Ep #1: What It Means to Be an Alpha Male

Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha-mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.

What’s up, guys? Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. Look, I’m going to start by saying congratulations, okay. You’ve found what you’ve been looking for. That’s huge. See, I know what you’ve been looking for because I used to be where you are, and I was looking myself.

See, I know who you are. You’re a nice guy, right? I mean, you can’t help it. You want to be nice. You want to be kind to people. Being mean, being rude, cruel, or insulting, it just doesn’t feel right to you. You were raised to respect women and treat people the way you want to be treated. You smile a lot, you say please and thank you. You’ve got great manners and are courteous to strangers and elders.

You’re helpful, you’re a team player, you’re thoughtful, you’re intelligent. You believe in communication over confrontation and you genuinely want what is best for people. I also know, you’re slightly on the shy side and would rather stay in than go out. I know that meeting new people feels awkward to you.

Talking to women, especially when you find them attractive, gives you anxiety. When you’re in a relationship, you can be, but are not always, worried about losing the relationship and getting concerned when your girlfriend talks to other guys. And when you’re alone, metaphorically by yourself in the dark, in those dark places, your brain isn’t always your best friend.

I get it, guys. I know you. In addition to that, you’ve heard or experienced things like, “Nice guys finish last…” right? You’ve seen the bad-boy get the girl, treat her like shit, and then she comes to you for support because you’re so nice. You’ve been friend zoned by nearly every woman in your life and the women that you have dated have ended up ending the relationship for reasons you can’t figure out.

I mean, you were always nice to her and you treated her well; why end the relationship? And the most common, if not only, way for you to meet women is through work or friends. You’ve tried internet dating and received very few matches and even fewer dates. You’ve probably read a bunch of alpha male blogs on the internet and maybe you’ve even hired a dating coach.

You might have read a bunch of self-help books thinking there must be something wrong with you because, hey, what’s wrong with being nice? I know you’ve found what you’re looking for because I know what you want. You want to be a confident attractive man of influence without having to be a jerk or a bad-boy. You want to get what you want in life without having to hurt people to get it.

You want to be successful with women and wealth without having to be cruel or step on people’s backs to achieve your goals. You want to be able to walk into any place, any situation, without fear or anxiety and instead feel calm and confident. You want to wake up in the morning and love who you are.

Now, I’m excited for you and I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for maintaining your integrity, brother, not changing who you are and being a good dude that loves and respects women, people, and the world. It can be so easy to just say fuck it, turn into a douche bag, become bitter towards women in the world, act like a jerk and check-out entirely.

But you didn’t so that. Instead, you searched for a way. So you’re a hero who is on a quest. And for every hero on every quest, there is a guide, right? There’s a helper; a person who knows more than the hero and assists him with solving his problems so he can defeat the villain, get the girl, and save the world, or galaxy, or universe, or whatever.

I said I’m also excited for you, bro. I am. I’m excited because you found your guide. You found the person who is dedicated to helping you solve your problem and win the day. I am your guide. I am The Alpha Male Coach.

Now, I’m The Alpha Male Coach for two reasons; first, because I’ve been a coach my whole life and I am passionate about helping people change their lives. And second, because I wasn’t always a confident international man of mystery. I used to be a fitness coach, and that was easy for me because I’ve always been athletic. I’ve always been active.

I became The Alpha Male Coach because of a major paradigm shift that occurred in my life; a change that led me to a place of extreme empowerment, indomitable self-confidence, fearlessness to go after my dreams, and unlocked my personal greatness. When that shift happened and the results in my life began to show up in extraordinary ways, I knew I had the golden ticket. I had the secret of the universe, and I want to share it with you.

Now, since I had already developed my skills as a coach, the choice was simple for me; teach men what I discovered, redefine what it means to be an alpha male, and lead a movement that will alter the way human beings relate to each other forever.

So, it’s time to get vulnerable with you guys. You guys are my brothers and I’m going to open up to you and tell you my story; the story of how I became an alpha male and why I know you can do it too.

I’ve got three stories to tell you. Now, they’re all short, but powerfully important in their own right. The first story is about the origins of my nice-guy personality; the source of my limiting beliefs. The second story is when I drew on my awareness and discovered a missing piece. I figured out there was something missing. The third story is of my metamorphoses; the great paradigm shift that changed my life.

So the first story, where my personality came from, it was from my childhood. What a surprise, right? I mean, everybody’s got these childhood issues. The first five years of my life, I remember very little other than an alcoholic father and an emotionally negligent mother.

Now, since my mother didn’t have the capacity to love herself, she was, and unfortunately still is, living in a victim mentality. She didn’t have the capacity to emotionally care for my younger brother and I.

Now, after suffering what she calls a nervous breakdown, she took my brother and I and went on the run. She was running from my father. And she ran straight into the arms of another man. This other man, who she actually ended up marrying later, was a very physically abusive individual. He was very physically abusive to my brother and I.

And I don’t mean disciplinary abusive; I mean every day after school and most of the day on the weekends, he would take turns beating my brother and I with his fists, his belt, with books, hardcover books, with a bat. He went after us with a bike chain once. He would even come into our room at night just to wake us up and give us a punch; a punch to our face, a charley horse to the thigh, a slam to the gut.

You know, my brother and I were covered in bruises for seven years. We lied to our mother about where they came from when she noticed, which wasn’t often due to her physical and emotional abandonment of us. Finally, when I was around 12 or 13, my mom left this guy and moved again. We went on the run once again.

Now, this trauma in my childhood led me to have certain deep-seated beliefs about who I was and what I was capable of. I lived with shame; the feeling that there was something wrong with me. I lived with guilt that I couldn’t protect my little brother. I lived with low self-esteem that I wasn’t worthy of love or kindness. I lived with the idea that I wasn’t worthy of a woman’s love because my own mother couldn’t love me.

I also formed the belief that to survive, I had to be stronger, bigger, and better than the other guy. Now, this all created a belief system that the world is a hostile place full of evil and danger and that I was a victim. I tried to control and manipulate other people emotionally and physically.

I lived my life with an internal state of blame, pessimism, and self-pity. And on the outside, I was showing up as this super nice guy because I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted everyone to accept me, not to be mean to me, and I generally tried to avoid all confrontation.

You can see how that has manipulation written all over it. Now, for some of you, this might resonate. Maybe you’ve had a similar childhood. The truth is, child abuse is more common than you might think. Some of you might be horrified by that story. Maybe you’ve never been subject to any abuse, neglect, or abandonment at all. And for others of you, my story might sound like a dream come true.

You know, if you grew up on the streets or bouncing from foster home to foster home or in another country where death is a daily sight, what I went through would have been a welcome reprieve.

My point is that we all have a reason why we have this nice-guy personality. We’re not born with this personality; we create it. My second story is when I became aware that I could live a different life; when I found out I could change.

See, I’ve always done okay with women. Not great, mind you, just okay. Now, I did okay because, for the most part, women just kind of fell into my lap, so to speak. Let me give you an example; I ran a business for eight years. I ran a gym. I coached at this gym and I was the owner. So within the walls of my facility, I was king.

This was my house, it was my cave, I was in charge and I had heaps of confidence. It was easy for me to meet women at my gym and I pretty much stuck to dating women who were in my gym only. I didn’t ever leave the gym to go out and meet another woman. I just didn’t want to.

Now, I told myself this was okay and I gave myself the reason that it was because I wanted a partner who was into fitness. I convinced myself that I want a girlfriend who works out, so I’m just going to find a girlfriend who comes to my gym. And I said to myself that there was nothing wrong with dating my members, and simultaneously, there was nothing wrong with having a social life outside of my business.

So check this out, here’s what happened; I could easily talk to any woman that entered my gum. But the moment that I stepped out of my comfortable little cave, I was terrified. My mind was a swirling fog of doubt, worry, and fear. I would go to bars, restaurants, and coffee shops with friends and I would have anxiety around meeting new people, especially attractive women.

Of course, I hid my shame. I hid my low self-esteem very, very well and I did that behind a broad smile, corny jokes, excessive compliments, and generally being what most people call the nice guy. But in my mind, I was a wreck.

Most of the time, I just elected to remain silent; sometimes looking at beautiful women from afar, probably in some creepy fashion I wasn’t aware of at the time, but looking back on now seems highly likely. And generally, I chose not to go out at all, guys.

You know, most of the time, I would just stay home and work on my business, or I gave some other excuse that allowed my social anxiety to overtake me and to increase. Now, the funny thing is, most of my friends thought I was al alpha male, and they said so.

I had a lot of people that looked up to me, respected me, not just as a coach, but as a man and as a leader. It’s ironic actually, I can remember sitting at a bar with two of my friends. One of my friends said to the other, “Why is it so easy for you to talk to girls? What’s the secret?”

And my other friend just kind of looked at me and said, “Kevin knows what the secret is.” I just looked back and smiled. The truth is, I didn’t know what he was talking about at the time. And the irony of that story is that on a completely different day prior to this day, when I was hanging out with two different friends, it was me who said, “I don’t know why it’s so easy for you guys to talk to women. I just get so nervous. I have no idea what to say to them.”

They both just looked at each other, and then they looked at me and said, “Don’t worry about it, man…” and then they changed the subject. Honestly, I really don’t think that they even believed me. I really don’t think that they believed that I found it difficult to talk to women.

When I realized that being an alpha male had nothing to do with what other people thought, I was floored. How could people see me as an alpha when I didn’t see myself as one? And how could these other people, who are just ordinary Joes, you know, my friends, achieve so much in terms of women and wealth without the typical alpha traits that are posted all over the internet?

That was the awareness that sent me on the search for what is possible and what is true. It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I found the answer, and that is what changed my life forever.

So the third story, the discovery of the truth, came at one of the lowest points in my life. Within the timeframe of about six months – give or take a month or two – I lost my job, my savings, my girlfriend, my apartment, my car, my pride, and my confidence.

The details of the fallout are not important. I’m not going to go into what happened other than to say it was a magnificent demonstration of self-sabotage. I was living at my friend’s place in a spare room that he had after he bought his house. He let me move in with him, because like I said, I had lost my apartment at this point.

And it was there, in the blackness of my mind and the darkness of that back room, that I found the answer that I was looking for. You know, from the deepest levels of depression, poverty, self-pity, that’s where I found the truth. I learned a simple formula that changed my brain, that changed the way I looked at the world and transformed my life from being at the effect of my circumstances to being the creator of my destiny.

What I discovered in that empowered and enlightened moment was the secret to being an alpha male, and moreover, the answer to the human condition and end of all human suffering. I have taken what I have learned over two decades of fitness coaching and applied it to confidence coaching so that you, yeah, you, brother, can have the same life-changing experience that I had and unleash your own alpha.

So this podcast is for you. If you’re listening, there is a reason. You didn’t just randomly pick this podcast. You were drawn to it. You know, they say, “Seek and ye shall find.” You have been searching, bro, and now you’ve found. And what you’ve found is a way to be yourself, your true authentic self, and still have the woman of your dreams, massive wealth and indomitable confidence.

You don’t need to change at all. Forget everything you think you know about being an alpha man and get ready to join a movement in redefining the alpha man. You are the hero of this story. You’ve been on a quest for a long time, searching, struggling. You have found the path. You have found your guide. You have found The Alpha Male Coach.

Now, this podcast has two purposes. First, I aim to redefine what it means to be an alpha man. That is a huge undertaking that I am eager and excited to pursue. It is a movement that starts right here with episode one of this podcast and ends with every man on the planet.

The second reason for this podcast is you, blood. I am going to be giving you real coaching, real guidance. In every episode, you can expect, from me, insight into why what you’re doing isn’t working and strategies for making the shift to unleashing your alpha.

Now, since this is the first episode, let’s get into the foundation of being an alpha man. Being an alpha man is a choice. We are not born alpha or beta men. We choose to be so, based on our thinking and how we utilize the most powerful tool we have, which is our brain.

I want you to forget everything you think you know about an alpha male. That’s all second-grade nonsense. Forget about the money. Money is a byproduct of being an alpha man. Forget about the muscles. They are a byproduct. Forget about the women. They are a side effect of what comes when you are an alpha man. Forget about the flashy suits. Forget about the fast cars and the giant homes. These are side effects. Forget about the power, the influence, and the charm; these are byproducts.

Being an alpha male means living every day to your fullest potential. It means showing up as your genuine and perfect self. It means creating the maximum amount of value for the world that you can, not because it serves and enhances the lives of your fellow humans or provides you with massive wealth, but because it is your purpose as an alpha and it feels amazing.

Being an alpha male isn’t a title given by other people. Being an alpha male is a choice you make in every moment of your life; a choice you make with your alpha thinking to create powerful emotions that drive massive action which determine all of the results in your life. So you have the alpha within you; we all do.

You need to decide if you want to unleash your alpha and live the life you were meant to, or if you want to continue to hold back your amazingness from the world so that both you and the world suffers. Believe me, brother, the world longs for what you have to offer, if only you would stop hiding, start taking control, and unleash your alpha.

Being an alpha male requires knowledge and awareness. You have to have a basic understanding of how the world works and how your brain works, and then you have to become conscious of your mind such that you can identify your current thinking and belief systems and be able to deliberately choose new thoughts and belief systems.

If you have the biological capacity to learn about the world and your brain and are aware of your thinking, then you can learn to unleash your alpha. I don’t believe you don’t have the capacity. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be listening to this podcast.

As long as you are a functioning adult, I’m willing to say, with near certainty, that you have the capacity to unleash your alpha; your fullest and greatest self. The only reason you’re not taking action right now to be an alpha man is because no one ever taught you how, or because you’ve been given a lot of information that’s a lot of false information.

See, no one ever told you about your brain and how to manage your mind in a way that will allow you to create the life the way you want it. Now, you’ve been searching, bro, like Neo in The Matrix. And now you’ve found the answer. You can call me Morpheus; I am your guide. I am the one who will teach you how to unleash your inner alpha.

What you do with your inner alpha is yours to choose. I can only help you find it and help you let it loose upon the world. The move I made was from victim to vulnerable. The alpha male is incredibly vulnerable, but without the latent fear of what other people think about him. So the choice is yours; victim or vulnerable, which will it be?

If you choose victim, you give away all your power. It’s the undoing of yourself. That’s the beta man. To choose vulnerable is to tap into the place where all your strengths lie. That is the alpha man. You get to choose, my brothers. The choice is yours.

Now, when you choose to be a victim, here’s what you do; you get to embrace blame, you get to hold other people at a distance and avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions. You get to hide from the world and other people because you fear how they might make you feel. They might make you feel rejected, humiliated, or embarrassed, right? You get to hide away from that.

You get to act crazy and out of control of yourself and you get to try to control other people. You get to be defensive and fight and go to war with yourself, with other people, with your past, and with the world around you. When you choose to be vulnerable, you get to be courageous and curious.

You get to allow others to think what they want. You get to let the haters hate. You can agree or disagree. You get to be all in and willing to experience any emotion, especially the uncomfortable ones, because they lead you on the path to growth. You get to maintain your power.

Now, the victim mentality doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means your brain is functioning properly. It means your brain is stuck in a thought-loop that was conditioned into your subconscious a long time ago to keep you safe. When this happens, a common thought is, “There’s something wrong with me.”

The beta man doesn’t believe in himself; he believes he is damaged. When we identify as the victim, there must also be a villain. Who is your villain? Who are you blaming? Very often, it is ourselves. We can, and often do, play the dual role of both victim and perpetrator. Vulnerability is knowing that you are enough, that you are perfect exactly the way you are.

Look, you don’t get to decide whether you are enough or not because that’s already clearly been decided. You are here, brother, alive here and now. That, by definition, means you are enough.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha – your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset – at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.