Ep #62: Benefits of Indomitable Self-Confidence

[INTRODUCTION]

[0:00:09.6] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach podcast. The only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and Alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here is your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.

[EPISODE]

[00:00:32] KA: What’s up, my brothers? Welcome back to the Alpha Male Coach podcast. I’m your host, Kevin Aillaud. And today we’re continuing the series on the results and benefits of cognitive master and emotional ownership. So I actually want to begin by backing up and reminding you guys about how this looks. So if you have the cognitive mastery and emotional ownership tree, then the roots of the tree, the skills that create this tree that make this tree strong are awareness, right? Being aware of the universal truth, being aware of the model, being aware of your cognition. Then we get into thought choice, choosing your thoughts, creating your beliefs. Emotional processing, allowing emotion instead of avoiding reacting or resisting emotion. Massive action is number four, and then number five is results production.

Those are the roots. Those are the skills that create and make this tree of cognitive mastery and emotional ownership strong. The fruits of the tree, the results, the benefits, are future-focused thinking, amazing relationships, indomitable self-confidence, and behavioral master or mastery over your behavior. And today we’re going to talk about indomitable self-confidence and so I kind of want to back up real quick and explain to you guys what that is. Now, I’ve done a few episodes on self-confidence before. Self-confidence was my wheelhouse, like I kind of lived there as a life coach. I was a confidence coach. That was kind of my niche for awhile before making the shift into cognitive mastery kind of encompassing more than just the single emotion of self-confidence.

So I love talking about self-confidence, and I’ve done it a lot. I have done it on a lot of different episodes. But I want to quickly redefine this, guys. Because there’s something very important about self-confidence that you’ve got to know that you’ve got to understand. And it all comes from the three pillars, the three pillars of self-confidence. So what these three pillars have in common. So let’s talk about these three pillars quickly. I’m just going to quickly mention to you guys what they are. The first one is your ability to trust yourself, right?

So the first pillar of building, creating indomitable self-confidence is your ability to trust yourself. So this has to do with your actions with yourself, and it comes down to knowing that you will do what you’ve said you will do, right? It’s following through on your plan. So it’s making a plan and following through. You build this self-confidence when you follow through when you set a goal and then you take the little steps that you’ve got to take in order to cover the distance, right? Cover the larger distance. It means you’re going to take care of yourself, right? You’re going to take care of your mind. You’re going to take care of your body. It means you’re going to be responsible and you’ll do the useful thing for yourself, even when you don’t feel like it, right? Even when it’s the hard thing to do, you know you’re going to do it anyway because it’s the responsible and useful thing.

It’s very different from saying that you will do something and then hoping or wishing you’ll follow through, right? It’s knowing, it’s having this just know, this knowledge that you will follow through because that’s the relationship you have with yourself. When you have a gap, when you have a hope, that leaves room for that self-doubt and self-doubt is the opposite of self-confidence. When you know you can’t count on yourself, right? When you’ve fallen through or when you’re hoping or wishing. But you don’t have this 100% integrity with yourself, then you’re going to feel insecure and you’re going to feel at the effect of yourself instead of feeling in charge and in control and feeling really that emotion of self-confidence.

So the ability to trust yourself starts from consistent follow through on your word to yourself. It is action-based. The first pillar of indomitable self-confidence is action-based. The second pillar is knowing that you can experience any emotion. So it’s emotion-based, it’s feeling-based. It’s the worst thing that could ever happen. It’s knowing that the worst thing that could ever happen is the emotion, right? And when you know that you become flooded with confidence, right? Because if the worst that could ever happen is an emotion then the worst thing that could ever happen is a vibration of my cells, right? Not that big a deal.

But really, emotions are what make life bad when it’s bad and most of us spend too much time in self-doubt because we don’t know that we can handle that uncomfortable or unfamiliar or negative emotion, negative feeling. There’s no emotion that will permanently harm us if we just allow it. If we allow ourselves to process, allow our body to process that chemical reaction all the way through. When we’re willing to experience any emotion and we know that it’s the worst thing that can happen, then we’re just flooded with self-confidence. The ability to feel is like our safety net brother. It’s like our safety net for anything we want to do. So when we allow that to happen, and we practice letting that happen it takes the risk out of everything, and it gives us that bring it on attitude.

So the second pillar of indomitable self-confidence is emotion, and then the third pillar of indomitable self-confidence is cognition. So we have action, emotion, and cognition, and with these three pillars we create indomitable self-confidence. And when I say cognition, brother, what I mean by that third pillar it’s just your opinion of yourself, right? It’s what you think about yourself. It’s your relationship with yourself. If you think about it, confidences is the feeling, and self-confidence is the feeling we have about ourselves. So it’s the thoughts that we have about ourselves. All of the feelings are going to come from our thinking. So the way we think about ourselves will determine how we feel, right? If we tell ourselves that we’re good, that we’re capable, that we’re worthy, we’re going to feel self-confident. If we tell ourselves the opposite of that, then we’re going to feel self-doubt.

So a lot of that is going to be cognition and how just the thoughts you’re having about yourself. Now with with confidence, with indomitable self-confidence, what we’re talking about is something very different than arrogance. And I just want to quickly point this out before moving forward because I have heard people say that you can have too much confidence, that you can be overconfident. And I want you to know, guys, that that is not possible, right? You can’t have too many good thoughts about yourself, right? You can’t have too much trust in yourself. You can’t be too non-afraid to feel emotion, right? You can’t have too much emotional awareness or too much emotional control.

What it is is that people think that arrogance is excessive self-confidence, and it’s not. Arrogance is a completely different thing. Arrogance is when you’re thinking that you’re better than other people and that is not self-confidence at all. That’s not excessive self-confidence in any way. Self-confidence is on a completely different level than arrogance, which is kind of in that same spectrum or same line as insecurity. You know, if arrogance is a 10 that insecurity is a zero, and self-confidence is not the five. It’s not in the middle. Self-confidence isn’t even measured on the same scale. Okay? Because both arrogance and insecurity comes from the thought pattern of measurement against other people. Where arrogance is, “I’m so much better” and insecurity is “other people are so much better” or “I am so much worse”. And so we have the same thought pattern with the two where as self-confidence, other people have nothing to do with it, right?

So you can’t have too much self-confidence. Indomitable self-confidence is not too much. It is a state of being that allows you to be more of who you are, be the best version of yourself, which is really just more of who you are, and the reason why most of us don’t have it is because we don’t trust ourselves, right? Because we don’t have the relationship with ourselves we don’t understand how to manage our minds and so we feel out of control. We feel out of control with the world, we feel out of control with ourselves, we feel out of control with our emotions, our actions, and it leads us to letting ourselves down, letting ourselves down consistently. So it undermines our ability to trust ourselves and stay in integrity. We’re afraid of feeling emotion, right? We avoid emotion, we resist the most emotion — excuse me — we run from emotion. We don’t want to feel the negative emotion, we don’t want to feel the uncomfortable shame or the negative, you know, sadness or whatever it is that’s we’re trying to avoid and so we hide, right?

And when we go and hide, it leaves us scared to do anything that has the risk of failure. So when we’re always questioning our ability because we have to do it perfectly or we’re going to feel this the negative emotion, our opinion of ourselves becomes very low. That’s why a lot of people don’t have self-confidence, but I want you understand something, guys, when it comes to cognitive mastery, when it comes to emotional ownership, the result the, indomitable self-confidence result is different than a transient emotion. Because self-confidence is an emotion. It’s an emotion that we can create that we do create that we feel. And sometimes it comes to us unconsciously, right? It just we just got to feel Whoa. I feel good. I feel confident. Other times we create it right. We get in the zone, we do it with our cognition. We do it with our thoughts.

But indomitable self-confidence as a result of cognitive mastering emotional ownership as a result of learning and developing that skill set, or these skills is more like a state of being, and it’s a state of being because thoughts create our feelings, but beliefs create our states of being, and when we create the beliefs that we want to have the beliefs that serve us, then we are walking in a state of being that is always self-confident. So beliefs are just thoughts that we think over and over, you know, thinking thoughts that create confidence and then believing them, that’s the skill, that is cognitive mastery. Most of our beliefs are recycled. We don’t even realize how much self-doubt and anxiety are believes produced, because that’s the way the thought has always been. Okay, we’ve just always thought that way, and this familiar and efficient thinking is very comfortable in its predictability.

So when we have these constant thoughts that are being thought over and over again, it’s very easy to not feel self-confidence and not feel that indomitable self-confidence. But when we choose the cognition that we want, we get into thought choice and decide the beliefs that we want and run — And from that Alpha state, we run those beliefs and train the Beta condition then when the Beta condition that begins to run. we are in that state of indomitable self-confidence. Now, guys that was just a really quick recap of what self-confidence is, like how those three pillars developed and really build indomitable self-confidence. Because you can align yourself with any one pillar, and if you don’t have all three, then you’re not going to have that state of being you can create the emotion, but to have the state of being is to really have all three pillars very, very strong.

And let me just add to that very quickly. Take a look at these four results of cognitive mastering and emotional ownership. This series, this podcast series, future-focused thinking. You are, your mind is focused on the future. You’re focused on creating. You’re focused on what you’re becoming, right? Amazing relationships. You’re determining how you relate to other people and other things in the world. Right? Indomitable self-confidence. This is your state of being. This is your normal feeling and I’m going to explain some of the benefits of that in a moment. And then behavioral mastery, the mastery of your behavior, how you act, how you show up in the world what you represent, what you’re doing, how you see yourself, all of these things. It really is just you showing up as the best version of yourself, right? You showing up as more of what your potential is, knowing that your potential is limitless, really trying to get they’re going for it, trying to reach out to achieve and attain as close to that limitless potential as possible.

So with indomitable self-confidence, it’s that really state of being, it’s that constant place where your mind is always in those three pillars. Always and you have your own back. So let me go ahead and get right into right in these benefits because you’ll see him. You’ll understand him right away. You have your own back. You are your own best friend, right? So with that one, there’s there’s this always this thought, good thoughts about yourself. You’re always thinking good thoughts. You don’t put yourself down, there’s never, in fact, another one here I’ve got listed is elimination of negative self-talk. So many people from that Beta condition they live in this negative self-talk where their brain is just telling them bad things about themselves. I don’t know anyone who wants to be around someone who is telling them bad things about them.

Now I get it that there are people who are conditioned to that sort of environment, and I understand that. But what I’m saying is, if you were hanging around with someone and all they did was put you down, over and over and over again, how long would you want to hang out with that person? Especially if you had a choice? And that’s kind of what your brain is doing. You know your brain is doing that and you don’t have a choice. You’re living with that all the time. When you become aware of it, then you have a choice. But you don’t have a choice when it’s unconscious. When you’re just unaware that it’s running this, these patterns. You can see it in your results of your life. You can see it in the actions that you take. You can feel it in the emotions, in the vibrations in the cells of your body. But if you’re not aware of what the sentences are in your brain, you might not be aware of the self-talk.

And so when you build indomitable self-confidence, you eliminate all that negative self-talk because you just it’s just not there anymore. It’s just that third pillar. You don’t think negative things about yourself. You think amazing things about yourself, only the good stuff, because you your thoughts are a choice. Everything you think is 100% of choice. So if you’re going to think whatever it is you want, choose to think the great things about you. Choose to think about the amazing things that you love about yourself.

So you’re your own best friend. You’ve got your own back. Do you make a mistake? Hey, you make a mistake. Look, you know people in your life that have made mistakes So what? Right it happens. You kind of you pat him on the back,.You say, “No big deal. But I like, you know, get up. Let’s keep going.” You’re playing basketball with your buddy. Trips falls, you knows. So what? Get back up. Let’s keep playing. This is — we’re going to keep playing this game is not go home time. It’s the same with you when you have your own back. You know, you make a mistake, you don’t just quit on it, right? You have your own back, you say, “OK, we made a mistake, We’ll learn from this mistake, we’ll move on. But you come from your own place With that, when you have indomitable self-confidence. It’s not someone else – Picking you up would be nice what we do. We have buddies that do that. That’s great. But with indomitable self-confidence. It comes from you. You have built that with yourself. And so when you are alone with yourself, you don’t feel lonely, right? You feel lonely less often. I believe I covered that with future-focus thinking. You’re going to notice that a lot of these benefits are going to overlap because when you have amazing thoughts about yourself, you’re don’t mind being alone with yourself. You have no problems being by yourself. The thought “I am alone.” The thought of, “,I am by myself doesn’t make you feel lonely doesn’t make you feel a derivative of sadness,” because you don’t mind. Do you like it? You’ll buy yourself. It’s great. You’re a wonderful person.

You are able to feel any emotion without fear, without fear of harm and this is This is pretty powerful guys, cause if you understand that, intellectually, you might be like Okay, coach. Okay, Kevin, I get it like I can understand that I’m able to feel fear and not be afraid. I’m able to fear rejection. It’s not a big deal. I’m able to feel anxiety. It’s not a big deal, but let me just let me just throw that out there about social anxiety, performance, anxiety, approach, anxiety. These kinds of things there felt that their felt in a different way because when they’re felt there felt just from a vibe off of cellular vibration with indomitable self-confidence, you may not even feel anxiety anymore. Because we’re anxiety comes from is a thought that you are not worthy, that you’re not good enough or that somebody else is going to be thinking about the things that you think about that you don’t like about yourself, right?

That we’ve talked about that in a previous podcast, where you think something about yourself that you think makes you not good enough, whatever that is. “I’m too short,” right? “I’m too short, I’m too fat, I’m too bald.” And then you think that everybody else is thinking that and that’s what’s creating the anxiety. You think that this other person’s going to think that, that’s what’s creating the anxiety. But when you have indomitable self-confidence, when you’ve built that from your Alpha state, you’re not thinking about those things anymore. You’re not thinking, “I’m too short, I’m too fat.” And so when you’re thinking that you’re not thinking that other people are thinking that. S

o you eliminate or at least I would say, at least you reduce it, brother, because there may be anxiety that pops up, right? You still may get some of those thoughts, those unconscious thoughts that come in. But really, there’s no more anxiety, because you’re not worried about what other people think. Even if you did think that about yourself, it doesn’t matter what they’re thinking because you’ve got your back. So even if you’re even if the thought does pop in your mind, “I’m too short,” right? “I’m too fat.” Then if somebody else thinks that, so what? Because you’ve got your own back. It doesn’t matter what everybody else thinks, and that’s really what the biggest benefit.

Let me just throw this out. Let me kind of finish with benefits on this, because I do want to talk about a couple of the tools that I use. Let me say this, this is the biggest benefit of building indomitable self-confidence and, you know, it’s really why I built my business on confidence before moving to cognitive mastery, because this is what it does: when you’re making the shift, when you’re shifting to indomitable self-confidence, what you are shifting from the — thought pattern, the mindset that you’re shifting from is a mindset of victimhood. It’s a mindset of being a victim because when you make the move to “I’ve got my own back, I’m an amazing person, I can handle this,” right? “It doesn’t matter what happens. I’ve got this,” right? “Failure earns success. My potential is limitless,” right? “I’m capable. What I make it mean is the worst that could happened. Worry only pretends to be necessary,” right? “The better I fail the more confident I become. What other people think about me is 100% about them. Fear is no big deal,” right?

I mean, all of these things, when you make that shift, when you make that move, what you’re making it from is all the other stuff. Is, “I can’t fail. I can’t do this. If I fail, it’s going to mean that I’m uncapable, I’m a bad person.” It’s making that move from other people saying something or doing something and you making it means something about you, even if they’re directing it at you. Here’s the big move, brother. Even if they’re directing at you, even if somebody is actually trying to bully you, even if from their thoughts and from their emotion, right, they’re acting in a way where they’re trying to, you know, hurt you, bring you down, they’re trying to bully you around.

When you have that state of being of indomitable self-confidence, when you’re in that indomitable state, it doesn’t matter what they’re trying to do. You cannot be budged because what they’re saying is a circumstance you’re in that universal truth. You’re in alignment with the universal truth. You’re in that place of cognitive mastery, so their circumstance, their actions or your circumstance, it doesn’t change your cognition. It doesn’t change the way you think about yourself. Other people don’t have influence over your emotion over your confidence, over any pillar, really. Other people don’t have influence over your thoughts about yourself over the emotion that you can handle, and over the trust that you’ve built with yourself through action, through integrity, through following through on your word and saying you’ll do what you have said you will do!

Now, guys, I’ve talked a lot about indomitable self-confidence, and I just wanted to hit on these benefits. But you know what I want to do? I want to talk about a couple of the tools that I use with my students to go through this because for all three of these pillars, there are different tools, and every one of these tools helps you build each of these pillars. So for pillar number three, thoughts to think. You know, just write down amazing thoughts to think about yourself. You don’t have to believe them right away.

And I’m not talking about affirmations, guys. Because what I’m talking about are things that you want to think, right? They’re not just affirmations that you’ve found somewhere and you just start saying every day in front of a mirror. I’m talking about focused, intentional thoughts to think that will drive the emotion you want, the actions that you determine to get the results that you’re looking for. So it’s results production. But you want to think the thoughts or choose the thoughts to think about yourself that are going to build confidence in yourself. What do you want to tell yourself about yourself that you can begin to believe? It’s very, very important because when you start to tell yourself this story, you begin to believe it. Then it becomes a part of what you are living, a part of your inner self-talk and your inner self-talk becomes your outer self-talk.

Pay attention to what you’re saying to people when you’re saying things like, “I need to do this, or I have to do this, or I can’t do this.” Now there’s a difference between “I have to do this because I want to do this”, right? It’s kind of like “I have to do this because I’ve chosen” to versus “I have to do this because I feel obligated because somebody something else is — There’s something else telling me that I have to, right? I’m not in control.” So there’s a couple of different have-to’s in there. But just be very careful about what it is you’re saying, because what it is you’re saying will point to what is you’re thinking. So thoughts to think, write them down.

Pillar number two, getting used to processing emotion. We’ve done a lot. I’ve done some episodes on processing emotion, but really what it comes down to in pillar number two is knowing that the worst thing that could happen is an emotion. So start to focus on that. What is the worst thing that could ever happen, guys? And when you do this, look at your models. Pay attention to the circumstance versus the feeling. CTFAR, and I’m going to get back into models at the beginning of the year. We’re going to get back to the foundations and talking about how those look and how to run with those, how to create those in your life so that you can develop this skill. You can develop cognitive mastery from listening to these podcasts.

And I’ll tell you another way you could do that for less than a dollar a day at the end of this podcast episode. But when it happens to you, go to your body. When you’re in that emotion, whatever that emotion is, the more intense, the better, right? The more intense the better, because then you’re really in it. But whatever it is, whether it’s anger, or jealousy, or sadness, or shame, or guilt, or anything, right? Fear, even. When you’re in that, get into it and get into your body. What is happening in your body? Because when you can become that observer, when you can elevate to your Alpha state and separate the thought feeling, right? The thoughts creating the feelings or your thoughts about the feelings versus the feeling itself, the vibration in your cells, then you’ll already feel better. You’ll already start to feel better, and then you can start to go to, “Okay, now what is the cognition that’s creating this emotion?” But the first is to recognize the feeling. Separate yourself from the feelings you can start to own the emotion when it’s in your body.

Probably my favorite tool. I’m going to end with this one, guy’s. Probably my favorite tool is for the first pillar, and this has to do with trusting yourself. It has to do with building up that follow through, and I’ve talked about the calendar already. We talked about that on the future-focused thinking podcast episode. So I want to talk about the dare of the day. This is a tool that you can use over 30 days. You can do the same dare every day for 30 days, or you can do a different dare every day for 30 days, but basically what it is is it’s very simple. You decide on what you want to do, you decide on this dare, you do a thought download on it, you do a model on it with fear in the F-line because otherwise you wouldn’t be a dare if you weren’t afraid to do it. If you’re not afraid to do it, guys, then it’s not a dare, right? There’s got to be some fear.

There’s got to be some purpose behind the fear is well. Like, why is this important for you to execute? It’s kind of like what we’re doing in the impossible goal, like, you know, the fails that we’re going for. You know, all of these things overlap. as you guys know, because it’s all about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and getting comfortable with being doing something that you’re afraid of means taking massive action. So you take a look at what you’re afraid of. Maybe it’s, you know, approach 10 women a week or I’m going to make 20 cold calls a day because you’re in sales or something like this, you know? And you do this, make sure that it’s not something that you’re putting yourself or anybody else in danger or at risk.

I’ve had some students do some things where they put themselves at risk and had to kind of re teach them, it’s like, “No, no, no. The point’s not to put your life at risk, brother. The point is to put your ego at risk, right? The point is to put your Beta condition at risk.” Because your Alpha state knows that there is no risk. The risk is just the illusion. The only risk is in the discomfort. So the risk is in the fear. So you have your dare, you do a thought download on it. You choose a thought that creates the fear. You do a model with that, C is the dare, the T is your thought about it, F is the fear. Fill out the A, fill out the R.

Do another model this time with same C, the same dare of the day. You’re going to think of a different thought, you know, choose a different thought that’s going to create confidence in the F-line, right? So you have a different emotion. Same C, different thought, confidence in the F-line. Now we’re going to have a different action. The action is going to be to do it, right? You’re going to do it. The result is going to be whatever the result is. You can journal about the result. What’s important with this is that you do it. That’s the important part about the dare of the day. Is the intentional model is what you follow through with so that you’re A-line in the intentional model is always going to be to follow through and is always going to be to build that first pillar of indomitable self-confidence.

You’ll find that most of the time it’s the same with the impossible goal, it’s the same thing we’re doing with the Spartans this month, guys, and throughout 2020. What you’ll find is that the reason why we lose, the reason why we don’t have — I wouldn’t say lose because we’re not really born with it. But the reason why we don’t have self-confidence, the reason why we have so much self-doubt, as I mentioned earlier, is because we don’t trust ourselves and the reason why we don’t trust ourselves is because we’re afraid of failing so we never take action and fail ahead of time.

With the dare of the day, you’re daring yourself to take action and you follow through with that action, and it doesn’t matter what the result of that action is. What matters is that you took the action, and by taking the action you’re building the first pillar of indomitable self-confidence. You’re building up trust in yourself that you will follow through on what you say you will follow through on. The result doesn’t matter, just like the impossible goal, we’re choosing 25 massive action steps to take to rack up 25 fails over the first quarter.

But that’s what I got for you today, guys. Have a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy Holiday season. It’s now the Friday after Christmas, so I hope you guys had a wonderful holiday time. It’s going to be New Year’s coming up. It is just about time to wrap up December and get into 2020. You can still get into the Spartans and do your December work for 2020. But if you are not going to get in for the impossible goal, guys, it is 100% okay. Because in January, we’re building foundations, we’re building the foundations of cognitive mastery and I’m opening up new ways to build your cognitive mastery development and take on your cognitive mastery training for less than a dollar a day you can get started and learn cognitive mastery and emotional ownership and develop these results, achieve these results: future-focus thinking, amazing relationships, indomitable self-confidence, and mastery over your behavior.

Have an awesome new year. Make sure 2019 goes out with a bang guys and I will see you next week on the Alpha Male Coach Podcast and until then, elevate your Alpha.

[END OF INTERVIEW]

[0:31:49.5] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the Alpha mindset, at the Alphamalecoach.com/unleash.

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