Ep #19: Sexual Market Value and the Alpha Male

Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha-mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.

What’s up, my brothers. Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. And today, we’re going to talk about women and next week we’re going to talk about women. This is a two-part episode.

Part one is for my single brothers. It’s for my guys out there who are approaching women in order to be in a relationship or in order to be with a woman or on dating apps. Or maybe you’re not approaching women. Maybe you’re lacking the confidence to walk up to a beautiful woman. So that is today. Today is for my single guys.

Next week is for my guys that are in a relationship, my guys who are married or in long-term relationships and how to be an alpha male in an established relationship. So, today is how to be an alpha male as a single guy, how to approach a beautiful woman as a single guy.

Now, what I want to start with is a theory. I want to introduce to you this theory called sexual market value. It’s a number system. You may or may not have heard of the term sexual market value, but I would be willing to bet that you have probably used this theory at some point in your life. All it is, is it’s assigning someone a number; assigning a woman a number or assigning yourself a number.

You may be at the bar with your buddy and you may be looking at a woman and say, “Oh, she’s a seven, she’s an eight.” And you may have done it with yourself as well. You may say, “I’m a five or I’m a six…” you may assign yourself some number.

So it’s basically just this idea that everybody is a number; everybody’s given a number on a scale from one to 10. And the criteria is fitness, how physically fit you are, your income or net worth, it has to do with your appearance, what your face looks like, whether you have brown hair, blonde hair, how tall you are, things like this, your style, the clothes you wear, the things you choose to have in your life, and it’s very subjective.

It’s a very subjective algorithm. It’s a very subjective algorithm going both ways. It’s subjective when you rate women – because you and your buddy could be sitting and looking at the same woman and you might think she’s an eight and he might think she’s a five. So it’s very subjective. It’s based mostly on preference. There is no consistency in the theory.

So, because there’s no consistency, it’s not fact, right? It’s an idea. And right away, you guys who have listened to this podcast know that when we separate thoughts from facts, we can choose whether we want to believe and agree with the thought, because all thoughts are illusions. We can choose to believe in the thoughts that serve us and we can choose to discard the thoughts that don’t serve us.

So, the sexual market value system is a theory, it’s a thought, and we don’t have to use it. Personally, guys, I find it to be completely erroneous in my personal experience; not just my personal experience with my own life, but personal experience with what I’ve witnessed in the world, like what I’ve seen. I’ve seen men who have a preference for women that other people might consider to be of lower sexual market value, that might assign a lower number.

For example, a man who is very wealthy, very fit, very good looking who may just have a preference for women that are more plain, women that are more, like, what you call basic. Maybe he’s interested in bigger women; women who we would consider not model-types that are a little thicker. On the flipside, I have had the privilege, I’ve had the honor, to coach men who, based on this algorithm of sexual market value, have been lower on the scale.

Maybe they’re shorter, maybe they have less money or they’re less physically fit, but because they have gained the confidence, because they have gained cognitive mastery, because they’ve elevated to an alpha, they’ve allowed their alpha to elevate, they’ve been able to sleep with, date, and enter into relationships with women that you would consider eights, nines, 10s; high sexual market value.

In my personal life, guys, even me myself, it has never mattered. I have seen no difference in my success with women, whether I was running my business making $250,000 a year, whether I had long hair, short hair, no hair, you know, I’m losing my hair now I’m almost 40 years old, whether I was wearing a suit or whether I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, whether I had a mustache and a beard or whether I was clean shaven, like I said, whether I was making a quarter of a million a year or whether I was unemployed, homeless, living in my buddy’s spare bedroom. It had never made any difference in my success with women.

So the whole concept of sexual market value in my experience is completely erroneous and it is purely a manifestation of the beta condition. You guys know this. You know this because the beta condition is the sentences in your brain that create fear and scarcity. Now, the sentences are there to keep you safe, but the safety comes from a preventative side. It’s a fear and scarcity-based thought.

So, let me start with scarcity. Clearly there is a scarcity concept around the sexual market value number system because when you start to rate people, whether other men and you according to them, or other women, there can only be so many 10s. We can’t all be 10s. If we were all 10s, then there would be no need for the number system.

Once the 10s are filled up, then we have to fill up the nines. Everybody that doesn’t meet the 10 criteria is a nine. And once the nines are filled up, then we go to the eights, then we go to the sevens, and so there’s only so much to go around. There’s only so many 10s in the world. There’s only so many nines in the world. There’s only so many eights in the world and so on.

And because of that, you lose the abundance, you lose the power of confidence. You lose that abundant piece. There’s a strong scarcity piece around it. But even more so, there’s a lot of fear that creates a limiting belief. You see, the way the sexual market value works is – the way the theory works – is to say that if you are a six then you need to be with a woman who is between a five and a seven. Ideally, you’re with another six.

Now, again, I know that the algorithm is subjective, there’s no consistency, as I just said, so it’s hard to even say who’s a six, who’s a seven, who’s a five. It all kind of blends. But the idea is that you have to stay within your number, you have to date within your number.

So, right away, there’s this limiting belief that because you believe, you have accepted this sexual market value theory, this thought, you want to keep it, you now have this limiting belief where, okay, if I’m a six then I can only choose women that are sixes. If I want to be a dominant male, then I will choose to be with a five or a four. If I want to be sort of the beta, if I want to step back and let her be the dominant female, then I can choose to be with a six or a seven. But if that’s the case, I take a big risk of her leaving me, cheating on me, et cetera.

That kind of belief is going to push you into fear. It’s going to push you right into fear and it’s going to manifest in what I’ve talked about in previous episodes. Think about the beta condition manifestation as the nice guy, where I’m a five and you’re dating a seven, so now I have to be a nice guy. I have to constantly remind her that she’s the prize and I have to constantly manipulate her, you know, letting her know that, “Hey, you’re so great, you’re better than me, this is wonderful…” you know, keep putting her on that pedestal.

And if I’m a five and I’m dating a three then it’s the bad boy manifestation. It’s where I know I’m better than you. I’m better than you. You need to be thankful to be with me. You should be grateful that I’m your boyfriend. You should be grateful that I’m even talking to you. And so it’s all of this fear that comes from this theory. So you have fear and scarcity that comes from sexual market value number system.

Now, again, it’s a thought. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t believe it. You can believe anything you want. You can think anything you want. Does the thought serve you? Does this idea of sexual market value create for you the results that you want when you think this way? Because that is the alpha. The alpha chooses what he wants to think, to create the emotion he wants to feel in order to drive the actions that will determine the results he wants in his life.

It is the beta condition that accepts this SMV, this number system, as a fact and says, “Look, this is just the way it is. I’m just a seven. I was born this way. There’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe if I go to the gym and I work on my fitness, I can be an eight, but this is just the way it is. I have no choice, I have no control.” That’s beta, guys. That’s the beta condition. And again, you can be an alpha and still choose to believe in sexual market value, as long as you know that it is a thought, it is a thought that’s creating in you one scarcity into fear.

So, let’s move on. Let’s move onto the truth. Like I said, sexual market value is a theory, it’s an idea. You can choose to believe it if you want. But here’s the truth. Here’s the fact. Here’s what’s not a thought. You will attract, you will be attracted to, you will date, you will sleep with, you will enter into a relationship with and you will marry, if you want to, the woman who you believe you are worthy of, period. That’s the truth.

If you want to subscribe yourself to this SMV system and you say, “Well I’m a seven, so I believe I’m worthy of a seven, I’m worthy of a six, I’m worthy of a five…” then yeah, you’re going to attract five, six and sevens. And five, sixes, and sevens are going to be attracted to you, you’re going to sleep with them, you’re going to date them, you might enter a relationship with them and you may end up marrying them because that is, without question, that is the truth.

If you don’t believe in the sexual market value, you’re still going to attract, be attracted to, sleep with, date, enter into a relationship, and possibly marry the woman you believe you’re worthy of, whether you give yourself a number, give her a number, or whether you don’t use numbers at all. That is the way life works, okay.

So it really comes down to self-worth and cognition, your cognition about how you believe you are, the value that you believe you have. Now, guys, I know that that sounds very simple, but not easy. So I’m going to get into how to get there in a moment. But let me add another piece to this.

If you are going out – if either you’re going out to approach women or you’re on some kind of dating app, then you’re taking steps in your worth. You’re saying, okay, I am worthy of this person. I’m going to approach this person. Whether you assign a number to them or yourself or not, if you approach someone, you believe you’re worthy of them, because if you didn’t believe you were worthy of them, then that beta condition would override, you would not approach them out of fear of rejection, and your desire would be to not be rejected.

That is, “I’m not worthy of this person, I know they’re going to reject me, so I don’t approach them. So consider that, for that subset of my brothers out there who are just not going out, just not approaching, just not doing anything to enter into a relationship if you want to. Look, if you don’t want to be in a relationship then this doesn’t even apply to you, but if you want to be in a relationship and you’re not taking the effort to approach, then your mind, your thoughts, your cognition of yourself is that you have little to no self-worth. That is where coaching comes in.

Now, here’s where we start with the alpha. This is the truth. And this is the truth not just when it comes to being an alpha male, but life in general. I don’t care if you’re an alpha male, I don’t care if you’re in beta condition. It doesn’t matter. Either way, whether you’re in the illusion of the beta or whether you’re acting in an alpha, the truth is, guys – I want you to listen to this. In fact, I want you to take note on where we are right now with this podcast and listen to this over and over and over again.

This is the truth; you are the man. You are a 10. You are completely worthy of anything and everything in this world, period. You’re the motherfucking man. And I don’t swear often. I don’t just drop F-bombs randomly, but I want to say it again so that you really get it. You are the fucking man. You are a 10. We are all 10s. You’re a 10. Your co-workers are a 10. Your brothers are a 10. Your friends are a 10. Your sister is a 10. Your mother is a 10. Your father is a 10. Your neighbor is a 10. Your mailman’s a 10. Everybody’s a 10.

This idea of sexual market value, all it does is it creates this scarcity and this leveling system to where you’re comparing yourself against other people. There is no comparison. You cannot compare your greatness with anyone else because your greatness, who you are, is completely unique and it is maximized. It is already as high as it can be.

If we could create a scale to where there was a number higher than a 10, then that is where you would be. You would be an 11, a 12, 100, 1000, it doesn’t matter. You have maximized your worthiness, you have maximized your amazingness, you have- maximized. You are perfect in your humanness, my brother. That is a fact. That is a fact. That is not a thought, that is a fact.

If anybody tells you otherwise, it is a lie. If you tell yourself otherwise, it is a lie. If there’s a sentence in your brain that says she’s better than me because… or he’s better than me because… if you’re comparing yourself to another guy, saying he’s better than me because he’s taller than me, that’s a lie. That’s a lie that- your beta condition, that your sentence in your brain is telling you.

She’s better than me because she makes more money, that’s a lie. Money has nothing to do with worth. Money has nothing to do with value. Money has nothing to do with who you are as a human being. So the truth is, you are a 10. You are the man. And again, if you need to listen to that again, go back and listen to it again because it’s the truth. Listen to it as often as you need to until your brain creates a neural pathway of belief, because that’s the way it is, my friend.

You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to this world. And not in an arrogant way, not to say that you’re the greatest and everybody else is less than, but everybody has personal greatness. That’s the thing. That’s confidence and that’s the difference between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance says, “I’m a 10 and you’re a 9.” Confidence says, “I’m a 10 and we’re all 10s because we all have value. We all have greatness.”

So you can, again, go back and listen to that. I’m going to end this podcast with, kind of, how do you get there? Here’s the steps you can take to get there. Guys, you’ve got to use the Model. You have to know the universal truth. You have to believe the universal truth. To know it is one thing, to apply it is something else.

There’s a lot of people out there who know the universal truth, but they only know it intellectually. They don’t actually apply it to their life. So remember, the universal truth is, circumstances are neutral. Circumstances just exist. Circumstances are the world. Circumstances are other people. Circumstances are your past.

Now, your past exists nowhere. It’s just there. It’s gone. But the world around you is a matrix of molecules. It’s inorganic matter. It’s just there. It’s just molecular energy and other people are cellular beings. They’re cellular energy. They are organic energy.

So essentially, we have molecular circumstance and we have cellular circumstance. But, brother, it’s all neutral. None of it is good or bad, none of it is right or wrong until you have a thought about it, until you make it mean something, until you process it in your brain and judge it as good, bad, right, wrong, better, worse. That is where you begin to either establish a beta condition or an alpha state. And that thought that you have about the circumstance will release into your body a molecule, a chemical emotion.

An emotion is a feeling. It’s how your body feels. That feeling drives all action. Any action you take, you only take it because of the way you think it’s going to make you feel. You don’t want a million dollars in your bank account. You just want the feeling you’re going to have when you have a million dollars in your bank account. You don’t want to sleep with that woman. You just want the emotion, you want the feeling you’re going to feel when you sleep with that woman.

Everything we do is driven by emotion. So our actions come from our emotions and every action determines our result. This is cause and effect. This is the way our external world works, cause and effect, action, result. And our results will reinforce that original thought.

The circumstance is not only neutral, but it’s almost a separate part of that thought, emotion, action, result cycle. So once you know that universal truth and you can apply it, then that is how you get the results you want. So again, for my guys that are single who want to be in a relationship, how do you get there?

You get there, if we put relationship in the result line, if we put, you know, “I want to be with a beautiful woman. I want to date a beautiful woman. I want to attract beautiful women.  I want to have more sex with beautiful women…” whatever that is in our result line, we have to have the cognition first. It all starts with the way you think and it all has to start with the way you think about yourself; never about the way you think about her.

Once you start to think about her, you’re in the beta condition because you’re comparing. You’re comparing yourself to her, “How do I get her to do what she wants?” That’s manipulation. “How do I make myself better in her eyes?” That’s beta condition, that’s fear, that’s scarcity, that’s survival mode. It has nothing to do with her, my friend. It only has to do with you. You’re the man.

You get to where you want by creating your sense of maximized self-worth. And whatever thought you need – it’s not up to me to decide what thought works for you. You need to decide what thought works for you. You need to play around with a thought that you can have and believe to create the emotion of confidence, to create that chemical in your body that drives massive action.

Now, because we’re getting late in the podcast, I do want to add this; what you can do to start this is to just make a list. Make a list of everything that is amazing about you. Make a list of 20 accomplishments that you had in your past. Make a list of 20 things that you appreciate about yourself. Make a list of 20 reasons why anybody would want to be your girlfriend or your wife. Make a list of 20 things that you’re grateful for in this life, that you want and you already have, things you’re grateful for, things that you want and already have.

You could make a list of 20 things that you want and don’t have just so you can put them in your results line and drive towards them, but gratitude, appreciation, accomplishments, these are things that you need to think about to wire your brain to create those neural pathways of confidence, to create those neural pathways of why you are the man, of why you are a 10.

When you start to create those neural pathways, when you start to create those thoughts and you have those thoughts, your brain thinks them, don’t think about why she wouldn’t want to be with you, don’t think about why she might reject you, don’t think about you being short or bald or making only $20,000 $30,000 a year, like who cares? Those are all things that are creating neural pathways that are driving fear and scarcity and doubt and worry.

Instead, think about the accomplishments, think about how awesome you are, how amazing you are, how anybody would want to be with you because you are the man. Now, what happens when you do this is that you will look for evidence. You start having the thought, “I’m the man, I’m a 10. She’s already in love with me, she just doesn’t know it yet.”

Something I like to use when I talk to beautiful women is, I like to just pretend that they’ve already been my girlfriend for a year. It’s like, you’re already my girlfriend. This is just the way it is. This is how I would treat you, whether I treat you this way today or whether I treat you this way a year from now, you’re already my girlfriend, and putting yourself in that situation.

What happens in your brain is that your brain will look for evidence. That’s what the brain does, it looks for evidence in the world. It looks for the results to reinforce the thought. That’s the universal truth, brother. That’s why results reinforce the thought, because of evidence, because of confirmation bias.

So when you think thoughts like, “I’m the greatest, I’m the man…” you will look for evidence to support that. When you think things like, “She’s not going to be interested in me, I’m not tall enough, I’m not good looking enough…” your brain’s going to look for evidence to support that thought. So your results are actually coming from your thinking and your thinking is going to come from your results. It’s a circle. It’s a cycle.

That is how you shift from this fear-based scarcity driven beta condition to the abundance and transcend fear into your alpha state. That is how you approach women as an alpha male. You approach women as an alpha male by approaching women knowing, in your brain, in your body, all the way to your bones, that you are the man, that you are a 10, that you are completely worthy of this woman, that you’re worthy of being with her and she’s worthy of being with you and together you guys are going to make magic.

That’s what I’ve got for you today, guys. Next week, part two, for my guys that are in relationships. Maybe your relationship isn’t going so well. Maybe you’re in a marriage that’s not going so well and you want some advice on how to improve your relationship. You want some coaching on how to improve your relationship. But really, next week is going to be on how to be an alpha male in relationships.

And, guys, I really hope you enjoyed this podcast on how to be an alpha male in creating relationships with women, on how to approach women as an alpha male. Until next week, my brother, elevate your alpha.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha – your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset – at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.