[0:00:09.6] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach podcast. The only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here is your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
[0:00:32.5] What’s up my brothers, welcome back to the Alpha Male Coach podcast. I am your host Kevin Aillaud and happy new year. It is 2020 and it’s been 2020 for a couple of days. This should be the third, January third, that this podcast is released. Welcome to the new year.
Now, with this new year comes many new things, right? We want to think about our new goals, we want to reflect on 2019, all the accomplishments that we had, all the fails that we collected in order to get our successes. We think about everything that happened in 2019, what worked, what didn’t work, we readjust going forward in 2020, we reset ourselves for our new goals and so when we’re looking forward into this future, into what we’re willing to create, into what we’re eager to get out there and put out there into the world and to show the world all of our value. It’s going to be an amazing year for everyone.
Happy new year and welcome to it. Guys, this is the fourth episode in a four-part series on the results and benefits of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership. I want to start by reminding you guys about the analogy, right? The tree analogy. If you think about cognitive mastery and emotional ownership being this tree, the trunk of this tree.
The roots are how the tree grows strong and these roots are awareness, awareness of circumstance versus belief, right? Separating facts from thoughts, which is elevating the alpha state. From there, we get into creation, right? Thought choice, the emotional processing, massive action and results production.
[0:02:14.3] Those are the roots that create, that make that tree of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership strong, and this tree bears the fruit of the results and benefits which have been this series of podcast episodes. It’s future focus thinking, amazing relationships, indomitable self-confidence and the final episode today to finish this series which is mastery over your behavior.
Or, I like to call it also, conscious action. Let’s kind of start by talking about conscious action and why it is one of the results of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership. It really kind of just follows, right? It’s kind of one of these conclusions that follows from the premises. Because guys, if you just know the model, let’s just go back to the universal truth, let’s just go back to the model.
The universal truth is of circumstances being neutral. It’s our thoughts, it’s our beliefs about the neutral circumstance that creates our emotion, driving our action and giving us our results. From that CTFAR model, it’s very clear that if you’ve got this cognitive mastery, if your mastery over the T line, if you are there with thought choice.
If you are creating from your alpha state, your thoughts, you’re choosing what you want to think, you’re choosing what you want to believe, you’re choosing the thoughts that are going to get the emotion that you want to feel which is the experience of life. We experience life emotionally.
[0:03:39.9] When life is awesome and amazing, it’s because we feel awesome and amazing emotion. When life is horrible, terrible, it’s because we’re feeling horrible, terrible emotion. It’s all that vibration in our cells. When we’re in that place of cognitive mastery, where we’re choosing and creating the belief systems we want in order to have that emotional ownership, take the emotions that are going to serve us best, then you can see that these premise follow to a sort of known conclusion which is our actions are conscious.
We are determining our actions with intention, with purpose. We’re deciding how we want to behave, we’re deciding how we show up in the world and that’s what I mean by conscious action.
We’re not just at the effect of our emotion, we’re not at the effect of our beta condition which is the unconscious limiting belief thought patterns that are running at our brain, creating those undesired emotions, those uncreated emotions.
That then we either react to, avoid or resist. From that place of our choosing our thoughts, owning our emotions, that cognitive mastery and emotional ownership, we have conscious action. It’s almost like, I want to say common sense that this would be one of the results of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership.
[0:04:59.2] Because if you just follow the model, CTFAR and if cognitive mastery is in the T line, right? We’re choosing our thoughts, we’re creating our belief systems, and emotional ownership is in the F line, we’re taking ownership, our emotion, we’re processing our emotion when it’s undesired, right? When it comes into us from unwanted cognition, we’re processing and allowing it.
But at the same time, we’re also owning the emotions so that we can choose our cognition and create desired emotion, then that A line is always conscious, it’s always directed, it’s always purposeful, it’s always intentional. That’s why mastery over your behavior or conscious action is one of the results of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership.
But I want to spend some time talking about the benefits of that. The benefits of having that conscious action, of being always in control of your behavior, and there’s really two major benefits I want to talk about. There’s many benefits guys. You only do what you want to do and you never do what you don’t want to do, right?
That’s the overlap. There’s overlap in there of amazing relationships, there’s overlap in there of indomitable self-confidence, there’s the benefit of consciousness of how your actions serve you, right? You know how your actions are going to create your results or how you show up, which is some future focus thinking, there’s some overlap in there.
[0:06:18.4] There’s following through with your actions to build trust with yourself, right? You have a thought, you have a desire, you have a goal, you say you’re going to do something and then you follow through with what you say to keep integrity with yourself and that’s going to overlap with indomitable self-confidence.
There’s a lot of these benefits from conscious action or mastering your behavior that overlap with the other results of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership. But there’s a couple of ones here that I really want to talk about and the first is, there is a shift from this belief in innate ability to an infinite capacity.
That shift is form the beta condition, the beta limiting beliefs, kind of reversing the model or taking the model out of order to the alpha state of ‘I’m going to determine how or what my skills are and what I want to achieve, what I want to accomplish.’
Here’s what I mean guys. There is a common misconception about the way life works, where the model is rather than TFAR, right? CTFAR, there is this belief that your actions determine how you think and feel. You do something first and then based on what you’ve done, based on the outcome of your result or the result of your action, then you’d get to decide what you’re capable of, right?
[0:07:46.8] If you try something, if you try riding a unicycle and you fail, then now, you think that you’re just never meant to ride a unicycle or you’re never going to be good at riding a unicycle or you’re not meant to riding unicycle or you’re not genetically capable of running unicycle, right?
It’s almost like your actions, the results of your actions determine your capabilities and that is backwards, right? That’s the beta condition running the model backwards. When you develop cognitive mastery, when you develop emotional ownership and you start living your life according to the universal truth and looking at your model and seeing how your thoughts are creating your results, that result of mastery over your behavior, that benefit of switching the brain from believing that you have some innate capacity.
You switch it to an infinite capacity, you switch it to you being able to do anything that you decide you are going to do with your belief system. For example, Let’s say you believe that you’re not a good organizer or your organization skills are poor, right?
Your things and stuff, you know, you have clutter, your calendar, you know, keeping on your organizing of your time, you’re staying on your calendar, it’s just very difficult for you organizing meetings, whatever it is. You believe that your organizational skills are poor. Now, from the beta condition, there’s going to be a –
[0:09:11.8] You’re going to have taken action, to try to organize and you’re going to have evidence for yourself that you in some way failed at organizing and so your brain is going to tell you that you’re just not a good organizer, right? That your innate ability to organize is poor, it’s one of your ‘weaknesses’, right?
Versus your innate strengths, you have these in weaknesses. When you develop cognitive mastery and you learn this, and you get this result of having this mastery over your behavior, that switch that happens is you recognize that organizational skills is not an innate ability, it’s not a strength or a weakness that you were born with but rather, it’s a thought that you have about yourself.
The thought changes, the thought now becomes organizing is just not something that I’ve decided to focus on or develop in my life. It’s not that I have a weakness for it. It’s just something that I’ve chosen not to develop because I’ve been developing other things. It’s not about, “I’m having – this is just my weakness. I just don’t have the capacity for it or the ability for it.”
It’s that I’ve decided to spend time building capacity and ability in other things. Now, the benefit of this, brother, what happens is, and when you look at this from the model perspective, TFAR, you realize that your capacity, your ability in that A line is really infinite because your belief system, your cognition is infinite. You can think anything you want. You can create any thought, any story, any identity you want, to create an emotion and drive an action.
[0:10:51.4] That switch really turns your life around because it’s no longer, “I can do this,” or “I’m able to do this,” or, “I was meant to do this,” or “I have ability to do this,” or, on the flip side is, “I can’t do this, I’m not meant to do this, this is not the type of person that does this,” it’s like, “I don’t have this capacity,” right? “I was born without it.”
“I have something missing from me that other people have.” That is the switch that happens when you get the result of conscious action, that mastery over your behavior. Your behavior becomes a symptom of your cognition, rather than your behavior being innate and then determining your cognition or your beliefs about yourself.
That’s the first big benefit that you get from mastery of your behavior. The second one is something that I’ve talked about quite a bit actually. And that is the elimination of impulsive and compulsive action, which guys, really, it’s just to say that you stop buffering, right?
You stop taking unwanted action, undesired action. You stop avoiding emotion, which is to say buffering, right? You stop resisting emotion. You stop reacting to emotion, so there’s all kinds of actions that you eliminate. There’s all kinds of that beta condition, the symptoms of the beta condition that I’ve talked about on many previous podcasts, you can go back and listen to almost any one of them where the symptoms of the beta condition come out.
[0:12:16.7] It’s really not your behavior, right? It’s not your innate behavior of how you’re born, it’s, what’s happening in your brain. That’s why the mastery over your behavior is a result of cognitive mastery. Because your behavior is a symptom of your thinking.
Now, what happens when you eliminate impulsive and compulsive action. What happens when you eliminate buffering? Again, you guys can go back and listen to a couple of podcasts I’ve done on that already but let me just say this. You become healthier, physically and mentally.
You start looking at the world in a completely different way, because of the motivational triad that comes from the brain. You’re no longer looking at the world as a way to avoid pain and seek pleasure and work in this efficient way, work in routines and habits of unconscious thought patterns.
You start to take control and possession over your life and it’s so empowering and it’s so beautiful because this is your life. This is your life brother. This is your experience. This is your shot to enjoy and experience and determine and create and love and just have for you.
[0:13:23.5] This is your gift. When you have that, when you’re experiencing and taking that out into the world, you know that it’s coming from your thoughts, it’s coming from your story, the story that you’re telling yourself about yourself. You get to determine that, you get to choose that all the time.
Now, I want to add a caveat to this. I want to make sure you all understand. All you guys out there understand that when I’m talking about the results and benefits of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership, I’m not talking about some utopian place, right? Some place where there’s no pain, where everything’s perfect and everything’s wonderful.
The truth is, you will still feel uncomfortable. You’re still going to feel emotions. You’re still going to have thoughts. You’re still going to have experiences that will be in contrast to all the amazingness that you determine, all the amazingness that you choose. But here’s the thing about it.
You’ll still have that contrast and that range of emotion, it just won’t be determining your action, you won’t be at the mercy of that emotion. You won’t be running off to a buffer in order to avoid an emotion. You’ll handle that emotion differently and that’s emotional ownership which is why with emotional ownership, comes conscious actions.
[0:14:38.4] You’re no longer taking that unconscious action of buffering, right? Running away from whatever that discomfort is. You’ll still feel it, it will still be a part of your life, it’s a part of the human experience but it won’t be determining how you behave. It won’t be driving neediness or clinginess or it won’t be driving – watching pornography or watching Netflix or over working, over eating, over drinking. It won’t be driving any of that resisting and beating yourself up afterwards about what you did or how you felt or what you said.
That doesn’t drive any of that because you are consciously taking action. You are in control of your cognition, you have mastered your cognition, you are in ownership of your emotions. So even when that emotion comes up, you are still in control of your action. These two benefits of the result that we get when we have conscious action, the knowing of our infinite capacity versus the innate ability, right? That switch that happens in our brain that we are either born one way, right?
We have strengths and weaknesses and that switch that happens to the developing of the infinite capacity, that we can really live any way we choose and take any action that we want to take and stepping away from being emotionally unconscious, having our actions driven by that unwanted emotion or that unconscious emotion. Those two benefits really just clean up your life in so many ways. All of these benefits, all of these results overlap.
I mean future-focused thinking is how we focus on our future and how we maintain our actions in order to create the future that we determine. Amazing relationships, in order to have amazing relationships we have to own our emotions and act as our best self, act in the way we choose based on how we feel, and in order to have indomitable self-confidence, a part of that –
One of the first pillars, one of the three pillars of indomitable self-confidence is action based. It’s taking action to maintain integrity with the relationship we have with ourselves. So there is so much that comes from conscious action, from having mastery over your behavior.
Now guys, I want to talk about a couple of the tools that I use with my students to help create or help develop this result that comes from cognitive mastery and emotional ownership but I want you to know they basically come from two places, right?
[0:17:01.4] It is either going to be from a future focused thinking, making decisions ahead of time in order to stay on the action, keep taking action that you’ve determined will fulfill, will be living into your future self, or it is going to be living in the moment, right? So you have the future focus or you have the present focus, which is to elevate your alpha state and become aware of what is happening in your mind, in your cognition, and in your body in the vibrations in your cells, in your emotion.
So the tools are that, decisions ahead of time and awareness, awareness of the moment. So I am going to talk to you guys about a couple of these tools and I am going to be brief about them because I have really talked about these tools in other podcasts having to do with buffering and making decisions ahead of time. Now the two tools that I want to talk about really have to do with buffering, they have to do with changing an undesired action or attempting to change an impulsive or compulsive action.
But the truth is, is that guys, when you begin to understand the model, when you start utilizing these tools and seeing how your beliefs, how your brain, your mind, brother, it is so mind blowing. I just love teaching this because it is how you think. When you really start to see how your cognition is creating your results, your life, then you change that belief about yourself, what you are capable of, what you are able to do.
I’ve had so many students go off and do so many awesome things just by changing the way they think. They are not changing any circumstances, it’s just changing how they think about themselves. The story they tell themselves is there’s no longer this “I can’t do this,” for whatever the belief is. It’s, “Yes I can do this because that belief that was holding me back was all a figment of my imagination anyway. It was all coming from what I thought was a fact but was actually the thoughts about a fact.”
[0:19:06.1] So I want to talk to you guys about these two tools that are really having to do with buffering. Again, I want to show you how they have to do with either future-focused thinking, making these decisions ahead of time, which help you drive and maintain a conscious action, because even when you are feeling unwanted emotion you got to separate yourself from the moment, from what is happening in that moment, to what you’ve decided you want to become.
Because in the moment, what your brain is going to be doing, when you are making a change, when you are transitioning, when you are in the river, when you are swimming in the river of misery, when you are between your unintentional model, the model that you are driving now with the beta condition and the alpha model, the intentional model that you are shifting into, the story that you want to tell, the emotion that you want to feel, the actions that you want to take.
When you are in between those two models, call that space in between the river of misery, when you are in between those two, what’s happening is your brain is fighting with you, right? The brain, the beta condition that’s running the efficient program of your past is arguing with the alpha state, which is trying to rewrite that beta condition, which is directing and observing that beta condition to serve your future and when that happens, you have to come into awareness.
Because the beta condition is so illusive, right? It is so insidious, what it will do is it will try to catch you when you are down, when your alpha state is asleep, when it is dormant, and it will just hit you. It will hit you with those unconscious repetitive and familiar, and comfortable, thought patterns, and it will try to drive you into what your current results are. It will try to keep you where you’re at. So elevating your alpha state and having your decisions ahead of time help you deal with when the beta condition acts up, right?
[0:20:54.3] When it starts to give you the past, run those old thought patterns, you already have your future planned, right? You have your plan. You’ve got your calendar, you’ve got your decisions ahead of time. So these two tools guys and the first one is called an exception plan. With the exception plan, what we are talking about really is making those decisions ahead of time for changing unwanted, for changing impulsive-compulsive action.
If I am buffering with alcohol, if that’s my buffer and I am trying to cut back or eliminate my drinking then I make an exception plan for when I choose to drink and I have to make this exception plan, the rule for this exception plan is that I make it at least 24 hours in advance. What this does is it stops impulsive action. It stops impulsive drinking. I can, I mean don’t get me wrong, I could.
I could always do this but if I choose to stick to my plan. If I choose to keep that word to myself, develop and increase my indomitable self-confidence, maintain my future-focused thinking, right? Have an amazing relationship with myself then what I do is I make this exception plan and I don’t walk into anywhere and drink without having decided to drink at least 24 hours in advance because that way I cut down any possibility for impulsive or compulsive action. That is the exception. “I have made this choice ahead of time.”
Now with that exception plan, I follow through with that exception plan because that is the plan that I have made. That is my decision ahead of time for the person that I want to be, the person that I am determining to be, intentionally living my life. So if I am going to a wine tasting then I am going to say I am going to partake in this experience and I am going to enjoy this experience in the wine tasting even if I am deciding that I am going to cut back on my drinking.
[0:22:41.6] This is going to be an experience that I want to partake in and I make that decision 24 hours in advance. The other tool is being in that moment. It is called the 100 allowed urges tool and I know you guys have heard me talking about it. I think I talked about it twice because it is such an amazing tool. It is allowing the urge and the urges and emotion. The urge goes in the F line, right guys? An urge is a desire. It comes from over desire usually when we are buffering with something that has a high dopamine release.
The more dopamine we get, the more our body becomes desensitized to dopamine and the more we need to feel pleasure, right? So we need a higher amount in order to feel the same level of pleasure. So when we get this over-desire, what is happening is we have these urges and the more of these urges, the more intense they feel, the more they really feel like they are important, right? Because it has to do with our brain chemistry, it has to do with our dopamine.
So because it feels so important our body is driven to action, our body is driven to impulsive action. So to allow our urges is to sever that desire, is to shut down that over-desire, that over-connection to the reward that we get when we take the action of buffering. So the 100 allowed urges tool is super powerful for staying in the moment, for elevating your alpha to recognize the difference between the objective emotion, right?
The vibration in your body, the vibration in the cells of your body, the objectivity of what is happening versus the subjectivity of the way it feels because it feels so intense, right? Those urges that feel so intense, you just want to be impulsive. It is almost like you don’t have control but when you separate that subjectivity of impulsivity, of intensity, from the objective, “This is an emotion. This is a desire. This is a desire that I created with repetitive unconscious impulsive action and now my brain chemicals are telling me that I need more and more and more in order to feel just okay.
[0:24:55.9] In order to feel a little bit of pleasure.” When you have that knowledge and you separate the feeling, the subjective feeling from the objective truth, you start to sever the connection of desire and reward and when you allow 100 urges, that over-desire, the intensity of those urges really begin to diminish until it is no longer a part of your life.
Now, there is a whole other piece that goes along with that having to do with the story that you are telling yourself about the actions that you are taking. So that the emotion goes away or the desire for the action goes away but the tool of allowing 100 urges is how you elevate your alpha state to really take control over your actions versus allowing your emotion to drive your action, allowing your emotion to – sort of avoiding that emotion, which is the driving of the action.
[0:25:53.5] That concludes the four-part series on the results and benefits of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership. Now guys check this out, if you are ready to change your life today by learning the one skill and it is really just the one and only skill you need to take your life to the next level. There is nothing else you need, there is no how to, there is no action based thing that you need to take your life to the next level. It is all in your story.
It is all in your cognition brother. So if you are ready to change the story, if you are ready to go into your mind and learn how to develop cognitive mastery and emotional ownership, I’ve got the program for you. You’ve heard me talk about it before, it is the Spartan Agoge Program. It is a one year program, 365 days, and throughout that time, you will learn this skill. You will learn the universal truth. You will learn how to use the model.
You will learn and you will see how your thoughts are creating your results. You will learn how to become aware of the difference between the fact, the circumstance, and the thought, what you are thinking about the circumstance that is subjective in creating your experience, creating your emotion, creating your human experience, which is going to drive your action and create the life that you now have. When you learn this you will become a part of the creation process.
You will become a part of choosing how you want your life to be because you will be in a state of cognitive mastery. You will be thinking about how you want your life to be and determining what that story is so that you live your life intentionally and guys, the best news is all of these results, all of these results come from this one skill. You will learn how to create your life through future-focused thinking. You’ll determine what your future is.
[0:27:47.3] You will have amazing relationships with all the people around you. You will live in a state of indomitable self-confidence and your life, your actions, will be under your control. There won’t be any of these impulsivity or compulsivity or any of the reacting to the emotion either, right? None of that jealousy or clinginess or, you know, desperate neediness that comes from that beta condition, none of that, because you are in conscious control of action.
Even when you feel those emotions, you separate yourself from the subjectivity that drives reaction and avoidance and the objectivity, which you determine how you want to act. I invite you to join the team, go to thealphamalecoach.com, check out the top menu. At the very top, it will say Spartan Agoge Program. Click it, read about it. If you have questions, email me and if you guys have any questions that you are struggling with now.
If you’ve got anything going on in your life that you want a free 45 minute coaching call, you can find that on my website too. You can see how causal coaching works, you can see how your brain, how your thoughts are creating the problem that you have and you can chose to change that problem by changing the way you think. So check that out. If you have something going on in your life, sign up for a free 45 minute consultation with me brother and check out the Spartan Agoge Program.
Welcome to 2020. It is going to be an amazing year. I am excited about this year. I want to get you excited about this year so that you can make this year the best year of your life and as always, until next week, elevate your alpha.
[END OF INTERVIEW]
[0:22:29.5] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset, at the alphamalecoach.com/unleash.