Today’s discussion is extremely important, brothers, as we tackle emotional responsibility. Too often, the spiritual and practical are separated from one another, but I’d like to set out that we’ll be engaging with emotional responsibility on both the spiritual level and with regard to its practical applications.
What we’re really talking about is emotional ownership, which can be split into two parts: emotional intelligence and emotional responsibility. Emotional intelligence is the ability to feel more within the infinite number of possible emotions and feelings. Emotional responsibility is understanding that you, and you alone, are responsible for your thoughts and feelings.
Now, brothers, we cannot assume emotional responsibility without first admitting the universal truth, without first subscribing to the model of alignment. We need to know and understand the process by which we experience the world. Everything begins as a thought, which then creates a feeling, which in turn drives action, and this action will lead to a result. That’s it. That’s the model of alignment.
So no matter what external event we are forced to grapple with, how we feel about it and how we respond is ultimately down to ourselves, to our own thoughts and feelings. Nothing can make you feel a certain way. The sun doesn’t bring you joy. A breakup doesn’t make you sad. Only you can determine what your emotional response is. Our feelings come from our thoughts; they do not come from the circumstance.
Brothers, we need to let go of the manuals that govern our lives, the things that we’ve been taught as fact when, actually, they are mere societal constructs, they are not real. We need to get rid of our own manuals and the manuals that we project onto others. You are perfect. Nothing and no one should make you believe anything different. You need to let go of complexity and embrace the simplicity of surrender, brother, as you continue to elevate your alpha.
What You’ll Learn from This Episode:
- Let’s talk about emotional responsibility; its spiritual implications and practical applications.
- Emotional ownership: Intelligence and responsibility.
- Reiterating the model of alignment and understanding the universal truth.
- Getting rid of our manuals of the ego and the way that we project them onto others.
- The simplicity of letting go.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Remember to check out the new How to Live Your Purpose course.
- Enroll for the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan Academy here.
- Sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the Alpha mindset.
[00:00:09] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
[00:00:32] KA: What’s up, my brothers. Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud, and I have some really beautiful content coming up on this podcast. Some really, really beautiful stuff. Some very transformative stuff. For those of you who can hear it, and for those of you who are ready for it, it’s all about divine timing. Today, is some beautiful content as well.
It’s going to be some very fundamental, some very foundational information because today I’m going to teach on emotional responsibility, which is both a spiritual concept as well as a practical way of living. It’s not that these things spirituality and practicality. It’s not that these things are mutually exclusive. However, sometimes when I teach on spiritual and esoteric matters, there’s less of an emphasis on practical application. And conversely, when I teach on practical and worldly matters, there can be less of an emphasis on spirituality and esoteric.
So, while these things may seem to be mutually exclusive to one another, it’s only in mental illusion, because it is the mind that seeks duality. It’s the mind that seeks answers. This is one of the alpha male tenants. One of the alpha male tenants is we don’t exist in a function of either or, we exist in a function of both, and this is difficult for the mind to grasp because the mind seeks a solution. It wants an answer. He wants to know if it is this or that, either this or that.
I should say that it’s the ego, right? It’s not the mind. I want to make this clear, because I want to make this even more clear during the course of this podcast and in subsequent podcasts. It’s the ego that looks for answers, right? It’s the ego that looks for solutions. It’s the ego that lives in an either or. That wants to know if it is either this or that. The soul doesn’t work that way. The beta condition functions that way. The ego functions that way. The soul recognizes the truth, which is that it is both this and that. It’s not either this or that. It’s both this and that, always. This is always the case.
[00:02:37] KA: Now, emotional responsibility is a component of emotional ownership. Emotional ownership is a part of the core teaching in the academy, and it has two components. The two components of emotional ownership are the emotional intelligence and emotional responsibility. While many people understand the concept of emotional intelligence to be the ability to feel more, less people understand the concept of emotional responsibility, and even less people agree with it.
Very briefly, emotional intelligence is so important. I want to go through this because brothers we need to learn how to feel. We need to learn how to feel for many reasons. Many men have been conditioned not to feel for a variety of erroneous reasons. This puts many men at a highly mental space, a space of being in the head, so to speak. You might even call yourself that. You might even say that to yourself. “I’m in my head a lot.” This state of being is exactly what the ego wants. Is what the ego is, in fact.
To be in the ego and out of the body is to be disembodied. Think about that word, disembodied, out of body, or dismembered, separated. Much of the spiritual work I do with men is to help them remember by coming back into their heart, by coming back into their body, back into their soul. This begins with feeling. The more we feel and have the ability to be aware of a variety of vibrations, the more we experience the depth of our fullness and embody the totality of masculinity and what it means to be human in general, not just masculinity. Because femininity is a part of humanity. It’s just to be human. We embody what it means to be human by understanding our vibrations. Vibrations or frequencies on a bandwidth. They can be identified as positions within that bad wave by the observer. We can take a snapshot of the moment and say this is the vibration.
However, emotions generally exist in waves that are always moving, always shifting, and this means that there is an infinite possibility of feeling. There is an infinite number of possible emotions and feelings. This is the work around emotional intelligence, to simply feel more of the Infinite emotional bandwidth. Emotional responsibility is not a concept, and it’s one that’s more difficult to accept as a universal truth.
[00:04:56] KA: While it is fairly straightforward to accept that we, as humans, have the capacity to feel more, it seems to be more difficult to accept that we are responsible for the way we feel. At least that’s what I’ve experienced as I do this work.
Brothers, we have been conditioned to believe that the way we feel is based on how other people behave, and what other people say, and even what we experience as external events, generally, right? We’ve been told that we feel sad when it rains and happy when the sun comes out. I mean, they’re even songs about it. Right? This seems pretty straightforward. It seems very simple and many of you may even see the potential of another perspective here.
To be happy when it rains, or sad when the sun is out. I’m certain all of you have experienced this, at some point, perhaps pointing to another circumstance as the cause. For example, the sun is out and your girl, the girl that you’ve been talking to, has decided that you aren’t a good match for her. So, you feel sad.
Now, the sun is out. So, if the sun being out makes you feel happy, then why do you feel sad? Well, because you’re pointing out other circumstance, right? It’s obviously not the sun, the cause of happiness. But furthermore, to use that example, we’ve been conditioned to believe that it feels good when someone likes us, and it feels bad when someone doesn’t like us, right? That’s the example I just gave. Even in this example, there can be a fallacy. Can you see it’s possible to feel sad when someone likes you and happy when someone doesn’t? Of course, you can. I’m sure you felt this often yourself.
For example, maybe your girlfriend or wife tells you that she loves you, and you still feel sad. Well, how can you feel sad if you have just been told that someone likes you? If the cause of your feeling good is when someone likes you, then how can you still feel that vibration? And the universe is also true. You can feel happy, no matter what anybody else says. It is a normal thing to have this conditioning. I want to make that clear. It is a part of the function of the beta condition. It’s part of the function of the ego. It is normal, however, brothers, it is not natural.
What is natural is the alpha state and through the alpha state, it’s natural for you to experience your inner world and projected upon the outer world. That’s the alpha state. That’s the soul. What is normal through the beta condition is for you to allow the outer world to determine your inner world, to allow whatever’s happening outside of you affect what’s happening inside of you. That’s normal, but not natural. The understanding and application of emotional responsibility is to return to what is natural, from what appears to be so normal in our society.
In the academy, there are several tools I offer to students that assist them in that deconditioning process. The universal truth as a concept, the thought download, the model of alignment, these are tools. Together, these frameworks help to build a platform of knowledge that begins the process of change, the process of empowerment. Today, I’m going to remind you of these tools very quickly, and then we teach on manuals, and the manual is both a concept and a tool.
Now, the universal truth, very succinctly, is that we experience the moment. We experience a circumstance, an event, a neutral circumstance, it’s out of our control, something that we would call a fact. Again, I want to make clear about what a fact is. A fact is something everybody would agree to. So, it’s basically still a thought, it’s just a thought that we all agree to. We experience this circumstance, this external event. And then we have a thought about it. It triggers a thought. It triggers a thought either from our subconscious or we choose a thought, not from our trigger, but from our conscious choice, and that creates our feelings.
Our feelings come from our thoughts. They do not come from the circumstance. That’s what this whole podcast is about. Understanding universal truth. Something happens outside of you, you have a thought about it, either a subconscious trigger, or a conscious decision that you choose to think, and then that creates your feeling, your feelings drive your actions, your actions determine your results, and then that reinforces the thought, reinforces that belief, or that conscious choice.
The model of alignment is the framework to examine the universal truth, to help shift your thoughts, to create new results. So, it’s basically built on those five components, the circumstance, the thought, the feeling, the action, and the result. We have a circumstance. My girlfriend said we’re not a good match. That’s a circumstance because if we were to record her saying that, I could play it back for a thousand, 10,000, 100,000, a million people, and they would all observe the same thing. I mean, like watching a movie. Yes, on this movie, on this video, on this recording, we all agree that this is what was said.
[00:09:30] KA: But my thoughts about it are going to be subjective and they’re going to be based on either my subconscious where I’m going to be triggered by something. It’s going to trigger a subconscious memory. Or I’m going to have a conscious thought, something I choose to believe. Either one of those is I’m going to determine the feeling, the F line, and that F line is going to drive the A line which is going to determine the R line, and the result is then going to reinforce that thought. Most of the time the thought is subconscious. It’s a trigger and so we’re living in a thought loop and perpetuating the same reality over and over and over again.
The experience, the F line is hidden from us. Because usually, when it’s a subconscious thought, we’re not aware of that thought, we just feel the immediate feeling, act directly on the feeling or react to the feeling. And then we get a result from our action that then makes that belief, that subconscious belief even stronger. When we begin to choose our thoughts consciously, then we can start to have a new experience, we can start to have new behaviors, we start to get different results, and those new results then provide evidence for the conscious thoughts that we then are choosing to think.
This is how we change our behavior. We change our behavior from the inside, not the outside. And that’s going to be an important concept as I move deeper into this podcast episode. Because the manual is a concept and a tool that I used to help men see the universal truth in relationships. In the beginning, it can be very agitating. I’m going to be honest with you guys, if you choose to enroll in the academy, and you work with relationships, you work with your manuals, and I guarantee you, you have manuals. I guarantee you, brother, no matter how aware you may be, I guarantee you have manuals.
In the beginning, it can be very agitating. It can be very, very agitating to see these manuals. The agitation usually leads to resistance and this is when most people turn back. Because of the resistance. They say, “Oh, no, no, no, no. I’m not going through with this. I don’t want to see this. I don’t want to experience this. I don’t want to go through this change. This is too hard. It’s too difficult. It’s too unfamiliar. It’s too uncomfortable.” So, resistance that usually leads to some sort of turning back, some sort of giving up.
But if you stick with it, then later and with practice, working with manuals and letting go of manuals, it becomes a bit frustrating, because there’s still the projection. You still want to project your manual onto the other person in your relationship. So, that becomes frustrating. First, it’s agitation, because you’re aware like, “Oh, my gosh, this is coming from me.” That’s the agitation. Then the resistance hits. “Oh, no, no, no, it can’t be coming from me, right?” That’s the conditioning.
So, you projected back and it becomes frustrating. But then even later, the breaking away from manuals turns into a fear and a panic, because you realize that you’re actually letting go of your ego. The ego starts to die away. This is the rock-bottom effect. You might have heard people say rock bottom, right? “I hit rock bottom.” And from this state comes the breakthrough.
The fear and the panic is the rock bottom. You realize that your ego is dying. Once you’ve completely surrendered to the truth, the feeling of fear and panic is released and you are left with the peace and love of the truth. The manuals that we have for other people and for ourselves are really what gets in the way of us seeing the truth.
The manuals we have for ourselves get in the way of self-love and the manuals we have for others get in the way of our love for others, both of which are natural, because they are expressions of the soul. Love, self-love, and love for others are expressions of the soul. Their natural states of being and they’re also the same thing. But I’m not going to go that deep in this episode today.
Brothers, as a spiritual guide, I am presented with these manuals with every student I work with. That’s how I know you have them too. That is because they are normal. Brothers, we are raised with these ideas. It’s like we’ve all been raised in insane asylums, right? We’ve all been raised in some kind of craziness, in some kind of insanity. The normalcy of mental authority, which is the opposite. Mental authority is the opposite of mental health. And the normalcy of mental authority is the pandemic of the 21st century.
I’ll say that again, because I want you guys to understand that the normalcy of mental authority. It’s normal to think that your mind is in charge and that’s the opposite of mental health. But that normalcy is the pandemic of the 21st century. And our sickness is not a sickness at all. It is a forgetfulness, because none of us are ill, none of us are sick. We’re just asleep. A large part of us waking up from this dream state of forgetting the truth is letting go of all of our manuals. That’s why it’s so important. That’s why it’s a part of the academy.
The manual is succinctly put, believing that how we feel is based on circumstances and actions. That’s the manual. It’s believing that your emotional state is based on something that other people are doing or saying, or something that you’re doing. It is philosophically speaking, the T line hiding itself from the universal truth and the model of alignment. That’s why I talk to you guys very quickly. I reviewed you guys on the model of alignment. Because philosophically speaking, what I want you understand is the manual is basically the T line hiding. It’s like the C line jumping to the F line. The circumstance happens, all of a sudden, I feel. It’s the beta condition, right? It’s the ego hiding itself from sight so that it can command from behind the curtain, right? It hides itself from the watcher. It creates the illusion that the experience, the F line, is based on the external circumstance, the C line, or the actions of the body, which is the A line of the C line.
[00:15:03] KA: Brothers, here’s what I want you to know. This is emotional responsibility. Here’s the truth of it. Here’s the fact of it. How we feel, how you feel, is 100% based on how you manage the mind. That’s it. Your feelings come from your thoughts, period. Period, 100%. Not 99.9%, not 99.99999%. There is no part of how you feel that is not coming from how you think. I know that’s very absolutist, right? That’s very certain, and I am certain of this.
I mean, for all the spiritual vocabulary or mystical mumbo jumbo out there, one thing is true. Our feelings are based on the mind, because the mind is the tunnel. The mind is the tunnel, the mind is the bridge. It is the connection between the inner world and the outer world. Our body is a part of the outer world. Our feelings are part of the outer world, right? Because they’re in our body. They’re the astral realm, but they’re still a part of this realm, because they’re in our body. There’s experience in this physical realm.
The consciousness, the mind is that tunnel. It’s the medium through which we experience form and vibration. In our world, we have the soul, and we have the ego, depending on which one is charged to the mind is going to depend greatly on how we feel. We have an outer reality of matter and density, and the mind is the bridge. It’s the bridge. It’s the tunnel. It’s the path. The mind must surrender for us to connect to the heart. Once we have connected to the heart, we can trust the inner voice and follow the path of the soul.
Now, we are always connected to the heart. We’re always connected to the heart. However, we are distracted, sometimes we’re distracted, many times, actually. We’re distracted by the mind being hijacked by the ego, or the beta condition. And this is 100% normal. This is normal. It’s no reason to judge anybody or anything, including yourself, for the ego hijacking the mind, hijacking the machine, hijacking the tunnel, hijacking the bridge. It’s 100% normal. This is not natural, 0% natural. Because the natural use of the mind is through the soul.
So here we are, with all of our manuals and emotional abdication. Right? The ego in charge. And we punish ourselves, and we punish each other, and we forget to love. We forget we are love. We forget we’re living in love. We forget we’re surrounded by love. So, we need to get rid of these, brother. Let’s get rid of all of these manuals. Let’s get rid of the manuals of the ego.
Now, I’ll give you some examples. Here’s an example of a manual that we put on ourselves. Okay, follow me on this. I’ll feel better or I’ll be better or I’ll be in my highest self, which I hear a lot here in Tulum, right? This whole concept of the higher self. I’ll feel better. I’ll be better. I’ll be of the highest representation myself if I wake up at 5am. If I wake up at 5am. Do you hear that manual? Do you hear the lie there? The statement, this belief creates a disempowered state. It says on the surface. Now, it says this on the surface, that the way you feel is based on what time you wake up. It’s based on your actions. It says that you can’t feel good unless you wake up at a certain time. It says that the way you feel is dictated by an outside action or circumstance.
Now, certainly, you have the power to wake up at 5am if you choose, and many people may say, “Yeah, just get up at 5am. Just do it. Just commit to it. Be disciplined to wake up. Hold yourself in integrity. Get up.” They may even put some kind of reward or punishment based on it. If I wake up at 5am every day this week, then I’m going to reward myself. Or if I don’t wake up one day this week at 5am, I’m going to punish myself. There might be that kind of stuff going on.
But they say that because they believe that the way to feel better is to live a certain way, to take certain actions, to follow a certain plan or script or lifestyle. They say this because they live in the ego. The ego wants all the authority without taking any of the responsibility. The ego wants to dictate the experience without taking any responsibility for it. The ego wants to control the external because it doesn’t want to take responsibility for self-control. It doesn’t want to say that it is in charge, that the mind isn’t, that the tool that it’s using, that it is choosing how it wants to feel. It’s going to say, “Oh no, no, it’s not me that’s choosing. It’s not the ego that’s choosing, it’s the clock. It’s the 5am. It’s the action.”
Remember the universal truth brothers, the action is the byproduct, not the cause. And it doesn’t stop there. So now, you’ve discipline yourself to wake up at 5am each morning, right? But you still don’t feel joy. You still don’t feel excitement. You still don’t feel bliss. You don’t feel better. You’re still in the highest state, right? This highest version of yourself. Like you said you would be. If I wake up at 5am every morning, I’m going to be the highest version of myself. I’ll be a better person. I’ll be the best version of myself if I wake up at 5am. So, you do that, but then you still don’t feel that way. You don’t feel joy you don’t feel excitement. You don’t feel like you’re in your highest version, your highest state.
[00:19:54] KA: So, the next manual comes up. To be in my highest self, I will meditate every morning for 20 minutes. And then you struggle with that change, and you put yourself through more punishment, through more forcing yourself into a new pattern or routine. Maybe you succeed with the change and maybe you don’t. Maybe you just continue to beat yourself up for not waking up at 5am and not meditating for 20 minutes in the morning, right? Maybe that’s what happens. Maybe you never make the change. You’re just constantly perpetuating this punishment and criticism of yourself.
But maybe you do. Maybe you do start waking up at 5am, convincing yourself that it will be your highest version. It’ll make you feel better. And then you start meditating for 20 minutes every morning, considering that it will make constantly telling yourself I’ll feel better, I’ll be on this highest version, but it doesn’t, of course. So, the next manual enters courtesy of the beta condition, which is the ego and I’m using these terms interchangeably. Now, you’re waking up at 5am and you’re meditating for 20 minutes every morning and you still don’t feel joy and excitement and bliss, you still don’t feel trust and love and gratitude.
So, the next manual is my highest self doesn’t scroll on Facebook, or Instagram or Tinder or check the crypto market every 30 minutes. Then you go back to work on being better, right? Or how can I be better? How can I be an integrity? How can I be the best version of myself? Brothers, these are all just questions of the ego. The soul doesn’t ask these questions. You understand? The soul does not ask the question of how to be better. The soul does not ask the question of how you can be the best version of yourself.
No matter what you change in your behavior, as long as you lead with these questions, you are never going to find what it is you seek. The reason is because what you seek is being hidden by the questions themselves. Here’s the thing, remember, I said on the surface, right? On the surface, you’re made to believe that the way you feel is based on the circumstance or the behavior. On the surface, you’re made to believe that you’ll feel better if you wake up at 5am, or if you meditate for 20 minutes, or if you don’t turn to your phone, if you don’t spend so much time on your phone, or if you don’t spend so much time looking at the markets or whatever or playing video games or whatever it is. Whatever it is that you think is better. Or eating sugar, or whatever. It doesn’t matter.
On the surface, you’re made to believe that you need to change your behavior to be in the best version of yourself. But that’s just the surface belief. The deeper belief is, I’m not good enough the way I am, so I need to do something different to be better, and that is the lie. That’s the lie. The lie is that you’re not good enough. The lie is that you’re not good enough exactly the way you are.
Now, I will go more into that over the next few podcast episodes, because the truth is so much more beautiful than this lie. The truth is that you are perfect now. The only way you will experience that truth is through accepting your perfection now, rather than trying to make yourself better or perfect later, through some kind of behavior change.
Brothers, I have referred to the academy as the school of change. The change is not in behavior, that’s the byproduct. Again, that is the byproduct. That is the neutral effect of the inner change. The change is not a behavior, it’s in the mind. It’s in the messages you’re putting through the mind. Because the mind is just a machine, it’s just a bridge. The minds job is to make our thoughts real. So, it’s not really even a change in the mind. It’s a release of the control over the mind. It’s a release of your egos control over the mind, which is mental authority, which is the opposite of mental health. Mental health is mental observation and surrender. That’s mine management. That’s the path of your soul. And like I say, I’ll dive much deeper into these over the next few weeks.
Now, let me give you an example of some of the manuals we have on others. I’ve been presented with several over the course of years in his work and thousands of men that I’ve worked with. So, everybody’s got a manual, everybody’s living like this, especially when it comes to others, and one of the more common, especially romantic partnerships is the manual around sex.
Brothers, over the last six weeks, I’ve taught you guys on money, food and time. And sex is another topic have massive importance in this work due to the way humans, especially men, but more and more for women as well, are being conditioned to think about sex. While I won’t breach that here and now due to it deserving an entire podcast episode on its own, let’s just say that the way we view sex is through the distortion of insanity, rather than through the light of truth.
[00:24:34] KA: Okay. So, here are a couple manuals for sex. I got four of them. I’m just going to mention to you guys real quick. Number one, married couples are supposed to have sex. Number two, sex is meant to be adventurous and passionate. Number three, people who love each other have sex. And number four, sex has to be spontaneous to be exciting. Now, the list goes on and on. But I just wanted to give you guys four, for time sake, but also just to pick one of these and go through it. I don’t want to belabor this topic. I just want to get into dismantling these manuals. So, do you see all the lies here? Do you see the manuals that cause disempowerment and disconnection? That if you believe any of these thoughts, and that’s what manuals are, these are our thoughts. Can you see that at least? Can you at least see that these are thoughts? Because if you can see that these are thoughts, you can begin to see how to change them, thoughts or choices. If you think that these are facts, then you’re going to have a tough time changing because facts can’t be changed.
Married couples are supposed to have sex. Can you see that? That’s a thought. That’s a tough one, right? There’s been so much needless pain created around all of these thoughts, which are manuals. So, what do we do about these? What do we do about these manuals?
First of all, brothers, you can go back and listen to the podcast episode I did on manuals years ago. You can listen on that episode, specifically, which will give you a lot of information on this topic. It’ll give you a whole 20 or 30 minutes on this topic. I know, I’m going to give you about 10 more minutes now, maybe five to 10 more minutes. So, for the sake of time, I’m going to jump right in here and teach. But if you want a longer version, you go back and listen to the entire podcast episode on manuals. But this is more about emotional responsibility.
So, your feelings, your inner world has nothing to do with the behavior of other people. Period. And again, I’ve said that before, and I’m probably going to mention again, before I complete this podcast episode. Your feelings, how you feel has nothing to do with the external environment, nothing. That includes other people. That includes the weather, that includes the traffic, that includes anything, that includes everything, that includes your food. I’m going to do an episode on needs soon, because I’ve heard so many people, men and women say sex is a need. It’s a basic human need. No, it isn’t. In no way a sex in need, in no way a sex a basic human need.
I guided many married men. And when I guide married men who aren’t having sex with their wives or not having the amount of sex that they want, or the type of sex they want, it all comes back to the same thing. It all comes back to emotional abdication. I’ve had men say to me, “How will I get my needs met if my wife doesn’t want to have sex with me?” It’s almost like this question of am I going to cheat? Am I going to divorce her? How am I going to get this need met because they believe that sex is the need and it’s not the need. It’s the manual, that’s all.
It’s either a manual that says sex is a basic need, or that wives have sex with their husbands or that wives have a certain type of sex with their husband or amount of sex or whatever. This is the manual that causes the pain, not the sex, type of sex, amount of sex, or lack of sex. So, when they say how am I going to get my needs met? They think that sex is a need. What I’m telling you, it’s not a need. The need is love. The need is connection, and that comes from your inner state. That comes from your thoughts, it comes from your beliefs, it comes from consciousness, it comes from your soul.
In fact, I would even go so far as to say this, it is this very manual that creates a barrier of connection. That barrier may be the actual cause of the type of sexual relations currently experienced by these men. Whether that’s a lack of sex, whether that’s a type of sex, whether it’s an amount of sex, because the inner will determine the outer. Because the T line will determine the F line, which drives the A line, and the R line. The A line, the action, the R line, these are byproducts. These are effects.
Now, the funny thing is, and hear me on this because it’s so important. I want you guys to hear me. When I begin this kind of guidance with students, I will show them the manual. We’ll work on it. We’ll work on changing the thoughts. Letting go of the manuals that create the pain of the F line in the model of alignment, and so on. As we do this, nearly 100% of them say, here it is again, comes back every time. One hundred percent of them say, “Okay, so after I do this, after I change my thoughts and my feelings. How do I get my wife to have more sex with me? How do I get my needs met?” I just said, that’s kind of where they come to. It’s like, “Okay, I’m going to change my thoughts. I’m going to change my beliefs. I’m going to change my feelings. I’m going to do my inner work. And then I want my circumstances to change.” Almost like that’s the thing that’s important. I tell you, it’s not. Brothers, the needs, all of your needs are in the F line. Period.
Your needs are not in the C line. They’re not in the A line. That is your manual. Your manual is in the C line. The manual is in the A line. Your needs, your actual needs, the desires of your soul are in the F line. They’re in the F line. Your needs are to feel loved. Your needs are to feel accepted, joyful, filled with your purpose. Connected to the divine oneness, peaceful, significant. These are needs and these come from your thoughts. They come from within you. They come through the mind from your soul. Your ego is projecting out that your needs must be met by the external circumstance. That’s the manual. That’s the C line. That’s the A line.
[00:30:06] KA: That’s the ego hiding itself, because it doesn’t want accept responsibility for what it’s thinking and driving your feelings to be projected out onto the C line, onto the circumstance, onto the other person or onto your behaviors. Your soul knows this isn’t true. Those needs of your soul are purely in the F line. It’s just how you feel. These are all F line experiences, loved, accepted, joy, fulfillment. Fulfillment with your purpose, connected. Connected to your partner, connected to yourself, connected to divine oneness, peaceful, significant.
Nothing in the C line or the A line will ever create this feeling consistently. There may be moments when your partner does something, but that’s only because the way you think about it makes you feel loved or accepted. It’s still going to be the T line, always. It’s still going to be coming from the mind, always. Only your mind can make you feel anything ever, because your mind is a bridge from your soul. It’s a bridge from your ego. It’s a bridge from your soul. It’s just a bridge.
This makes your mind a conduit to heaven or to hell, depending on who’s operating the mind, who’s running the show. If your soul is running the mind, your mind is a conduit to heaven. If your ego is running your mind, your mind is a conduit to hell, suffering, pain.
Your wife, your girlfriend, your family, your job, your food, your bank account, the weather, the house, the car, the vacation, the morning routine, none of it ever needs to do or be anything. It’s all neutral. All that stuff is neutral. Your partner is neutral, your family is neutral, your job is neutral, your food is neutral, your bank account is neutral, the weather is neutral, your house is neutral, the car is neutral, the vacation is neutral, the morning routine is neutral. It’s all neutral. It’s all data. It’s all external. The only thing that creates your experience is your mind. That’s emotional responsibility. Your thoughts are creating your feelings. Your thoughts are creating how you feel. Nothing. And I mean, nothing creates the way you feel except you. Nothing outside of you is creating your experience. Your mind is always determining how you feel, always.
When the beta condition or the ego is running the show, it may appear that the world is determining how you feel. It may appear like what she said or what he did, makes you feel a certain way. It may appear that the weather or the traffic is the cause of your delight or your disappointment. It may appear that when you do your meditations, you feel better. Or when you wake up late, you feel worse. This is just the ego abdicating emotional responsibility to the circumstance or behavior.
Now look, brothers, I’m down here in Tulum, right? I’ve lived in spiritual communities, and most of them are just as in the dark as the worldly communities. Because I’ve heard things down here, like your energy is making me feel X, Y, Z or you have a low vibration. You’re lowering my vibration. You need to heal your heart. You need to open your heart. They’re all kinds of nonsense. People in the spiritual community like to believe that they’re in touch with all the energies, and that when they feel a certain way, it’s because of all the energy around them, including you and your feelings and your actions that you’re actually determining how they feel. None of that is true. Every human being is feeling their own thoughts, their own beliefs.
While it’s true that we are one, and that energy is all around us and moving through and everything is energy, our experience is through the mind, which is the bridge from consciousness. Consciousness is a realm super imposed upon this realm. This is a neutral realm. This is a neutral realm of data, of quarks and leptons, of density and matter. We experience our own consciousness through universal mind and individual mind. We don’t experience the energy or emotions of anyone else, and no one is making us feel anything. No one is making us feel anything. You’re feeling it either through a subconscious memory, through a subconscious trigger in your egoic mind or through a conscious choice.
To remain in a state of the alpha, the soul, to feel how you choose to feel. That is the essence of emotional responsibility. Brothers, look, I fall into this trap myself. I’ve used the word heal before. None of us need to heal. None of us need to heal anything. We’re all on the path of remembering. We are remembering that we are perfect. We are perfectly flawed and flawed perfectly. None of us need to change your behavior to be in our best version or higher self. All we need to do is remember that we are already perfect in the acceptance of everything that we are.
The only thing we need to do is to remember to let go of the authority the ego has over the mind, and it’s a very simple thing. Again, simplicity. I just came off six episodes of simplicity with you guys, and this is a very simple thing. It doesn’t have to be complex. You don’t have to think it’s complex. If you’re in a state of mental complexity, it’s because the ego is running the show. It’s because the ego is telling you, “Oh, no, no, no, you have to jump through all these hoops. You have to wake up at 5am and you have to meditate. You have to be off your phone. You can only have 30 minutes on your phone and you can’t eat any sugar. You can’t eat that stuff, and you can’t drink that stuff. You can’t do that stuff. You got to do all this stuff.” That’s how you get to the highest version of yourself. That’s all complexity. That’s all ego.
The simple thing is to let go, is to let go. A complete surrender of all conditioning, of all manuals and ideas about being better. There is no better. You’re perfect. You have to let go of all the memories of the past, all the expectations of the future. It’s very simple. It’s very simple. This is the full release. My greatest release comes from forgiving myself for what never happened. This is the end result of surrender. Living in complete love and bliss through the awareness of the alpha state, the soul itself.
Brothers, observing where your manuals are is a good first step. It’s a first step that will bring agitation at first, resistance second, frustration third, panic and fear fourth, and then the breakthrough, then the release of all the distortion. Just like waking up from a dream, that’s when you remember yourself. You remember love.
Until next week, my brothers, elevate your alpha.
[END OF EPISODE]
[00:36:56] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash your Alpha: Your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset, at the alphamalecoach.com/unleash.
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