Continuing with the theme of relationships in the month of May, we are going to get into the effectiveness of setting boundaries for relationships specifically. As we have been stating, we are only ever in a relationship with ourselves, and this will be how we discuss this.
We will continue to go further into future-focused thinking and how we apply it to each relationship we have.
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What You’ll Learn From this Episode:
- How to set boundaries in a way that is optimal in the Alpha State
- Understanding the connection between future-focused thinking and boundaries as a guide for relationships
- A deeper understanding of relationships in the Alpha State
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Speaker 1:
Welcome to The Alpha Male Coach Podcast, the only podcast that teaches men the cognitive mastery and alpha mindset that it takes to become an influential and irresistible man of confidence. Here’s your host, certified life coach and international man of mystery, Kevin Aillaud.
Kevin Aillaud:
What’s up my brothers, welcome back The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. I am your host, Kevin Aillaud. And today, we are in May. We are in relationship month. And so, I’m going to start by basically talking about probably the most important thing and powerful thing you can do for your relationships is to set alpha boundaries. Now, before we get started, head over to iTunes, give me a real quick five-star rating and review. It’ll take you 30 seconds. And then, come on back over, because we’re going to be discussing boundaries. And I’ve been discussing boundaries. I have discussed boundaries before. But I’m not sure if I’ve conveyed to you how important they really are. So, in this episode, I’m going to explain why boundaries are important for you and how you go about creating and enforcing boundaries to build your Alpha life, which is to say your primary or first life, leaving behind the Beta, that secondary life.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, boundaries are a foundation in that creation, creating your future, your future focus thinking, because they draw a line around what you will not allow in your life out of love for yourself and the relationships, which are thoughts you have about other people. Having well-defined boundaries for yourself, even though they are not always necessarily spoken out loud, is a requisite for developing a relationship with yourself. Just like knowing what you want to create in your future by setting definable goals and taking massive action to achieve those goals is a process of knowing yourself through adding to your life more of what you desire, and going through the uncomfortable process of learning and becoming that new version of yourself.
Kevin Aillaud:
Setting clear boundaries for yourself begins the process of self-knowledge through removing from your life those components that you have determined are not serving you, and going through the uncomfortable process of enforcing those boundaries in order to become the new version of yourself. Therefore, boundaries are a strong component of future-focused thinking, especially when it comes to creating amazing relationships. Now, what is a boundary? I’ve talked about it before, but let me reintroduce this concept to you. A boundary is a line you draw around your sensory input to protect you emotionally and physically. So, it basically sounds like this, if you do this, if someone else does this, whatever their behavior is, then I will do that. I will do something in response to that behavior.
Kevin Aillaud:
This line then does not concern other people. So, if you do this, if that person does this, which they can do, because they are an adult human and free to do anything they want, then I will do that, because I choose to protect myself from that kind of environment. And I am an adult human and free to do what I want. Now, that may restrict certain behavior from other people, but it doesn’t stop them from behaving in that way. For example, you may not want people yelling at you. That may be a boundary for you. You can’t stop people from yelling at you. You can’t stop or change their behavior. It does restrict you from being yelled at, however. So once this other person begins to behave this way, you enforce your boundary, which is never to control the other person, it’s only to protect you. So this may mean you hang up the phone or you leave the room.
Kevin Aillaud:
If you’re on the phone, and they start yelling, then you like, if you continue to yell at me, then I’m going to hang up the phone. Now, there may be an additional boundary if the behavior continues. So, if you continue to yell at me every time we talk on the telephone, then I’m going to block your phone number. Or if you continue to yell at me in the office, then I’m going to communicate you via email. And they can continue to yell. As a side note, people sometimes do get angry when you enforce your boundaries on them, but you will always take care of you because they are your boundaries. You create, and set these, and enforce these out of love for yourself. Now, that is not a manual. Boundaries are not manuals. Manuals attempt to control other people through your expectation of how you want other people to behave so that you can feel a certain way.
Kevin Aillaud:
Essentially, manuals are emotional abdication, emotional childhood or emotional blackmail. Manuals have nothing to do with boundaries. So I’m not going to go into manuals because that’s a whole nother episode topic. But I do want to talk to you guys a little bit about what a boundary is not. Examples of trying to control someone’s behavior. Anytime you’re trying to control some behavior, that is an example of what a boundary is not. And it’s so funny, because I’ll tell you guys something. Usually, I just jump on these recordings. I just jump on these podcast episodes. I hit the record button, I start talking about the topic, and then I send it off to my editor. For this episode, I decided to google boundaries. Boundaries in relationships, is actually what I typed in there, just to see what came up.
Kevin Aillaud:
And ironically, although not surprisingly, as you can probably imagine, most of the boundary opinions and advice from therapist and bloggers is what I call emotional bondage. It’s what I call manuals. They talk about meeting someone else’s needs or having your needs met as boundaries. One article even said you could set a boundary when someone is ignoring you, which I find super fascinating. Because I’m not sure how any boundary is being violated when someone is ignoring you. It’s like, how can someone be trespassing on your property when they’re in another country? It’s absolutely absurd. But the article said that the person ignoring you is ‘not meeting your needs to be seen, or acknowledged, or recognized’ or some nonsense like that.
Kevin Aillaud:
So, to set this boundary then, they advise that you tell this other person that their behavior is hurting your feelings and that they need to acknowledge you, they need to pay you attention, and that your boundary is speaking your truth. Now, this is completely erroneous. As you guys know from any other podcast episode you’ve ever listened to on elevating your Alpha, this is absolutely erroneous. I almost fell out of my chair reading it. I read several dozen just like it. Guys, that is not a boundary violation, and you don’t set a boundary when someone ignores you. That’s just ridiculous. That’d be like, Hey, if I sent a letter to some actress and she doesn’t respond, so then I go to Hollywood. And I drive by her house, and I ring the doorbell. But she doesn’t want to see me. She doesn’t want to come to the door.
Kevin Aillaud:
Can I just continue to tell her that, her ignoring me is hurting my feelings, and I’m going to start to set a boundary, that she needs to acknowledge me? I mean, at what point do the cops show up? Look, I get that being ignored isn’t fun. I understand that. I get that. The other person thinks that they’re punishing you with giving you the cold shoulder, the silent treatment or whatever. But so what? I mean, who cares? They will get over it eventually. And if they don’t, it’s on them. You can’t make them or anyone do something or act a certain way if they don’t want to. Boundaries don’t control other people, they just protect you. So, anytime you’re trying to control what somebody else does, it’s not a boundary. It’s more of a manual that you’re just trying to get someone to do something. It’s more manipulation. A boundary is, if you do this, then I will do that.
Kevin Aillaud:
You are taking action based on someone else’s action. You’re not trying to control someone else’s action. So that’s all boundaries are. I guess you could say that, if you ignore me, then I will stalk you until I get arrested. You can totally do that, right? If that serves your future, if that’s the future of your dreams, to stalk someone until you get arrested, then you could do that. But again, that’s what a boundary is. If you do this, then I will do that. Now, why are boundaries for building the relationship with yourself? Why are they so powerful with building your trust, and your thoughts, and your emotions with yourself? Number one, you stop trying to control other people. When you set boundaries, what you’re essentially doing is you’re saying, look, you are free to behave however you want to behave.
Kevin Aillaud:
You are free to continue to act this way. If and when you do, I’m going to do this. I’m going to go do this to protect myself. I’m not trying to control you. You do what you want to do. You continue to act this way if you want to, if it really serves you. When you do, I’m going to go do that. So when you stop trying to control other people, you build a relationship with yourself. You realize that you are in control of you, and you don’t need to control other people to protect yourself. That’s number one. You also determine what you will not stand for in your life. And this is very powerful guys. When you start to set boundaries, essentially what you’re saying is, this is what I will not allow. And sometimes, for most of us, we have boundaries. We just don’t know it, because for us, they seem like maybe it’s common sense.
Kevin Aillaud:
Like, a boundary is, don’t hit me. If you hit me, I’ll call the police. A lot of times, boundaries are just what we’ve set up as laws for ourselves and our communities. If you hit me, if you steal from me, these are things that… There will be punishments, there’ll be consequences. I will call the police. So, we already have a lot of boundaries that we don’t necessarily speak out loud but that we have set on law, that they’re out there in laws. There are laws that protect all of us from boundary violations of other people. But when you personally determine what you will not stand for in your life, you take your life to an entire new level. And if you don’t want to have someone or other people tell you that you’re not worthy, or that you’re not good enough, or tell you that you’re…
Kevin Aillaud:
Or put you down, then you can say, “If you say that, I will step away. I will remove myself from this area. I don’t have to listen to that.” Other people can still say that. And you know what, it doesn’t tell you anything about you. As you know, it tells you 100% about them. It tells you about what’s going on in their brain and in their body in terms of the vibrations that we call emotions. But you don’t have to listen to it. And if you don’t want to listen to it, you can set a boundary around that to protect yourself from that. It doesn’t mean that you’re trying to stop that other person from doing that, because you can’t. They will continue to do that. But you can protect yourself from that and that will change your life, because you won’t have that in your life. You get to decide what you want to surround yourself with.
Kevin Aillaud:
So you have the internal shift of what you won’t stand for and you have the external shift of what is coming into your mind, into your thoughts, from your environment. But you really… The really powerful thing here brother is that you build self-care and self-love, which ultimately leads to indomitable self-confidence. Because what you’re doing is, you’re saying that, in the relationship I have with myself, this is what I will not stand for. These are my boundaries. The same way you may have boundaries for what you have for your kids, or what you have for your friends, or what you have for your other people in your life, or your romantic relationships.
Kevin Aillaud:
We all have these boundaries for the way we want to see other people treated. But a lot of times, we don’t have those same boundaries for the way we want to be treated or even the way we want to treat ourselves. And the reason for that is because boundaries are tough. If you set a boundary, the most difficult part of that boundary is the follow through, is the enforcement of the boundary. They’re very, very uncomfortable, to set a boundary and then to follow through. You have to learn to allow other people to be upset, and that’s something that humans struggle with. I think human beings, in general, from that Beta condition, it’s conditioned in that Beta condition to struggle with having other people be upset, especially when our brain is telling us that they are upset because of us, even though we know that’s not true.
Kevin Aillaud:
We know that they’re upset because of what their brain is telling them. But if our brain is telling us that they’re upset because of us, it’s sometimes very difficult for us to deal with that. So learning how to allow other people to be upset while we enforce our boundaries, because we’re loving ourself, can be very uncomfortable. That’s an uncomfortable thing to go through. But when you go through it, what comes from the other side is so empowering. It’s so much growth. There’s so much growth there. You sometimes see a change in the people around you. Initially, a lot of times, there’s going to be anger. When you enforce your boundaries, a lot of times, there is a resistance to those boundaries.
Kevin Aillaud:
People are like, “Whoa, what is this?” I’ve been doing this for so long. And the responsibility is really yours, brother. If you have let boundary violations occur for a certain amount of time, and then you begin to enforce these boundaries that you haven’t spoken for months, maybe years, then of course that person that you are now enforcing these boundaries, they’re going to be surprised. This is all of a sudden a new commentary, this is a new story. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Of course, if you have these boundaries, by all means. But understand that the change in the people around you initially maybe somewhat shocking and maybe even they may be upset. Unlearning and allowing them to be upset while you protect and love yourself is uncomfortable, but it’s a powerful part of building the relationship with yourself.
Kevin Aillaud:
There’s also that uncomfortable unfamiliarity of saying no. But generally, loving yourself over the other person. It’s not over the other person. Because when you love yourself, you’re really loving the other person. But a lot of times, what happens is, and this is really where the discomfort comes from, it’s making the switch from thinking that allowing someone to cross your boundaries means you’re loving them, to knowing that setting and enforcing your boundaries with other people means you’re loving them. Because it really means that you’re loving yourself, and you’re honoring your relationship with them with your honesty and courage in telling them what your boundaries are. Because that’s difficult. It’s difficult to open up and be vulnerable and say, look, this is what I’m not going to stand for.
Kevin Aillaud:
And you’re doing that with honesty. You’re doing that with courage. Relationships are thoughts, guys. Your thoughts about this person is that you’re willing to open up and feel vulnerable to express to them your boundaries. And that’s because you want that relationship. You love that relationship. You’re not trying to control them. And you know that they could continue to behave how they choose. They are a circumstance. But you are protecting yourself. You’re protecting your body and your mind, depending on whether it’s a physical boundary or an emotional boundary. And you want to continue to share time with this person. So your expressing your boundaries. You’re not just changing your circumstance and saying, “I’m leaving. I’m removing this person from my life.” You’re saying, “Look, in order for me to continue to spend time with you, here is my boundaries.
Kevin Aillaud:
If you cross these boundaries, if you violate these boundaries, then these are the consequences. This is what I will do.” But you got to enforce your boundaries. And where do you enforce your boundaries? Understand guys, that it doesn’t change who they are. They’re not a bad person. And it doesn’t necessarily change your thoughts about them either. Because the story you tell yourself about who they are doesn’t have to change even if they violate your boundaries and you have to enforce them. But what it might change is the amount of time that you spend with them, which might change the titles in that story, and that part can be very difficult. That part can be excruciatingly difficult if we’re changing titles. So why would you want to set or enforce boundaries?
Kevin Aillaud:
Why would you want to do it? If it means choosing to spend less time with someone such that it means deciding to change titles, like a divorce or you’re changing the title of a woman from wife to ex-wife, changing a title or finding a new job, or changing the title of someone who may be in a position of superior, like a boss or maybe even someone who’s working under you, and you have to make the decision to let them go. So enforcing these boundaries. Wouldn’t it just be easier to put up with it? Wouldn’t it just be easier just to let it happen? Or maybe even, wouldn’t it be easier just to try to change them? Because those are the couple of the other options. But here’s the thing, guys, I think you know this, you can’t change other people. I think you know that one.
Kevin Aillaud:
If you listen to any podcast episodes from the Alpha Male Coach before, you can’t change other people. You can try, you will lose 100% of the time. I promise you. And I’ll tell you something else, I will always bet against you, and I will always win if you are going to try to change someone else. If that’s what you’re going to try to do, I will bet against you, and I will always win. And don’t misunderstand me. People can change, but only when they choose to, and put in the effort to do so. So that means that one’s out. You can’t spend your entire life trying to change your boss or change your wife to be somebody else if you want to, but you’ll spend your life in a constantly losing struggle. What about the other one? What about just putting up with it? What about just letting it happen? I mean, what do I say?
Kevin Aillaud:
Don’t change the circumstance, just change your thoughts about the circumstance. Just put up with it. Somebody is yelling at you, swearing at you, telling you that you’re not worthy, that you’re not good enough. And rather than… Just see… Basically, just look at that as neutral. Decide in your brain to see that as neutral and make it mean something else to you. You can totally do that. Why not just set boundaries to live life being emotionally and physically violated if you have these boundaries, because it’s easier, than to just take it and go through with a difficult process of enforcing your boundaries. Self sacrifice is love. If your wife is constantly telling you that you’re not worthy, you’re not good enough, or swearing at you and talking down to you, that’s okay. You love her. Let her do that.
Kevin Aillaud:
No, that’s not love, because that’s not what love is. Love is a whole different topic, and I’m not going to get into love on this episode. We’re going to talk about love in another episode. But as I mentioned before, loving yourself means setting boundaries for yourself and enforcing those boundaries when they’re crossed, because it means you’re loving yourself and the other person. It means that the relationship you have with yourself is important to you. It means that you have standards for how you want to be treated a lot of times based on how you are determining and deciding to treat other people. Look, if you’re the kind of person that’s not going to yell or swear or talk down to other people, then why are you going to allow other people to do that to you? Are you going to do that to you? Do you do that to yourself?
Kevin Aillaud:
And if you do do that to yourself, then it’s probably an indication of why you allow other people to do it to you. So you can put up with it. You can just put up with it, and you can try to convince yourself that you love yourself even though you allow yourself to have your boundaries crossed, and you can live your entire life that way. People do it. People live their entire lives being yelled at, or called stupid or incompetent, or cursed out in front of their kids, or slapped or hit, or everything else that humans do when they’re in relationships with each other. People do it. And you can live your life that way too, if you want to. Humans can live their lives however they want. And if that’s the way you want to experience your human life, I’m not going to tell you any different. You get to decide how you want to live.
Kevin Aillaud:
The alternative can be tough. It can be very scary. Emotional and physical abuse can be comfortable when it’s familiar, and you can then spend the rest of your life in the familiar comfort of having your boundaries violated repeatedly if you choose. But you don’t have to. You really don’t. And let me tell you something, the one thing I want for you, for all of my students, for everyone in my audience listening to this podcast right now and for all the people everywhere in every country and in every language, the one thing I want is for all of you to have an indomitable relationship with yourself. I want you to love yourself above all else, to be your own best friend, to always have your own back, to trust yourself no matter what, to believe in your own capacity, to require validation only from yourself and constantly supply it to yourself, to be absolutely 100% madly crazy, deeply in love with yourself. And brother, that is possible.
Kevin Aillaud:
And it all begins with setting some boundaries. And remember, boundaries are for you to protect yourself. It’s not about trying to change someone. So boundaries are not set in anger. They’re not set out of frustration. Boundaries are always set out of love. And let me tell you something. What happens on the other side of boundaries is complete magic. When you set and enforce your boundaries, you create an internal and an external shift. The internal shift is in the relationship you have with yourself. When you determine what you will not allow in your life, and you begin to systematically eliminate those things, you build your confidence and learn to trust in your own validation. Other people won’t always agree with or understand your boundaries, but it won’t matter.
Kevin Aillaud:
You set them and enforce them for yourself to protect and love yourself first. The external shift is how your relationships change. When you set and enforce boundaries, other people don’t have to change. Other people are circumstances. The relationships that change are the relationships in your mind. They’re the thoughts. Now, sometimes people do change. Sometimes, they don’t. Either way, you are in control of what you allow in your life and what you do with your time, who you spend your time with. When people respect your boundaries, it’s great. You have a win-win. You get to love yourself and continue to spend time with these people if you choose, because they’re respecting your boundaries. When people don’t respect your boundaries, and you enforce them, sometimes that means spending less time or no time this particular person.
Kevin Aillaud:
Sometimes, it means changing the title of a relationship. Here’s an example. Some men have a boundary around their romantic partner, we’ll call wife, girlfriend, whatever. Whatever we’ll call this monogamy. Their romantic monogamous partner having sex with another man. All right. We’ll call this cheating. We’ll call this cheating because we have the parameters of it. We have the relationship set in monogamy, and we have the one person in the relationship having sex outside of that relationship with another person. So those are the parameters. We call that… By definition, we call it cheating. Now, sometimes it’s a spoken boundary. Sometimes, it’s not. Sometimes, it’s not a boundary at all, if it’s not a monogamous relationship or if another person is invited into the bedroom in a monogamous relationship.
Kevin Aillaud:
In these kinds of situations, this is not a boundary. But when it is a boundary, the move is, if you have sex with another person while we are in this type of relationship, whatever that is, that monogamous relationship of some sort, then I will do what? Now, that’s up to you, brother. I’m not telling you what it is you are going to do with your boundary, what you are going to do to protect yourself emotionally and physically if that is a boundary for you. But that’s the move. And then, you enforce it. I’ll give you some examples of how these enforcements can be tough. I’ll give you one example actually. Because if you say, “If you have sex with another person while we are in this type of relationship, this monogamous marriage, then I will get a divorce.” And that can be tough, especially when you throw some kids in the mix.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, look, she can still have sex with someone else, and she can go out there, and she can test or push or violate that boundary. And then, it’s up to you to follow through. Now, as I’ve said before, you don’t have to follow through. You don’t have to enforce your boundaries, because you don’t have to do anything. You’re an adult human being. There’s nothing you ever have to do. You are in 100% control of you, always, all the time. Anytime that doesn’t seem so, it is pure illusion. It’s just your brain lying to you. You always are in control of what you do, including enforcing your own boundaries. So let’s follow these out. Let’s play these out.
Kevin Aillaud:
Let’s look at the matrix of this. Now, first of all, let me remind you that this is only the matrix if this is a spoken or unspoken boundary for you. And when I say matrix, I just mean, what we’re going to look at is internal shifts. If you do enforce, internal shift. If you don’t enforce, external shift. If you do enforce, external shift. If you don’t enforce… So it’s kind of like that matrix of, if you draw a square, you’ve got the four squares, two at the top, two by two. It’s a two by two matrix. So we look at this matrix, and you have the internal shift if you don’t enforce. So if you have a boundary and so is your wife, it says, “If you have sex with other men while we’re married, I’m going to get a divorce.” And then you don’t get a divorce.
Kevin Aillaud:
What happens to your internal? What happens to your mind? What happens to your relationship that you have with yourself? The relationship with yourself, the thoughts that you tell yourself about yourself, the story you tell yourself about yourself, the trust you have with yourself? The things that you are telling yourself you will allow. What are you willing to live with? Are you willing to live in a monogamous relationship with a partner that you know has violated a boundary? That’s the story that you are telling yourself in your brain constantly in your future. But it’s the relationship with yourself and what you will or won’t put up with, and how you are willing to live with that boundary violation. Now, what is the external shift if you don’t enforce? Let’s stay with the don’t enforce, because now we’re looking at the relationship.
Kevin Aillaud:
What happens in the relationship? What are your thoughts about her? What are your thoughts about your wife in this relationship? What about her behavior? Maybe, she feels guilty. So her behavior is now changing, but she’s constantly wondering, what’s happening here? So how is the relationship and the dynamic between the two of you? Is there going to be forgiveness? Is there going to be… Are you going to be able to move forward? What happens with the trust? What happens with the dialogue? What happens with the dynamic? All of that external shift is your life, brother. It’s your future. And when you look at that, you also want to look at, what is the internal shifts if you do enforce? The internal shift, if you do enforce, what is the relationship that you build with yourself? What is the trust? How do you start to determine what it is that you will allow and start to eliminate? It’s like, a lot of guys that I see or coach with…
Kevin Aillaud:
When they come to relationships and they’re wondering, how do I maintain this amazing relationship? How do I build amazing relationships? And they’re wondering, I’ve been cheated on in the past and I don’t want to be cheated on the future. It’s like, well, just don’t allow it. It’s a boundary. Don’t allow it. If you allow it once, you will allow it again. But if you allow it again, then it’s something that you allow, because you’re not enforcing. So when you’re not enforcing, it’s no longer a boundary. So when we look at that, not enforcing, the internal shift, and that’s what’s being created. But when you have that internal shift of enforcing, then you recognize now that this is just not something I stand for. There are certain things in my life that I will not allow. And when you don’t allow them, you stop attracting them. They stop… Your brain, that functional computer, stops taking thoughts, stops running thoughts and creating emotions that are driving actions to create these results.
Kevin Aillaud:
So that’s the internal shift. What is the external shift? Well, the external shift may require that on that discomfort. There’s going to be that potential of discomfort, that external shift. If you enforce your boundary, then you may get divorced, because that’s the enforcement. You’re going to be divorced. So you’re going to go through that process. You’re going to go through the process of having a divorce. But what happens on the other side? Is that worth it? Is that discomfort worth it? When I say discomfort, what I mean is that process, that legal process. But is that worth it on the other side, opening yourself up to now have a relationship, a monogamous relationship with someone who is going to maintain that boundary with you, that you originally went into that first relationship wanting? Because that was the boundary that you had.
Kevin Aillaud:
Are you willing to go through that discomfort because you want to have the human experience? You want in your life to have the experience of being with a romantic partner that respects that boundary for you. That’s the thing. Is that worth it? That’s the external shift. Now, again, you may go back into another relationship where that boundary is violated again. You can’t control that. You can’t control other people. But what you can control is having that boundary, enforcing that boundary, and continuing to have the mindset of abundance in relationships until you find that person who does respect that boundary. And that’s the move. That’s the whole purpose of boundaries, is to create amazing relationships. It’s to create the relationships that you want in your life, brother. That’s the move. That’s the point. That’s the whole… And that’s why boundaries are the foundation of relationships.
Kevin Aillaud:
Now, if you want some help determining if you want to set up some boundaries in your life and in your relationships, and how to go about doing that, this is the month for you to enroll in the Elevated Alpha Society Spartan academy, because we are tackling relationships. And the focus is the relationship with yourself. What do you not want in your life? What do you want to protect yourself from emotionally and physically? What can you remove from your life that is drawing you away from yourself? Head over to thealphamalecoach.com and enroll in the academy now. Now is the time, brother. There is no other time. Take this moment. Utilize this now to act and do something for yourself and begin to live the life you are meant to. You have the power. You are the power, because you are the Alpha. Elevate your Alpha.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve heard and want even more, sign up for Unleash Your Alpha, your guide to shifting to the alpha mindset at thealphamalecoach.com/unleash.