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//Ep #61: Benefits of Amazing Relationships

Ep #61: Benefits of Amazing Relationships

Today we continue the cognitive mastery and emotional ownership series. This is the second episode and it explores the benefits of amazing relationships. Time and again we have spoken about relationships on the show. So, this is a dedicated discussion to the bounty of beautiful relationships.

We begin by exploring what relationships are. We discover before you can enjoy amazing relationships, you must first cultivate one with yourself! This is a pillar of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership. You will learn why once this foundation is in place, fostering healthy relationships will come into your life with greater ease.

Our current belief is that external circumstances, including people, affect our emotions and that to be happy, we must be in control. We will unpack some of the reasons this thinking does not serve us and see why it is important to relinquish control. By doing this, you will release anxiety and misplaced energy that you can instead channel into working on the relationship with your number one – yourself! You will also discover some of the tools you can use to develop this relationship.

After this episode, you will see why amazing relationships are simply about thought choices. You will be on your way to stepping out of the beta condition of self-judgment and into the alpha state of self-love where you reap the benefits of beautiful relationships.

Want to know more about what I do and how I can help you? Sign up for a free 45-minute session with me, and I’ll show you how this works!

What You’ll Learn from This Episode:

  • Why understanding that relationships are just thoughts will change your life.
  • When we are not in control of our emotions, we shift the blame to our circumstances. 
  • The secret to amazing relationships – focus on yourself and not on others.
  • The difference between obligation and willingness and why it’s an important distinction.
  • Acknowledge other people’s autonomy and your own and let everyone be themselves.
  • Three key pieces of advice to keep in mind when it comes to loving yourself.
  • Even though our default is self-judgment rather than self-love, we can rewire this.
  • Amazing relationships with ourselves are cornerstones to amazing relationships with others.
  • Discover the five roots of the cognitive mastery tree.
  • Learn about the reasons that amazing relationships make you feel less alone.
  • Why we should not listen to our ego which leads us to believe everyone is focused on us.
  • How healthy relationships make people-pleasing and manipulation disappear.
  • Two tools Kevin uses to improve relationships: identifying manuals and setting boundaries.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

  • Learn how you can enter to win one of five FREE coaching sessions here!
  • Sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the Alpha mindset.

Full Episode Transcript:

 

[INTRODUCTION]

[00:00:09] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.

[EPISODE]

[00:00:32] KA: What’s up my brothers? Welcome back to the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud, and happy holidays. Today is December 20th. It’s Friday, December 20th, and I just want to give a very quick shout out to all the people in the audience, everyone listening to this podcast now. Whether it’s the end of 2019, whether it’s into 2020, whether it’s 2025, it doesn’t matter. Happy holidays. Thanks for listening. If you haven’t already done it, go ahead and pause this episode to run back to iTunes and hit me with a five-star rating and review so that we can get back to the series.

We are in the middle of a series, the results of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership series. Today is the second of four episodes. First episode last week was on future focus thinking. This episode is on amazing relationships. So I’m going to start with just relationships. I’m going to start by talking about relationships a little bit and I do that a lot. There’s been a lot of episodes where I’ve talked about relationships.

So I’m not going to do like a whole big, long thing on relationships, but you guys need to understand a couple main points. Basically, the most important thing you need to know about relationships is that relationships are thoughts. They are just thoughts. Whether this is the first time you’ve heard me say that or the hundredth time you’ve heard me say that, when you really got that, like when you really have that concept imbued in your brain and in your body, in the knowing that you have about the world, then your life will be completely different. Because relationships are thoughts, thoughts are choices, and you have 100% control over your thoughts.

Knowing all of that, with all that being true, amazing relationships should be easy. It’s almost like, “Well, If I’m in control of my thoughts and all of my relations are just thoughts, then I can control every relationship I have and I can make them all amazing,” and that is absolutely true. But the problem is most people think that by controlling their relationship, they’re controlling the other person, and that’s not the case.

We are not in a relationship with another person. We’re not in relationship with people. We’re not in relationship with things. We’re in relationship with our thoughts about people and things, and we’re so confused about this like we’re under the impression that we have to control the world in order to feel good. We have to control our circumstances, which include other people.

You guys know that circumstances are our past, our present, and everything in the past and the present, which includes the behavior of other people. Because we don’t know how to manage our emotions, we don’t how to manage our mind, we don’t know to manage our emotions, we are under the illusion that how we feel is coming from our circumstance, and so we have to control our circumstance to feel good. This is the illusion. This is the cause of so much suffering, that we have so many rules for our relationships that we’ve stopped experiencing them. We’ve stopped going out and enjoying them, and instead we’re just locked into these expectations of how we think relationships should be.

Now, our relationships are just thoughts, brother. They’re just thoughts about another person, and it doesn’t matter if they are the most intimate person. It doesn’t matter if it’s your wife or your girlfriend or your parents or if it’s somebody that you work with that you see every day but you’re not really close with or whether it’s somebody that you don’t even know who they are like the person who delivers your Amazon packages. It doesn’t matter. Every single person that you’re in a relationship with, they are only ever in your thoughts about them. That is your relationship with them, your thoughts about them.

You might have a friend that you love dearly, that you have like really strong – You think he’s the man. But somebody else might not like him at all. They might think that he’s a jerk. Why do you think that is? It’s not because of your friend. It’s not because of him. The other person just has a different experience of your friend. The other person just has different thoughts about your friend. So that person’s relationship with him is going to depend on that person’s thoughts, and that’s how all relationships are.

I mean, I could go on. I could give you a hundred examples about this, but it’s as clear as day when we just look at politics. All you have to do is look at who is in the president, who is in the Oval Office today, and you can see that everything, all the relations we have with people are based on our thoughts about them. Because how can one man – It doesn’t matter which man you’re talking about, whether it’s a current or a former president. But how can one person be so loved and so hated at the same time? The reason is because it has nothing to do with that person. It has to do with the way we think about that person.

Your relationship with anyone depends on your thoughts about them. Your thoughts about them will depend on your expectations of them and how well those expectations are met. You can’t have love for someone. You can just have loving thoughts when you think about that person. You can’t be mad at someone. You can only have thoughts that make you mad. Another person can’t hurt your feelings. Think about that. Another person has no control over your emotions at all. You just have thoughts that create emotions that are uncomfortable for you. Once you really understand this, once you I think brought this into your being, your relationships will never be the same. Yet they’re going to be so much better in every single way.

Here’s the truth. Here’s the facts. Adults get to do whatever they want to do. Adult human beings have free will. They can do whatever they want. Trying to control them, trying to control any adult human being is completely futile. They don’t like it. You don’t like it. You’re an adult. So what does that mean?

That means that you get to do whatever you want, and that, my friend, is how you create your amazing relationships is by focusing on yourself rather than by focusing on what other people think about you. It’s all about the way you think about you. Not the way you think other people think about you. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, and it doesn’t make you selfish if you don’t. It just makes you a human being with free will, with the choice of what you decide how you want to live your life. That’s it. You aren’t responsible for how someone feels if you don’t want to do something.

Now, you might want to do something for someone, because they want you to. But this is different from feeling like you have to do something, because then you’re worried about them being mad at you or them punishing you in some way.

Look. Adults can lie. Adults can cheat. Adults can steal. Adults can, I don’t know, come home late. They can forget things. They can smell bad. They can leave their stuff all over the place. You can complain about it. You can yell about it. You can be passive-aggressive about it. You can give them the cold shoulder about it. You can freak out. You can do whatever you want. But when you start to let go of the idea of control that you are in control of what other people do or that you know what’s best for other people, then you start to realize how much energy you are wasting trying to get other people to behave in a way that makes you happy.

The only person that has the capability of making you happy is you, blood, with your mind, with your thoughts. Just work on your own thoughts and you’ll feel happy or you’ll feel confident or you’ll feel fun or you’ll feel excited or whatever you want to feel. But it comes from your cognition. You don’t have to change other people at all. Other people don’t have to behave in any way. You know what? Other people will appreciate it. Other people appreciate it when you don’t try to control them. There’s nothing better than being with someone who just loves you for the way you are, who just lets you be who you want to be and isn’t always trying to make you a better version of yourself or fix you or change you. That’s up to you if you want to do that.

It’s also quite interesting how much more fun it is to do things on your own and because you want to. Not because somebody else is out there trying to manipulate you or trying to make you feel bad when you say no or when you say yes, when you do what you want to do. You have to let go and you really need to let other people be who they are. That’s a huge, huge part of amazing relationships is recognizing that other people are outside of your control. But the most important thing about amazing relationships is the relationship you have with yourself. Really when it comes to cognitive mastery and emotional ownership, it’s all about how you think about you.

It’s funny because with my coaching, sometimes I’ll say things where my clients or my students are just like, “Ah!” What? What did you say?” I’ll tell them the truth. It’s like, “What? I’m trying to help you help yourself, blood. I’m trying to help you help you. I’m trying to help you like you better. It doesn’t make a difference to me if you like me. What makes a difference to me is if you like you.” That’s the whole point of having amazing relationships. You got to stop validating yourself through the way other people think about you and really only care about the way you think about you. Are you showing up? Are you becoming? Are you evolving into the person you want to be? Your relationship with yourself is based on your thoughts about you.”

So let me hit you with some stuff. Number one, you are 100% lovable. You got to know that. There’s nothing you can do to be more worthy of love, of being loved, or feeling loved. You have that capability. Number two, if you don’t love yourself, it’s a reflection of your choice not to love yourself. It has nothing to do with your lovability. It has nothing to do with your ability to be loved. You are the object of your love but your lovability will depend on your willingness and capacity to love yourself unconditionally.

Then number three, how you treat yourself reflects your thoughts about yourself. So you can very easily pay attention to how you treat yourself, what is the behavior, what do you do to your body and your – What do you do with your time. You’ll know how you think about yourself, because having an amazingly relationship with yourself is simply a commitment to think awesome thoughts about yourself.

I know that sounds so easy, doesn’t it? Why is it so hard? It’s hard because our brains are conditioned to look for the bad way. Our brains are conditioned to judge. That’s the beta condition. We spend so much of our brain energy judging ourselves that we have very little energy to love ourselves on purpose. Now, understand, guys, that the beta condition is the judgment. The beta condition slips in there when it wants to come down on a right or a wrong, good or a bad, a better or a worse. It’s the alpha state that stays in that place of curiosity and doesn’t make a judgment. That doesn’t run to one or the other. This is like the unconscious habit. That beta condition that’s – It’s tricky and it’s hard to break, and society doesn’t support self-love. I’ll tell you guys that.

People might look at you funny when you start saying that you’re amazing. But it’s not that you’re bragging. It’s not – You’re not bragging about yourself. You are amazing. We are all amazing and we should spend more time talking about how amazing we are and less time talking about how we aren’t. Stop taking that humility like wanting to be humble and taking it to the step of self-deprecating or ignoring how amazing we actually are, where we can’t take responsibility or we can’t take credit for our amazingness. We can’t take responsibility for that, because that credit goes to whatever created us, however we got here.

But what we can do is take responsibility for recognizing our amazingness. We can take that responsibility for knowing how amazing we are. Because of this, we can have amazing relationships with ourselves. That’s where it all begins. It all starts with the relationship we have with ourselves. Because once we have an amazing relationship with ourselves, relationships with other people becomes easy. We won’t spend time arguing. We won’t spend times putting ourselves down. We can spend time loving and encouraging and acknowledging our self.

Here’s the thing about that. I’m going to get into the benefits of having amazing relationships with other people. But it really comes down to yourself, and the reason why is because you never see the world the way it is. None of us are looking at the world the way it is. We’re only ever looking at the world the way we are. So it’s true with our relationships as well, because relationships are thoughts.

When we look at other people, when we’re in relationship with other people, when we’re stepping into judgment on other people, we’re not stepping in a judgment on who they are. We’re stepping in a judgment on who we are as we see them, because it’s still coming from our brain. The same person is going to have different people think different things about them, because it’s not about them. It’s about the brain that’s having the thought about them, and that brain is yours and mine and everybody else’s. So every single brain is having a thought about a person, and that brain is only reflecting back on the way it thinks about itself. So really it’s all about the relationship you have with you and cognitive mastery and emotional ownership.

Remember that tree that I talked about last episode. That tree that we have last episode, remember the roots? Number one, awareness, number two is thought choice, number three is emotional processing, number four is massive action, and number five is results production. Having this amazing relationship is really about thought choice. It’s about cultivating that skill of choosing your thoughts and choosing what beliefs you want to have to build the tree of cognitive mastery and eat the fruit of amazing relationships.

So, guys, what are some of the benefits here? Let’s get into some of these, because I want talk to you about some of the tools that I use with my students as well. It’s weird when I talk about the benefits of amazing relationships, because everybody looks at relationships differently. How we want, our desire on how to interact with other people is very unique to who we are.

Some people, they want to have amazing relationships where they’re very intimate, they’re very close, they’re very almost like a monogamous or almost like they want this marriage. They want this unit. Other people, they want amazing relationships where they can have multiple relationships with multiple people and just kind of move around. Almost like an open relationship with multiple people, with multiple partners.

So it’s really kind of a unique and up to you in terms of how you view what you want. There is no set structure of what an amazing relationship is, but there are things that are common in terms of benefits. Number one, with amazing relationships, you feel lonely less. Loneliness is an emotion that comes from the cognition I am alone. When you develop an amazing relationship, when you develop that with cognitive mastery and emotional ownership, you might still think I am alone and you might still feel lonely but you’re going to feel it a lot less for a couple reasons.

Number one, because being alone is not going to be a sad feeling. Loneliness comes – It’s like a derivative of sadness. You usually feel that when the thought I am alone and I don’t want to be, or I am alone and that makes me a bad person, or I’m alone and that means nobody loves me. So there’s that piece that comes with it that creates loneliness. But you can still think I am alone and feel differently when you think differently about being alone, when you have a different relationship with yourself and who you are when you’re alone.

A lot of us don’t want to be alone, because then we’re alone with our thoughts, and our thoughts are telling us things about ourselves that we don’t always want to listen to, which is why we get into buffering when we’re alone or we just go out and we use going out as a form of buffering. So you feel lonely less, because being alone with yourself is not a bad thing. You enjoy being yourself. You love yourself, so being alone with yourself doesn’t make you feel lonely.

Another benefit is the elimination of social and approach anxiety. Now, guys, I want you to hear me out on this. Because if you are struggling with social anxiety, if you’re struggling with approach anxiety, a lot of times it has to do with you thinking about the way that the other person is going to be thinking about you, and what you’re worried that they’re going to be thinking is the things that you think about you that you don’t like. I know that was a mouthful. You might actually have to rewind this podcast to hear that again.

But basically what I said is that your brain is telling you something about yourself that you don’t like. Maybe it’s that you’re too short. Or maybe it’s that you’re too bald. Or maybe it’s that your breath smells bad. Or maybe it’s that you don’t make enough money or whatever it is. But your brain is telling you these things, and then you are worried. The approach anxiety or the social anxiety comes in, because you’re worried that when you go to this party or when you go talk to this person that they’re going to be thinking the same thing that your brain is telling you about you.

That goes away. That goes away with amazing relationships, because not is it that you stop thinking those things about yourself because you might think that you’re short. You might think that you’re bald. But what happens is it’s not a bad thing anymore. It’s just the way it is like, “So what?” That’s who you are. That’s great. It’s a part of you, so you are not concerned about that, number one, that other people are thinking that. Because even if they are, it’s not a bad thing. But what you learn with cognitive mastery is that when you go to a party or when you go to talk to this person, these people are thinking the same thing that you’re thinking, which isn’t about you. It’s about them. You’re going to this party thinking that these people are going to be thinking something about you, and they’re standing there thinking that you’re thinking something about them.

All people are the same. That’s the fun. That’s the fun piece is that people are the same. We think – Our ego thinks that we’re so important that everybody in this room is going to be thinking about the suit that I’m wearing or the shoes that I’ve got on or whatever it is. But that’s not the case, guys. It’s not the case at all.

With amazing relationships, you stop thinking about what other people are thinking about you because you are thinking about the way you think about you, which is that you’re awesome, you’re amazing, you’re fun, you’re whatever it is that you think about you; intelligent, generous, kind. I could go on and on. Accomplished. It’s what you choose to think about yourself, and you’re not focusing on all the things that your brain is telling you that are bad. Remember that thought choice. You’ve decided what you want to think.

So approach anxiety, social anxiety, it goes away. You stop people-pleasing and you stop manipulating. I know this is one that is a struggle for a lot of guys, especially in relationships. When they get into a relationship, whether it’s a monogamous relationship or [inaudible 00:19:28] relationship of some kind or even if it’s with their boss or coworkers, there’s this people-pleasing thing where there’s a concern that if someone else is upset, it reflects somehow on you. By them being upset, it’s your job to kind of fix that. Prevent them from being upset so that you’re not looked as bad or that you don’t think something bad about yourself. All that goes away. I’m telling you all that goes away, because you detach your emotion from the way other people behave. You learn that other people’s actions come from the way they think and from the way they feel.

Again, guys, it’s the universal truth. It’s the model but it’s more than just knowing the model intellectually. It’s snowing and living the universal truth as an actual belief system where other people, when you start to observe them, you’re observing their thoughts and their emotions. You’re not observing them as attacking you or as coming after you or doing – Nothing is personal anymore. So because other people’s behavior isn’t personal, you no longer feel slighted or you no longer feel attacked or you no longer feel like this is – There’s no – Again, you think about road rage. It’s like that person is not cutting you off. It’s not you. They probably didn’t even look in their side view mirror.

So that’s where that amazing relationship comes in is it doesn’t matter. It’s not necessarily a road rage piece, but let’s say it’s your girlfriend or your wife. When they behave, when they do something, maybe they say something or maybe they snap back and you’re like, “Whoa! Where did that come from?” You it had nothing to do with you. It had to do with the way they think and the way they feel. Then you’re not showing up in this weird people-pleasing way.

It’s like, “Okay. So she’s upset, and I want to make her feel better. Because when she’s upset, I don’t want her to be upset. I’d rather her be happy because then I can be happy.” Then it’s all just weird. That doesn’t happen. So you get rid of all that. There’s no more neediness, no more clinginess, no more desperate behavior. All that kind of jealousy worrying about relationship and the tenuous relationship and whether somebody else is better than you is going to take someone or something away from you. So the jealousy goes away.

Really what it comes down to is this, and this is – I’m going to finish with this before I talk about a couple of the tools that I use with my students. It all comes down to this. When it comes to an amazing relationship, the cognitive mastery and emotional ownership skill set really teaches you to think less about what other people are thinking and more about what you’re thinking about yourself.

We have a tendency to be concerned about what other people are thinking about us. When we’re doing that, we’re showing up in that beta condition, because that’s not creating an amazing relationship. That’s creating a relationship of fear and scarcity and suspicion and just, “What is she thinking? What are they thinking? What is – What are these people going to think? I got to do this. I have to do that. I have to make sure that I’m saying this or smelling this way or –” It just creates a weird sort of crazy vibe.

When you start to think about yourself and choose the way you want to think about you, then it doesn’t matter what anybody else says. It doesn’t matter what anybody else does. Your amazing relationship with yourself dictates your relationships with other people because you are firmly rooted and grounded in the way you think about yourself that nothing anybody else says, nothing anybody else does is going to change that. Other people gravitate towards that groundedness, because they recognize that like, “Oh! This person is authentic. This person is not trying to manipulate or trying to show up in a way where they think other people want them to be. This person is themself. This person is relaxed, confident, comfortable.” It’s kind of like you’re like a flame that the other moths just going to hang out and are attracted to.

But even deeper than that, on a scale with you and other people, because that’s how you are with you. But with you and other people because you’re choosing how you want to show up with other people in your brain, in your cognition, in your emotion. How you think creates how you feel and how you feel determines how you act.

So how you act is going to come from the way you think about this person. If you decide that you want to be angry at this person and you want to show up angry, then you can choose to do that because you’ll think angry thoughts and you’ll feel angry emotions. If you choose you want to show up with love for this person, then you’ll think loving thoughts and you’ll feel loving emotions. It really is all about your thought choice and your emotional processing. Relationships aren’t about other people. It’s not about what other people do. It’s not about other people say. It’s not about who the people are. It’s all up to you.

Now, I’m going to talk to you guys very quickly about two of the tools that I help my students with when it comes to relationships. There are so many tools out there, because relationships are so misunderstood. They’re like the most confusing thing. Relationships and time, they’re like the two most confusing things about being a human being. But the two tools that I want to talk to you guys about are manuals and boundaries. I’ll make this quick. I do have some podcasts. I do have some previous episodes on manuals and boundaries.

But essentially, it’s like this. Manuals are what we use when we expect someone to behave a certain way in order for us to feel a certain way. I want you guys to hear how that is a violation of the universal truth. We tie our emotions onto somebody else’s behavior and then whether we tell them or not, we expect them to behave that way so that we can feel a certain way.

Now, ironically, and maybe even surprisingly to you guys, there are some therapies, and I’ve had students come to me, even as recent as yesterday and tell me that they’ve gone to marriage counseling and that the marriage counselor told my student and his wife to write down or tell each other all of their needs that they want fulfilled so that they can live in a happy functional marriage. I’m telling you guys, this – It just doesn’t work. It’s emotional bondage. It’s emotional blackmail. It’s like, “As long as you do this and continue to do this for the rest of our lives, I’ll be happy.”

Now, that’s so weird, isn’t it? It’s so weird for me to hear that or to think that that someday could say that, because what they’re doing is they’re abdicating their happiness to somebody else’s behavior. If somebody else decides to behave a certain way, then they’re going to make it mean that, “Yay! I can be happy because this person loves me.” If this other person doesn’t do it or forgets to or just doesn’t have the time to or is focused on something else because their life is – They’ve got their own thoughts and emotions to deal with, then you make it mean that all of a sudden they don’t love you, they don’t honor you, they don’t respect you, and things get crushed. They get toppled. It’s so interesting, because there’s no responsibility for your emotion. It’s almost like – It’s like you say, “Yeah. I’m going to clasp these handcuffs on you, these emotional handcuffs, and as long as you wear these handcuffs, I’ll be happy. But as soon as you take them off, as soon as you start to do something different, then I’m not happy anymore. My emotions are completely out of my control.”

Those manuals do so much damage to relationships, even if you wanted to, even if you chose to do everything. Let’s say your wife or girlfriend made a list of all the things that she wanted you to do for her to be happy. Even if you chose to do those consciously and made an effort to do them, there would be times where you just wouldn’t, where you just decided either decide not to or you forget or something happens. I mean, there would be times when you don’t, and to have that sort of responsibility over the way somebody else feels, which you know drives action is amazing to me. It’s amazing that people can think that. But they do, and the manuals harm relationships because of what I just said, because of the emotional blackmail and emotional bondage.

So the goal with manuals is to identify them to find out what kind of manuals we have for people, including ourselves. Guys, we have manuals for the way we should behave as well. That’s when we start to be ourselves up for doing something that goes outside of our manual. It’s like, “Why did I do that? I should never have done that.” Or we get into spin. So we have to identify what all of our manuals are. What kind of expectations do we have for other people and ourselves that we’re putting out there in order for us to feel or that we’re allowing our emotions to be attached to? We want to get rid of those. We want to get rid of all manuals. We don’t want our emotions to be attached to any action, whether it’s somebody else’s or our own. Our emotions come from our thoughts, and only our thoughts and our thoughts and emotions are 100% in our control.

So that’s number one is the manual. But the other tool that I work with with my students is called boundaries, and boundaries are very, very different than manuals, and they’re very, very important for relationships. Because when two people are focused on making themselves happy, when they’re in there – When two people are in their own alpha, they’re in their alpha state and they have learned the skill set of cognitive mastery, so they know that their emotions are determined by each other’s behavior, then they can come together and they can create a life together. But in order to do that, they have to have boundaries so that they communicate to each other what it is they will and won’t do.

So a boundary has nothing to do with emotion. A boundary says, “If you do this, then I will do that,” and it’s created to keep yourself safe. The analogy or the like example that I like to use a lot has to do with drinking. That’s if you drink at the bar, then I will take an Uber home or then I won’t get in the car with you, because it has nothing to do with your emotion and how you feel about your girlfriend drinking. If your girlfriend wants to drink, then she can drink. You’re not saying to her, “If you drink, I’ll be disappointed,” Or, “If you drink, then you’re a bad person.” Or, “If you drink, then I’m going to yell at you and be mad at you and blah, blah, blah.” You’re not giving her that emotional guilt trip. It’s just basically like, “Yeah, go ahead. You go ahead and do you. You do what you’re going to do. But if you do that, then I’m taking an Uber because I’m going to protect myself. I’m going to protect my own life.” So it’s not an emotional thing. It’s a physical thing.

Boundaries are so important so many different ways. There’s a lot of different examples I can give you about boundaries. But with manuals that we want to get rid of, we want to stop tying our emotions to other people’s actions. With boundaries, we want to add. We want to start telling people and giving people very clear instructions on how we will act when they act a certain way. Then we have amazing relationships. Then we have a relationship where you know what you want, you know the relation you have with yourself, because it’s your thoughts about yourself.

You know what you want to have in relationship with other people because you know what your boundaries are and you know that you aren’t going to hold a manual up for it how you expect people to behave, then you are in that control. That, my friend, is the money spot. That is the place to be. That is how you create amazing relationships with cognitive mastery and emotional ownership.

Now, it is December 20th, so we are getting ready to get into 2020. Amazing relationships are a part of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership, and they are part of what we’re going to be doing throughout the entire year in the Spartans. We talk about relationships a lot. We talk about confidence. We did have a whole month on relationships. Guys, if you’re ready, if you’re ready to make a change in your life, if you’re ready to become more of who you are by growing, by evolving into the next version of yourself, then check out the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Agoge Program. 2020 is going to blow your mind. I know I’ve said it before. I’m really, really excited. You can still get involved with December. We still have about 10 days left where you can put together your impossible goal and we can start setting up your fails. But it’s getting close. I really recommend, if you’re going to get involved with the Spartans for the 2020, for the impossible goal, you do that now.

In 2020, starting in January, I’m offering some new ways for you to start your Cognitive Mastery and Emotional Ownership Agoge Training. So check it out. Go to thealphamalecoach.com and click on the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Agoge Program. Read all about it. It is an amazing program. It’s all inclusive. Guys, it will change your life when you put the work in. But what I’ve done is I’ve added a couple tiers for you guys who have been interested in joining the program, who want to join the program but are just looking at how you can do that with your schedule. So go ahead and check that out, thealphamalecoach.com. At the very top in the menu, click the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Agoge Program.

Have an amazing weekend. Have an amazing week. Have a very, very Merry Christmas, and I will see you guys next week. Elevate your alpha.

[END OF EPISODE]

[00:32:44] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you have enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.

[END]

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By |2019-12-19T10:08:31-08:00December 20th, 2019|Podcast|2 Comments

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2 Comments

  1. Christian Jurado December 22, 2019 at 10:26 am - Reply

    This is a great podcast. I have to listen to this over and over right now. Going through some issues in relationships. Thanks Kevin

    • kevinaillaud January 16, 2020 at 4:57 pm - Reply

      Glad it helps you!

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