Ep #26: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha-mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.

What’s up, my brothers. Welcome back to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. Today, we’re getting into actions speak louder than words. And that’s a thought-terminating cliché, it’s a platitude. I’m usually not a fan of platitudes because they are rarely helpful to anyone.

In fact, usually, at best all they do is end cognitive dissonance for us. At best, what they do is they just create a choice for us, and at worst, they allow the beta condition to run unsupervised, because generally, the thought-terminating cliché will push you towards the beta condition because it is easier.

You only live once. Everything in moderation – these kinds of thought-terminating clichés that allow the beta condition to kind of win the cognitive dissonance fight, if you will. But that being said, when you take the meaning of a platitude and when you look at it, or you take the meaning of a cliché or whatever and you look at it and you really consider it and you think about it, you can apply it to yourself. You can make it your own belief if it gets you the results you want to.

And if it gets you the results you want to, then you can choose to believe it, because that’s really all that is. All it is, is cognitive mastery. Like, life is a thought. And that just brings us back to the universal truth. That brings us back to the model.

So, today, the platitude in question is, actions speak louder than words. And I’m going to begin with the universal truth and the model before getting into what I mean when I use this thought-terminating cliché.

So, first of all, the universal truth, guys, here we go again. You know what it is. It’s your daily dose of the universal truth. Circumstances are neutral, okay. This is the big one. This is the big leap. This is 50% of it. It’s not just the knowledge that circumstances are neutral, brother. It is the application. It is understanding. Again, it’s not just saying I intellectually get it. It’s knowing and living this way, that everything in the past, everything in the present, and other people are completely neutral.

What makes your life for you is the way you think about your life, the way you think about circumstances, is about the way you think about what’s happening around you. That is what is creating your experience; your thoughts.

So, circumstances occur. They’re neutral. They’re objective. They’re facts, and we have a thought about our circumstances, which creates an emotion, which drives our action and gives us our result. Our result will then be evidence for that original thought. And if we’re running that thought of the beta condition, then we usually have unwanted results.

We have unconscious thoughts from the beta condition, we have unwanted results. When we elevate our alpha state and we bring our consciousness to that level of thought, we supervise the beta condition, we teach it and we choose how to make the choices we want to get the results we want. That’s when we’re living as alpha men, because we’re living from our alpha state and deciding what we want out of life, getting the results we want through our cognitive mastery and emotional responsibility. That is the universal truth.

Now, the model is how we look at this, because that’s a long statement. That’s just this truth. But the model is how we apply it and how we look at it. And it’s essentially five components. It’s the circumstances, it’s the thoughts, it’s the emotions, it’s the actions, and it’s the results. And we put everything that happens in our life from moment to moment, or even something in the memory from the past into this model and we can observe the truth in action, as it happens.

So, when we look at actions speak louder than words, most people look at that cliché as a way to judge other people. When you hear someone say actions speak louder than words, usually what they’re talking about is someone else. They’re talking about, that person said this and now they’re doing that, so actions speak louder than words, you should pay attention to what they do.

So, usually it has to do with someone else. I’m taking this cliché and I want to apply it to myself, because what are other people’s actions to us? Other people’s actions to us are circumstances. What are other people’s words to us? Other people’s words to us are circumstances. So, to us, when we observe other people, we can make their actions mean more to us than their words, but we don’t have to.

We can think anything we want about both their actions and their words because they’re completely neutral. When you take a look at this platitude, when you take a look at this cliché and you apply it to yourself, however, we have a different perspective. We have a different idea on what this could mean to getting the results we want, because what are words? Words are thoughts.

When I say words, I am speaking my mind, and sometimes, I’m speaking my greater mind. Sometimes I’m speaking my alpha state; I’m speaking what I would want to have happen. As a coach, listening to how my clients talk is very important, when I hear them say things like I have to or I need to, these words denote that they are in some sort of uncontrolled position. They could be in their beta condition, but they definitely feel out of control with their results because the thought is, I have to, and the word becomes, I have to. The thought is, I need to, the words become, I need to.

Words like, I choose to, I want to, they’re showing me something else. They’re showing me more of an in-control mind. But they’re still just thoughts. There is no action behind I have to, I want to, I need to, I choose to. These are projections into the future. They’re wishes. They’re ideas. They’re concepts. They’re thoughts.

But our point of living, what we’re here for, is not to think. It’s not just to think these wonderful thoughts. I mean, the most wonderful imagination in the world is not going to get us results. You don’t sit in the lotus position and meditate on massive wealth and it appears in front of you. It’s not like gold rains from the sky, you know, beautiful women start running through your door. It doesn’t happen.

There has to be action for results to occur. We have to look at the model. We have to go back to how the model is manifested through the universal truth. Results come after action. Now, it’s true that our actions will come from our emotions and our emotions will come from our thoughts, so you can see that our results are the results of our cognition.

No matter what it is we’re thinking, eventually, it will become a reality. But only through action first, and that is why emotion is so important, because actions are physics. Just think about what action is from a universal perspective. It’s movement of matter through space and time. It’s literally force times distance over time. It’s the power equation. That’s what action is.

Every action requires some display of power, some movement of matter, a certain distance in a certain amount of time, whether it’s my body or whether it’s my body moving something else. So it’s just math. And that alone is also neutral. I stand up from the chair that I’m working at, I go to the bathroom, I come back to the chair that I’m sitting at. I’ve effortlessly, easily walked 20 steps, stood up from my position, walked 20 steps, walked back 20 steps, sat back down.

Now, that’s something I don’t think about. That is just pure math. But you ask my buddy – I go out with my buddies on the weekend and you ask my buddy to go talk to that girl that he’s been staring at, literally get up out of your chair, walk 20 steps, and all of a sudden it’s like I’ve asked him to run 100 miles through alligator and venomous snake territory, right?

But why is that? It’s not because he can’t stand up and walk 20 steps. It’s because of that emotion driving, or not driving, that action. And that’s why actions speak louder than words. For us, not for other people. When we’re observing other people, think about other people the way you want. I’m talking about the way actions speak louder than words for you is because they’re driven by emotion.

You have to believe in what you’re thinking in order to get action from it. And the only way you’re going to get the results that you want is through actions. So if we go back to my buddy, for example, it doesn’t matter if he tells himself all day consciously, if his words to himself all day are I’m the greatest, I’m a great guy, people want to know me, people want to talk to me, I’m fun, I’m exciting.

He’s telling himself all of this from the top of his head, from this sort of sprinkling on of positive thought, but deep down, his true belief systems are that he’s not worthy or that there’s something wrong with him, that he’s not good enough. Then it’s going to be those deeper belief systems that drive that action, as happened in this night in question. Of course, he did end up going and talking to her and he did just fine, as usually what happens.

As you guys probably know, that’s usually what happens. The fear goes away or is overacted with courage, more accurately, because you have to act because you can’t just not act. And that gets us to this next piece on actions speak louder than words, guys, which is, how emotion plays into it.

When you can create the emotions through belief that you want to create then it is your actions. It’s always your actions that are determining your results, but now you are in that emotional control. You’ve gotten the cognitive mastery, but cognitive mastery includes emotional responsibility, because you can think anything you want. Thoughts are infinite. Anything you can imagine, you can think. And therefore, anything you can imagine, you can say.

Kids have the most craziest imaginations and sometimes they say the most craziest things, because if you think it, then you can say it. So words are words, but you have to feel it to do it. You have to really feel the power of the thought, and that comes from emotion. It comes through belief.

I mean, how do we use this? Love, love is an emotion. You can tell someone you love them, but if you don’t feel love towards them, you are unlikely to act loving towards them. If you don’t feel that love, you’re unlikely to act loving towards them. Your actions speak louder than your words.

This is for guys, like, if you’re in a relationship, telling your partner one thing versus the way you’re acting, it has to do the same with your business.  You say you love your business, but if you don’t act loving toward your business, if you don’t be there for it, if you don’t work on it, if you don’t try to make it what you want it to be and really grow it, your actions will speak louder than your words.

Your results come from your actions. So if you want to know what your deeper belief systems are, not just the words, but if you really want to know, then look at the actions. Look at your results and the actions you’re taking to get them. Confidence, my brother, I’m basically a confidence coach. Why? Because confidence is the gateway to courage.

Confidence is being unafraid to feel any emotion. So when you feel confidence, when you are confident, when you’re thinking the thought of confidence and you’re in belief of it, you have the belief of it, so you will act confidently, what you’re doing is you’re unafraid to feel anything that comes up. If fear comes up, so what? It’s just a vibration in the body. If frustration comes up, so what? If anger comes up, so what? I’m confident, I can handle all these emotions, they’re not that big a deal, so you feel confident.

So when fear comes up, so what? You act anyway. And that’s how you build your courage; action in the face of fear. So you feel the confidence first, you build the skill set of the confidence, then you can feel the fear and it won’t matter. That’s how you get over the fear of failure. That’s how you get over the fear of anything really, by having the confidence to feel the fear.

But you can’t just say, I’m confident, right? It’s not just, I’m confident. Confidence is three things. The first I mentioned, it’s the fearlessness of feeling any fear, but the other thing is it’s positive opinions of yourself and it’s trusting in yourself. So just having the positive thoughts of yourself is like, oh yeah I’m a good guy, I’m generous, I’m good looking, I’m intelligent.

Just having those thoughts is not enough. There has to be belief behind them. That’s why building confidence, building trust in yourself, a lot of the actionable coaching that I do with my students is exactly that; say something, do something. Say it, do it. Say it, do it. Because if there’s a disconnect, if you say something and then don’t do it, the only person you’re losing confidence in is yourself. Your brain says one thing, then you don’t follow through.

That does not lead to confidence. That leads to doubt. That leads to a lack of trust in yourself. So, actions speak louder than words for you once again. Again, so we’ve talked about one because they get you your results. It’s not your thoughts that get you results. It’s your actions that get you your results. It’s your thoughts that will drive your actions. You have to have the thought, because if you try to rip the action without the thought – this happens all the time.

Just think about last time you went on a diet, if you’ve ever done a diet, or if you’ve ever tried to approach a woman and didn’t feel confident. It’s like, actions will get you the result, but you’ll be white-knuckling it. You’ll be using a lot of willpower. You’ll be going against your brain. So thoughts do get you the actions, but not alone.

You have to believe the thought. You have to find a thought that is believable to you because otherwise you’re actually reinforcing the opposite. You’re trying to tell yourself one thing, you’re trying to tell yourself you’re the greatest, but your limiting belief is that you’re not worthy. And the more you tell yourself you’re the greatest, the more you’re turning up the volume on the beta condition, the more you’re turning up the volume on the I’m not worthy.

And that will create the emotion, and that will drive the action. So, guys, actions speak louder than words. Don’t think about that when you look at other people. Think about that as you look at your own life. Look around your own life, even when it comes to boundaries.

This will be my last example, here boundaries, then I’ll hit you up with some final thoughts and final notes. But boundaries have to be enforced. If you lay a boundary down on someone to protect that relationship you have with them – we’ve talked about boundaries before. Boundaries are if you do this, I will do that. it’s never emotionally manipulating. It’s not a manual. The manual is something else. The manual is the ultimatum; you do this or else, you do this or else I’ll feel bad or something bad will happen, blah, blah.

But when you say, if you do this then I will do that, all you’re doing is you’re setting a boundary. You’re protecting that relationship by protecting yourself in that relationship. But you have to enforce the boundary. So, if you say the boundary out loud, if it’s just words but then you don’t enforce it, then once again, not only have you lost confidence with yourself because you can’t trust your own word, but you’ve also lost confidence with this other person because you’ve told them that this is what you’ll do, and then you didn’t.

Now again, their thoughts about you are on them because what you do is circumstance. It’s completely neutral, but actions speak louder than words. Actions get you the results. So even in the eyes of other people, if you act in a confident way, that is going to speak a lot louder than if you just think in a confident way but don’t feel confident. Because if you think in a confident way but you actually feel self-doubt, your emotion is going to drive that action and your actions are going to come off self-doubtful.

And those actions are going to be somebody else’s circumstances, but they’re more likely to think, they’re more likely to have a thought about your actions than they are about your words. So actions speak louder than words again.

Okay, here we go, brother, this is a couple of things at the end for you to consider. Again, actions speak louder than words. It’s not about you judging other people. You can think anything you want about other people. You don’t have to think that actions are more important than words when you’re talking about how other people behave and what other people say.

This is mostly for you so that you understand that your actions are what are creating your results, not your words. Now, when your words drive your actions, that’s when you are in an emotional belief, because you’re saying it, you’re feeling it, you’re doing it. You believe what you’re saying, so it’s creating that circle of thought, emotion, action, result.

If you’re saying something and then you’re not following through, there’s a disconnect. That’s what we’re looking for. What is that disconnect? Why is it that you want one thing and you do another thing? We’ve got to look at that because, if you’re saying you want something – for example, if you’re saying you want to lose 30 pounds but then you’re not going to the gym and you’re not cutting back and looking at your food protocol.

What’s the disconnect? Because I know that you want to lose 30 pounds, but I also know that your actions are not following what it’s going to take. So there’s a disconnect between your thought and your action. And we can look at the model for that. We just go straight to the model for that.

So you have to believe in your words to get the result you want. That’s number one. Number two, if you want to have it, you have to do it. And that just means that it’s not going to come directly from thought. There has to be an action.

If you are in an emotional place that is not driving the action you’re looking for, then you can do one of two things. You can either act anyway, and that’s kind of that willpower, that’s that discipline, that’s that white-knuckling thing where you’re not having really the confidence to feel fear but you feel it, but you just want to create the courage anyway. It’s why courage exists, so you can act in the face of fear.

Confidence helps you feel the fear so the courage is easier, but you don’t need the confidence, you can still get it. Now, you can get the confidence in the moment too by observing the fear and letting it process through, but number two is, your results are based on what you do. You’ve got to act if it’s what you want.

Number three, if you think you want it but you don’t really have it, then ask yourself, why? What is preventing you from having what you want? Is it the action, or is it the emotion? And you guys remember that the action is physics, it’s not the action. There’s nothing difficult about standing up and walking 20 steps. What’s difficult is the emotions around it, is the thoughts around it.

So the only way to get the result that you want is to master your cognition and to take responsibility for the emotional response which comes from the cognition. That’s the only way. If we were emotionless beings, then we could just act, like done, we think, we do, we think, we do. But we’re not.

I know that it may seem as though there’s been a group of society that’s tried to create emotionless beings out of men, but that’s not the case. We’re not emotionless, we’re just desensitized. You still feel, bro. I know you do. You have to because it’s what’s creating action.

Okay, so if you don’t have what you want – like look at your results. Look at the car you have, the job you have, the relationships you’re in, look at everything, and if you don’t have what you want then ask yourself why. And it always has to do with your thoughts and your emotions around what you believe you deserve, because it’s not the actions. All actions are just physics.

You can create the same amount of power as almost anyone else, right? Some people are going to create more power, and we’re talking about fitness, right? But in general, when it comes to action, it’s just as easy for you to create an action, to go through the action of selling a vehicle, selling a house, selling stocks, working at a bank, working at a job, getting a Master’s Degree, getting a doctorate, being with this woman, being with that woman, driving this car, driving that car.

There’s no difference in action because action is just physics. The difference is in what you think you deserve, in what is the thought and the emotion around what you believe you’re worthy of. So again, when actions speak louder than words for you, what they’re telling you, brother, and only you, is that based on your actions, this is what you believe about yourself.

Your thoughts are sentences in your brain. They could be the ideal self. They could be your past self. But when you create the reality of yourself in the world, of your results, it’s coming from the cognition you believe. And the cognition you believe is all that will be manifested, in action.

So look at your actions. Actions speak louder than words in our lives. That’s what I’ve got for you today, brother. We’re going to do some emotions coming up here. We’re going to do some emotions on the next few episodes, and I will see you next week. And until next week, elevate your alpha. See you then.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you enjoy what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha – your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset – at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.