Ep#114: What About Anger?

[INTRODUCTION]

[0:00:09.6] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. The only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here is your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.

[0:00:32.6]: What’s up my brothers. Welcome back to the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. And check this out, I want to start with some gratitude, some really deep gratitude, I am so grateful for where I am in my life. And I want to share that with all of you. Because all of you have a lot to do with where I am in my life. You see, my life is 100% of creation of my own making. Several years ago, I decided that there was a certain way I wanted to experience my life and who I wanted to be and how I wanted to feel and and what I wanted to do. And I went to work building that life.

And then the haters came out, right and I heard it from all sides. I heard it from friends from family, from women I was dating at the time. Guys, remember, I started with nothing. This is just a few years ago, just a few years ago, I mean no more than four years ago, I started with nothing. If you’ve listened to some of the earlier podcasts, then you know this is true when I decided to reinvent myself and step away from fitness coaching and building gyms, I had very little savings, I had just a couple thousand dollars I had zero cash flow, right I had nothing coming in my girlfriend of four years had just left me, like we should just completed the relationship. She took the car and I was homeless. And I lived with my buddy for a while. And then I started working on reinventing myself the way I wanted to be, feel and live. Now the how to have all of this is taught it’s taught in the academy and and I have a How to Live your Purpose course that’s on the alphamalecoach.com website.

But the point of me telling you this, is to tell you how grateful I am to be where I am now, given where I was just a short time ago, you know, I make my own schedule brothers, I determine my own income, I decide where I want to live, and where I want to travel, when it gets cold, I go south, I follow the sun I can be anywhere in the world I want to be. There is no one who tells me where I should be or what I should be doing. I am both the CEO and employee of my life, myself. I create my experiences, both in action and in emotion, I do what I want. And I feel what I choose. And I’m so, so grateful to have discovered this universal truth and unlimited power and be able to utilize it, constructively, to live an intentional alpha lifestyle.

And I did this with your help. I did this with you, my friends, I’m so grateful for you being out there, rating and reviewing the show, taking the techniques and concepts and applying them to your life, taking that massive action daily, whether that’s to enroll in the academy, to work with a coach, to elevate your alpha, to live your intentional destiny. Experience has shown me that there is a universal truth that works with, for, and through all humans based on their subjective cognition, and turns that conscious and subconscious thought into physical matter and form.

Brothers, this is the greatest discovery of all time. And I’m so grateful to be in communion with it, and a teacher of it. I’m grateful for all of my students, those who have learned, those who are learning, and those who have yet to take the first step in their journey. And I’m grateful that I have this podcast and all of you in the audience so that I can teach these immutable laws and share my knowledge and gratitude with you.

All right, that was my gratitude in this moment. And now I want to get into the episode. We are working on mastering emotional balance in the academy this month. And I want to talk about a very specific emotion that a few of my students have been asking me about, and if it has value in intentional feeling as it relates to relationships with other people and the relationship with yourself. So let me really quickly back up. Because before getting into what this emotion is, there are several ways you can think about emotions and feelings in general, you can think about emotions as the messengers of the mind, you can think about them as the drivers of behavior and action.

You could consider emotions and feelings to be vibrational kinetic energies that drive motion and creation into the matrix or the subjective field of form. You can think about emotions as positive or negative, right? You can think about them as comfortable or uncomfortable, desirable or undesirable. Another binary way to think about emotions is whether it serves you or not, what action is this emotion producing and does that serve you? But for the purposes of this podcast and what we’re doing in the academy in November this month to master emotional balance, as I want you to think about emotions in three tiers, tier one, tier two and tier three. And tier one emotion is an emotion you feel on purpose with intention from a conscious thought. When I think this thought and choose to believe it, I feel this way. Therefore, I choose this thought and believe it, so I can feel this way. Now, in emotional balance, we want to make sure that we have emotions that are comfortable emotions are uncomfortable in the tier one emotional list. There are several reasons why it is important skill to develop, emotional ownership. But I’m not going to go into that in this podcast, in this podcast episode. The power of emotions is a whole different subjects, my brothers, what I want you to know about tier one emotions are that they are emotions you want to feel in your life, you choose them purposefully.

A tier two emotion is an emotion you feel without intention, but you want to allow it and process it. These emotions we feel from a subconscious thought that’s triggered from the circumstance based on our beta condition. We want to allow these emotions because they are clues into the beta condition and help us break down that cognition. Right? It helps us to determine do we want to continue to think this, and maybe we do. But we always want to allow the feeling to be there, as it’s processed. From an unconscious state, most people will resist, react to, or avoid tier two emotions. From a conscious alpha state these emotions can be processed and own and followed up on as to whether they will be moved to tier one emotions, to emotions you choose to feel on purpose.

Now finally, there are the tier three emotions which are the indulgent emotions. And this is a spinning emotion that serves us zero, these spinning emotions keep you in the same spot. A tier two emotion will give you a clue for growth and development. A tier three emotion is a growth killer. It’s a dream killer. Confusion, worry, overwhelm. These are spinners that don’t allow for growth and we dismiss tier three emotions, they are not to be processed, they are not to be allowed. They were to simply be dismissed. They are phantoms a chemical reaction in the cells derived from an overactive brain and a misalignment with the truth. So let’s take this full circle, right, let’s come back now.

Now that you know what we were doing in the academy, that mastering of emotional balance what I have been asked from some of my academy students is the following. And is this, “Where coach, is there a time if any, for anger to be a tier one emotion? When would I choose to feel anger on purpose, if I would at all? Or does anger belong squarely in the tier two category?” Now my answer to my students and to all of you is, what do you think?

[0:07:52.5]: Brothers, you know this, does anger serve you? Is there a time in your life that you want to feel anger based on the results you intend to create? As many of you know, I don’t tell my students what to think and feel. I help them determine for themselves what thoughts and feelings serve them best. So that’s my answer. That’s my answer around anger. That’s my answer around any emotion that you will be looking at this month, feel it, own it, then decide if it serves you decide if you want to bring it into the tier one spectrum of choice. I want to feel this on purpose.

Now, now that I’ve said that, we diverge, right, brothers, I want to tell you something, and I didn’t mention this in the first hundred episodes. And I think that now in the second hundred episodes, I want to continue to edify you a bit more deeply, further. I don’t tell people, I don’t tell students how to use the law. The universal truth is indifferent to the thoughts and feelings that are the cause. The thoughts and feelings are always the cause. But the universal truth is indifferent to that cause. The universal truth doesn’t judge your thoughts. universal truth doesn’t judge your feelings. It only acts on them to create for you based on your intention, and your intention is thought, belief and emotion. I don’t tell people what to plant in their gardens. My friends understand me I don’t tell people what they should put in their garden. It is not my purpose to monitor what you sow.

[0:09:29.6]: And I will tell you that the soil, the light and the water also don’t care what you plant in your garden. That’s the law. Your plants will grow according to the law, not according to what it is that you plant. If you plant zucchini in your garden, the law will grow it, if you plant tomatoes below will grow it, the law doesn’t care. It doesn’t judge, it only act based on the seeds which in the law of mind and belief are your thoughts. And it will and does always act, regardless of whether you use it for construction or destruction, regardless of whether you use it for order or chaos, regardless of whether you use it for negentropy or entropy. That being said, the academy, and my methodology, aims at helping you align yourself with the universal truth and take the constructive route.

To put it another way, to put it in a very nerdy way, I am in the business of training Jedi not Sith, I teach my students that the Force exists because this is the universal alpha. And I teach my students how to align themselves with the Force because this is the individualized alpha and the use of the law. And I teach them how to build a constructive creative contribution for themselves in the world, because this is the way of the Jedi. There are those who know the Force exists and know how to align themselves with the law. And they do so for deconstructive purposes.

So let me be very clear, for me, and in my methodology that I teach, anger is a tear two emotion, there is a function of anger that makes it a powerful ally for those who would use it for deconstruction. True fear, not nervousness, not anxiety, but true fear, anger, hatred. These are all the feelings that vibrate intensely to drive compelling and persuasive energy into the matrix or the subjective field of matter, whatever you want to call it. It is not my place to judge any human who decides to use the law for deconstruction, who intentionally uses fear, anger and hate as a tier one emotion.

For me, I do not believe anger serves me constructively to build my life and contribute to the world and therefore I maintain anger as a tier two emotion. For my students, I allow them to choose and I’ll tell you this, the dark side is not stronger, it’s not stronger. Because the alpha and the law are based in love and construction, light and dark are not opposites, the light is much stronger, because it completely removes the darkness, there can be no darkness when there is light, and this is self evident. However, the dark side is very seductive, because it is easy. It’s easier to intensify anger or hate as a tier one choice than it is to allow and process anger or hate as a tier two feeling. And due to the intensity of the feeling that will translate to duration or manifestation.

Okay, enough about deconstruction, right enough about the dark side, I’m done nerding out on you guys, I just want you to know very quickly, the difference between anger and disappointment. And then I want to give all of you guys some instruction on how to allow anger as a tier two emotion in a way that serves you. Because look, you’re going to get angry, right? I’m not saying that only Sith get angry, I’m saying that that is the choice that they are making to be angry on purpose. But you as a human being, you’re going to get angry, it happens, it’s part of being a human. So knowing how to allow anger when you’ve subconsciously created it is part of the academy training, allowing emotions, brother, it’s one of the most important skills you can ever learn. It is the key it is the gateway to your dreams, allowing emotions.

But I’m also going to teach you how to act when you’re feeling anger. Because there’s a difference between action when you’re allowing anger and action when you are choosing anger then you can choose it intentionally as a tier one emotion, or you can choose it subconsciously by reacting to it from your beta condition. So first, there’s a difference between anger and disappointment, right? Like when it comes to emotional balance. I have disappointment in my tier one list. I choose to feel disappointment on purpose. I want to. Why? Because I love to compete.

[0:13:52.6]: I love participating in sports and games. And when I do, I want to win. I play for fun, and I play to win. And when I don’t win, I want to feel disappointed. I choose it intentionally. And this makes it a tier one emotion for me. Anger is a tier two I don’t get angry when I lose. I choose to feel disappointed. And check this out guys. Here’s the difference. Anger is a resistance to what is happening. Anger is the cognition. What is happening or what has happened shouldn’t be happening or shouldn’t have happened.

Now you can see how this is a resistance to what is or what was because anytime you have that shouldn’t, this is but shouldn’t be. That is a resistance and that will create anger. This creates frustration in a mild way or anger in an intense way. Because frustration and anger vary in degree not in kind. They’re the same. They’re the same in cognition. Depending on the level of resistance or the specificity of the thought, you may feel frustrated or angry. Frustration can lead to anger as well.

[0:15:00.6]: Anger comes from resistance. Disappointment, on the other hand, is an emotion of acceptance. In disappointment, I accept the way things are. And I have a desire or a hope or a wish that they were different. Like when I play a game and I lose, I accept that I have lost and I wish I had won. This is disappointment. When I play a game and I lose, if I refuse to accept the outcome, if I refuse to accept what is if I believe that I’ve been wronged, cheated or taken advantage of which, of course, are all cognitive distortions coming from a neutral field. But if I push against what the present moment is offering me, I will suffer and I will create anger.

Now I can accept the outcome and still believe that things can be different, I can accept the outcome of a sport or game or a contest and still call foul play. This may create anger as a tier two, emotion, right? Something has gone wrong here. And that will create anger, that’s the resistance, I’m accepting the outcome, I’m accepting that I’ve lost but my brain is telling me that I shouldn’t have and that’s going to drive that unintentional tier two emotion. Now that I feel it now that the chemicals are vibrating in my cells, I can process it, and I can discover the cognition creating it. This allows me to transcend the anger instead of becoming it. And when we accept the outcome, we’re at peace, it is the resistance of what is that creates a passionate and emotional reaction. And this is anger that leads to abusive action.

Alright, guys, what I want to leave you with for this podcast episode is the difference between anger as either a tier one emotion used for deconstruction, right, used purposefully for abuse, or as a tier two emotion coming from the beta condition, which is essentially the same thing, because it looks the same as the purposely intended tier one. But I want to differentiate between that and anger as a tier two emotion that you feel and process from content from your conscious alpha state.

So for most of you, when you feel anger, you feel it from that tier two beta condition. I don’t think that there’s a lot of Sith listening to this podcast right as to get to come back to that nerd place. I don’t think that there’s a lot of you out there that are purposefully trying to deconstruct the spiritual world in order to deconstruct your physical world. So when I say that, what I’m saying is that I believe most of you feel anger unintentionally, and you react to it from your beta condition. So it’s really talking about how your beta condition response to anger versus how your alpha state responds to anger.

And what I’m going to provide for you guys is a list of comparing the difference between anger being processed as a tier two emotion that you feel and allow as you move into pieces or entity with yourself and your relationships, versus anger being reacted to as a tier two emotion or generate as a tier one emotion that you use to become abusive with yourself and your relationships. Remember, you are not trying to eliminate anger here, brother, anger is an emotion and a part of the human condition the human experience. The training is to accept that anger is a part of human nature while choosing to process the emotion instead of acting it out.

This doesn’t mean resisting doesn’t mean hiding anger. It means expressing that truth without hurting other people or yourself without becoming abusive, because it is the Sith in consciousness and the beta condition in unconsciousness that uses anger to abuse. I want to briefly say even now, even now, after all, I’ve said that I’m not judging anybody who chooses the path of using anger as a tier one emotion. Those who use the universal truth for deconstruction. I am not judging you, consciously or unconsciously, people who feel anger, hate and retaliation have a tentative and tattered sense of self.

They exist with inner conflict, I have compassion for you, my friend, because for them, hate and anger may serve as a function of repair to their inner self, it may provide a sense of coherence and fragmentation or provide a knowing of existence, or even giving them a sense of control where they lack that control cognitively. But remember, brothers, these are all ultimately, strategies of agony for the individual that chooses to use them and they add confusion, chaos and deconstruction to the world.

[0:19:36.6]: Now, let’s look at these differences. Let’s get into these differences. What I am comparing for you is the difference between processing anger as a tier two emotion and reacting to anger as a tier two emotion. To become aware is the first step unless you’re choosing anger intentionally, right? Unless it’s the tier one emotion you’re already aware. It will come to you anger will come to you from an unconscious thought it will come to you from a trigger from the neutral circumstance, and you must become aware of that feeling in the cells of your body.

When you become aware, this is where I want you to stop, do not move forward in time, find your center and elevate your alpha. This is where you will separate the circumstances of what is happening from the emotion that you are feeling. This is where you commune with your alpha state. Without this pause, any immediate unconscious reaction will create suffering for yourself and others. Now, this list is pretty extensive. And I know we’re already 20 minutes into this podcast. So if you are taking notes, I recommend you listen to this part of the podcast several times to get the comparison and determine where you have been behaving when you feel anger. On which side of this list. Remember, there is nothing wrong with anger in itself, there’s nothing wrong with being angry, it is human emotion, you will experience it. And that is okay. It doesn’t mean anything about you, other than that you are a human being.

Alright, brothers now I’m going to go through this list with you. And really what I’m going to do is compare and contrast at each level of the list. Because the list is it’s basically this demonstration of either anger as it’s being processed or anger as it’s being reacted to as you become anger. So you have the processing of anger as you allow it with other emotions like peace, serenity, and love, or it is the becoming of the anger. And as it is the only emotion that exists within you. And it is acted out in some sort of abusive way.

So that the lists go side by side. And the first one is that in processing anger, it is an authentic self expression, you are allowing the anger to be there and expressing it without becoming it when you become the anger when you are reacting to it, it becomes a more of a theatrical display. Everybody can see it, everybody knows that you are rising in that anger in that intensity. So when you’re processing the emotion, you’re expressing a feeling when you are becoming the emotion, you are becoming a tantrum, you’re becoming a demonstration. Now, both the processing and the reacting may have those physiological responses, you might get a red face, you might have excited gestures, you might increase the sound of your voice, that might happen on both sides.

But when you’re reacting to that anger, there is not the same control, you might still have the red face, you might still have the excited gestures, but there may be more curse words, right, a lot more expletives. There might be screaming, yelling at a friend or at a loved one instead of simply raising your voice. Understand that when you’re processing anger, it’s a form of assertiveness and it shows respect in your relationship, you are angry, but there is still the respect for the other. When you’re in that reactive form of anger when you’re abusing. It’s very aggressive. It’s very attacking. There’s not the respect for the other as much as there is the blatant disrespect, that attack.

[0:23:10.6]: When you process anger, you show love. It coexists with love and it enriches, it repairs the relationship. When you’re in that reactive place of anger, what’s happening is you explode in this sort of damaging mistreatment that actually endangers the relationship. So we’re talking about other people and how you are relating to them. If there’s a cognition, a subconscious cognition that creates anger in your body as you process that you can maintain other emotions, you can maintain love, and you can repair the relationship from that place of, “I accept what has happened, and I want it to be different.” Versus, “I do not accept what has happened. And it’s your fault,” right? We get into that mistreatment and we end up endangering the relationship. When we process anger. We know why, we come to that level of cognition where we know what the thought is, that’s created the anger and then we can determine if we want to keep it most times this will arrive from a displeasure in an injustice.

When the anger is from that place of abuse. it’s different because it arises from a sense of bruised identity or from a story as if something happened to me, versus the global idea of an injustice. And when you’re processing it, you are focusing on the cognition you’re focusing on the injustice, right? You’re focusing on, “I want this to be different.” And you know that that thing that you want to be different, may be intolerable. It may be something that you’ve accepted as it is, but that you want it to be different. But you also know and it may be intolerable for you because you so you’re feeling that anger, but you also know that it is changeable. You are aware of the universal truth and that you can change what is to come.

[0:25:01.2]:. So you know, it’s always repairable. When you’re in that reactive place, the focus is not on the injustice, the focus is not on repairing what your brain is telling you is wrong, the focus is on the other person. The focus is on that person as being bad or wrong or evil. When it comes to relationships, when you process anger, a lot of things happen. Number one, you inform the other person, right, you inform them and you tell them, there’s this idea that you want to bring their attention to what it is you are thinking that’s creating the anger, right. So there’s the information in order to draw attention, versus the reacting, which is just meant to threaten or to create a threatening place and to drive that other person, perhaps away.

True processing of anger is meant to communicate. Whereas when you are in that place of reaction, what you’re trying to do is intimidate or bully or silence the other person. When you’re processing anger from your alpha state. With a relationship with someone else, you have a desire for a response from the other person. But you know that it’s not required, because you’re not trying to control the other person, you know, that you you would like to communicate, you’d like to have the other person talk. But if they don’t, they need time to consider, if they need time to process that’s okay. When you’re reactive and abusive with anger, you insist that the other person acknowledge right here, right now. And not only acknowledge but acknowledge how justified and right you are in being angry.

When you’re processing, you’re asking for change, but you allow the other person to change or not, right, you’re not trying to control them. When you’re reacting and abusing, you are expressing a controlling demand that the other person change. When you’re processing, you’re asking for accountability, when you’re reacting, you’re in that space of blaming the other person, and then the retaliation and the revenge comes in. When you’re processing anger, it’s about a present issue. It’s happening in the moment. And it’s expressed in that moment in that present state. When you’re reacting to anger, it could be built up from past unresolved issues. It may not be in the moment, it might be leftover from something that happened, hours, days, weeks, or even months ago. When you’re processing anger, you have some perspective, right? And you can distinguish between what’s important and what’s not important.

So between those major and minor issues, when you’re reacting to anger you you’re just lost in that fog, trapped in that heat of the moment and you explode vehemently no matter how minor the issue may be. When you’re processing anger, you are relating to the feeling you are separate from it and engaged with it as a chemical reaction happening in the cells of your body. When you are reacting you are possessed by it, you become the feeling, you are not separate from it. When you’re processing anger, you allow it to be there while you feel other things. Anger can coexist with love. Anger can coexist with peace. Anger can coexist with serenity, when you’re reacting to anger, it is the only thing you feel, it overtakes you.

Processing anger allows you to take responsibility for your own emotion for your own feeling. When you’re reacting to it, you start to blame other people for why you feel it. When you’re processing anger. It’s non-violent, you are in control and you always remain within safe limits of temper management, right? But when you’re reacting you can become violent, you can lose control, you can become punitive, hostile, retaliatory. So when we lose your temper, when you are processing anger, it can be brief and you can let go with a sense of closure. When you’re reacting you tend to hold on to anger. Is this lingering resentment or hate or grudge or bitterness? When you process anger, you include any form of grief and you acknowledge it. When you’re reacting. You may include grief, but you mask it with invulnerability and denial.

[0:29:10.6]: Alright guys, another thing that happens when you process anger, and I want you to know this is when you process it, you believe that the other is a trigger and treats the other person as a friend, as a peer, as a loved one. When you are reacting to anger, you believe that the other person is the cause of your anger and you treat them as a target. Recognize that that’s the beta condition, not knowing that the anger is caused by the thought, not from the circumstance. When you’re processing anger, your goal in that processing with that person with that relationship is a deeper and more effective bond. You’re angry, but you move towards the other person. Your goal, if you could call it a goal is to repair, not to punish.

When you’re reacting, what you want is to get that rage out no matter who you hurt. It’s you moving against the other person. And finally, the last one is when you’re processing emotion you coexist with, and you empower yourself with love, because anger and love can coexist and they do coexist. they coexist very powerfully in that alpha state, you become fearless, you are not afraid of the anger, not reacting to it. When you are reacting to anger, you cancel love in favor of the fear, the fear that drives the anger which is fear based that these are the two these are the two comparisons between processing the emotion, through peace and serenity, and reacting to the emotion which creates abuse in a relationship and for yourself.

Now, I know that is a long list, so take some time to review it, brothers go back if you need to be mindful when you feel anger, allow it, process it and then act in the way that serves you the best. This is true with all emotions, brothers, there is no bad emotion, there is no good emotion. They’re just messengers. They deliver messages from your brain and send messages into the matrix. The message that you send it to the matrix depends on how you engage with the emotion. are you engaging unconsciously and reacting into the emotion so that it controls you? Or are you engaging consciously from your alpha state and processing the emotion, so you maintain cognitive, emotional and behavioral control? This is true with all emotions. Today, we just talked about one emotion.

That’s what I’ve got for you today brothers. Check out the Alpha Male Coach Instagram television show and look if you’ve been thinking about it at all. This is the time to take action and start learning and training the one skill that will open all doors, the one skill that heals all sickness, the one skill that repairs all relationships, the one skill that reveals to you the truth. I am here to take you on as a student and I am eager to watch what you create as you elevate your alpha.

[END OF INTERVIEW]

[0:32:11.6]: ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset, at the alphamalecoach.com/unleash.

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