast episodes during that time were interviews. I prerecorded all the interviews with students so that I could be gone for a month in the jungle and not have – there has no internet. I had no – there was nothing.
I took a month off of working with students. I took a month off recording podcasts. I was living in retreat center in Peru with no internet, no Wi-Fi, no, we had electricity for a couple hours at night, otherwise it was run on a generator, otherwise it was just sunlight and it was an ayahuasca retreat. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we would go into the ayahuasca ceremony, we drink ayahuasca. Then Tuesday and Thursday and Saturday would be integration days and sharing days. Then Sunday would be a free day. Of course, we would stay on the retreat center. We wouldn’t go into the city, because of the energies, we don’t want to pick up energies in Iquitos, so we’d stay in the jungle. I was there for a month.
In a month and four weeks, I participated in 12 ayahuasca ceremonies, drank ayahuasca 12 times. The first two weeks, two and a half weeks actually, it was actually the first seven. It was the first seven ceremonies. I had no experience other than purging. I had no experience other than six hours of vomiting into a bucket. I had all kinds of thoughts going through me, guys. I mean, I’ll tell you, like there were thoughts of like, “Why me? Why is it that everybody’s having these visions, everybody’s getting these messages, everybody’s being talked to by grandmother ayahuasca, but the only thing that’s happening for me is purging, just vomiting?” It’s just constant. I was purged, purged, purged, purged, purged for hours, hours, hours, hours. That was the other thought that was going through my mind.
One thought was, poor me, right? One thought was I’m a victim. The other thought was for these guys, because they’re all deep into their journeys. They’re all deep into their, I mean, there was men and women. We had usually 10 to 13 people in the ceremony. You have people on the other side of the Maloka, which is a hut, a jungle hut. We have other people on the other side of the Maloka. We’d have men and women having orgasms, because of the ayahuasca. Setting pleasurable vibrational through their body. We would have people on other parts of the Maloka, screaming from the terrors of visions, of fear that they were having and shaking,
We’d have people moaning and talking to themselves. There were people that were, there was all kinds of different things happening. Here I was just puking, just vomiting for six hours. So, I thought, man, like these people, for these people they’ve come to experience a beautiful journey of ayahuasca. When you listen, it’s like being in a frat house, being in a frat house, listening to me puke all night, right? I wasn’t the only one puking. Everybody has some purging experiences, but maybe once or twice they purge out whatever is in them that they’ve been hanging onto physically and energetically. Then usually the visions start to kick in and they go on their journey.
I puke, and puke, and puke, and puke, and purge and purge and they were just keep going, all night long for two and a half weeks. Seven ceremonies. Then on the eighth ceremony was Wednesday, right? It was the third week on a Wednesday and the curandero, which is the shaman. Curandero is the shaman who sings the icaros, right? Moves the energy with sound. She had a pipe that was baked in ayahuasca, and she’d smoked tobacco out of it. She gave it to one of the facilitators, filled it with tobacco.
I mean, this was a deep pipe, brothers. This is not like a corn cob pipe. This was a pipe that was three or four inches deep. I had a bowl of three or four inches and it would go up and you’d smoke it and she filled it with tobacco and she gave it one of the facilitators and said, “Take this to Kevin and have him smoke, until it’s gone.” I smoke it. They have me smoke it, all of it. I don’t smoke tobacco. Okay. I’ve smoked [inaudible 0:27:40], I’ve smoked bufo, I’ve smoked marijuana, I’ve smoked many things, but I don’t smoke tobacco. I had a really bad experience with nicotine when I was a kid and it was cigarettes, so it was probably the chemicals and the tar and the oils and whatever other junk they put in there, but it was a horrible experience.
Basically, my mom didn’t want me to smoke cigarettes, so she gave me a pack of cigarettes, locked me in a closet and told me to smoke them, smoke them all. It did the trick. I never wanted to smoke again. I had to clean out the closet, because there was vomit everywhere. You could call that child abuse today, but back then it was a way to prevent your kids from smoking. Teach them how horrible it feels and they’ll never do it again. It worked, because I never did it again. But here now, I’m 40. I don’t know what I was, 42, 43 years old, 41. Again, I don’t know how old I was, but I’m in my 40s and I’ve got to pipe in my hand being told to smoke it, till it’s gone.
I go, “Oh, man. Here we go. Right? I’m already vomiting, I’m already purging. It’s already coming out of me. What’s the idea here? What does she want?” Like, I don’t know. I just smoke it till it’s gone, smoke all the tobacco. Oh, man. Okay, here we go. I light it up, take a puff, vomit, right? Oh, my God. Tobacco, as soon as tobacco gets into my body, like oh, I can feel the nausea, it just comes and it rips through me, like, oh, vomiting, vomiting, vomiting. Of course, whereas I vomit, poor me, poor me, poor me. Oh, poor me, poor me, poor me. Why am I vomiting? Why do I have to smoke this? Why is nothing happening with the ayahuasca. Poor me, poor me, poor me.
I take another, and light it up again, take another big puff. Oh, it’s all coming out. Poor me, poor me, poor me. I do this, four or five times. Then I put my finger in the pipe. Because of course, like I told you, as a kid and even to my adult, I smoked a lot of marijuana, I knew how to work with a pipe, a glass pipe, and I knew that as the flower turns into carbon, it turns into ash, you got to push it down, you got to like mash it up a bit. I just took four or five hits, pushed it down a little bit, took four or five more hits, push it down a little bit. I started to realize like this pipe is not getting any lower. The tobacco is not getting any lower, the tobacco is still at the top. I even had to get out my light. They don’t like lights in the maloca during ayahuasca, because it happens at nighttime, all ceremonies are at night. They like it nice and dark. It helps with the experience, but you’re allowed a little tiny light, just in case you need to, like find your water, your puke bucket, or if you’re way to the toilet or whatever.
I had a little light, a little red light a little infrared light. I looked in there, sure enough, the tobacco was still right at the very top. It was brown. It was brown, and at the top, as if I hadn’t smoked it at all. I’ve taken five, ten hits, like what is this magic? What is going on here? What am I experiencing? I put my light down, like well, maybe I’ve lost my mind, right? Maybe I don’t understand, maybe I haven’t really smoked it at all. Maybe the flame has been too far from the flower, maybe I’m not getting it, or it’s not burning, maybe something else is going on, but I’m just losing my mind. I’m like, “Okay, I’ll keep going. I’ll keep going.”
[0:30:32]
I light it again, smoke it again, four or five hits. After every hit, I’m vomiting, I’m like, “Why me, why me?” Pity me, vomiting, vomiting, smokes some more, pity me, vomiting, vomiting, wondering if everybody else is hearing this. Wondering what other people are thinking. Wondering if they’re worried about me, right? Is anybody concerned about me, because all I’m doing is vomiting, you guys are out there enjoying yourself, you guys are having orgasms, and I’m vomiting. You guys even care, right? This is all happening.
Once again, I get out my light and I look, and once again, now I’m feeling this smoke in my lungs. I’m feeling it in my body. I know I’m hitting this stuff. I know I’m hitting this tobacco, but I get my light out and I look. Once again, it’s at the top of the pipe, and it’s like, it’s never been lit, it’s like, it’s never been hit. I just can’t believe it. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s happening. I start to really freak out, because now I’m thinking, well, if this isn’t going anywhere, am I going to be doing this all night? Am I going to be smoking this all night? Is this some magic? Is this some weird experience that I’m having with ayahuasca where I’m just supposed to like smoke this pipe all night, like the tobacco is not going to burn.
It’s going to come bust into my lungs, I’m going to get the smoke, but this is not going to burn. It’s going to last forever. Sure enough, I take it three, four more hits, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit. Then something changes at this point. Oh, excuse me. I’m feeling it. Actually, I’m feeling the experience myself right now. Something changed at that moment instead of purging and saying, why me? The purge became a thank you, it became a gratitude, and it wasn’t a conscious thing. It was not conscious, brother. It’s not like I said to myself, “You know what? The only way I’m going to get this tobacco to burn is if I switch from self-pity to gratitude.”
It’s funny, right? It’s like, if it wasn’t a conscious thing, it’s not like I was aware of this thought. It’s just like, it erupted from within me. It was like, I was bending over the bowl – the facilitators were great because they’d bring me a bowl every 30 minutes. It was just insane how much I was purging. I didn’t even eat that much. I mean, we were in a retreat center, where we were only being fed a couple meals a day, and they were ayahuasca diets. It was no salt, bland vegetables, bland rice, and maybe a hard-boiled egg. We really weren’t getting that much and I was purging all night, so where was this coming from? Again, that was the other mystery.
I’m bending over this bowl, this plastic bowl. All of a sudden, there was just this shift within my body, within my heart. It went from, why me, to thank you. Like I say, you can probably hear it. I’m trying to hold back tears, actually. I’m trying to hold back this emotion because I can feel it now. I can feel the gratitude even now.
I started to be grateful for every purge. I started to say, thank you for every time something came out of me. It was like, thank you. It wasn’t like, “Oh, this is so painful. Oh, why is this happening?” It was, thank you, thank you, thank you for everything. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the tobacco. Thank you for the ayahuasca. Thank you for the vomit, the purge. Thank you for the Moloka, Thank you for the people. Thank you for the mat that I’m lying on, for the light that I have to look at this tobacco. Thank you for the singing from the coup d’adero, Thank you for the moon that’s in the sky and the stars that are out there. Thank you for the trees and the animals that I can hear and the insects that are buzzing, and thank you for everything. Then I would take another hit, and then it happened again.
I would vomit and there would just be this thank you coming out of me. Rather than the agitation and anger of why me? Why am I not experiencing what they’re experiencing? Why am I not getting out of ayahuasca what I had expected to get? It just came out of, thank you, thank you. It just kept coming out and this thank you, thank you, thank you. Everything just became so – I just was filled with gratitude. I was filled with gratitude for every – I was eager to take another hit. You could imagine, I was eager, because I was in such gratitude.
I realized that this was for me. This was working for me. Not against me. I wasn’t the victim here. I was the recipient of the blessing. I took another hit and I vomited again. It just kept coming out, just more thank yous. It became audible at one point, where as I was purging, as I was vomiting, “Bla-ah-ah, thank you. Bla-ah-ah, thank you.” As I was vomiting, you could hear – people could hear me say thank you, because the next day they would say that in the circle, in the sharing circle. Like, “Yeah, we could hear you. You were just in such gratitude about your vomiting.”
I was crying, I was vomiting, I was saying thank you. After four or five hits, I put my finger in the pipe and there was ash. There was ash in there. I pushed it down and I took some more hits. I vomited and I said thank you and it just kept coming out. Again, I put my finger in there and my finger got deeper and it got deeper and deeper and deeper. Finally, I finished the pipe. I’ve been able to smoke the whole pipe. I emptied it out. The facilitator, Drew, he came over and I gave him the pipe and he took it back to Lydia, the Curandero, and that was it. That was the story. That’s the story of the miracle that happened because I believe, I still believe to this day that if I had not shifted that energy and it wasn’t me.
That’s the thing, it wasn’t any form of I that I know. It wasn’t Kevin. It wasn’t Kevin and it wasn’t a low version of Kevin, it wasn’t a high version of Kevin. It wasn’t my lower self, it wasn’t my higher self. It wasn’t the Kevin that makes mistakes and it wasn’t the Kevin that has accomplishments. It wasn’t any of that. It was just there. All of a sudden, it was there flowing out of me.
I believe that if that energy hadn’t shifted, if that hadn’t come out of me if that gratitude hadn’t come, I would still be in that maloca, smoking that tobacco pipe to this day, because I would never have emptied that pipe. That flower would never have burned. The only reason that flower started to burn and started to lower, started to empty that pipe was because I became grateful for the process. It was because I wasn’t rejecting the process anymore because I had finally learned to let go. Because I had let go of what I had expected. I let go of what I wanted. I let go of who I thought I was.
I hadn’t given anything up. You see brothers, that’s the whole point of this podcast episode is I didn’t have to give anything up. I didn’t have to push anything away, and I didn’t change. It’s not like I went into the maloca that night and then the next morning, I was a completely different person. I was still the same guy. I look the same, I thought the same, I acted the same.
There’s nothing different about me, except for in that one moment, that one moment there was an energy shift. It’s not like I had stopped doing all the things that I had done. It’s not like I had made a career change, or broke up with my girlfriend, or decided to move cross country. There’s no midlife crisis here. I didn’t have a massive change in my personality. I just let go. I just let go of my expectations. I just let go of the models and the manuals that I have for the way the world is, or should be. That’s the letting go. That’s where you let go and you just say, “Okay, I let go. I surrender. I give up. I give up.”
[0:37:45]
In that state, in that moment, what is surrendering? What is giving up? The not you. Who you think you are is giving up. Who you think you are is surrendering, because who you think you are can no longer live in that state, when it’s met with these miracles, when it’s met with these situations.
I want to emphasize this as well, brothers. I’ll say this again. It wasn’t a conscious choice. It just happened. It happened when it was meant to happen. That’s the problem with process. That’s the problem with religion. Because anytime you think that there’s a way, anytime you think there’s a process, you will get lost in that process and that process will become your prison. There is no process. There is no way. Even the academy. I’m not shooting myself in the foot by saying this. If anything, I want you guys to know the truth. The academy is not the way. The academy is not the way.
The academy just offers you potential, possibility, and a chance to see what maybe you’ve never seen before. But if you get stuck in models of alignment and emotional contrast and all of the doing and all the stuff and all the ritual and all the dogma, then you’re just lost in the process. You’re right back in the world. You’re right back in it. You’re right back into expectation. As long as I follow this process, I’ll get what I want. You’re right back in it. It’s not letting go. That’s hanging on. That’s hanging on to who you think you should be.
Brothers, letting go doesn’t mean giving up something. It doesn’t mean taking all of your possessions and giving them to charity. It doesn’t mean becoming a different person, or moving cross country, or divorcing your wife. It doesn’t mean any of that. It doesn’t mean, with people go through when they say they have a midlife crisis. I’m not talking about any of that. I’m going to say, letting go, or detach. The Buddha used the term detachment. To detach.
Christ said, be in the world, but not of the world. That’s the same thing. Maybe Christ said it better because when Buddha says detach, maybe people hear, “I have to give up of something. I have to reject something. I have to reject the world.” What Christ said is “Be in the world, but not of it,” which is to say, you’re not rejecting the world. You’re rejecting your expectations. You’re letting go of your expectations, of your models, of your manuals, of your experience, you’re letting go of your past. You’re letting go of all the things that you use to create a safety net in the present, and you let go of it all. So, you can just be and experience the now, the present.
What are you letting go of? Nothing. You’re letting go of something that never existed anyway, which is a story, which is identity, which is ego. It never existed. Kevin doesn’t exist. Kevin is ink-typed on a piece of paper, filed in a county somewhere in Alaska because I was born in Alaska. It’s on a birth certificate. Kevin’s on a birth certificate. That’s what I’m saying to you. That’s not who I am. It’s a sound, Kevin. It’s a sound. That’s what it is. It’s not what I am. It’s a label. We get in it. We get stuck. Well, you can let go of that.
The moment we let go of that, what do we do? We flip the channel. Because when I let go of Kevin, I flip the channel from three to four to five maybe, because channel five is tourists, right? Channel two is male body. Channel three is Kevin and channel four is comfortable, I guess, because right now I feel comfortable. Grateful. A moment ago, I felt grateful. You could hear the emotion in me. I felt so grateful, I almost burst into tears. That was channel four. That was my gratitude coming through me. I was identifying with it, so much so it was difficult to continue to teach. Just had to flip back. Had to flip back into another channel, so I could keep going with you guys.
Letting go. I say this, and I’ll say this and we’ll end it here. We’ll conclude the podcast here. Letting go is not rejecting. It’s not renouncing. It’s not pushing away. It’s not giving up. It’s not an outward change. It has nothing to do with the external, whatsoever. Simplicity has nothing to do with the external, whatsoever. We talk about simplicity, I’m not talking about minimalism. Minimalism might be an effect or a result of simplicity, but I’m not talking about giving away all your possessions. That’s minimalism. I’m talking about being simple, having a simple mind, having an awakened heart, so you can be sensitive and you can be subtle and you can be closer to who you are, closer to that present moment, which is here and now, versus being complex, having a complex mind, which is full of thoughts and future and past and expectation and judgment and models and manuals and all the things. That’s complexity. That’s internal. It’s all internal.
Letting go is an internal process. It’s an internal process of surrendering your ego, surrendering your expectations, surrendering your wants and desires. Yes, I said that. Surrendering your wants and desires, because what do you want? Well, the question is not what do you want, the question is who are you, right? Because that’s who do you want, you have to ask who is the you that wants. It’s going to change. It’s going to vary based on who you think you are, because your body wants one thing, your mind, or your ego wants another, your emotions want another, your astral energy wants another, your mirror, if we go all the way to channel six, wants another. Who? Who is it? Who are we talking about?
Let it go. Let go and you will experience the truth. You’ll be able to see that we’re flipping channels here, to go back to the last couple of weeks. But brothers, again, I want to remind you that during this time, during December, there is the discount in the courses, but there’s also discount in the consultation calls. If any of these podcast episodes have you resonating, have you vibrating, have you in a frequency of alignment and you have questions, you want to know more, you want to go deeper, now is the time. Now is the time to reach out, to ask these questions.
Because I can sit here and talk all day. I can talk all day long. This is satsong. This is sacred. This is a sacred meeting. But a sacred meeting is elevated when questions can be asked and we can have a dialogue, instead of a monologue and that’s what I have for you today, brothers. Until next week, elevate your alpha.
[END OF EPISODE]
[0:44:47] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha: Your Guide to Shifting to the Alpha Mindset at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.
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