Today’s episode is about expectation versus intention, and how society has done us a disservice by conflating the meaning of these two words to the point where even Google has the definition wrong. Expectation has become such a powerful force that it has overridden the value of intention, and in order to become our truest selves, we need to change this.
Expectation and intention are not the same thing, brothers. After listening to this episode, you will understand why it is so important that we separate these terms and learn to live with intention, rather than expectation. Expectation comes from a place of lack, is results driven, and turns us into either people pleasers or manipulators. If we live with expectation, we are disconnected from the truth, which leads to cognitive spiritual suffering. On the other hand, when we live with intention, we are living authentically, though the primary principle, without judgement or control. This is the goal, brothers.
In this episode, not only do I explain the theory behind the two opposing concepts of expectation and intention, but I also share with you a number of examples of how you can become more intentional in your day-to-day life, which is a fundamental part of your journey to reaching your alpha state.
Want to know more about what I do and how I can help you? Sign up for a free 45-minute session with me, and I’ll show you how this works!
What You’ll Learn from This Episode:
- Certification courses that are available at the academy, and what you can expect to learn if you participate.
- How Google defines intention and expectation and why I disagree.
- New definitions of intention and expectation for you to explore.
- Why having expectations in a beta condition will lead to cognitive spiritual suffering.
- A recap of what the primary principle is, and how we can be intentional in this way.
- The binary nature of expectation.
- How to embrace intention, rather than letting expectations control you.
- An example which highlights the difference between expectation and intention.
- Why expectation prevents us from showing up as who we truly are.
- Lies that your mind will tell you when you lead with expectation.
- Examples of how to lead with intention.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Enroll for the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Academy here.
- Sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the Alpha mindset.
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
[0:00:32.7] KA: What’s up, my brothers? Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. I love what is happening in the academy right now, there are so many things going on. There is the certification course, class 001, which kicked off a few weeks ago and is going so strong, these guys are crushing it. Class 002 is taking registration now and class 002 will be the last class that combines the 1.0 curriculum and the 2.0 curriculum in the same course.
That’s kind of why I’m mentioning it now, I’m mentioning it now because I love what’s happening in 001 and I do want to let you guys know that I’m opening up registration for 002 because it’s going to be just like 001. Class 003 and onward will offer a split course. You’ll be able to get certified in the 1.0 curriculum separately from the certification of 2.0 curriculum.
I’ll explain more about that as it unfolds but I just want to throw that out there, for any of you that are really considering learning and utilizing this methodology in your life, whether it’s for setting up your own coaching business, whether it’s for working at the academy, applying the principles to your personal and professional relationships like employees or like raising children to make stronger bonds and deeper connections or just wanting to explore more of what life offers and get the best out of yourself while you’re living through the human experience.
Class 002 is open for registration. If you’re looking for self-discovery and personal development, enroll in the academy and begin that process. If you’re looking to learn a methodology that helps you connect with yourself and others more deeply and contribute to the evolution of all humans then enroll in that certification course.
Now, in addition to everything that’s going on in the business with the academy and the certification course, I’m also doing a lot of personal living, brothers. I am living my life, I am living my life to the fullest and I am not taking a moment for granted. I realize that I make bold statements on this podcast when I say that I can show you how to live the life of your dreams.
However, I back that up by being an example of what’s possible and I will continue to live and think outside the box of what society conditions us to do, say, believe and that will bring you the truth and freedom as an existential example. I am living according to intention and loving the human experience.
Now, that is an elegant segue into the podcast episode for this week my friends because, intention versus expectation is what we’re going to talk about and I want to talk to my brothers about intention and expectation because of the way we define these terms, the way we think about these terms, the way we move through life with experiencing the difference between intention and expectation.
[0:03:20.2] First, let’s define these terms, let’s define them or at least let’s present the definition according to Google. I went to Google to find the definition for these words because I have my own way of defining them in the methodology I use to guide humans through the self-discovery process and I’m going to get into that a little bit later this episode but I want to see what Google said because this is where we share the connotation, where we share the value of these words.
According to Google, the definition of intention, the definition of intention is a thing intended or an aim or plan. There’s still the thing intended, the thing intended is the outcome, right? The outcome is intended and the definition of expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
We’re still talking about the outcome, you can see how these could be synonyms, you could almost say that they are synonyms, the way these two definitions are so similar, that when you think about being intentional, does your brain – you, just you brother, does your brain make it mean that you are taking an action with the purpose of manifesting an expectation?
Does your brain tell you that an expected result is the consequence of an intended action? That if you’re conscious in your mind, if you have a mindful or an intentional thought around an expectation that that form, that result will manifest? Is that what happens? Does your brain tell you that the more intentional you are, the more likely you will be to achieve that outcome or that expectation?
Now, I’m going to offer you a different definition so that we can compare and think about these two words in a way that allows an opening up of a space for wisdom, from your alpha state. Both of these definitions, there is purpose in action leading to outcome and we will define expectation as the result. Listen, it’s the result of the outcome of action. That’s expectation.
Expectation is the result from the definition of action, it’s the form, where intention is the lesson from the outcome of action. It is the rod, it’s what we make it mean. There is a very slight yet important distinction here so I will go slowly as you follow me through this episode.
[0:05:41.1] Now brothers, when we expect, we are projecting a demand upon the construct that binds us to a result in form. It is a mental projection because it is binary, right? the expectation is either met or it is not, it is fulfilled or it is not, we look outward on to the construct for evidence of worth or value. “I am worthy or I deserve my expectation,” or not. Expectation we set for an outcome will ultimately lead us into the mental drama of anticipatory self-talk, right? Distractions from the present moment and inauthentic behavior.
The beta conditioned mind will do anything it can to elicit the expected outcome, including behaviors like people pleasing, validation seeking and Mr. Nice Guy characters. On the flip side, which is really the same thing but just on a different opposite, on a different extreme, you have the manipulation, you have the dishonesty and you have the bad boy traits. All of it drives you deeper into not-you conditioning and behavior and cognitive spiritual suffering. This is the way we think about expectations and form them from our beta condition.
Now, I want to offer that we begin to think about being intentional about our actions in a way that isn’t based around external form but rather, in a way that is based around internal self or truth. We begin to be intentional with our actions in a new way. We begin to make our actions intentional from the lesson we take from the neutral result as we derive it from the primary principle. When we set an intention for our action, brothers, the result, as it manifests in form is returned to us as circumstance and we constantly re engage with the result in the present moment through the oculus of the primary principle.
[0:07:36.3] If we remember, the primary principle is that everything is perfect, everything is love and everything is one. When we think about having an intention about our actions in this way, we are free to experience the present as it occurs for us. And I know you’ve heard me say this before; the moment, life, the universe, the circumstances, always is happening for us, our mind is now released from the drama of forcing an expectation based on what we think we want, which drives our awareness away from who we are, which is the present moment, which can only be discovered in the present moment.
You will experience your life in a completely different way with less drama, less suffering and less resistance. Everything is perfect, right? You remember this, everything is perfect, everything is love and everything is one. This is the primary principle and it means that everything happens for you because everything is you. You are happening with everything as it happens because you are one with it, it is you and you are it. As life, as time, as things happen, we are a part of the happening.
We are one with all of it, there is a power in the intention of mind when there is no anxiety, pressure or illusions around expectations. Expectation aims to bring something into what isn’t. It is born of a mindset of scarcity and comparison. I have an expectation for something in form and therefore it’s binary. “I expect this to be better or worse,” it’s like a close ended question, right brothers?
Close ended questions, when you ask these questions when the only answer could be yes or no. That’s what it’s like, that’s what the expectation is, it can either be the expectation as expected or not. It can either be yes or no, good or bad, and the following result of that or the expectation of that is that the mind then moves the subjectivity, that subjectively binary result, onto the self because that is what the mind thinks its job is, that’s what the mind thinks its role is, is to judge, right? Is to label, is to judge, to subjectify, to lay down, right? Right/wrong, good/bad, better/worse. It’s all of that. It’s all of that subjectivity.
[0:09:48.5] Bad result equals bad human. “I get a bad result, I’m not good enough, I get a good result, then I am good enough,” but either way, the result is the catalyst. It’s the result that makes me worthy or not. This is the illusion, this is the illusion of the mind that happens with expectation. Now, with intention, this is not the function of the mind. With expectation, the function of the mind is to measure the value of the self, based on the result of the action.
There is decision making authority with expectation. The mind wants to be clever in its endeavor to manifest the result. With intention, the function of the mind is to process, learn, conceptualize, and experience. There is no decision-making authority for the mind when you work with intention. It is simply a passenger, taking in the perfection of life through experience and through translation.
Now, brothers, I’ve done some podcasts on expectations, I’ve done a lot of episodes on expectations, so I want to go further into the concept of intention as it relates to this process. Because with an intention, there is a release of control. The expectation has the essence of control because it comes from scarcity, it comes from a need to be different, it comes from a lack, “I lack. I lack where I’m at, who I am, where I am, the universe, my present moment, the world is not good enough, I lack, I have this sense of lack, I need something else, I have an expectation to make me better, I need to make that happen, I need to be more worthy, I need to control my outcome because it reflects on myself.”
[0:11:14.0] With an intention, there is a release of control, there is no control. With intention, it doesn’t matter what the outcome is, because the outcome is discerned through the creativity of the mind. Intention allows for a creative mind, intention allows for an open and focused mind.
When you have an intention for your actions and you allow your mind to be receiving of your intention, you will find wisdom and you will discover yourself. When you have an expectation for your actions and you use your mind to attempt to decide and control, you lose connection with the truth and you suffer, regardless of what the outcome is, even if the outcome is in that subjectively positive place where you have that external validation, you will still lose connection with the truth and suffer.
Do you see the difference? I’m going to give you guys an example of expectation versus intention and how this example plays out beyond form. Because, it can be so close, the way we connotate these terms, the way we think about and define these terms can overlap in such a way that the mind just usurps control, it wants control, it wants to be your authority. I’m going to give you some example, let’s create this scene, we’ll create this scene around women, right? These broad and general thoughts that filter through the mind of men, to the mind of humans, we have these ideas around women.
[0:12:33.3] You see a woman, you find her attractive and you want to go talk to her. Now, remember this one, I’ve used this one many, many times. I usually use this with approach anxiety, if you’re married, if you have a girlfriend, it doesn’t really matter because any scene you want to create around approach or social anxiety is a perfect example.
I’m going to use the dating approach as an example; meeting women. You see this woman, thinking whatever you’re thinking, what are you thinking? What are you expecting as the outcome of your interaction with her because that’s where the mind is naturally going to go, you ask yourself.
Be honest, be honest with yourself brother, I’m not going to judge you. Look, no one’s judging you, no one’s judging you in your head, you are the only one judging you in your head. What is the expectation you have when you see a beautiful woman?
What is happening in your mind? Please stop judging yourself. You judging yourself is part of the reason why you have expectation rather than intention. Do yourself at least that service of stop judging yourself. I’m not going to judge you, be honest with yourself. What are your expectations?
[0:13:28.7] Your expectations maybe to talk to her, maybe to get her phone number, maybe it’s to have sex with her, maybe it’s to take her home in that moment, it’s like, I want to take her to the bathroom of this restaurant and have sex with her right now, but what are your expectations? If you can’t be honest with yourself, then you’re going to have a tough time understanding your own intentions.
What are your expectations? This will help you understand those intentions. Now, when you have expectations around the scene, you may not take any action to approach her at all. We go back to the scene, there is a beautiful woman there. Now, it doesn’t matter whether your expectation is to get her phone number or to have sex with her in the bathroom of the restaurant.
It doesn’t matter, the specific expectation doesn’t matter. It’s when you have expectations at all, you may not take any action. The universal truth plays out within action due to the fear over what it means in the mind to not achieve what’s expected and I’ve given this example many times brothers. You know this example, the thoughts can be various, “She has a boyfriend, I’m not good enough, right? She’s going to reject me,” all these very specific thoughts or even more specific about yourself is like, “I don’t know what to say, I’m going to be awkward. What if her friends laugh at me? What if the people who can hear me, what if they laugh at me? What if they judge me?”
The thoughts can be varied so it doesn’t matter. There’s a lot of thoughts that go on in the brain that are specific to you and other humans but the feeling is usually some kind of anxiety, right? It’s anxious and then the action is no approach. The result only reinforces whatever the thought is. The action, again, if we look at the model of alignment through the universal truth and the action is a no approach, the result of that action is going to be whatever the thought is.
If the thought is, “She’s going to reject me,” then the action of no approach creates the result of, “I reject myself ahead of time. I reject myself so that she can’t reject me. I reject me first, that way it will give her the opportunity to reject me because it is going to create evidence for my thought that she’s going to reject me,” you understand?
[0:15:18.4] If my thought is, “I’m going to be awkward” right? “I’m going to be awkward, I don’t know what to say,” then the result of not approaching her is I don’t have anything to say. I don’t say anything and that reinforces the thought, “I don’t know what to say.” I don’t say anything because I don’t approach, reinforce the thought, I don’t know what to say.
I don’t have anything to say and it just keeps that cognition running, you don’t know what to say, you don’t know what to say, you don’t know what to say. The thought and the result are connected and they’re tied but generally the feeling is going to be anxiety and the action is going to be no approach.
If there is an approach, if we’re looking at a different model of alignment, if we are looking at a different universal truth and there is an approach, you know sort of that courageous forced effort in the A-line, then the expectation is either met or not, right? Because remember it is always binary, so the result is either going to be met or not and the result is transferred into some sort of false sense of self-worth.
Either there’s going to be evidence for not being good enough, if the result is my thinking that, “She’s going to reject me, I’m feeling anxious, my A-line is to approach and my R-line is she rejects me,” so then there is the evidence for not being good enough. There is a result for that thought of, “She’s going to reject me because I’m not good enough,” or there is going to be the external validation through getting what I wanted or expected.
Maybe my thoughts or my actions are that I do get her phone number and now I have this external validation that I am good enough. “Oh see, look. I am good enough because I got the outcome that I expected.” You see how expectations play into the illusion of the not self beta condition? Yeah, I didn’t even mention.
[0:16:43.8] Now, those are just the basic binary outcomes. I didn’t even mention all of the behavior that occurs between the approach and the result much of which becomes a function of more not self-behavior, which I mentioned earlier, right brothers? All that conditioned behavior either to people please or to manipulate, either to be that mister nice guy or that bad boy depending on what school you’ve come from, what school of conditioning you’ve come from.
Well, you’ve come from a school of conditioning around complimenting and people pleasing and being mister nice guy, thinking that the nice guy is going to get the expectation or the outcome you want or whether you come from the school of the bad boy, right? The pickup artist or the other – that sort of like, “You know, let’s play a game. Let’s manipulate. Let’s get what we want out of expectation through this little game of not self-behavior.”
And we never really end up showing up as who we are. This is all due to expectation. Now, when you lead with intention, the move you make is through what you want to experience from the action in the moment. What do you want to learn? What do you want to see?
What do you want to have revealed to you through the love of the universe? What can you understand more about here in this moment? What could you have more knowledge about from yourself? What are you ready in this moment to experience? What are you ready in this moment to have revealed to you by the universe?
Essentially my brother, an intention is what you would track as a result of your actions as a gift from the oneness of love and perfection of which you are a part of and can never be separate from. The intention is the mental energy that you bring with you to the action. When you are intentional, you are not just conscious of the thought. You are also in the space to receive what it is you are given through the lens of that intention.
[0:18:26.6] If your intention is to receive truth, if your intention is to receive wisdom, if your intention is to understand knowledge then whatever is returned, whatever is delivered, whatever you receive from the universe is truth, is wisdom, is knowledge. It’s up to you to now use the mind to decipher that, not as an authority of who you are but to understand what you’ve been presented with.
When you have an expectation, your intention is still present, although it may be unconscious. The intention preceding an action with a mind focus on the result itself, which is the expectation, the intention there is to make yourself more worthy. Understand, it’s to make yourself good enough. It is through the result that you either find evidence for unworthiness or validation for temporary worthiness until the next time and it repeats throughout your life.
You’ll have an intention no matter what. It’s either going to be conscious or unconscious and when the intention is more conscious for you, the expectation will be less visceral and less important. Now, when you enroll in the academy, we will work directly in the mind and the thoughts around unworthiness. These, of course, are lies from the condition not self.
That’s what we do in the academy, we go directly to the mind, we go directly to washing and the deconditioning. We have to remove the conditioning, and it is not so much a removal as much as an observation. We begin to observe the conditioning and recognize that it is not who we are so that we can connect with who we are, discover who we are.
This is a process I use with my students to get right into effective change at a cellular level. For this podcast however, I want to offer you that you simply begin to focus on your intention rather than having an expectation. For example, what is the intention for approaching that woman? If we go back to the example, let’s go back to the example.
[0:20:14.2] That sort of example around, “I see a woman, I want to go talk to her,” right? We have these expectations, so what are your intentions around approaching that woman? What do you intend? You might say, “Well coach, I intend to get her phone number,” right? That would fit our definition of expectation, do you understand? Because that’s an outcome.
We are looking at the result. The result is you get her phone number, but in the human mind, if somebody asks you, “What do you intend?” you may say, “I intend to get her phone number because the way we use the word intention has to do with outcome. The first thing we want to do is begin to change the way we engage with the thought or with the concept of intention or at least the way we engage in our mind with the present moment through the mindset of expectation or the mindset of intention.
If you say, “To get her phone number, “if you say, “Coach, you know what? I just want to get her phone number” I would tell you first, that’s expectation. The next thing I would say is, “Why do you want to get her phone number?” and then we’d get into the whole intention, right? We’d start to find that intention. We’d start to discover what that is.
Now, most human brains don’t respond immediately with, “Well, because I want to validate myself as a man,” or, “Because I want to validate myself as a hunter. You know I want to hunt, I want to conquer, I want to know that I can conquer this woman by getting her phone number or by getting a date” or whatever or whatever it is that the expectation is or I want to validate myself as being attractive or any other derivative that the brain determines is worthy.
[0:21:34.5] “I want to validate my worthiness,” is essentially what it comes down to, when it comes down to intention. Of course, with the right questions, we always get to that source and 99 times out of a 100, the source is a sense of being unworthy that generates an expectation. Remember brothers, it’s the belief. It’s the sense, it’s the core cognition around unworthiness that generates the expectation because the expectation is only the test of worthiness.
It is the test to determine whether that binary outcome makes you worthy or unworthy. Whatever the expectation is, we want to find the intention. If we don’t lead with intention, if your mind is leading with the expectation as an outcome, then your unconsciousness is likely telling you stories, likely telling you these lies of being unworthy.
You know, if you lead with intention the expectation will fall away. If the intention is to talk to someone new or experience a conversation or develop your communication skills or learn something new about yourself, then the result is always affirmative and provided and the outcome in form is unimportant. You lead with this intention, it doesn’t matter what happens as a result, do you understand?
If my intention is to talk to someone new, it doesn’t matter what we’re talking about. It doesn’t matter what happens. It doesn’t matter what the content is happening in that moment. It doesn’t matter what the expectation is, it doesn’t matter what the outcome is. By doing it, there’s the affirmative. By having the conversation, by experiencing the conversation, by communicating, all of that is in affirmative. All of that is happening.
Some intentions, here’s some intentions, “I want to find out how I respond in this situation.” Do you understand how that is an intention and not an expectation? I want to find out how to respond in this situation. That is an intention. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is. It doesn’t matter what happens, my intention is to find out how I respond in that situation and with that intention, that is what I will do. That is what will happen.
[0:23:27.6] I will become aware and I will observe my response to the situation. My intention is already affirmative. Another intention is to reveal. I want to reveal. I want to have revealed to me what I need to know, whatever comes from the circumstance, whatever comes from the result of the action is revealing to you what you need to know.
Show me the truth, right? These are all broad general inclusive intentions when going into a new experience or when seeking courage in action. They are outcome independent and they allow the mind to be creative in its data receiving process. You will see with the eyes that are within you.
Now brothers, we are going to go much deeper into the mind next week. On next week’s podcast episode, we’re going to go much deeper into the mind and begin a journey into understanding the proper function of the mind. I have completed nearly three years of podcast episodes on the universal truth and I will always talk about the universal truth because it is the best tool I have of showing you, of really revealing to you your conditioning, of showing to you how you are living a life that is not yours, of showing to you how you are living an example of who you are not through the conditioning of the people that raise you, of the society, of the family, friends, surroundings, education, environment from which you came. The universal truth is the most powerful tool I have for that but now, now on the podcast it is time to take you all deeper into the heart of nature.
[0:24:53.2] I am so excited, personally, I am so excited to be alive living as a free human being. I am free cognitively, spiritually and physically. I live my life with intention, observation and wisdom. I aim to be an example of what is possible for all of you and when you are ready, I want to offer that you enroll in the academy and begin your journey of self-discovery.
There is nothing else on the planet like what we do in the academy and there is nothing else on the planet more important. It begins with one simple action, go thealphamalecoach.com and fill out the form that begins your process. Your journey won’t look exactly like mine. Brothers, I tell you about what I do.
I tell you about the way I travel, about the way I live, about what I experienced and your journey won’t look exactly like mine. It can’t be that and then that’s okay. By necessity it must not be because your puzzle pieces is different than mine. Your purpose, your image, your experience, your reason is different. That is the way it’s supposed to be.
The benefit isn’t what it looks like, the benefit is about the way it feels and the way it’s experienced. Freedom doesn’t come from the external, brothers. Freedom is not a function of relationships or money. Freedom comes from living as your authentic self without the fear created by conditioned stories. Enroll in the academy and stop the stories.
Discover yourself and live the life of your dreams. We are ready for you when you are ready for you to elevate your alpha.
[END OF INTERVIEW]
[0:26:28.2] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash your Alpha: Your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset, at the alphamalecoach.com/unleash.