Ep#99 How to Determine Your Purpose

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. The only podcast that teaches men, the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.

Kevin Aillaud:

What’s up my brothers. Welcome back to the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud, and we are moving into August. We’re moving into the month of August in 2020. And in the month of August in the Academy, we’re going to be talking about how to choose your purpose, how to determine your purpose, and the amazing thing about this is that, I’m also releasing a course called, how to live your purpose and make a lot of money doing it. It’s the, how to live your purpose and make a lot of money doing it course. And that’s going to be released here in this month as well. And this course is fully adapted for everything, for the pandemic and everything for how to live your purpose, even with the pandemic, even at home and it’s coming out this month.

Kevin Aillaud:

And I really love this month. I love what we’re doing in the Academy this month. And I love working with my students on purpose, because of what it really does in terms of elevating the alpha state, the beta condition is so consumed with what is happening in the matrix. The beta condition is really consumed with what’s happening in the world and identifying the self with the world, with that external thing, and kind of confusing all of that, all of those facts with the thoughts that make up that beta condition, that beta condition is very elusive like that. And it really wants to kind of stay in a confused state of fear, a state of integration with the matrix, with the external. So when we talk about purpose, when the students present with, Hey coach, what’s my purpose?

Kevin Aillaud:

What am I supposed to do? What’s the idea of life? I love coaching in that area because it allows the alpha to really show up in a way that is unique to other issues, other things that humans struggle with. So when I get these requests, it’s often from this space of this beta condition, this space of almost desperation, this neediness to discover the external thing, like the one thing that’s supposed to just kind of happen, kind of be exposed or sort of shown to us from the outside that creates motivation. That creates passion, that creates this desire to work hard and contribute. And people will look all over in the world for, they’ll look in books, they’ll look in meditation, they’ll take courses, but it’s always elusive.

Kevin Aillaud:

So when it comes to the alpha state what’s going on here, is that the purpose, your purpose, here it is. I’m going to give it to you, right? I’m just going to say it, so that you know, and you can relax. Your purpose is to exist. The purpose of anything is to exist. Your reason to exist is to exist. The purpose of this computer, the purpose of this desk is to exist. The purpose of anything is to be there. That’s the purpose, is to exist in space, right? This, to have that energy sort of existing as energy in that area. That’s the purpose. Its purpose is fulfilled. Your purpose is fulfilled. Everyone’s purpose, all things purpose is fulfilled. You are already, there’s nothing more you have to do to fulfill something that is going to make you purposeful, like your purpose. What makes you purposeful is your aliveness. And it’s so strange to explain it this way, because again, there’s this connection to that external it’s like, well, yeah, but coach, what am I supposed to do?

Kevin Aillaud:

If my purpose is to exist and I’m already fulfilling that, it’s already happening, then what am I going to do? How do I spend my time? How do I exist in the world? My purpose is to exist. I’m doing that, and I’ve fulfilled that. And you know what the other thing brother? Is that you are complete in that. You’re already complete. You’re already worthy. You’re already good enough. A lot of times, when we think about our purpose, we think about, I have to do this thing in order to make myself good enough, in order to be more worthy or to make myself matter. In order to matter in the world, I have to fulfill my purpose. And I have to know what that is, this external thing that I need to go out and do. And so really we spend our time in that thought pattern and that belief system and life really does never really begins, never really starts because we’re always waiting for it to begin by waiting for that purpose to be revealed to us.

Kevin Aillaud:

But it’s not revealed, it’s happening right now. As you exist, as you listen to this podcast, your purpose is fulfilled and being fulfilled, right. It’s inaction of fulfillment because of your existence. And because you exist here in now, it is fulfilled in this moment. It’s also a result. Your purpose is the result of your being. So it’s a result of your being that’s already happened. It’s done, it’s complete. It’s also being fulfilled in that as you continue to live, as you continue to move, as time continues to travel from now into the future, right? As we experience time, your purpose is fulfilling. So it’s inaction and incompletion. So don’t worry about it, right? Just don’t worry about it. You don’t have to think about it. You don’t have to stress about it. You don’t have to go out there and say, where is it? What’s happening? You don’t have to wait for it.

Kevin Aillaud:

You don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything because it may be something outside of your purpose. Your purpose is there. It’s done. It’s good. And if you’re tired of hearing me say that, then, you may need to fast forward this podcast a little bit, because the truth is, is that so many of you need to hear it so often. So many of you need to hear it in a different way, in a way that you really get it. You really understand, because the beta conditions is very strong. The beta condition is very strong and the beta condition wants to hang on to that external. It wants to hang on to that, well, I must do something and I have to measure it in some way. How do we measure purpose?

Kevin Aillaud:

Do you measure purpose based on what? Okay. So we look at something as, my life has to mean something. It has to do something. It has to create some great value for people. Michael Jordan, Tom Brady, these athletes, they had a purpose or they have a purpose. Their purpose is in that sport. They fulfill their purpose every day. We can see that they’re stars. They have the fame to prove that they’re fulfilling their purpose. Right? So is it fame that we measure this by? Is it money? As we say, like Jeff Bezos right. Elon Musk, these guys that have this money, Bill Gates, is it them? Is it them that have fulfilled their purpose? Because they’ve created so much a value that they’ve gotten so much wealth from their purpose.

Kevin Aillaud:

Is that how we measure purpose? It’s always based on that external from the beta condition. From the beta condition, there’s going to be that measurement in that look externalities. It’s like, I need something from the outside to show me what I’m worth, to show me what my value is, to give me

permission, to give me approval, to go out and now do this and say, yes, I can be passionate about this. Yes, I can do this. Yes, I want this. And yes, this is my purpose. That doesn’t happen my friend. That never happens, brother. What happens is you make a choice. What happens is you get to choose. You get to determine intentionally, deliberately. That’s the power of being human. See, otherwise it’s just a matter of instinct, right? Otherwise, we’re just in that animal reaction to either sentience, right?

Kevin Aillaud:

Either the brain, body connection of emotion, right? Chasing pleasure and avoiding pain, which a lot of people are. And a lot of humans are living in that animal space, of that motivational triad. That primitive brain that says, let’s chase the pleasure. Let’s avoid the pain. Let’s become super duper efficient at that. And then just recycle the model of alignment, right? So we’re just constantly creating the same result for ourselves. But your purpose is not an instinct, right? It’s not something you’re just living on in that motivational triad, because you have the prefrontal cortex, because your brain, your human brain, you have the alpha state, you have the ability to be deliberate, to be intentional, to choose. And what you get to choose is how do you want to experience your life? How do you want your life to be experienced?

Kevin Aillaud:

How do you want to know what’s external from you, by how you think about and feel from within you? That’s kind of the move. There’s nothing external that will create something within you. It is what is within you that will create what is external from outside of you. And you get to choose that, you get to decide that. That’s the power of the alpha state, which is why I love talking about purpose and explaining how much of it is within your power to decide. See, nobody is living a better life than you. Nobody’s living a more purposeful life. They’re just choosing what they want to experience. And then they’re going after it. Now, when you choose to go after it, it doesn’t have to be something that changes the world. It doesn’t have to be like, I want to go out there and discover a cure for cancer.

Kevin Aillaud:

I want to go out there and invent the new iPhone, or I want to go out there and be the quarterback of the New England Patriots. It doesn’t have to be that, it can just be something very simple and meaningful for you. You see, most of us spend so much time trying to matter, right? Trying to be worthy. We’ve got that unconscious beta conditioned thought that we’re not good enough. There’s that running unconscious or subconscious brain saying, you’re not good enough or we’re not good enough. And it’s constantly running. And whether you’re aware of it or not, it makes a lot of decisions, it shows up as a lot of that, people pleasing. It shows up as a lot of that seeking of external validation or seeking of approval from other people. And when that happens, we spend so much time trying to be more worthy or trying to matter more.

Kevin Aillaud:

And we do that with the thoughts about, what to do with our life. We do that with the thoughts about our purpose. And when we do that, we end up, again, getting into that thought of, I’m not good enough and feeling those uncomfortable emotions, those uncomfortable emotions that come from that belief system, that belief, or that thought pattern, that cognition of, I’m not good enough. I need to matter more. I need to be more worthy. I’m unworthy. And we feel shame, when we feel fear, when we feel confusion, we feel guilt. That’s when we end up driving into avoidance, right. Driving into false pleasures, driving into not wanting to do anything, not wanting to do… It’s so funny because when people used to ask, okay, so money’s not an object, right? You got a million dollars, you win the lottery.

Kevin Aillaud:

What do you want to do? A lot of people are like, I would do nothing, right? I would just sit around and watch TV. And that’s the thing, is like the reason why people say that, or the reason why the brain jumps to that, is because of the unconscious thought that, I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. I need to matter. I needed to be more worthy, feeling bad and then wanting to buffer. And when you get into your buffer, when you get into wanting that external source of dopamine, wanting that false pleasure from the highly concentrated form of dopamine tricks the brain, that really tricks the brain into thinking that this matters, right. The TV matters or the social media matters or whatever it is, because it’s that pleasure. It means survival to the brain.

Kevin Aillaud:

Then you create the over desire because you really think, okay, this is super concentrated. This is super important. This matters for my survival, and you trick the brain into wanting more and more and more, and you get into that over desire. And then by the time you’re getting that over desire, then yeah. You think that, okay, well, shoot, if I didn’t have to work, all I would do is, do this. All I would do is watch TV. All I would do is hang out, sleep or I work out. A lot of people say, I would work out. Now, here’s, what’s so fascinating about all that, is that when the pandemic hit and all of a sudden more time became available, people are working from home. They’ve got more time. They’ve got less commuting. And they’ll this, there was a lot more buffering.

Kevin Aillaud:

At least from my students, I heard about a lot more buffering. I didn’t hear about, Oh, I’ve got all this time now to create and to contribute that, I just heard there’s a lot more of the buffering. And the reason is, is because of those thoughts, when you’re only doing something to make yourself matter more, when you’re only out there thinking I have to do something, I have to make my life mean something, I have to make my life mean more. I’m not good enough as I am. I have to be better. I have to be more worthy. Then you’re going to be in those negative thought patterns that are creating those uncomfortable emotions. That most of the time, if you’re not aware, if you’re not practicing cognitive mastery, if you’re not practicing that emotional ownership, then you’ll be avoiding, resisting, reacting.

Kevin Aillaud:

And a lot of times in that space of buffering and creating the over desire, and then thinking that, that’s what you would do. If you didn’t have to do this other thing, when you really start to know, when you make the change in your brain, know that you don’t need to do anything else to matter, that your purpose is fulfilled. And even aside from your purpose, that you get to choose how you want to experience your life. But then you’re already complete. That you’re already worthy. That you’re already 100% lovable and amazing. There’s nothing more you need to do to matter.

Kevin Aillaud:

Then there’s no run to the buffer. Then there’s no run to avoid. Right? We really start to look at those things, those egos thoughts, those thought patterns, really start to look at those things and get into them. And then there’s not the avoidance. And so then you’re opened up to having all that cogno- emotive energy to now create and live into the purpose that you determined. And that’s, what’s so amazing. What’s so amazing, is that you really get to pick, you really get to choose. Now for a lot of people, that’s the worst news ever. Yes, it’s the worst news ever, because as the worst news ever, you

are in control, you have the responsibility instead of sitting around and waiting for it to happen to you. You now get to make it happen for you.

Kevin Aillaud:

You get to pick, you get to choose. And so many people, so many students start to panic. This is now panic mode, right. We’re now in this panic mode of, I have to make the right decision, right? So now the responsibilities in your corner, as Voltaire says, “With great power comes great responsibility.” You have all this power to choose your destiny, to choose your purpose, to choose how you want to experience your life. And boom responsibility hits, panic, right? Got to make a choice. Here’s the move, my friend, just pick, just choose. Just decide. Because number one, you can change it later. If you decide that you want to do something else, or you want to go and experience something else later, you are never locked into any repetitive behavior. You’re never locked into any choice, because by definition of choice, you can always choose to change the choice.

Kevin Aillaud:

But here’s the thing. What you cannot do. What I will not allow with my students, is to not make the choice. Right? You got to make the choice. You can always change the choice later, but you got to make the choice. The choice itself is not optional, but what you choose can be changed, but you got to make it. And I get it, it doesn’t have to be something out there. It doesn’t have to be something solar, it doesn’t have to be like, my purpose is to be the first person that walks on Mars. It doesn’t have to be like that. Right. It can be something very simple. It’s very meaningful to you. I just want to create, I just want to experience love. I just want to… And I say just, but that’s so powerful, right?

Kevin Aillaud:

I want to experience love. I want to create, right. I want to be an amazing parent. About that, I want to be an amazing parent. I have one student that I used as, I want to be a Renaissance man. I want to be the most amazing man in the world. Right. And that is so awesome to really have that desire and to go after that, because then it’s not, I’m going to focus all my time and energy just on this, but it’s like, I’m going to dabble into all these different things and really kind of create this spread of what I have had experiences of, like this very large range. I want to be a Renaissance man. I want to get into all of that. Get into all the art, get into all the poetry, all the science, everything. I love it.

Kevin Aillaud:

And I love what he’s doing with it too. It’s really cool. I want to be, maybe it is, I want to be president. Maybe it’s I want to be famous. Maybe it’s as vague as I want to be famous in any type of fame that you can think of. I just want to be known, right? I want to be famous. I want to be famous on Instagram or I want to be famous on Facebook. I want to be famous in Hollywood, whatever. I want to build a school. I want to build a hospital. Maybe it’s I want to make a lot of money. Maybe it’s I want to be massively wealthy. It doesn’t matter. And you know, what else does it matter, is anybody else’s opinions. I want to tell you that too. That’s the other thing that doesn’t matter.

Kevin Aillaud:

Nobody can tell you that your purpose is silly or erroneous or not good enough or to a selfish even. They can’t even say it’s too selfish because it’s up to you. You get to pick not them. Your purpose is for you. You get to decide what you want to experience in your life. You get to decide what you want your life to mean to you. And then you get to go and you get to go out there and be that person. And you get to live

that life, to live that life exactly as you choose. Now, it’s going to be from your story. It’s going to be from the story that you tell yourself about yourself. And it’s going to be how you feel about that. How that story creates emotion within you, but then you’re going to go out there and do it.

Kevin Aillaud:

And when you go out there and do it, when you take the steps, when you walk the walk, you’re on the journey. That’s when you’re experiencing it. That’s when you’re living it. That’s when you’re getting the results of it and whatever it is, like I say, it is up to you. You get to choose right now. You don’t have to waste another minute. You don’t have to wait another second. You can choose right now, what you want your purpose to be. And you can start living it. Now you say, easier said than done coach, right? And I was like, yes, it is a little easier said than done. But the truth is, the decision is to be made. The decision is not easier said than done. You can make the decision right now, living into your purpose, is going to require you to become comfortable with being uncomfortable, right?

Kevin Aillaud:

You are going to be uncomfortable because you’re going to be taking and living. You’ll be walking a different path, right? You’re going to be walking the steps. Now, maybe you aren’t. Maybe you decide, you look at your life and say, this is my purpose. What I’m doing is the way I want to live. All the choices I’m making are exactly the choices I want to have. And you are doing that in this moment. You are walking your purpose anyway, because like I said, at the very beginning of the episode, my brother. Your purpose is existence, right? It’s to live. So you’re always in your purpose. You’re always on your purpose. You’re always walking it. The choice of how you want to experience it, is really what we’re talking about, is how you are in it deliberately and intentionally, or whether you’re just kind of waiting on standby. Kind of at that bus stop, waiting for it to pick you up. Am telling you the purpose bus is not coming. The purpose bus it’s not happening, you choose. You make the choice.

Kevin Aillaud:

There’s nothing coming to pick you up. You’re not standing around. You’re standing, waiting for nothing. As long as you’re waiting, you are not choosing. It’s coming from outside of you my friend, you get to determine what it’s going to be. And when you do that, it’s not going to feel good right away. Like I say, you can choose right now, start living right now, but it’s not going to feel good right away. It’s going to feel hard. It’s going to feel different, but that’s okay. That’s okay, because that’s what you get to do. That’s the, what you get to learn in your fulfilling, in your becoming of your choice, in your transformation, from where you are to where you’re choosing to be. And like I say, what’s not optional is making the choice, but once you make the choice and you become, you transfer into your choice. When you get there, you can always choose something else. You can choose to undergo another transformation, because by then you’ll have some familiarity with being uncomfortable and you’ll be able to do it another time. You’ll be able to do it again.

Kevin Aillaud:

Now you’re going to run into some obstacles. There are lots of obstacles you’re going to run into. Number one, as I said, it’s going to be your brain. That’s the first and foremost thing. And that’s where I invite you to come and enroll in the Academy, where we’re going to be going through this all month. But really it’s yearly curriculum, because living your purpose happens all the time. It’s happens in every moment. You’re always walking that purpose. You’re always walking your destiny. So if you’re in choice,

if you’re choosing it intentionally and aiming towards desired results, then we’re working on that all year long in the Academy. And where we go to work there, is on the brain, right?

Kevin Aillaud:

It’s on that motivational triad of seeking pleasure, avoiding pain and being efficient. We want to flip that, right? We want to be working on changing that around so that there’s not that move to those false pleasures, those synthetic and very sort of concentrated pleasures of buffering and high levels of dopamine secretion through the avoidance of pain. And then the seeking of the pleasure. We want to make sure that we’re seeking true pleasures. The wellbeing of being a human and avoiding those false pleasures that are highly, again, highly concentrated amounts of dopamine. We also want to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. So we actually want to move into and seek that discomfort, which is the opposite of avoiding emotional pain. And we definitely want to expend large amounts of effort doing it because we want to be very aware as that happens, rather than the more efficient unconscious or subconscious brain, we want to bring our alpha state into our prefrontal cortex into it, and really be more conscious, which takes that effort, is more effective in our learning, but it’s not efficient. It takes training and it takes practice.

Kevin Aillaud:

So the very first obstacle that we work on in the Academy, is the primitive brain, is that beta condition. So you’re going to face that. And that’s why, enrolling in the Academy, you’re getting this sort of guidance, getting this coaching, is so much more effective and efficient. You’re going to be into your purpose. You’re going to be living your purpose much, much more quickly by having that team, that school and just all the coaching that goes along with it. All the support and all the guidance. But some other things you’re going to be dealing with is confusion. The brain saying, I don’t know. The idea of being overwhelmed, all the different options, all the different… There’s so many options so little time, right? There’s so many things to do.

Kevin Aillaud:

So confusion, overwhelm, the feeling of being busy, that kind of buzz, which is really just a matter of excuse, right? The idea of being busy is the idea of excuse, but the things that you’ll learn in the Academy, to be able to walk, to decide number one, to choose your purpose, is decision making, right? You’re going to have to learn decision making. And that is such a powerful skill set, that alone will save you so much uncomfortable emotion, because all that uncomfortable emotion of confusion and excuses and doubt and worry, those things. All of that is just eliminated with decision making. Constraint. Again, I mentioned overwhelm as an obstacle. Once you learn constraint, boom, you are in it, you are on it, because you’re constraining yourself to very few choices. And then you learn how to make the decision of, I’m going to go with this. And you don’t look back.

Kevin Aillaud:

That’s the thing. When you decide to choose your purpose, you don’t look back. Now, you can change your mind. Don’t misunderstand me, brother. You can always change your mind. You can always change your purpose, but when you make the choice, you start to make the actions. You start to take those actions, start to live and walk into it. And so massive action, is another part of living your purpose. The other skill set, because there’s a difference between massive action and passive action. And that is, again, these are all skills that you learn in the Academy. The difference between math and drama, which is the separation of circumstances and thoughts, the separation of what is versus what you’re thinking

and what you’re all making it mean that drama. So thought management, feeling management. There’s so much to it, but what matters my friend, is that you just make the choice.

Kevin Aillaud:

What matters is that you start living now, what matters is that when it comes to your purpose, you recognize two things. Number one, first and foremost, you don’t have to do anything to make yourself more worthy. You don’t have to do anything to make yourself good enough or more good or more enough. There’s nothing that is going to make you matter more. You matter 100%, you are complete. You are worthy. You are whole. That alone, that belief alone to step into that belief alone, will completely change the results in your life. It will completely change your model of alignment, because you won’t be thinking the thought, I’m not good enough, or you won’t be thinking of the thought that I have to do this to matter more. I have to complete this in order to be worthy, that unconscious thought is what’s creating your very tangible and real results.

Kevin Aillaud:

And when you change that thought your life changes. So that’s number one, you don’t need to do anything. Your purpose is not something that makes you more important. It’s not something that makes you more worthy. It’s not something that makes you matter more in the world. That’s not what your purpose is. Your purpose is to exist and it’s already happening. It’s already done. You’re already complete in full, in full completion of your purpose. So now what I want you to know, is that you have to choose, you have the power to choose. You don’t have the option to choose. Like I said, it’s not an option my friend, you can make it an option, but what happens is you just put your life on hold, right? So don’t make it an option. Just make the choice. And start living it now, because you can always change your mind, but you have so much power there. You have so much power in that choice, the capital P purpose is to exist and it’s done.

Kevin Aillaud:

The rest of it. When you look through your eyes, when you experience your life, when you feel your way through the world, what do you want to see? What do you want to feel? What emotions do you want to have? What do you want to touch? What do you want to hear? Do you want to hear the sound of an ocean? Do you want to hear the sound of kids? Do you want to hear the sound of bells ringing or birds chirping, or what is it you want to hear? Do you want to hear the sound of wood being cut? Being out in Arizona and working on building the Academy out there, it’s amazing. I love the sound of wood being cut and I love the smell of fresh cut wood.

Kevin Aillaud:

It’s amazing. I love it. How do you want to experience? Do you want to be near the ocean, in the mountains? But what do you want your life to be? What kind of car do you want to drive? And you go to these results and I start talking about these results, but the truth is, is that when it comes to your purpose, it’s all of that stuff. But it’s also what you do. It’s how you show up. We mentioned Tom Brady, purpose is football, sports, being a leader, being a teammate, also being a family man, being a husband. There’s so many different concepts in there. There’s so many different purposes in there. Where is he showing up most in his life? Where are you want to show up most in your life?

Kevin Aillaud:

It’s just a choice. It’s the power of the choice, you get to choose. What do you want your purpose to be? Now, if you want any help with this, you want any guidance with this. This is the time to come and enroll in the Academy, to come to thealphamalecoach.com, check out, work with Kevin, click on the, Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Academy. Because in there this whole month of August, we’re going to be working on how to choose and live your purpose. And in this month, there’ll be a course that comes out is, how to live your purpose and make a lot of money doing it. Because when you really share your purpose, when you share all of your passion, what you choose to do, and you’re out there, and you’re creating and contributing and providing value.

Kevin Aillaud:

When you start to give that value, when you start to make offers and you start to show up, yes, of course, we’ve talked about the haters. We let the haters hate, we don’t show up for other people. We just show up because, we have the contribution to give and we let the haters hate. But when you’re out there and showing up, the more authentic you are, the more of yourself that you’re out there providing, the more people are going to find that and find value in that. And that’s where you start to make a lot of money. So that course is coming out as well. But head over to thealphamalecoach.com and enroll in the Academy, and start you living your purpose today. That’s what I got for you guys until next week. Elevate your alpha.

Speaker 1:

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