Today, I want to talk more about what being an alpha male means and the difference between an alpha and a beta. This stuff can be pretty conceptual but once you understand how our brains work, it will all come together.

I’m not talking about a particular group of dominant powerful assertive people. I’m not talking about comparing people, in fact. What I’m talking about is a mindset. I’m talking about a psychological paradigm shift from a beta state, from a state of animalism, from a state of scarcity, from a state of sustenance or fear to an alpha state, an alpha mindset, which is a state of abundance, which is a state of love, which is a state of inclusiveness.

Join me on this episode for a break down of the alpha vs beta and how our brains are at the root of our powerful ability to change how we think, the emotions we feel, the actions we take (or don’t take), and the results we see in our lives every day. This is exciting stuff, guys. Exciting and so powerful. Let’s get started.

Are you ready to unleash your alpha but you’re not sure where to start? Enter to win one of five FREE 30-minute coaching sessions here.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • The old definition of alpha (and what you’re probably accustomed to thinking when hearing the phrase “alpha male”).
  • What it means to take extreme responsibility for the things you can control… and why you want to.
  • How our conscious and subconscious brains play into our thoughts and actions.
  • Why beta state such a common problem.
  • How the way most of us were raised affects our beliefs about our capabilities.
  • Why taking extreme responsibility, being in the alpha state, serves your life more than functioning in the beta state.
  • Some traits of an alpha male.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

  • Learn how you can enter to win one of five FREE coaching sessions here!
  • Sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset.

Full Episode Transcript:


Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha-mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.

What’s up, guys? How is everybody doing today? I hope everybody’s doing outstanding today. I’m up in Portland, Oregon. I’m in the Pacific Northwest. My family is here. I’m here for the summer. And I’ve got to tell you, guys, if you’ve never been to the Pacific Northwest in the summertime, I highly recommend it.

I’ve been lots of places in the world; 26 countries, I believe, the last time I counted, and I love the Pacific Northwest in the summertime. It’s absolutely beautiful. I try to come back here every summer and visit my family, but also take advantage of this beautiful place in the world.

Guys, today, we have a really conceptual teaching, okay. We’re going to talk about, what is an alpha male? The first thing I want to talk about is the old definition. In biology, the definition of alpha male is, one, a male animal having the highest rank in a dominance hierarchy. And two, the most dominant, powerful, and assertive man in a particular group.

Now, that definition is fine for biology. It serves biology in the animal kingdom and it will work. It does not work for what I am coaching. It does not work for my clients because I’m not talking about a dominance hierarchy. I’m not talking about a particular group of dominant powerful assertive people. I’m not talking about comparing people, in fact.

What I’m talking about is a mindset. I’m talking about a psychological paradigm shift from a beta state, from a state of animalism, from a state of scarcity, from a state of sustenance or fear to an alpha state, an alpha mindset, which is a state of abundance, which is a state of love, which is a state of inclusiveness.

Now, a working definition that we can use for an alpha mindset is this; an alpha mindset is taking extreme responsibility for the things you can control, which are your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, and your results, and not trying to manipulate, place blame upon, or complain about the things you cannot control; which would be the past, the world as it is, or other people.

Okay, now that’s a working definition that we can use for alpha male mindset, or alpha mindset. But here’s the thing with alpha mindset – here’s the thing with alpha state of being; it’s much more cognitive than this old definition of alpha male.

The alpha mindset is more cognitive. The alpha state of being recognizes the enormous difference between human and animal. The alpha mindset is at the threshold of being human. The alpha male is no longer just another one of nature’s species, okay. It is where we now have created this separation between the human being, the use of our consciousness, and our animal, or our subconsciousness.

And finally, the alpha male, or alpha state, knows no suffering. He develops and trains his humanness rather than vacillating and swirling in the turbulence of his own animalistic needs. Again, this is the big shift here. When we’re in that lower level of animalism when we’re needy and we have lack and we have fear and we have doubt, that is not alpha; that is worry, that is fear. That is not humanness; that is animalistic.

That is where we are in our animal state, we’re in our beta state. Alpha state is in our human state. Now, the brain essentially comes in two parts. There’s the subconscious and there’s the conscious brain. The subconscious is kind of like that animal brain and the conscious is that human piece.

The subconscious is the survival brain. The subconscious is the fear. The subconscious is the worry, the doubt. Now, this brain is important. This brain has kept our species alive a long time. They protected us when we were in the cave, right? It protected us from predators. It protected us from disease, from famine, from the elements. We need this brain. This brain is fast. This brain is powerful. This is where our habits are. It’s very powerful. It’s very fast. It’s reactive.

The conscious brain is the prefrontal cortex, right, the frontal lobe. This is unique to humans. This is our humanness. The prefrontal cortex allows us to plan. It allows us to dream, to have goals. It allows us to learn things; complex things like language, art, sports. It allows us to think about things. So it allows us to be aware of our thoughts.

And it is what is the cause of deliberate action. When we choose to do something and we make it happen, we’re using our prefrontal cortex. We’re using our human brain. When we do something out of habit, that’s when we’re using our animal brain; when we just kind of do it and we don’t know why. We don’t even remember doing it because we just do it by habit.

The conscious brain is all the stuff we choose to think about. This brain is what makes us human and separates us from the animals, but it is slow and it is weak, okay. Remember, the subconscious brain is fast and powerful; it’s habitual. The conscious brain is slower and it is weaker.

Now, guys, beta state is when the subconscious brain is the primary operator of the machine, of the body, right? Beta state is displayed when you react to your emotions; when you resist or avoid your emotions. Beta state is not taking responsibility for how you feel and blaming other people or other things for how you feel.

It is being at the whims of the world, kind of believing that you are being pushed through life at the effect of the circumstances, nit thinking that you are the cause of your results, the cause of what’s happening to you, but just that you are at the effect of what is happening to you.

In beta mindset, people think how they feel and the results that they have in their life is because of something that happened in their past, something someone else did, like they’re blaming someone else, or for some other external circumstance, like something else happened and that’s why they have what they have, or that’s why they’re thinking what they’re thinking. This is beta state.

Now, this is not our fault and it’s not something that we do on purpose. Most of our parents still function in beta state, guys. And this perpetuates the cycle. In fact, society itself tends to lean more towards beta state as a culture, which keeps everybody in this state of emotional dependency. But you guys need to know that we are responsible for how we feel in every moment. We are in charge of how we think and we are in charge of how we feel.

When we are functioning in beta state, we are blaming other people for how we feel, how we act, and for the results that we have in our life; all our results, how much money we make, the job we have, whether we’re in a relationship or not.

Now, why is beta state such a common problem? What is the deal? I want to start by saying alpha state is a skill set, guys. It’s a skill. There are a few people out there who were taught the basic concept that you have complete control over your thoughts and emotions. But most of us operate as if other people and the world around us is in control of our emotions.

And this is evident when you hear people say words like, “I need to,” or “I have to.” Check your own language, guys. When you talk to other people, if you say, “I need to go to the grocery store,” or “I have to go make dinner,” these words and statements come from a place of beta state because they insinuate a lack of control over your own life. You needing to or you having to do something means that you don’t have control; you have to do it. Some outside influence is the reason why you’re doing it.

When you say, “I want to,” or, “I choose to,” these are empowering. These are examples of alpha state. “I want to go to the grocery store.” Or, “I want to go make dinner. I choose to go to the gym after work…” this is control. This is where you are in control of your own life. This is alpha state.

There is no class offered either in college or in high school, that I know of, that teaches us how to be in alpha state. Our brains are fully capable of demonstrating alpha state because we have the ability to understand our thinking. We have the ability to listen to our thoughts.

When we have the capacity to reflect on our thoughts, we can decide what to think and what to feel in any given moment or circumstance, regardless of what anyone else in our lives does. As children, we don’t have this capacity. Children believe everything going on in their lives is what’s causing their feelings.

Now, the crazy part is, the adults who raise these children are still operating in beta state themselves. So they’re not only operating in beta state, but they’re teaching beta state to their children, to their kids. For example, I’ve heard adults make comments to kids like, “Joey, you really hurt Tommy’s feelings when you said that. You need to say you’re sorry for hurting his feelings.”

That is teaching Joey to be in beta state, that he has control over Tommy’s feelings. I’ve also heard teachers say to kids, “Did it hurt your feelings when that boy said those mean words to you?” So the teacher believes that it is the words that is causing the emotion. The teacher is, them-self, in beta state.

Now, we have been teaching children since a very young age that other people are responsible for how they feel and it has become so ingrained in us as a society that we don’t even question or recognize how disempowering it is. And then, as a society, we wonder why bullying is such a problem, when we are teaching kids that other people have control over how they feel.

Now, even though children don’t have the capacity to make this distinction between alpha state and beta state, adults have more than enough capacity to understand their thoughts and recognize that it’s their thoughts that create their feelings, not the circumstances they are in. But alpha state is not being taught.

It’s not being taught to kids. It’s not being taught to adults. As a result, many adults continue to function in beta state. Not only is this a debilitating way to live, it also locks you in a space of blame. I’ve heard people blame the government. I’ve heard people blame the economy. People blame religion. People blame their bosses, their spouses, their parents, their children, their childhood, all kinds of other people.

We blame other people, not only for how we feel, but for the actions we take and the results that we get in our lives when we are in beta state. Now, alpha state is achieved through taking responsibility. Alpha state means taking responsibility for our pain and also for our joy. It means not expecting other people to make us feel happy, not expecting other people to make us feel secure and appreciating that we are the only ones who can hurt our feelings and that we do so with our own thoughts.

Taking full responsibility for every single thing we feel, no matter what someone else does or doesn’t do, is no small feat, guys. I’m going to tell you guys, it’s no small feat. That’s why I do what I do, because people need coaching. People want help. Alpha state is a skill that takes effort to learn and develop. It takes practice.

It’s like any other skill set, guys. For most people, it’s a huge challenge, but it’s worthwhile. It’s worth it when you’re able to get there. Now, why is it so worthwhile? Why would taking emotional responsibility, why would being in alpha state serve your life more than living in beta state? How would it serve your life more than allowing other people to be responsible for how you feel?

And the answer is because when you are in alpha state, you are in control of your life. When you are beta state, you are in victim mentality. You’re not showing up as your best version of yourself. You’re showing up at the mercy of other people in your life.

I’m going to give you guys a very quick example of alpha state and beta state, like the difference, the contrast, before we get into some of the traits of what it means to be in alpha state.

You’re at the grocery store, okay. You see an attractive woman, a beautiful woman, the woman of your dreams, right, and your heart starts to beat. Your heart goes fast, right? Maybe you get a little warm. You get a knot in your throat; your stomach starts to get heavy. Your brain goes blank. You don’t know what to say, what to do.

People who are in beta state will think that she is the reason why you are having this change in your body, this physiological change in your body, that she is the cause of this change. That because of her beauty, men in beta state will think that she is creating these emotions and that these emotions are outside of their control, that no matter what they do, they’re always going to feel this way when this person, this woman, is around.

Alpha state will feel the same thing, men who are in alpha state will still feel that fear. They’re still going to feel that elevated heart rate. They’re still going to feel the warm in their body, they’re still going to feel the tightness in their stomach. They’re still going to feel their mind go blank. They’re still going to feel that subconscious animal brain pop up when they see an attractive woman.

So, alpha state and beta state have the same feeling. It’s not a difference in feeling. It’s not a difference in emotion. The difference is beta state believes the woman is the cause of the emotion. Alpha state knows that it is the way he is thinking about the woman that is causing the emotion. And he knows that he can choose to think anything he wants to create any feeling in his body he wants. Which, guys, this is how you learn to approach women, because it comes from your mind.

It comes from how you manage your brain. It comes from being in alpha state. That’s the difference between beta state and alpha state. You don’t feel differently, you think differently. That causes you to feel differently; that causes you to act differently.

What are some of the traits? What do we look for in alpha state? What I want you guys to know are the real core attributes of what it means to be in alpha state of being or have alpha mindset. Okay, when you’re in alpha mindset, compulsiveness and anxiousness from animalistic needs are gone.

Animalistic needs, worrying about food, worrying about money, worrying about shelter… gone. There’s no anxiety around that anymore. It’s an animalistic need. A basic confidence that he can create the world he wants to live in, a basic confidence that he can create the world he wants to live in, this is a trait. This is an alpha state trait because you know that it is your thoughts that create your emotions, your emotions that create your actions, and your actions that create your results.

When you’re in alpha state and you know that, you have a confidence that you create the world you want. In alpha state, you are a truly cooperative individual and cease being competitive. You are aware of the inner worlds as a new toy with which to play, but still knowing that you will never fully be aware of the inner self as it really is.

There’s a little spirituality in that, right, guys? Like, there’s a little spirituality in that, not knowing what the true essence is, but at the same time knowing that there is something deeper than on the surface. And what is that? That’s being aware of your thoughts. We just talked about that. that is being aware that it is your thoughts that are creating your emotions. So it’s that extra piece of awareness.

In alpha state, there is no prejudice. There is no bigotry. In alpha state, there is no fear of death. There is no fear of other people. There is no fear of god because religion itself – god still is there and exists as this energy and plane, but there’s no fear of this religious piece. There’s no fear of superstition. Superstition and magic don’t hold sway over the alpha male.

The alpha male is not mystically minded but he lives in the most mysterious of mystic universes. And again, there’s a little spirituality there, but it’s important that you recognize it’s not about mysticism, but it’s about the mystery.

The alpha male lives in a world of paradoxes. He knows that his personal life is absolutely unimportant. We know that our lives here are unimportant due to time. 100 years from now, what I do or who I am is insignificant. In the grand scheme of the universe, my size, also very insignificant. My personal space, my personal life, is absolutely unimportant on the grand scale of existence.

But, and this is a big but, because it is a part of life, because my personal life is a part of the greatness of life. There is nothing more important in the world, because the mystery of all life and the value of living, that’s a huge paradox.

The alpha male enjoys a good meal and good company when it is there, but doesn’t miss it when it is not. And understand this, guys, because again, this comes back to those animalistic needs. The alpha male is not afraid of being alone. The alpha male does not have separation anxiety. The alpha male does not feel jealousy.

The alpha male requires little and gets pleasure from simple things. He knows how to get what is necessary for his existence but doesn’t want to waste time getting what is superfluous. So there’s a little bit of minimalism in there.

The alpha male knows what influential power is. He knows how to create and use it, but he also knows how limited its usefulness is. Again, guys, this comes back to confidence. People in alpha state are incredibly confident. They know how to create influence, but they also know that you cannot control other people. That influence is fairly limited.

The alpha male will explode at what he does not like, but he won’t get worked up or angry about it. And this comes from processing emotions. There’s no acting out of emotion. He will get satisfaction for having done well, but will get no satisfaction from praise for having done so. Praise is anathema to the alpha male.

He is egoless, but terribly concerned with the rightness of his own existence; existence, guys, not action. Rightness of action is relative, but rightness of existence…

He is detached from and unaffected by social realities but has a very clear sense of their existence. The alpha male constantly takes into account his personal qualities, his social situation, his body, his power, his influence, but they are of no great concern to him.

In fact, I take that back. Let me say this again. They are only important to him if they are important to someone else, because to the alpha male, it doesn’t matter when somebody else notices, “Hey, how did you lose that weight? How do you do that with your body? Tell me about your job. Tell me about your personal qualities. Tell me about your social situation.” These types of things, he will talk about them because he will be helping someone else.

If someone else wants to know, he’ll give information, but to him, there’s no bragging. There’s no pride. The alpha male fights for himself but is not defensive. He has no anxiety or irrational doubts, but he does feel fear. He seeks to do better, but is not ambitious. He will strive to achieve, but through submission, not domination.

The alpha male performs only necessary work and only in the way in which he sees fit. The alpha male recognizes that not all men are equal, although all of life has value. The alpha male does not pity the poor, nor would he envy a person who has more than he does.

And finally, the alpha male enjoys the very best of life, of sex, of friends, and comfort provided, but he does not depend on them. Guys, that’s very important; he does not depend because dependency is scarcity. It’s needy.

Some final thoughts here, guys. You will make mistakes. You will find yourself in beta state. It’s going to happen. Don’t beat yourself up. The goal is not perfection. The goal is not to live in alpha state. The goal is to build self-confidence. Allow yourself to fail and fail with success. Be compassionate with yourself and take responsibility from a place of alpha state.

If you beat yourself up, you’re working in beta state. Remember, no one makes you feel anything. All of your emotions come from your thoughts. Guys, this is a wonderful place to live. This is an amazing state of being. Alpha state is an amazing state of being. It’s a place where you have complete control over your life. Being dependent on someone else as an adult when you don’t need to be is the most disempowering thing you can do.

Alright, I want to leave you guys with something. I want you to explore this concept in your own life. So here’s a couple questions. Think about these questions. In your own life, are you placing blame? When do you feel entitled to something you haven’t earned? Do you have a sense of deserving something even though you haven’t done anything to deserve it? Are you trying to control the outcome of a situation that involves another person or other people?

Do you complain that the world isn’t fair? Do you give other people in your life the power to determine how you feel? Let me ask you, who is going to determine your value? Is it you, or is it that attractive woman that you see at the bar?

What is going to create massive wealth in your life, is it you, or is it your job, your career? When are you going to unlock your personal greatness? Right now, like an alpha, or when this happens or when that happens, like a beta, when some external circumstance appears in your life like a beta?

Everything you think is up to you. It’s all your choice, what to think and how to feel. It’s all your choice. So look at the results that you have in your life. Look at them. Take a look at what you have. Take a look at what you want and you don’t have. Take a look at everything. What’s your job, what’s your car, what’s your house, what’s your relationship, what’s your bank account, what’s your income, everything?

And did you know that when you stop blaming, stop manipulating, and stop trying to control other people and start taking control of your own thoughts, your own emotions, and your own actions, you get to choose your results?

Brother, when you make that shift into alpha state, you get to create anything you want and live the life you were meant to live.

Check this out, brothers. I want you to subscribe, rate, and review The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. Subscribing will ensure you get notified every time a new episode comes out and it will be delivered to you on whatever you listen to your podcasts on. Give me a five-star rating if you love the show and please leave me a review. This show is for you.

I want to know, from you, how I can make it better and what you really enjoyed about it. As an added bonus and a thank you for leaving me a rating and review, I’m going to give away two free 30-minute coaching sessions to five members of my audience. For information on how to subscribe, rate, and review the show, and for how to enter to get your free coaching sessions, go to

Don’t forget, it is I will see you next week, my brothers. This is The Alpha Male Coach. We are forging alpha men. Have an amazing week and unleash your alpha.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha – your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset – at


Enjoy The Show?

  • Don’t miss an episode, listen on Spotify and subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or RSS.
  • Leave me a review in iTunes.
  • Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!